Chapter 4
Olivia opened her eyes, the room was still dark and cool and the bedside table clock read 4:23am. She couldn't quite recall how she ended up in the comfortable bed, but at least she knows she was at Alex's. Turning, she expected to see the owner of the bed but only cold flat sheets were visible.
Becoming more aware of her body, she could feel the throbbing pain in her side and the ache in her back where her bruise was.
She slipped out from under the covers and shivered slightly as her bare feet touched the floor. Padding slowly down the hall she saw Alex laying awkwardly on her side on the couch covered with an afghan blanket. She had a pillow at one point but it now lay on the floor between the coffee table and the couch. At first Alex seemed asleep but Olivia's voyeurism was interrupted by a soft moan as Alex stretched and looked towards the hallway. She'd felt eyes on her while she was trying to ward off the cold without making noise in the linen closet just outside her bedroom door in an attempt to get an extra blanket. Alas, she was failing to get warm on will power alone.
"Mmm, hey Liv, you ok?" Alex rubs her eyes and sits up on the couch, pulling her legs under her.
"What are you doing out here?"
"Oh, I have tons of paper work and reference books on my spare bed in the study and I never use it so I just crashed out here. I should have cleared it after dinner." She shrugged.
"There was enough room on your bed for both of us, you're freezing out here." Olivia moved around the coffee table as she spoke and sits gingerly next to Alex.
"You ok? How's your side?" Alex touches Olivia's forearm and unconsciously strokes it with her thumb.
"It's not so bad but I should take something." Olivia is hyper aware of the ADA's hand on her arm and the goose bumps it's causing her. Although Alex seems completely unaware of her actions, Olivia feels the need to explain her body's reactions. "It...It's colder out here than in the bedroom. You know, it's still early; we should go back to bed. The bed is big enough for both of us, you didn't kick me in my side the last time I was in bed with you, so I don't foresee you doing it now." Catching herself she tried to amend what might have been insinuated. "Ah, I mean-"
Moving her hand and smiling at Olivia, Alex stands and throws the afghan on the back of the couch while interrupting the suddenly rambling Detective.
"You're right, let's go; I'll get you a glass to have in the bathroom for water. Why don't you go grab your prescription and we'll reconvene in the bedroom?"
"Yes, Counselor, we'll reconvene in your bedroom." Shaking her head Olivia gets up and watches the determined attorney stride into the kitchen.
The usually confident detective was standing next to Alex's bed waiting for her when Alex returned.
"What do I have to do, subpoena you to get you to get in the bed, Benson?" Smirking Alex hands the slightly wide eyed Detective the glass and crawls on all fours slowly onto her bed and settles on the far side, climbing under the blankets "Hit the lights when you're done, Liv and get in", snuggling in she turned on her side to face the Detective's side of the bed.
Downing her pill and having turned the lights off, Olivia slid under the covers next to Alex.
"Mmm, you're right; it's much warmer in here." Alex said sounding suddenly sleepy.
"Yeah." That was all Olivia could manage before she drifted off to sleep again.
Perhaps it was the comfortable company, but they both fell asleep quickly in the predawn light. If someone had told Olivia 3 months prior she'd be sleeping soundly next to the beautiful and infamous ADA Alexandra Cabot, she'd have laughed in their face and called them crazy. Well maybe not laughed out right but she'd have been suspicious of why they would even think about such a thing. Perhaps she had been transparent and they could see the way she looked at Alex from time to time. The looks she would bestow upon the ADA's various body parts from time to time when Alex would sit on her desk or presented her cases in court. Granted she'd never been gay, but Siena College wasn't devoid of a lesbian crowd and she'd discovered her bi-sexuality. These days men or nothing at all was what she was used to, the latter being most likely, but the blonde ADA had reminded her of why she wasn't entirely straight. However, an attraction to women was different from a relationship or sex. It was a whole new ballgame to be slipping into mini fantasies about Alex.
