Chapter 4
Takodana: Rebuilding

Takodana was a beautiful planet. Ben had never taken much time to appreciate such things since he'd gone to Snoke. In fact, he'd done his best to ignore such things as beauty.

That had changed the moment he'd set eyes on the scavenger girl trying to fire laser bolts at him. All of the walls he had built up around the things Ben Solo had appreciated and Kylo Ren wasn't supposed to slowly began to crumble.

Not only was Takodana beautiful, it was powerful. Ben couldn't believe he hadn't noticed the power emanating from the planet when he had been there last. True, he had been incredibly busy, but such an overwhelming strength should have stood out to him. It was not just Maz Kanata. She was strong in the Force without a doubt, but the planet itself exuded energy.

They had been on the planet for three days. They were supplied enough they could have moved on, but Kaila didn't seem in a rush to leave and Ben wasn't rushed to prod her along. No one had come looking for them there yet. The energy of the planet seemed to calm Ben. There was no better sign of that then the fact he'd been thinking of himself as Ben almost exclusively since they landed.

He was in the forest. Where he and Rey had first met. The trees were scarred with laser bolts. He knelt down on the ground and touched a boot print in the dirt. They were so small. He remembered passing his hand over Rey's face, making her faint into his arms.

"Rey..." He called out, his voice low and rough.

There was no response. He sighed deeply.

"Tell my mother something."

There was a tug at his heart and he blinked. There was Rey, standing in front of him. Ben felt his breath catch as he looked at her. Her hair was tied back in a simple, singular bun. She was dressed like she had been on Supremacy, but lacking the gauzy fabric. It was more utilitarian that before. Even if she hadn't changed her dress, he could see it in her face. She had hardened.

Rey may have looked upset at his presence, but she had still engaged their bond. "You need to stop doing..." She blinked, cocking her head at him. Her gaze drifted over him. He hadn't seen her look so taken aback by his appearance since they'd bonded while he was in the midst of undressing.

Ben tugged at his vest. Even though he had opportunity to find other clothes in Takodana, he hadn't bothered. His hand then drifted up to his face, rubbing at the scruff that had developed on his chin. "It's different."

Rey nodded. "Yes." She averted her eyes. "What do you want? It can't be just to show me..." She waved her hand at him. "This."

"My mother." Ben felt the lump in his throat. "Can you tell her... She should know... I wasn't the one who shot the bridge."

Rey looked up. "What?"

"I felt her. When my team was attacking her ship. I was going to shoot, but I felt her... And I... Didn't. But then my wingman shot. I thought she was dead, but I heard she's alive. I need her to know it wasn't me."

Rey blinked. Once. Twice. "Do you really think it matters?"

"Of course it does!" Ben cried.

"You sent your wingman there," Rey explained. "And all of the others. You didn't fire, but you were the reason the person who did was there."

Ben looked down. Rey was right. Of course she was right. He might as well have done it. "I just..."

"I'll tell her," Rey said softly. "I think she'd like to know." There was a moment's pause. "It's true, isn't it? The rumors. You've left the First Order."

Ben didn't reply. He didn't look back up. He didn't want to look into Rey's soft brown eyes. "The First Order will be focusing on me, but they were going to put a bounty on you too. They may have done it already."

"Where are you?" Rey asked. "Come here. Tell your mother yourself. If you've left..."

"It doesn't mean I've left to join yo- the Resistance," Ben insisted. He shook his head, staring down at the boot prints they had left not all that long ago. "I can't go back. It's too late."

"I thought that too," Rey replied. "But if you're doing this. If you've left... If you care what your mother thinks of you... It can't be."

"Tell her I'm glad she's not dead," Ben murmured. With that, he closed off the Force Bond.

He hadn't closed it off himself before. Had Rey felt that sick feeling when she'd done it? Like intentionally severing a limb?

He kicked away the boot prints with his foot and started to walk back to Maz's wrecked castle.

Kaila was standing amongst the rubble. Her hands were outstretched and her lekku twitched slightly. Rocks were floating up around her, pushing back into place.

Ben stood back and just watched as Kaila carefully reconstructed the castle using the Force. Bit by bit, pieces were put back into place. He could see her body tense as she strained, the cracks in the rock reforming.

"She was on Lothal when this happened."

Ben looked down at Maz. He was normally so aware of his surroundings it was difficult for someone to sneak up on him, but Maz had been remarkably stealthy. "She had no part in this destruction. But she tries to repair it."

Ben wasn't sure what he was supposed to say. Did Maz want him to say he was sorry? If he started doing that, he wouldn't be able to stop. Besides, most of what he had done as Kylo Ren was far beyond any sort of apology.

"Do you know why she fixes this place?"

