Title: The True Meaning of Love
Chapter - Four: Identity
Pairing: Brennan/Booth
vv xx vv oo
"I'm always here," he repeated while he watched Brennan. He smiled, then he touched her shoulder trying to help her easing her emotions. It was like a lighting bolt that struck him, the moment he touched her shoulder he felt different.. "I'll never let you fall."
Brennan shook her head, trying to deal with her confession and her memories of him. Their time together, their dinners, their confessions, their talks and their pride. Loving someone was that burden, she tried to avoid feeling that way, but it had gotten to her. She looked down, trying to study the bones in front of her, trying to think of something else rather than her feelings.
The only thing she could do about now was to flee the scene, but, his hand made all of her fears vanish into thin air. She sighed at Booth's "comment" as the tears were demanding to let be free. She was loosing control and her heart was demanding to be let out from its cage.. She knew there was something there, but avoided it for the sake of being hurt again.
"Not now Booth…." she said uneasily.
By now she couldn't take it anymore, she couldn't take the embarrassment, the confession, nor the amnesia any longer. She had to push him away a little before she did it pertinently.
Booth nodded while grabbing her by the arm and pulling her into his arms. He didn't want to force her, just allow her to calm down and relax a little. He watched the way everyone seemed to look at them, some with pity, some with encouragement and some with sadness.
He closed his eyes, trying to think of a way of getting her to open up to him to him. He sighed softly, knowing that this chance won't last long. She stood on the platform in Booth's arms, her head was buried in his chest while he stroked her back a few times. She was stunned, embarrassed and she had no other option than to hide in the dark. Her face was pale, her heart was broken and the weight of the world rested on her shoulders.
Since he had no knowledge of who she it made it hard to function, breathe and work. She closed her eyes, listening to the soft beating of his heart and the sound of her own against it. When his arms tighten around her she felt safe again, she felt alive again. His embrace seemed to warm her soul and devour her cynicism.
She didn't want to become comfortable with him just knowing that she loved him, she wanted to feel it for herself. All her life she wanted to know how it felt to love another human being. She wanted to tell him she loved him for a long time, but since her family left, she decided that no one could ever hear those words come out of her mouth again. She hesitated, while breaking away from his hug.
"Booth.... please just leave me alone." She said quietly, trying to exit his embrace. She wanted nothing to do with anyone here; especially Angela. She knew better than anyone here that she had been through enough already. She had gone through enough drama these last few weeks to have him hear from an outburst that she loved him
"But-" He said displaying his sad puppy face.
The only things she could do was to look at him with tears in her eyes. "Booth-" She said too emotionally. "just go."
He studied her for a matter of time, not grasping everything that had just happened. His eyes lingered on hers for a while trying to decipher her thoughts and feelings.
With no luck, he sighed with a great amount of distress and left the platform. With the lights around him and the people around the room watching with sympathy, the FBI agent left with his arms in his pockets and his head pinned to the ground. All he wanted was her, all of her, but to know that she did in fact love him made it easier to fall in love with her all over again.
'You know, everything happens eventually.
There is more than one kind of family,
There is someone for everyone,
How hard is it to say "I love you" to someone,
Nothin's going to change between you and me,'
You know she loves you, right? Then go for it, open up and say it. Make her feel that old part of you, try to gain that love and friendship back. Come on Seel, you can do it.
Booth ran his hands through his hair, trying very hard to grasp his thoughts and feelings. His head was hurting, spinning and becoming filled with distress and utter confusion.
She loved him, but he wasn't the same person anymore, he was someone different. The way she acted proved it; she didn't love the "new" him, or did she? For a man that rarely cried, did. He cried for he used to be, he cried for hurting her the way he did. The tears fell down his cheeks as he sat down on the edge of the stairs, watching the rain fall beneath his feet.
The animals dashed throughout the field as the thunder stroked the air. He rested his elbows on his knees putting his hands through his hair with frustration. He hated himself about now and his actions provided enough reasoning behind that.