They'd always had their differences as most people who were passionate about their jobs tend to. Alex intent on doing her job and Olivia determined to do hers. The victims were foremost in her mind not necessarily the suspect. Alex's job was to deliver justice not necessarily to be loyal to the victim at all times. At the end of the day they were both on the same side and they'd come to respect that. The bickering wasn't as harsh and few and far in between now.
Olivia had spent no time analyzing herself about Alex, not even after spending a few nights sleeping next each other. Not really at least. But considering how lucky she had been to escape with her life, she wasn't going to ignore certain things anymore.
She'd been scared out of her mind when the shots rang out without warning. The searing pain in her side and the sharp pressure and ache in her back, the force of the impact to her back had brought her to her knees. Eyes wide, her hands dropped to her sides limply as she could hear voices in the distance, she'd lost her grip on her gun and it clattered to the ground beside her harmlessly. The soft sound of gun fire, the quiet of shouting, the slow motion of the whole scene had played out while she fell forward completely onto the ground, her hand going to her injured side. She felt hot liquid spill out between her fingers.
Elliot had grabbed her only a second or two later, and pulled her into his lap. She'd looked up at him and saw every year of his life etched into his face. Every pain and every worry illustrated before her. She'd smiled up at him and watched his face crumble and hot tears stream down his face. He yelled to her to hang on, that she couldn't leave him yet. He'd told her she'd been through worse and that help was on the way and that the bastard who did this to her was dead within seconds of discharging his weapon. She'd said she was fine, and that she loved him and the gang and she demanded to know if everyone was okay and unharmed. Then she'd asked him to call Alex. To tell Alex that she…and everything went black.
All the memories were coming back to her more vividly than before and her peaceful sleep was becoming disturbed. She still couldn't remember the ambulance ride, but she remembered the operating lights shining down on her, a nurse telling her to count backwards. "Alex, tell Alex…pl…please." And once again her world turned black.
Waking in a hospital room, Cragen had greeted her and told her what had happened as best he could and filled in some of the gaps. It had refreshed her memory and he'd told her that Elliot and Alex would be down to pick her up later that day. He'd smiled and told her that they were all worried but they knew she was a fighter. He'd also asked her not to make Stabler and Cabot wrestle over her too much. She'd smiled at the silly mental image of Alex wrestling in a power suit with the buff ex-Marine. "Good to see you smile, Olivia…you're like a daughter to me. I better get out of here before I get in too late for work and those devils get suspicious. And don't tell the world wrestling champions I was here, they'll be in later to get you." She'd fallen back asleep only to be awakened by Nurse Hatchet with a plate of highly suspicious "healthy" food. It was like trying to feed a beat cop a whole wheat donut, it just wasn't working. Later she'd been wheeled out to Elliot's unmarked cruiser and watched Alex sign for her release.
They were her only family, just their small squad and now, Alex. She had felt like she could cry when Elliot joked with her outside the hospital and the corner of Alex's mouth had curled up slightly in a hint of a smile when she heard them bantering while she signed the papers. She'd always remember that drug blurred memory of Alex and Elliot. It had meant more to her upon reflection than the actual incident had at the time. Now she was clearly thinking about it whereas then she wasn't even able to stay awake in the car right afterwards.
Olivia's eyes flew open for the second time that morning, the tears rolled out of her eyes as she starred into the space near the bed aimlessly.
A sound near the window made her turn slowly. Alexandra Cabot was silhouetted in the window. The bright light radiating from the space all around her and her arms were wrapped around herself. She must be looking at the activities going on outside but Olivia noticed her shoulders were slumped and her head bowed.
Olivia took at breath to alert Alex to the fact that she was awake but she heard a small sniffle. Just then, Alex turned her head slightly and the sun light reflected off of a tear that slid down her face.
Moving up behind Alex slowly but loud enough for Alex to know she was there, and without giving it much thought or criticism, she slid her arms around the slim waist in front of her and pulled Alex gently back to lean against her.
