Wow. This story's going absurdly quickly, even for me. I guess I just love writing crack. XD
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The next date brought Ed to an amusement park. A modern amusement park. I don't feel like researching what amusement parks were like in FMA time, okay? So just deal with it.
He waited with Roy at the ticket booth for a while before Roy mysteriously disappeared. Ed looked around for him and saw that the Colonel had gone to play some random carnival game. He was about to go mess things up for Roy when someone tapped him on the shoulder. It was a woman, wearing the outfit that Roy had said Ed's date would be wearing.
"Are you Edward?"
Ed nodded. "Yeah."
"Good, let's go," she said, grabbing Ed's arm and pulling him through the park. Ed tried to pull his arm away, but her grip was too strong.
"Hey, where are we going?" Ed asked.
"Where do you think, moron? We're going to the tunnel of love."
"Right away?"
"Yes."
Oh, great. This is going to be nice and awkward, thought Ed as they waited in line.
Once they got into the boat, Ed was surprised to see that the woman wasn't paying much attention to him. Instead, she pulled out a lighter and stuck something in her mouth. It looked like she was going to smoke crack.
"Uh…"
"This is the only place in the park where we can get away with this," she said as she began smoking. She handed the joint to Ed after a moment. "You want it?"
"No thanks."
"Oh, come on, kid, don't be boring."
"Seriously, I'm really not in the mood for-"
The woman tackled Ed to the floor of the boat and tried forcing the joint into Ed's mouth. "Come on, you'll like it."
"NO!" Ed shouted. The woman took this opportunity to stick it into Ed's open mouth and held it there. At this point in time, they had come out of the tunnel, and many people were curiously watching the two. Ed managed to take the joint out of his mouth and threw it into the water, but he was still pinned to the ground. Two security officers pulled her off of Ed while another grabbed him. The two of them were dragged to the security office for questioning.
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"I'm telling you, he's the one who brought it!"
Mr. Biggles, the head of security for the park, shook his head as the woman tried to place all blame for the incident on Ed. Ed had an icepack on his head. When the woman had pushed him down, he had hit his head very hard on a corner of the boat.
"Then why were you pushing him to the ground and holding it in his mouth?"
"I was trying to pull it out!"
Ed glared at the woman. "No you weren't."
"Hey, shut up, kid."
"Excuse me?"
Mr. Biggles placed his hands on each of their shoulders. He was very big and intimidating. "Will you two quit arguing? Now, I know for a fact that you're a member of the military," Biggles said, looking straight at Ed. "So why are you going on dates with a drug addict?"
"I didn't know she was that kind of person!"
"Of course not! You wanted to get me into that filthy habit!" the woman shouted, fake tears coming into her eyes.
Mr. Biggles gave up. "All right, that's it. Both of you are coming with me."
Ed glared at the woman as a security officer came into the room and placed Ed's hands in handcuffs. Mr. Biggles grabbed Ed's arm and pulled him out of the building. He led the two to a car and had them sit in the backseat. Just as the car was started, Roy ran up to them. He spoke to Mr. Biggles for a moment before getting Ed out of the car. Mr. Biggles took off the handcuffs and apologized briefly to Ed before turning to the woman.
Roy practically dragged Ed through the amusement park to the entrance, where his car was parked. He sat Ed down inside and got into the driver's seat. There was complete silence in the car for a moment.
"I didn't realize you smoked, Fullmetal."
"I don't."
"Then why do you reek of smoke?"
"It's her fault."
"How?"
"She made me do it."
Roy started the car and began driving. "Another failure, eh?"
"Yep."
"I guess this one won't count either."
"Oh, what, you're going to make me do this until it actually works out?"
"Exactly."
Ed groaned and looked through the window. "You suck, Colonel."