You love someone, you open yourself to suffering, that's the sad truth. They may break your heart, you may break their heart and never be able to look at yourself in the same way.
"Am I good enough," he began to say aloud to himself. "why does she keep pushing me away, I'm trying, doesn't she know that? Sometimes I guess I have to encourage her that everything is going to be alright, but-"
"I know you're trying." A quiet voice said behind him. It was that person he wanted to awake with every morning, it was that person he wanted so badly it hurt.
The voice made him smile widely, he knew that voice, he really knew that voice. He shook his head knowing that she would come out here and sit beside him. He knew she could never abandon him when he needed her, most importantly, he knew she loved him. He put his elbows down and straightened his position.
With a huge grin on his face he knew she would sit with him and talk things through like they would have before. She stared at him for a few seconds, trying to avoid her emotional state. She closed her eyes wishing she would have told him she loved him in a different way, with different scenery and a better approach. Now, by the time she could approach him, she gathered herself, not rationally, but lovingly.
"I knew you'd come sooner or later." He said chuckling to himself.
She couldn't help but to smile, she laughed gently and made her way down the stairs feeling her heart tug and tear at the insides of her chest. She was nervous and he knew she was. 'Why am I here? Why am I scared of this moment? To be honest, I really do love him it's just-' No, she couldn't just rationalize the feelings like examining bones anymore.
She had to feel it rather than hiding it or keeping her thoughts to herself. Was she a doctor or was she Temperance. The problem was she hated to be her real self. She hated it with every fiber in her being, in her definition, Temperance was weak which meant she already neglected that name. Bones was someone different because she was both of them. Scientist and heart. Heart and Scientist. Like Booth said, "It's a lot of heart, Bones."
"Yeah, me too." she said laughing along with him.
He turned around to find his partner with rosy red cheeks and puffy eyes indicating that she'd been crying. Her bright blue eyes glimmered with a hit of agony while she shook her head with distress. He knew the best way to comfort her was to hug her, tell her it would be alright; but he had another task in hand. He had to admit, he loved this woman for her passion for truth, her wisdom and prudence and of course her look at heart. He loved her, there was no more denying it now, he couldn't stand not being with her any longer.
Finally, after four years of waiting, Seeley Booth walked up to the woman he loved and took her into his arms. He never forgot all of those times when they fought about little things, he never forget all of those times when he thought he'd lost her and most importantly, he wanted to forget that stupid line he built to keep them apart.
He closed his eyes, allowing his partner to cry in his arms, allowing her to feel those intense emotions she had been experiencing rather than hiding them. Ever since he thought he would never see her again his love for her only grew stronger, his arms grew tighter around her waist while she did the same. Neither wanted to let go of such a strong bond that they shared, neither wanted to feel that sense of loss again.
There they were partners, best friends, role models, co-workers, crime solvers, heroes and so much more. They depended on each other in order to survive, they depended on each other in order to heal and most importantly, they depended on each other to show what it means to be loved and what it means to love. That's the true meaning of love. Knowing that there is always someone that loves and understands you for you who you are.
If their love is strong enough than their love can withstand even the deadliest wrath of fate. If it's true, it can withstand almost anything. When you love someone, you give your heart to that person, you love them beyond anything that defines logic and intelligence. Love shapes the greatest forms of friendship, with that said, Booth has always known that. From the bottom of his heart, he loves her, but is he willing to admit it to himself? Or to Brennan?
"I'm sorry you're going through this. I wish-"
"Booth, just-" She said feeling her tears falling down her cheeks. He closed his eyes, wanting nothing better than to switch places with her.
"Please let me finish Tempe." Booth said it so quietly that she smiled. She shifted her body, leaning onto his shoulder like a puzzle. She wanted to memorize his scent, wanted to always be this close to him no matter what situation they were in, but what she wanted didn't matter. Only what he wanted mattered to her.
"Sorry, please go on." She said simply, giving him encouragement. He closed his eyes only to gather his emotions that were killing him, broke him down into feeling guilty.
