Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural. Technically, I don't even own the OCs, cause they're based off of my friends. I only own the idea.
The archangels, the humans, Cas, and the Impala all ended up in the Singer Auto Salvage Yard, staring down the double barrels of a shotgun. The other angels that had accompanied Michael were…elsewhere.
"Hey, Bobby. They followed us home, can we keep them?" Dean smirked at the semi-retired hunter that was the Winchesters' second father.
"Only if they pass the tests and you promise to take care of them," he snarked back.
"Oh, yay, tests," I deadpanned.
"Don't worry, Rhiannon, they're not going to make you think," Denise consoled me.
"No, they're just going to cut me up and be rude‒Hey, do you have any Borax?" I changed subject abruptly. Don't look at me like that, we needed to be prepared.
"Why do you need the Borax now?" Abby asked.
"Better safe than sorry. And I feel like being a mad scientist," I told her before just zapping into the kitchen. Cleaning supplies, cleaning supplies...must be in the basement. Hah, found them.
"Why do you need the Borax, exactly?" Luce appeared behind me, bemused.
"Leviathan are allergic to it," I said distractedly.
"Leviathan?" Maybe I shouldn't dump so many surprises on him at once. I didn't want to find out if an angel could go into shock.
"Eventuality that we need to be prepared for. It's not paranoia if they actually are out to get you," I informed him briskly, bounding up the stairs instead of flying.
"A concept I'm sure is a core hunter value," he remarked dryly. "They are locked away in Purgatory, you know."
I ignored the hunters gathered in the sitting room, making my way to the kitchens. "Yeah, okay. Better safe than sorry. Oh, cool, you have blessed pipes," I called to Bobby.
"You better not be screwing with my kitchen, girl," he barked through the door.
"Relax, I'm updating your security." I coated the Borax in Grace, telling it to pour on any Leviathan that breached the perimeter. While I was at it, I corrected his wards to keep out any angels not currently on the property or approved by myself, Castiel, or the hunters.
"Okay, you've got fancy new Keep Out signs," I told him, plopping down next to Denise on the couch. I rolled my eyes at the sawed-off still aimed at me.
"Seriously? You know that won't do anything, right?" I glanced disdainfully at the barrel.
"Might not be permanent, but it'll sting like a bitch," he scowled. Clearly the Winchesters had filled him in on who we were. Or at least as much as they knew.
"It'll also make a mess, and I refuse to clean it up for you. Now, do we actually have a plan, guys?" I turned to the girls. "Cause I don't think Mr. Singer‒"
"Christ, girl, just call me Bobby. None of this 'Mr. Singer' crap. I'm not that old. Idjit."
I shrugged. "Fine. But we really can't freeload, guys. I didn't really have a plan coming in."
"There's a surprise," Denise deadpanned.
"Hey, blame the Devil, he dragged us here," I sulked.
"You're Satan," Dean sneered.
My eyes flashed. I stood up slowly, shaking off my friends' hands on my arms. "You know," I said softly, "I believe we've already had this conversation. I am not Lucifer. I am Rhiannon. I am also getting really tired of your shit. I've been dragged across the universes, had to avert the Apocalypse for you, and for some reason, I'm helping you clean up messes you haven't even made yet. So tell me," I stopped inches from Dean, refusing to be intimidated by his size. "If you keep pushing your luck, exactly how long do you think my patience will last? Me, I think I'm near the end of my rope. So back off, and shut your fucking mouth. Okay?"
I smiled at the end. It wasn't a nice smile.
Dean swallowed.
Bobby laughed. "You're not Satan, that's for sure. You're way more terrifying. You should start grovelling now, ya idjit," he added to Dean.
The younger hunter gaped at him. "What? Why‒"
"Dude, seriously. Just do it," Sam urged. He was obviously wise in the ways of women.
"Dean, I believe it would be advisable‒" Cas began.
"Alright, alright, fine! I'm sorry, okay?" He glared at me, flushed.
I grinned brightly at him. "Okay. So." I spun back to my friends. "Plan?"
"This is a stupid plan."
I was sulking in the backseat of the Impala, squished between Gabriel and Luce. Denise was in the passenger seat, Castiel in the middle of the bench. Sam drove one of Bobby's trucks behind us with Abby and Balthazar, who had shown up shortly after we'd left the salvage yard.
"We don't have a better one, and the Winchesters didn't want us unsupervised," Luce explained patiently. It didn't make me feel better.
"Why are you here then?" I asked Gabriel crossly. "It's not like they could make you stay."
Gabriel pouted at me. Denise twisted in her seat. "Why do you want him to leave? I thought he was your favorite angel?"
I blushed brightly and glared at her. "You want to sit back here between the two rebel archangels, be my guest. If not, bugger off."