Alex's breath hitched as her tears increased and a strangled sob left her body. Olivia moved her hands up and took Alex's hands in her own and together they wrapped their arms around Alex's body. Olivia molded her body to the back of Alex's and rested her chin on Alex's shoulder. They stood in the window; neither really seeing what was going on in the world outside. Alex's eyes were struggling to catch a hint of their reflection in the glass. She could just make them out, even with the brightness of the 10am sun. She closed her eyes at the sound of Olivia's voice so close to her ear.
"What is it Lex?" Olivia whispered.
"Nothing." Alex knew Olivia didn't believe her.
"It's okay, Alex, you can tell me."
"You." She said, her voice wavering.
"Yes, me, you can tell me."
"No, I mean it was you. Only this time the call was different. In my nightmare, that call was very different. You'd left us, Liv, and Elliot had called to tell me that you had…that you had died."
"Oh Alex, I'm so sorry. Don't cry Lex, it was a nightmare, I'm right here honey. You're gonna take care of me and I'll be as good as new. I'm sorry I told Elliot to call you, it must have been horrible to—,"she pulled Alex tighter against her and let her own tears fall.
"No, I'm glad they called me," turning in Olivia's arms she could only glance briefly into Olivia's tear filled and concerned eyes before she embraced her gently. Her arms over Olivia's shoulders while one hand moved to play with Olivia's hair. Alex avoided Olivia's side and back like she'd done in the kitchen the day before. "I would want to know if something ever happened to you, Liv. I came to the hospital with Munch, Elliot sent him to pick me up. We were all there; it was so frightening to know all we could do was wait and then when the doctor came and told us you'd be ok. I was so relieved." Sighing heavily and embarrassed for crying she leaned in and buried her face in the crook of Olivia's warm neck.
"I'm alright Alex, let it out. I'm here now." Olivia just held her and she let her fingers play with the end of Alex's blonde ponytail.
They just relaxed into the feeling for a minute when Olivia spoke up again, "Come lay here with me."
Without protest Alex let Olivia pull away and take her by the hand. Olivia crawled into bed first and slid to the center of the bed and lay on her uninjured side. Motioning for Alex to lie like her with her back to Olivia; Olivia pulled Alex back into her with an arm around her waist. She spooned into the ADA's back and inhaled the clean smell of the blonde hair in front of her.
"Don't leave me, Liv." Alex whispered before closing her eyes and enjoying the feel of Olivia's arm around her.
"It would take more than that to get me to leave you, plus I still owe you dinner, Counselor." Olivia smiled as Alex chuckled lightly.
"That's right, you do owe me."
"Don't push it."
"I wouldn't dream of it." Alex replied and laid her hand on top of Olivia's. Olivia's finger began to make idle circles on Alex's stomach through her t-shirt even though Alex had her hand over hers.
Alex was back. She was lying in bed with the delicious Olivia Benson and she once again felt like herself. She wasn't going to let the feeling slip away. Every minute of it, she vowed would be etched in her memory. She no longer felt like a teenager going on a date either, this was a very grown up feeling she was having towards the detective, she was falling in love with her.
Lying in bed with Alex, Olivia held her close and was very much aware of the fact that she was touching the ADA rather intimately. She could feel the warmth of Alex's skin through her t-shirt as she traced circles and patterns with her finger. She'd been aware she was falling in love with Alex at the weirdest moment. The first bullet struck her back just off to her side and the second hadn't even struck her yet when she knew. She knew she didn't want to die because she wouldn't be able to tell Alex how she felt. She certainly wouldn't have been able to hold Alex like this; she wouldn't be able to touch ADA Alexandra Cabot's stomach with the tip of her finger in nonsensical patterns either. Even through the t-shirt she knew Alex did a few crunches, the lean muscles were evident and she knew her skin was soft but she resisted reaching under the hem of her t-shirt to find out.
A small grumble came from the stomach in question, and Alex tensed. "God, I'm sorry!" Alex couldn't help but laugh even though she was embarrassed.