"I wish," he continued before she could interrupt him. "you know I wish I could have switched places with you. You don't deserve to go though this again." Her eyes soared open as her heart leaped inside her chest.
"What?" She asked with a huge smile on her face. Instantly, she felt the despair vanishing before her vary eyes, filling the missing gaps of her heart with happiness.
Does he remember me!? Does he?!
He smiled as she tore from his embrace. She knew what he meant, she just wanted to dare herself to believe that he remembered her altogether. Not just small memories, but everything. Booth was a wonderful human being, he deserves the best life can offer, he is a wonderful father, he's a wonderful friend and he is the man that she was in love with.
"Booth!?" She said laughing with relief. "What do you mean?"
"Well you know Bren, you have been through enough these last few weeks." He said, praying to god that she was referring to.
Her face fell, along with her happiness. She was wrong, he didn't remember her he was just saying that to make her feel better. She shook her head, trying to remain calm.
"What!" he said surprised by her change of heart. "Did I say something wrong?" He raised his voice playfully, trying to avoid calling her, her given name. Brennan looked down, making her way to sit on the edge of the stair.
She blocked out all of the noises only to focus on her own thoughts and her own emotions. She seemed saddened by her excitement, her relief and her outburst. She avoided the situation, but she couldn't seem to control her actions.
She buried her face in her hands, as the rain had irritated her ability to think. She'd always loved the rain, it was peaceful, new and it never had to think how harsh it fell, nor the weight on its shoulders. It was free, the burdens it carried were about soaring into the sky and fleeing when ever it felt like.
Booth watched her, wanting her to be happy, but his presence was disturbing that willingness to be happy. He put his hands in his pockets and kicked a small rock he'd found lying alone in a corner. He felt like that small rock at the moment, small and helpless. He wished he knew what she was feeling, he wished he could just take that pain away; but he didn't remember how to. She was miserable and he felt like an ass because he was causing her that pain.
He closed his eyes, wanting to remember everything he used to know about her, everything he used to feel and everything he had experienced alongside his best friend.
She was a woman with great intelligence and had an IQ of a genius. She loved daffodils, she hated pie because she didn't like her fruit cooked, she loved dolphin, she loved working with him; she was partner. He knew her parents and brother had abandoned her at the age of 15, he'd known that she only wanted to work with him, he'd known that he kissed her before, but sadly, only once. He had known that she was crucial about religion and love.
He had known everything about her, so how could he forget her? Just how could he forget someone so caring and passionate? Booth knew from the bottom of his heart who she was, she wasn't Bren, Tempe, or Temperance. She was.... Bones. Bones.
The sun shined some light among the partners with grace and patience. The clouds followed each other like dogs following the leader, the moments between two people would never die off, the chemistry between them was too powerful to withstand the harsh reality of fate. Booth dragged his hands out of his pockets and opened his eyes. For their forbearing memories they shared, Booth moved closer to his shaken partner, feeling like a new man.
His head was up in the air with pride as the sun shined upon him, the air brushed past his cheeks as he felt the nervousness bewilder him altogether. He made his way toward her, hoping that they would become who they once were or what they were becoming. His emotions puzzled him only slightly, but he knew this woman better than anyone on this planet. She was his friend, close friend, which made his smile grow larger with love.
"Hey." Booth said wanting her to look at him, wanting her to know that he loved her too.
She still didn't look at him even though she knew he was so close to her. She smiled, wanting to be in his arms about now. Something wasn't right though, she needed to say something before that happening.
"Are you going to say something, Bren?" He asked with a huge smile on his face. He brought his hand and placed it on her back, so gently that it felt like a butterfly. He raised his eyebrow and began to rub her back in tiny circles until she would look at him. Brennan slowly removed her hands from her face.
Her cheeks were bright pink and her mouth was open just slightly, she turned to face him, very slowly until their faces barely touched. She was right, maybe he did remember who she was.
"Maybe." She said stubbornly. Bones. Not Bren.