"I'm your favorite angel?" Gabriel was delighted, of course. Luce was not.
"I thought I was your favorite angel?" He looked both murderous and like a kicked puppy.
"Woah, hey, I'm not picking favorites! I like you both, okay? Relax."
I really didn't like the calculating glint in Luce's eyes. "How much?"
I looked at him blankly. "What?"
"How much do you like us?"
I gaped at him. "What are you, twelve? I'm not in middle school anymore, and I didn't play that game even when I was. Don't involve me in your pissing contest." I sat back, crossing my arms and glowering at the back of Denise's head. This was all her fault.
"And don't screw with my car. Archangels or not, I will make you pay," Dean threatened, glaring at them in the rearview mirror.
Cas shifted uncomfortably in front of me. Yes, Gabriel had just stuck him in TV Land, and he probably wasn't too comfortable around Luce either, but really. As if I would let them hurt anyone. Well, anyone who didn't deserve it.
"At least she cares about me enough to convince others of my innocence," Luce said smugly.
I groaned. This was going to be a long drive.
Where were we even going?
"Hey, Dean‒" I started, leaning forward.
"Chuck," Denise answered.
"Oh, okay." I leant back.
Dean gave us a suspicious glance. "Are you reading each others' minds?"
"No," we said at the same time.
"She let me in, not‒"
I reached over and twisted both of their ears. "If you two don't shut it right this second‒"
"Enough!" Dean shouted over me. "No one talks for the rest of the drive!" He jabbed the dashboard, 'Highway to Hell' ringing out moments later. He gritted his teeth and slammed the music off again. The car descended into awkward silence that wasn't broken until several hours later.
Dean parked the Impala in a long line of similar cars, Sam pulling in next to him. The Winchesters clambered out frantically, Denise and Abby following while the angels simply zapped out. I could barely contain my excitement.
"Hey, guys, is this‒?"
"Yep." Denise smirked at my expression. "Um, should we be bringing this many angels?"
"I'm not leaving," Gabriel and Luce immediately protested, glaring at each other the next second. I huffed and rolled my eyes. This was very quickly moving from endearing to annoying.
"I feel I should also stay," Cas rumbled. The with Dean went unsaid but was heard by all. Well, all but the hunter himself.
"What, and miss this?" Balthazar grinned maniacally. "Not a chance."
"Fine. Then can we go? Our guides have already started the tour without us." Abby gestured to the fast-retreating backs of the Winchester brothers. We jogged to catch up.
"Chuck! There you are!" Sam called. The rest of the group trailed behind the two hunters.
"Guys?" Chuck looked shocked, and a little terrified.
"What's going on?" Dean really didn't like small talk. And Luce had disappeared again.
It's Him. It's been millenia, and He's hiding as much as possible, but I'd know my Father anywhere. Luce sounded like a child again, lost and scared and full of grief.
That was so not on.
I stepped forward, interrupting Chuck's stammering explanation and ignoring the rather alarmed looks my friends were sporting. "You."
Chuck looked ready to piss Himself. "Um, I can explain?"
I smiled sweetly. "No need. I know everything I have to. And you are going to get Your Divine Ass kicked into the next timestream." He was stumbling back now. I didn't stop.
"Wait, that's God?" Abby sounded kind of strange.
"Oh yes," I growled. The angels all inhaled sharply. They did know they didn't have to breathe, right?
"Good," she said, before shoving past me. I halted, wary.
"You," Abby began, "are a selfish, cowardly, self-absorbed bastard. You created angels and humans. knew there was trouble because of it, and refused to do anything about it! You ran away like a child who broke His mother's favorite vase and hoped to avoid the consequences. You didn't even bother to help when Your youngest son was begging You to come back."
Chuck tried to defend Himself. "It was‒"
"So help me, if the next words that come out of Your mouth are 'all part of the plan,' I will skin Your nether regions and force-feed them to You." God shut His mouth with a click.
"I'll do that anyway," I chipped in cheerfully.
Abby ignored me. "I'm aware of the concept of 'shoving baby birds out of the nest,' but when innocent people are suffering and dying because You are too scared and ashamed to admit You made a mistake, actions do not speak louder than words. You need to actually talk to your family. Explain things. Communicate. I'll even sign You up for the therapy sessions." She crossed her arms over her chest and glared at Chuck, who was shaking slightly. I could feel Luce's shock and awe of her. It was practically the look on Sam's face, minus the beginnings of a crush.
"So, are we still doing the convention thing? Cause that would be brilliant." Denise tilted her head at the door‒just as Becky Rosen appeared.
I muffled my ears preemptively.
"SAM!" I think one of the windows of the hotel cracked. "You made it!"
