Once inside the trailer, I try to make myself a pot of coffee to calm my nerves, but my hands are shaking so hard that I spill the grinds all over my scratched laminate countertop, so I give up and sit on my bed, staring at the wall for a long time until I finally snap out of my reverie and realize how just late it is. I force myself to halfheartedly brush my teeth and climb under the scratchy covers, tossing and turning for what feels like hours. Finally I drift off, and I sleep fitfully, dreaming of blue eyes and dial tones and flashes of light.

I wake with a start, her name escaping my lips before I can stop myself. Without really thinking about it, I grab my phone from the overturned bucket I use as a nightstand and punch in her number. I listen nervously, picking at the skin on my thumb as it again it rings through to voicemail, but I hang up without leaving another message and instead dial Tori's phone. It rings twice before she picks up.

"Hey, Beck."

I'm not stupid. I can hear the edge of suspicion in her voice, in the overly casual tone that she's using with me.

"How's it hanging, dude?" she asks.

"Look, Tori, I really don't have time for small talk, okay?" I snap.

My words come out rough, guttural, dripping with irritation, and when she speaks again, I can tell that I've pissed her off.

"Well, aren't we just full of sunshine and smiles today?" she chirps, not bothering to mask her sarcasm.

"Tori," I sigh, resting my forehead in my palm, "Jade's missing."

A sharp intake of breath from the other end of the line nearly deafens me. "What do you mean, she's 'missing'?"

I can tell Tori's concerned- I know she's always had more of a soft spot for Jade than she likes to let on, and I'm sure the two of them got even closer after what happened between us. I clear my throat and sit up, one hand picking at the pills of lint that cover my threadbare blanket. "I mean she's missing. She's gone. I saw it on the news when I was at the coffee shop last night- she hasn't shown up for work in days, and no one can seem to find her. I've tried calling her, but all I get is voicemail-"

"Wait," Tori cuts me off. "She unblocked your number? When the hell did that happen?"

"I don't know!" I continue impatiently. "Look, I'm getting really worried. Have you heard from her lately? Any idea where she could be?"

There's a crackling noise as Tori sighs into the phone; she must have it pinned to her ear with her shoulder. "Yeah, I talked to her last week. She seemed kind of out of it, to be honest. She told me that she's been under a lot of stress lately and hasn't been getting much sleep, and she thinks that's what's making her have trouble remembering her lines." Tori pauses for a moment before continuing. "I thought that was kind of weird, because Jade's always had it together with things like that; I remember this play we were in together junior year- she had her part down before anybody else.

"Anyway, she seemed kinda... scared, I think. I can't be sure, because you know that's not like her at all. And she kept saying 'I don't know what's wrong with me.' God, she must have said that a good ten times. I did my best to calm her down- told her she was just overworking herself, and maybe she should let her understudy take over for a few days so she could take it easy and get some rest. And I said to let me know if she needed anything, and she said she would. And that was the last I heard from her." Tori's voice cracks, and I can hear her start crying. "I feel terrible. She told me something was wrong, and I just blew her off! God, Beck, this is all my fault-"

"Shh," I soothe. I'm still processing everything she's told me. "Tori. Tori. Listen. It's gonna be alright, okay? I'll-" I make a split-second decision, but I know it's the right one. "I'll find her."

"You will?" she sniffles. "How are you gonna do that?"

I shift my weight uncomfortably. "Um... I guess I'm going to New York."

I finally hang up with Tori, but not before she makes me promise to keep her in the loop. Next, I call my parents and explain everything to them, which takes awhile because I'm so worked up at this point that my words keep tripping over each other. They agree, with surprisingly little protest, to lend me the money I'll need to get to New York- my parents always really liked Jade, and they're appropriately concerned when I tell them the news that she's missing. It's pretty widespread knowledge that I'm essentially the person who drove her away from California in the first place, and I can tell that my mom and dad definitely agree with that.

"This could well be your last chance, Beckett Adam," my mom hisses into the phone. I feel my stomach turn. My mother only whips out the whole first/middle name combination when I'm in some seriously deep shit. "If you do find Jadelyn, you are to do right by her, understand? That girl's put up with enough of your crap. Don't put her through any more."

My dad's admonition is a little more blunt: "Beck, if you screw this up again- I love you, you know I do, but I swear to God I'll kick your ass like a little boy, because that's exactly what you've been behaving like these days."

"Got it, guys," I say wearily.

"We mean it, son," my dad says sternly. "She left because of you, so now it's on your head to go and find her."

"Honestly, Beck," my mom wheedles, "She was such a nice girl, she was one of the best things that ever happened to you, you know-"

"I know, I fucking know, okay?" I exclaim, cutting them off. They fall silent. "And I know if, God forbid, anything has happened to her, it's basically my fault." I feel my eyes start to well up as I think of all the horrible things that could have gone down- kidnapping. Rape. Or- oh God, murder. I shake my head, forcing the thoughts to retreat. It's not good to think like that, to have a negative attitude when I'm about to travel all the way across the country to look for the girl I loved. Love. It's not going to benefit anyone, least of all her.

"Look, I'm sorry for yelling at you guys," I mutter, pinching the bridge of my nose between my forefinger and thumb. "I'm just really worried about her."

"We know, sweetheart," my mom says, her voice softening into a much more comforting tone. "Don't we, dear?" My dad grunts his assent from the extension. "Go find her, Beck, and make sure she's all right. We love you."

"I'll find her," I assure them before hanging up the phone. I grab an old duffel bag from under my bed and start haphazardly throwing things into it- a few shirts, some jeans, a belt. As I pack, I repeat those three words to myself again and again, like a mantra; like an affirmation; like a promise; like a prayer.

"I'll find her."

Author's Note

I know my chapters are ridiculously short, and I could definitely make them longer, but for this story I feel like the shorter ones are more appropriate. So I hope that's okay. :) Also, I have several chapters written and waiting to be typed, so updates should be more frequent for the time being!

Please let me know what you think of the story. I do appreciate it.