Author's Ramblings:This starts as a continuation from chapter... 2? Well, I hope you enjoy it! =3= Y U NO REVIEW MAI STORY? I tell you, if I don't get 5 good reviows, I will not update! Oh gosh, I'm starting to sound like those Suethors, am I? *laughs* Hope you enjoy. Mary-Sue is going to start on about her perfectness. Maybe she'll become Head Girl? Hmm, I do wonder what house she'll be in! I pretty much wanted a sob story... but oh, well. Let's have fun~ Maybe I might make one...?
Disclaimer:No, I don't own Harry Potter. I'm pretty sure that my name is not J.K. Rowling, nor am I blonde, nor do I stay in Britain, thank you very much.
[SCENE 2C-SORTING]
[Lights on]
MARY-SUE is seated on the ridiculously small chair, showing off her pale long legs. The HAT is about to be placed on her head.
NARRATOR
Mary Sue is about to be sorted, why she wasn't nervous at all. Because she knew of her- wait, this scene is to be told from her point of view?
MARY-SUE [giggling]
Why, yes. I was nervous, of course. Who wouldn't? Even though I knew what was going to happen to me.
[voice hardens]
Aurelia wanted her happily-ever-after, but of course, you flamers never do stop, do you?
[voice turns back to her usual soprano]
Oh, I wonder, would I be sorted into Slytherin for my devious looks?
HAT
Oh, not another one of you again!
[mumbling]
Mary-Sues, the lot of them.
MARY-SUE
So what? Face it.
HAT
Oh gosh, I will say, in my defence that I was brainwashed by some unknown girl by the name of Aurelia.
MARY-SUE
She's an author.
HAT
Not quite-but it is my job to sort you. [sighs dramatically] Oh great. I see what my lines are, then? ALL HOUSES! Oh wait, I am supposed to describe how you're such a perfect little thing, am I? Well, well... let's see, you have sharp wits, are a pleasant learner, are often curious and studious, hardworking. Ravenclaw does suit you. You're also very loyal. Hufflepuff, that is. Oh yes, who could forget-your cunning traits and sly acts-Slytherin and the most clichéd one! Gryffindor for whatever Gryffindor traits there are-bravery, blah blah blah. So, here again-ALL HOUSES!
NARRATOR
And so...Mary-Sue leapt to her feet in a lady-like manner, but she stopped in her tracks, fortunately for the trio. She placed a manicured, slender finger to her luscious/full/plump/pouting lips. Her appearance was so endearing/cute/adorable/lovely/pretty that it made all the boys and some girls drool. Even Professor Snape/Hooch/Dumbledore was drooling. Never mind the fact that Dumbledore was her grandfather. Well, wouldn't we like a little incest-nothing like a little incest to spice things up. But anyway, she strutted gracefully over to the Gryffindor table, unluckily(or perhaps luckily?) for the other Houses.
Will this be the end of it? I certainly hope so. And what kind of a name-I mean, were her parents drunk when they named her?
MARY-SUE
Aurelia was ten, my dear. And that was insulting. But I am Mary-Sue after all, so I'll go ahead and forgive your rudeness-
NARRATOR
Hey-does that mean 'Aurelia' was your 'parent'? Tell me, who's the dad?
MARY-SUE
My Dad, committed suicide. [pauses, then smirks] Oh, but of course, you'd like to hear about my lovely story-
HARRY, HERMIONE and NARRATOR
NO! STOP!
MARY-SUE [whimpering, sobbing, piteous look on face]
Oh, my father was such a fiend, but my mother was so greatly in love with him. She was Lily Evans, mind you-
HARRY
What?
MARY-SUE
And she really loved my father, but then she also fell in love with James Potter. I didn't really approve of it-but she couldn't stand my father anymore, despite how much love she felt for him. Then, she left us, still begging for my forgiveness. My father was engaged in such a horrible battle with himself, drinking, and drinking. But I could do nothing-I was raped. By my own father [sobbing, prettily, of course]! I attempted suicide, slitting my wrists, hence having all these scars on my wrists. But by some magical means, like a protection from my mother, they were healed. Did I mention I'm half-veela, an animagus-I registered, of course- a metamorphmagus, but I do like to retain my teal coloured eyes-
HERMIONE [hissing]
They were violet a moment ago! Oh gosh, this is horrible. Metamorphmagus-they're really rare! And to mention the fact that she's half-veela!
MARY-SUE
But of course, I must say that I am also a parseltongue, one eighth mage, able to do wandless magic and my animagus form, oh there are over ten thousand forms! Like, cat, dog, guinea pigs, snakes, so on and so forth. But-[instantly becomes tearful] Oh, it was so horrible! My father was so angry with my dearest sister- she was a whore, a slut, of course. She slept around with everyone and even with a monkey, but that's another matter. She told everybody I was a horrible person, insulted me, called me 'fat' and 'stupid' (little was she to know that my IQ was hundred times higher than Einstein's!). And she almost poisoned me to death! But I was so kind, so pure, so forgiving that I forgave all her misdeeds.
NARRATOR
And of course, all the boys-except Harry (he was still under the shock of the fact that Mary-Sue's mother was his as well)- were all symphatising with Mary-Sue and were all touched by her kindness.
MARY-SUE
Oh, forgive me, I tend to go on and on about how ugly I look even though I am perfect. So there, she made my father angry and he took the knife, meaning to kill her! But I loved my sister so much, much more than my disgusting, ugly and worthless self that I shielded her from the attack. I got a horrible scar on my right hand. That was when my sister and my father decided to kill themselves. And I just stood there, paralysed. It was so horrible. All that blood. [her eyes turn red] Did I mention I'm a direct descendant of Salazar Slytherin? Oh, Dumbledore was my grandfather, alright, although I don't exactly know how that fit in. But still, I'm perfect and awesome so it doesn't matter, does it?
And Harry, I am your half-sister! Let's kiss and make out. Oh, but we are half-siblings... Never mind that, a little incest does always spice things up! Or maybe I should go for Drakkie...
HARRY
Waait. What? You just insulted my mother-
MARY-SUE
Make that, our mother.
HARRY [disgusted]
I will never acknowledge you!
MARY-SUE
All the better, don't you think? That way we can be in a fully legitimate relationship. Aww, that would cancel out all those secret meetings in the Room of Requirement and all those invisibility cloak adventures. But still, we could have a romantic affair out in the open, amongst the beautiful thickets of the forbidden forest-I do speak many languages, including Mermish, Troll, Centaurian and so many others! So I think those lovely and cute Centaurs won't bug us... Oh, and what better than to ride on unicorns?
NARRATOR
Pink fluffy unicorns, dancing on rainbows~
HARRY
Oh god. Hermione, save me.
MARY-SUE
Uh-uh! Her name's 'Mi'!
MI
Oh god, I can hardly save myself.
NARRATOR
And so, their first dinner ended as Dumbledore dismissed them with a twinkling in his eye. This was going to be fun-his self-proclaimed granddaughter, huh? Await the next chapter-Harry's date. And of course, Ron gets smitten and-what, a horrible nickname? Oh, I just can't wait.
Please review! :D
Or I will not update! Joking, joking~ :D
Shontelle J. Wright