That sound is not supposed to come from a human being. Luce sounded both horrified and fascinated.
"No playing mad scientist. And get out here, I refuse to talk to you unless I can see you."
"Shouldn't you specify if anyone else can see him?" Balthazar smirked.
I shrugged. "I don't actually care if anyone thinks I'm crazy, as long as I know I'm not. It feels a lot saner if he's manifest."
"You feel saner if you're talking to Satan out loud instead of in your head?" Dean had given up on antagonizing me, and had promptly started teasing me at every opportunity. He was worse than Victor.
"Hey, you all can see him. It makes me feel better." We followed the others inside.
"Should we just leave them to it?" Denise wondered.
"Why not? They're big boys, they can take care of themselves. I have a feeling we'll need to keep an eye on the celestials anyway," I said, glancing at said celestials. Chuck was up on the stage, answering questions, while the angels sat in the back row with us. The Winchesters and Becky stood behind us, alternatively giving us wary looks and glaring at Chuck.
"You're all going to find out. Thanks to a wealthy Scandinavian investor, we're going to start publishing again." The room erupted into cheers and applause. I leaned forward and glared at Gabriel.
"What?" he protested. "Messenger, remember? The Gospel is supposed to be read. Can't read it if it's sitting in a memory drive."
I rolled my eyes and filed out into the hotel lobby. "The wonderful thing about computers? They're connected to the internet. And they can be hacked. Why don't you just blog them or something?" I added, coming up behind Chuck.
He jumped about two feet into the air. "Can you not do that?" He yelped, turning.
I smirked. "I can sneak up on God. Think I should add that to my resumé?"
"No," Abby said mildly.
"Okay. So, what‒"
"Excuse us," Dean snapped. Not waiting for an answer, he turned on Chuck. "In case You haven't noticed, our plates are kind of full right now. Finding the Colt, hunting down the forces of Hell. We don't have time for this crap."
"Hey, I didn't call you!" Chuck immediately protested.
"He means the books, Chuck. Why are You publishing more books?" Sam explained, at least trying to sound patient.
"Look, guys, as much as I hate to admit it, Gabriel is right," I said wearily.
"Why would you hate to admit that?"
"The Gospels need to be available. Just look on the bright side. You have fans!" I grinned.
Dean and Sam stared at me. "How is that the bright side?" Dean snapped.
I rolled my eyes. "Dude, what the hell did you think we were?" I asked incredulously. "If we were normal, there's no way we'd be taking everything so well. Never underestimate the powers of the fans. It brought Gabriel back to life."
"I never actually died, you know," he said petulantly.
"Spoilers," I told him gleefully.
"You're enjoying this way too much," Denise said dryly.
"Probably," I agreed. "Hey, is Balthazar trying to get Cas drunk?"
Dean, Sam, Denise, and Abby all immediately headed to the bar to prevent whatever disaster was imminent.
"Well, that's one way to get rid of them," Luce remarked.
"No supervision by the responsible ones. Quick, let's go while they're distracted." I grabbed Luce and Gabriel, dragging them to the other side of the room as a scream echoed from upstairs. "The game is afoot. Let's go eat."
"Eat where? They don't serve much here," Luce said doubtfully.
"Yeah, but we can fly anywhere in the world, eat, and be back before dark. We just have to be mindful of timezones." I scanned the room again, making sure the others in our group were still distracted, before flying to‒
"Disney World, really?" Gabriel asked skeptically. "You couldn't be original?"
"Epcot," I corrected, beelining for Britain. "And since London itself is close to midnight, Epcot is the next best thing. One order of fish and chips, please," I added, leaning against the window of the stand. I discreetly conjured money and thanked the guy.
I juggled the basket and my phone, shooting off a quick text to let Denise know we were just at Disney World. I turned my phone off hastily and slid onto a bench. Gabriel and Luce sat on either side.
I stared down at my napkins. A ten digit number was scrawled on the top one‒which promptly burst into flames. I raised my eyebrow at it.
"You know, I kind of need those," I said mildly.
"Not that one," Luce immediately replied, glaring hotly at the guy.
I rolled my eyes. Again. "You're overreacting."
"No, he's not." Gabriel joined in on the glare-fest.
I huffed. "Stop it, he didn't do anything wrong. In fact, I'm flattered. Not many people try to flirt with me, you know."
"I can flirt with you all you want," Gabriel said, shifting gears lightning fast. Just as quickly, Luce shifted his glare to Gabriel.
"Alright, enough. Both of you, play nice. Gabriel, stop antagonizing Luce. Luce, stop trying to defend my virtue. I can do that myself just fine. Now," I stood, stuffing the last fry in my mouth. "Let's go back before Denise convinces Cas or Balthazar to bring her to fetch us."