Author's Note: Thank you for the reviews!
Keep 'em coming! Keeps me motivated to write more…
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Watching from Above
There's a place, above the clouds, with just the blue sky and the warm sun, where it's sometimes easy to forget all that's going on in the world. That's where I found myself this morning, soaking in the sun's healing warmth, and desperately trying to forget all that had happened. I'm able to push out all the unwanted noises and focus on only one precious, constant sound, Jason's heartbeat. Just thinking of him makes my pain slightly lessen, but it also increases my guilt. He is now without a mother because of me.
I am called a superhero because I am able to help people with my abilities, but for all the people I've saved it all means nothing, because I was not able to save the person closest to me. When it came time, all my powers, all my experiences, all meant nothing. I could do nothing to save her, and I feel worthless because of it.
It's been a week since I last saw her smile, one hundred forty-nine hours since I last heard her voice. I find myself waking up in the middle of the night in a panicked state because her heartbeat is suddenly missing from my subconscious. Upon taking in my surroundings, I immediately remember why it's missing and I break down, again. I'm supposed to be the strongest man on the planet, but I can barely hold this burden.
My son's heartbeat gives me strength, gives me the tempo to which I set my day. I wish I could see him and talk with him father to son. He has no idea he's mine. I'm grateful Lois had the chance to tell me the truth of his parentage before she left us. Though, I'm sure Chloe would have pointed out the similarities between Jason and I before long. Although, if Lois hadn't died, Chloe would never have come back.
When I recognized Chloe standing across from me at the funeral, I had to stop myself from running to her and grabbing her in my arms. When I lost her the first time I didn't want to go on. When I lost her the second time I almost gave up. Then Lois had pulled me out of my hopelessness and given me a reason for living. She reminded me why I wore the blue suit, why I was here.
Thousands of feet below me I hear Chloe knock on Richard's front door and with exclamations of delight Jason comes running into her arms. He starts talking about his busy morning making breakfast with his Dad. I watch as Chloe walks into the kitchen looking for Richard.
She calls out, "Richard…Jason let me in. Where are you?"
"Hi Chloe. I'll be right down. Make yourself at home," Richard calls from upstairs.
Richard sounds oddly chipper. I marvel at the fact that he can still function. I can't believe he is going to work at the Daily Planet today. I still can't make myself enter that bull pen knowing that I won't be seeing Lois there, ever again.
Richard runs down the stairs straightening his tie, "Chloe thanks for coming. Jason's not quite ready to go back to school yet, but I need to go into work today. I appreciate you offering to watch him."
"Are you sure you're ready to go back Richard? It's only been a week. No one will blame you for taking more time off," Chloe asks him looking rather concerned.
"I have to go in. I can't sit around here anymore. I start thinking about Loi…" Richard breaks off choking back a sob, "I just can't be expected to sit around and do nothing. Jason and work are the only things that will keep me going. I should be home around six. Call me if you need anything."
Chloe looks up at Richard with tears in her eyes, "Okay, I'll hold the fort down around here. See you then."
I watch as Richard hurries out of the house and jumps into his car. He looks almost like he is running away from something. Maybe the memories the house brings up are too much.
I continue to watch Chloe and Jason for several hours. Watching them together reminds me of my loneliness and the self imposed exile I force on myself. I worry so much that the people close to me will be harmed that I never get to enjoy their presence. It seems that no matter what precautions I take, the people I share just a small piece of myself with are ultimately harmed. My heart constricts when I think about Jason's future. No one must ever know about our connection; I will have to sever all ties to him.
I watch as Chloe desperately tries to make Jason smile. They are sitting outside on swings when she asks Jason if he likes Superman.
He replies, "I love Superman. He's awesome. He does some neat stuff, like lifting boats and saving peoples. He's also real nice to me. He lets me color at his desk."
My heart skips a beat. There is no way he knows my secret, but I had let him color at my desk just last week.
Chloe smiles tenderly as she looks at Jason, "I didn't know Superman had a desk. Do you get to talk to him a lot?"
Jason looks at Chloe for a minute as if to gage whether he should tell her everything or not. Obviously deciding he can trust her, he goes on, "I've only seen him a few times at my Mommy and Daddy's work. He doesn't talk to me like I'm a little kid," Jason leans forward to whisper, "I think he gave me some of his power."
Chloe's eyes widened with mine as she whispers back, "How did he do that?"
"I don't know. When I was on a big boat with Mommy a man was going to hurt her, and I pushed something heavy at him. I think I did something bad because the man wasn't moving after. Please don't tell Daddy. He might get mad."
Chloe puts her arm around Jason, "Honey, you didn't do anything wrong. You were extremely brave and you protected your mom. I'm sure she was really proud of you. What did you push at the man?"
Jason frowns as he says, "A big piano."
I gasp as I realize what my son is saying. He is already developing his strength. I wasn't even sure if he would develop any powers. This is not how I planned things. I can't leave him now. He'll need me to teach him about his powers, about his responsibilities. How do I tell Richard about this? What do I tell Jason about why he's so strong? I can't bear to hurt them anymore. This is too hard.