Tender
He cradled the infant in his arms protecting her from the cold and darkness. His first night on the beat and he was first on the scene of a three car pileup that had tangled traffic in all directions on the busiest roads in town. He should have been directing traffic; instead, he was caught up in the drama unfolding in one of the cars stopped in the mess of traffic. A new mom in labor and a first time dad anxious to get to the hospital. He had more medical training than the other cops on scene, and so while the EMT's were bust attending to the accident victims he had helped a new life into the world. He handed the small bundle to the mother who was still laying against her husband in the back seat of their car. They all looked so happy, content. And Cho knew what his next goal would be. He wanted love and a family.
Anger
He felt rage bubbling up in him. The man sitting across from him was laughing at him. They knew he was guilty of selling drugs to kids still in middle school. But he was so arrogant, so sure that he was going to get up and walk out of the interrogation room. And Cho couldn't stand it. He hadn't felt this way since his Army days. He felt sick inside, as though his soul had been poisoned. He was faced again with the truth that he needed more help than he could get on his own. He looked at the woman sitting next to him; she was a new detective, as was he. She had been a force in the field and was still calm. He felt his anger dissipating; she could be an example until he could do it on his own.
Seeds
The "retreat" had been her idea, and he had readily agreed. She was the better detective, the leader in their partnership. She was always in control and he envied that. The campground where they had pitched their tents was remote. The forest surrounding him was quiet and peaceful. Their first night they build a fire and cooked meals in tin foil that she sheepishly admitted she'd learned to do as a girl scout. Afterwards, in the dark they shared about their pasts. She told him of her mother, a life cut short by a drunk driver and a father who couldn't cope. And he told her of his life in the gang, in the Army. And he shared his anger and his fears. "Embrace it" was her advice. He thought about it that night, in the dark with only the crickets and coyotes keeping him company in his thoughts. Embrace the pain, the darkness, the fear. Instead of running from it, hiding it. He had tried everything else; it was worth a shot.
Ghost
He was running down an ally, being chased by someone or something that he couldn't see. Shadows were jumping out at him, there was blood and sand and the beating drum of his heart and a helicopter. He tripped and fell, landing in a puddle of unsure origin and found himself unable to get up again. What do you want! He screamed with no sound, yet he still felt the words echo in the air. But there was no answer. Just an empty howling sound. Leave me in peace! Too many emotions, too much pain and anger stuffed inside and buried. Too much time spent ignoring them. This is how he had ended up wandering the California desert. He couldn't pretend that these emotions didn't exist. He opened his eyes wide, staring at the shadows. His mother, dead longer than he'd like to think, his ancestors, friends who died in battle, both at home and abroad. He was angry at them. Angry at himself for not being able to protect him. He saw the face of the man selling drugs to kids, arrogant and self-righteous. Rage bubbled up. Instead of hiding it, instead of letting it fester until it boiled over he let it in, just like Teresa had said. And something happened. It went away. He saw his dead friends as ghosts that he couldn't save, people who knew the risks and made choices anyway. He saw the drug dealer as just that. A drug dealer. And the sand disappeared, and the humping of the helicopter faded. And all that was left was his mother, smiling at him and calling him baby and telling him that she would always be proud of him.
Blood
The smell of gun smoke filled his nostrils. This wasn't how he thought it would end. They were on the trail of a serial killer. Teresa, his dear friend, had left on to bigger and better. It was for the best, she'd gotten a bit too close to one of the other detectives, one who was married. Now he was alone in the field. Sure, there were others here with him, but no one that got him like she did. Now because of the stupid mistake of a young rookie they were forced into a gun battle that no one could win. He looked for an opening and took a shot; the scream told him that he had hit someone. He hoped it was the "bad guy" but he wasn't sure. The rookie next to him had blood pouring out of a hole in his arm. This was going to be a bad day.