You get it by now, it's dirty, bad language, grown-ups only. Beyond that I hesitated a bit with this one because I did use the word retarded a couple times in here. It's not intended to be disparaging, or hurtful to anyone, and I hope it's not, but I know some people don't like it. But it happens to be in my general vocabulary of naughty words, and I couldn't find anything with quite the same effect. Besides, your hearing Emmett's brain here, not things said out loud. I bet you think some pretty non-pc stuff! ; p

I cracked an eye open the next morning, and whatever time it was, was too early. Even if it was already afternoon. Even if it was the day after, or 100 years. Well, that might be worth getting up for. Wonder what that'd be like…

Why am I up again? I rolled over, burying my face in the pillows, and with my next deep breath I was back at full staff. Fucking morning wood…

Wait. Deep breaths.

Flowers, sweat, sweetness, sex, and girl. All over my pillows. Bella. Bella all over my pillows.

Holy shit, Bella! Wake up, stupid brain!

The club. The front hall. Round one- ding! Oh god, round two. Just. Wow. Yum...

…

I think I'd dozed off for maybe an hour when I started to come too. Warm. Soft. Girl. I was sleeping on someone? WTF? Oh god. She was licking my neck, and those hot little hands were scraping down my sides, digging into my hips…

"Hey big boy, think you can roll over for me?"

Bella.

Ungh. With that sexy voice rasping in my ear I'd sit, stay, and beg happily. I don't know what I expected when I rolled onto my back next to her, but it wasn't her following me over and crawling across my body. Up my legs, licking and clawing- Holy shit, she just bit my thigh?! My inner thigh! But… It was hot? I liked it? Wasn't that sort of a chick thing? Fuck it, she was biting my hips, she could bite wherever she wanted, especially if she followed all the bites with those soft little licks and soothing noises.

"Mmm, poor baby, have to lick it all better. Mmm, kisses. Too good though… Just a little bite… "

I think I was almost incoherent at that point, just fucking writhing under her, which is my only defense for how she wound up straddling me with my arms pinned above my head. … I know, right?!

Pinned. In my own bed! I felt mildly emasculated, but um, seriously mostly just turned on? Whatever, nobody ever needs to know…

And then she was grinding her hot, wet little snatch right on my junk, and I think she may have fucked me retarded earlier.

"Mmm, Emmett, you're so hard baby. I can feel it, right there. Oh! So close!"

Holy shit!

"Baby? I want to fuck you so bad." Me too! Me too! "Oh God do I want to!" K. Go 'head. Now plz.

"Mmm, but I can't-" Wait. What? Why not?! "Not until I hear you. Not until you tell me how bad you want it. You want it too, don't you Emmie?" With her lips pressed to my ear, it was like I didn't even hear the words, her hot breath, like, fucked the thoughts right into my brain. Which was melting.

"Oh. Maybe it's just me… Maybe you don't want to…" Her lips got all pouty and her eyes were big, and she was faking it, I think, I'm almost positive, because we were sort of playing, right? But it almost just didn't matter, y'know? That was the power of the pout. But the double edge there is that it was so damn cute I almost wanted to hold out, see how far out the lip would go, how big and shiny the eyes would get. But let's face it, this was all academic because I was 4 inches from Nirvana and I'd have said and done pretty much anything at this point.

The feel of her hips slipping away knocked me back into the moment.

"God baby, please, please, I want it too, so bad. So bad. You know you want to give it to me…" Play player play.

"Hmmm, I don't know now…"

I flexed up to meet her and she gasped. Not so hard to get after all.

"C'mon baby, just let me show you how good I can be, I'll make it so good for you…" A grind with a swivel in just the right spot sealed the deal and she was sinking down exactly where I wanted her. Praise Jebus!

God damn did she ride me into oblivion. It took two orgasms for her to loosen her grip enough for me to finally get my hands free, and when I did, and I had her bouncing on my dick with both hands full of her luscious tits- Well. I'm straining to think of something better. I don't think it exists. This woman was rearranging my brain. All soft and shy and sexy and powerful and naughty and dirty and angelic and cute and beautiful and sexy and- God, how is it even possible for her to be all of that and about a thousand other things I don't even have words for? And where did that naughty dominatrix librarian shit come from?! It's always the quiet ones…

"Emmett!"

Oh. Guess that was why I was up. Quiet yelling; from down the hall maybe? Now why on Earth would she get out of my bed?

"EMMETT!"

…And I'm out of bed, stumbling into my boxers on my way out the door and down the hall. M'lady beckons…

"EEEEEEEEEMMETT!!!"

Wow, what the hell would possible prompt that?

Edward.

Edward with my girl pinned against the kitchen wall. What the fuck?!

"What the fuck?!" Yeah, not my best before coffee. "What the fuck is going on here?"

No response. From either party. Bella looked disturbed, verging on some combination or panic/terror. Edward looked… dazed? Plan A- separate. I nudged Edward away with my shoulder while pulling my girl into my arms and safely out of the way.

"You ok, Bella?"

"Um, yeah. I guess. Being molested by strange men by surprise before coffee is not ideal, but I've had worse experiences. Who the fuck is that? Should we be calling the police? I'm calling the police…"

"I think I love her."

Wait. What?!

"What?"

Edward still looked dazed or whatever, but I'm pretty sure I saw his lips move. I know I didn't say it. And Bella didn't-

"She's so beautiful. Her lips… Her hair smells like flowers…" With that lovely little outpouring he began gravitating closer to Bella, who took what appeared to be a defensive stance. So cute!

"Back the fuck off perv-boy! I haven't had my coffee, I'm not wearing pants yet, but I will still kick your ass!" No pants, huh? No indeed. Just my button up. And if I did my job properly with the panty slinging last night, there's nothing under the shirt. Oops, missing stuff. "-so don't think my daddy didn't teach me to break thumbs!" Hot!

Um, yeah. Let's get this nonsense handled, and by handled I mean throw Edward the fuck out of my house, so I can introduce Bella's fine bare bottom to my counter tops and greet the morning properly.

"Bella, this is my little brother Edward. He just started school nearby and our mother brow beat me into giving him a key so he could come visit if he got all sad and w-onely. Poor w-ittle baby. I'll be taking the key back, and hurling him out forthwith, and I'll even change the locks if that would make you feel better. Preferably after breakfast." And sex. Tomorrow might be even better. Or never. "Why don't you go start the coffee, and I'll take care of the rest." And with that I began strong arming my freak of a brother to the nearest exit.

"What the fuck Edward? I really like this girl! Do you lack fundamental social skills!? I know I dropped you on your head a couple times as a baby, but Jesus!"

"I think she's my soul mate Em. Her eyes are the most perfect shade of brown. I don't think I even liked brown before, but after today it's the most beautiful color in the world."

"Edward! Are you on drugs? What. The. Fuck. Is wrong with you?! Where's my key?" He obediently handed me the key and then with a not so gentle shove he was out the door and staggering down the street. Mom always talked about his 'artistic temperament' and how he was 'sensitive'. I truly think he just may be retarded. How he got into that college is anyone's guess. Dear lord.

I tried to scrub that whole experience right out of my eyes with my fists, but got distracted by the smell of freshly brewed coffee. Coffee. Bella!

I'm thinking one, maybe two more chapters. I love this chapter, Edward amuses me to no end. I hope no one's too offended by my mocking canon a bit. ::ducks and covers::