"Because that's what good people do," Ben finally managed to find his voice. "Kaila is a good person. She doesn't want you to be without a home."

"Oh child, if I want to leave, I could. I have other worlds, other castles. She fixes it out of respect. Before the First Order and the Resistance... Before the Empire and the Rebellion... Before the Republic... Before even me... A great battle happened here. The Jedi and the Sith fought. That power scarred this planet. This castle was built as a monument to that battle."

Ben arched a brow. "And you turned it into a den of thieves and rogues."

"Better than turning it into rubble," Maz shot back. "She sees what it was. And knows no matter how much it has fallen, there is still value in it. It may seem too hard, too much trouble... But it is worth saving."

Ben looked back at Kaila. He then looked to Maz. He heard a noise of distress from Kaila. She was shaking and the rocks were starting to falter. He raced forward and grabbed her wrist, closing his eyes and reaching out with the Force.

He could feel every molecule of the rocks. Lifting them up and letting the Force guide them into place, knitting them back together. He let out a shaking breath with the strain.

"What are you doing?" He could barely hear Kaila's question.

"Take a break." Ben released her wrist and reached out. "I can handle this."

He remembered his very first lesson with his uncle. It must have been nearly twenty years ago. Luke had him lifting pebbles. Of course, Ben had already been moving many things with his mind before that. Luke had told him to feel everything. The Force flowed through everything.

He cringed as he saw the blaster bolts cutting through the rock, the ships crashing into the castle. He saw Rey terrified as her attacker- him- reached out a black gloved hand to her. He reached further still, seeing the Jedi fighting the Sith. He saw a woman with rusty brown hair and fierce blue-green eyes. She was leading the charge into battle. He saw a lightsaber in a box, a delicate hand reaching towards it.

These are your first steps...

"Ben! BEN!"

Ben blinked opened his eyes. He looked down at Kaila. "What's wrong?"

Kaila was wide-eyed. "You're kidding right?"

"What's going on?"

Kaila pointed towards the castle. Ben looked to it and saw how much progress they'd made. Maz might even be able to stay within it. "What's wrong with that?"

"You've been working on it for three hours. You haven't moved."

"Oh." Ben suddenly noticed how weary he felt. His limbs were aching. "I lost track of time."

"I've been calling your name for an hour. I was about to smack you." Kaila shook her head. "You don't have to do this all now."

Ben nodded and took a step. His feet faltered and Kaila caught him. She squeaked. "Kriff, you're built like a Bantha! Don't work yourself to exhaustion. I can barely carry you without the Force. You're not seven anymore."

Ben pushed himself away, standing up straight. "I was just a bit tired."

"Not surprising." Kaila led him back towards the Ghost. "Come on, not only is Maz letting us stay another night, she arranged for some dinner to be brought to the ship. A little thank you for what you just did."

"You're the one who started it." Ben dragged himself into the ship. He collapsed onto the seats in the lounge. Kylo was ashamed at how tired he felt. Snoke would have lambasted him for his weakness.

Kaila hopped onto the seat next to him. "But you really did a lot. That's really something, Ben. You should be proud."

"It wouldn't have to be fixed if I hadn't destroyed it," Ben pointed out.

"Yeah, well... You're fixing it now. You can't dwell. Otherwise, you won't be able to move forward."

"She's right, you know." Maz stepped in carrying a dish. "What is it you told Rey? Let the past die?"

Kylo jumped to his feet. "How do you know that?" He reached for his lightsaber, ready to wield it at the tiny woman

"You're not the only one who speaks to Rey," Maz strode in. "You've got her very turned around. She's so confused about you. If only she knew how confused you were about yourself."

Ben let go of the hilt of his lightsaber when the scent of the food hit his nose. He ignored the comment about Rey, focusing on the aroma. "That's stewed kebroot."

Maz pushed past him, walking to the galley. "It is."

Ben followed after her. "That's my mother's favorite."

"Yours too, if Kaila is to be believed."

Ben looked back at Kaila, who was slinking in behind him. He was surprised she remembered... Or even cared. "I haven't had it in years. Not since before I went off with..."

"Your uncle," Kaila finished. "I thought so. Considering how you went on about protein paste. I thought it might be good for you to remember what actual food tastes like."

Ben closed his eyes and inhaled the scent of the food. That aroma took him back to his parents' apartment. Sitting with them and eating together. His parents were so busy, but they tried to find the time to eat together at least once a week. His father learned to cook stewed kebroot for his mother's birthday and their anniversary.

"Ben?" Kaila's voice broke through his thoughts.

Ben opened his eyes. He hadn't allowed himself to think about that in years.

Maz nodded at him knowingly. "When you let go of the past, you let go of the bad of the past. But use the good to move you forward."