"What is that suppose to mean?" He asked slightly offended. She smiled friendly and looked at him with a glimmer of hope. "Well, I was going to ask you if-"
"I remembered you." He said trying to hide his excitement. His serious expression made it difficult to read, but it suited her uneasily.
She looked down feeling the distress filling the barriers of her caged heart. She nodded while rubbing her eyes trying to get rid of the annoying tears filling the edges of her cheeks.
"You know what, try me." he said seriously.
"What? I don't know what you mean." She said with confusion lingering on her face.
"I know that look. You're being cynical."
"Whoa! I am not Booth!" She said defensively. Why could he always read her like a book?
Booth looked at her with wonderment, his gaze became warm and reassuring; like it always was. "Just ask me something, try my knowledge."
He knew she was torn between wanting to believe him and not wanting to believe him. Did he really and truly remember who she was? Or was he teasing her about it? Her cynicism showed that to be true. She didn't trust herself enough to believe him fully. She had beaten herself up about what happened to him, because she pushed him too hard. She shook her head with discontentment and with sadness.
Since her parents had left her, she promised herself she would never feel any empathy for another human being. But, bluntly, she failed to retain that logic and misconduct. She wanted to hide, run, but the one how had saved her was the one who had become the closest to her heart. He was a heart person and she was a logical person. Opposites, but similar at heart.
Feeling slightly irritated, she looked at him quickly and tried her best to stay calm. She wasn't strong at the moment and he sort of knew that. He watched her carefully as she just looked at him with fear.
"I am not cynical Booth, I'm just feeling...." She shook her head, trying to avoid her emotions; she couldn't seem to though, they were barking at her with distress.
His eyes rested gently on hers, his strong fingers still caressed on her back and his emotions surfacing underneath his willingness to wait any longer. "You can tell me, I know you can."
She laughed softly while grasping his other hand. It was natural now and she seemed to love the idea of it. "Lets wait until you heal fully, then we can talk about this Booth."
He tried to smile, but his mind went beyond that. He took in a deep cleansing breath that caused his heart to beat irregularly, his face fell slightly as his mouth became dry. He watched her slightly fully aware of the few tears falling down her face. He hated seeing her like this, but he was willing to risk everything to make her feel better. "Hey, come on, you know me better than that,"
Booth couldn't take another tear to fall down her face, so, he moved his body closer to hers. Now that their thighs were touching, her heart nearly broke away with sadness, her mind was filled with agony and her control was in the wastebasket.
"I know you're hurting its killing me to see you like this. I hate myself for causing that pain,"
Brennan shot him an emotional glare and shook her head. "You didn't cause it..."
"I did." He said seriously. He removed his hand from her back and rose to the side of her face. "I wish I could change places with you, you don't deserve to go through this kind of pain again. I'm tired of having to see you cry because I'm not the same person I was before. But, you know what, I'm right here, all of me, right here..."
Brennan remained speechless; her mind was filtered with emotions she couldn't even identify for herself even though she was going to try to hide them anyway. She remained calm, rational and ready to hear what else he was going to say. Her eyelids became heavy with tears and her self control was becoming limited.
"Booth, I am the one that caused it." she mumbled softly, she could hear the swift rain drops that landed on the grass, sidewalks and stairs.
Booth looked at her with complete shocked. His expression was blank, restless and beyond confused. "Bren, what happened to me wasn't your fault." At that exact moment, his brown eyes glittered and were locked with her elegant blue ones that fitted with his perfectly. "My brain tumor isn't your fault-"
Before he could finish his sentence she finished if for him. "Booth, it was my actions that caused this to happen. My selfish acts created frustration that led to-"
He couldn't help himself anymore, he had to say it. "Bones!"
There was silence among them as the rain drops began hitting the land harder. With each emotion that lingered in the air, the intense connection was going to be silenced altogether. Both partners watched each other for a long amount of time before even thinking of how they were going to talk about this discussion.
vv oo xx
Sorry for the delay, I hope you guys liked it. This is the second to last chapter, so I hope you enjoy. Thanks for all of the reviews, I really appreciate your feedback!