"It's ok Alex, but I think we better feed the beast before it eats my hand." Olivia chuckled and lightly patted Alex's stomach before she rolled gingerly away and out of bed.
Feeling the cooler air move over her back where Olivia's body had been she cursed her stomach for its insolence.
Earlier that morning, Alex had woken up abruptly in a cold sweat and moved to stand silently in front of the window. At first she had looked at Olivia's sleeping form in her bed and let that reassure her but she'd turned away when the images of Olivia in a pool of blood from her nightmare came back to her. She hadn't meant to let the sound of her crying wake Olivia but when she heard the sheets move and Olivia's footstep behind her she'd been so relieved. And those arms around her had made her feel so safe and that all was right in the world.
"Alex? Come on, let's make some breakfast." Olivia called as she headed into the kitchen.
Breakfast had gone off without a hitch as if they were roommates working together for years. They'd eaten and showered, Olivia using the detachable shower head and a wash rag so she wouldn't wet her wound. Alex had threatened her and made her promise to let her change the bandages after her bath and she smirked in anticipation of feeling Alex's hands on her body. This was new territory for them but it was all under the guise of making sure Olivia recovered without getting an infection or some other set back.
"Alex! I'm ready." Olivia called from the bathroom. Moments later there was a knock followed immediately by Alex opening the door carrying the bag of medical supplies she'd gotten in order to re-dress and clean Olivia's wound. The detective stood in the bathroom in a pair of boxer short and a sports bra.
"Where shall we do this?" Alex looked around her bathroom like she was expecting an operating table to be in the nearest corner because she didn't want to let her eyes wonder over the Detective's body.
"Lay the stuff on the counter and sit on the toilet seat cover; I'll stand in front of you. That way you'll be closer to the level of the wound."
"Ok, brilliant, that sounds perfect."
As suggested Alex was positioned and was taking off the tape that held the bandages on. The detective's skin was indeed soft and tempting but the situation called for professionalism and care.
Olivia flinched occasional but for the most part remained still and silent.
"You ok up there?" Alex glanced up at the Detective that stood between her legs.
"Yeah, It's just throbbing because of all the movement but go ahead, it's gotta be done."
"So brave." Alex said sincerely.
Removing the last piece of tape, Alex pulled the sticky gauze away from the wound. She was doing her very best to avoid thinking about how her bare legs brushed against Olivia's occasional. Little did she know Olivia was enjoying that level of contact, and she even found comfort in it.
Getting more gauze Alex opened the bottle of surgical disinfectant and she added some of the solution to the gauze and pressed it to the wound. Olivia hissed and reached out and grabbed Alex's shoulder tightly.
"I need to let it clean the wound, then I'll clean around the area, check your stitches and re-bandage you and we'll be done ok?"
Olivia could only nod, the pain making her eyes water.
"Where did you learn how to administer medical aide so well?" Olivia asked Alex.
"The outpatient website run by the doctor's at the hospital. They even have little diagrams." Alex smiled up at Olivia and watched her shake her head and laugh.
"So you just learned this?"
"Yeah, I was on my laptop while you were in here. I read it last night after you went to bed but I was just brushing up."
"You missed your calling Dr. Cabot."
"Oh, don't say that, Assistant District Attorney Alexandra Cabot has a certain ring to it."
"Of course, what was I thinking?" Olivia smiled down at Alex checking her side. Alex glanced up and winked at her and continued her examination.
None of her stitches had been compromised and the wound showed no signs of infection.
Her wound re-bandaged Olivia took her pain killer and went to find her new roommate who had helped her into her t-shirt and then left quickly.
Olivia found her in the kitchen looking slightly flushed and drinking a glass of water.
"Can we go get some junk food?"
"I guess we can, you're not too drowsy or experiencing any pain right?"
"No Dr. Cabot, I'm fine." Alex rolled her eyes.
They changed and headed the couple blocks to the bodega in Alex's neighborhood, which really wasn't a bodega, more like an upscale supermarket with imported wines and gourmet foods in addition to the usual fare.