Maxwell typed in the word 'porn'. He constantly typed it in, then deleted it, only to type it back in again. He was still very unsure about all of this. After literally a half an hour of that, he finally pressed 'enter'.
Millions upon millions of search terms popped up. 'Jesus, I didn't know porn was that popular.' Maxwell thought to himself. He read one of the terms aloud. "Two hot blondes do oral." 'What does that mean?' Maxwell wondered. To say the least, he had a lot to learn. As he waited, he was wondering what oral could possibly mean. He thought that there was only 'sex'. Soon, it was done downloading, and he watched it.
"OH MY DEAR GOD!" yelled Maxwell in total disgust, without realizing that he was yelling quite loud. There was a small knock on the door. "Is everything alright, Father?" asked a little girl's voice. Maxwell turned crimson. "Yes, yes, it's quite alright! I saw a spider, and I killed it, so everything is alright." he said without taking a breath. "Ah, ok." said the voice, and the footsteps grew faint into the distance. Maxwell turned back to the screen. "Eww. What. is. this." he whimpered, forcing himself to watch the whole thing.
'Never do that type of video again." Maxwell muttered. He was still quite shooken up over the last video, so he took a small break. 'I didn't feel anything down there at all. Hell, I've never felt anything down there...' he thought. He went back on google, and found a video of just normal, typical porn between a man and a women. He downloaded it, and watched it, but he didn't find any attraction whatsoever to it. But he was learning quite a bit. He had no idea how to have sex. He knew what it was, of course, but he didn't know how it was conducted. He had been totally and utterly sheltered his entire life from such things.
Now the last thing to search for, and the most frightening of all to him was the term 'gay porn'. He slowly typed it in, and pressed enter. Once again, a millions upon millions of terms popped up. He clicked on the first one. On the website, there was several different videos, he chose the first one he could find. As it downloaded, Maxwell was still nervous. 'What if Heinkel and Yumie burst in again? What if the head bishop suddenly comes out of nowhere-'And the video was done downloading. Maxwell's hand shook, and he he clicked it, and started watching it.
"Oh. Oh my." he said to himself, blushing furiously as the video began. He could feel the blood rush down throughout his body.
Then, he started to get an erection, for real this time. He gasped, appalled by what was happening with his body, yet he continued to watch in fascination and shame. And for the first time in his entire life of 27 years, himself without even thinking of it at the time, began to masturbate. And when he finally orgasmed, without realizing it, he let out a load moan.
'FUCK' thought Maxwell, removing his hand from his pants. 'Did they hear?!?'
Apparently not, no one came knocked on the door to ask him what was going on. That was probably the greatest feeling he ever felt, all the years of pent up sexual frustration were somewhat gone, the feeling was beyond words for him to describe. And what he watched, oh my. He hungered for what he saw. He wanted it. He ran his fingers along his rear, and shivered. Yet...he was deeply and utterly appalled by what he did. Tears ran down his face. "God...", he whispered, "I don't want to go to hell, I really don't."He decided to spill out his emotions, yet again, in his journal.
No way in hell could he ever confess to this during confession. No way in hell could he ever tell anyone of this.
And he began to write.
30 June, 1998, 8:32It is official. I, Enrico Maxwell, am a homosexual male of 27 years. Today, I have watched pornography for the first time, hence I have masturbated and had an orgasm for the first time. I must admit, I knew almost nothing of sexual relations. Nothing at all. It was a huge shock for me. I made the mistake of looking at lesbian porn. Ugh. Absolutely disgusting. Then, I viewed...I suppose you would call it straight porn. I didn't find any sexual pleasure in it at all. Then, I looked up gay porn...and that was truly something else. I finally felt sexual attraction after 27 long years feeling none. The man's perfect, muscled body. Something I now crave. Perfect, sculpted muscles. The beads of sweat rolling down their muscular tight asses.He stopped writing, embarrassed by himself, but then continued, still upset: I've always thought of myself to myself to be much more refined than that. What kind of priest am I, looking at men having sexual relations? I suppose I'm damned for hell anyway, it doesn't matter, I'm a bastard child anyway.Maxwell started to get very angry and upset, his handwriting becoming nearly illegible, his face turning red, tears welling up in his eyes. It's probably what I deserve. I want to show my fucking mother my faggot self. She wouldn't fucking care. She'd probably ignore me and go fuck off with another asshole like my father. Fuck them. Good for them, they deserve a faggot son like myself. I'd love to make them feel shame. I never will though, I don't know a thing about them..jdkfasjkdsajfskdjflaskjfl;skjflk;sjfiwejh09wuipfjsafsdfjsdkl;f;asjfd
He took a deep breath, his pen shook all over the page, the final words he wrote ended up to be scribbles. He started to cry, big, giant sobs. He didn't realize how much he was crying, he continued on for about 10 minutes.
*knock knock*
"Aye...Maxwell, why are ye cryin'?" whispered a voice.
"I! Don't! Know!" he yelled, in between sobs.
*click*
The door swung open, apparently the person used a hairpin to get in. It was Father Anderson. He stood there, taking the entire scene in. There sat Maxwell, with his pants and underwear down to his feet, with semen on it. Maxwell's right hand, holding his pen, was covered in it too. The computer screen was on, and Anderson could understand what had happened. He saw Maxwell's expression: it was shock, fear, anger, sadness, and shame...all mixed into one.
"I...I...Ah. Oh. Oh. Oh." was all Maxwell could manage to say. Then he gasped, and started to cry again; he was starting to get an erection yet again, seemingly from the presence of Father Anderson.
"Oh my god shit I am sorry I am so sorry." he sputtered, putting his hands over his lap to hide it. "Shh. dinnae cry. Please. I. don't. care. Ah think ye are beautiful, Maxwell. There is nothing wrong with ye." He went over to the bed where Maxwell sat, and sat next to him, his arm wrapped around Maxwell's shoulder. "Ye are simply a human being, Maxwell. A beautiful gift from God. Dinnae be ashamed." Maxwell started to cry again. "I JUST WANT TO BE NORMAL! You know, I hate myself. I hate my mother. I hate my father. I hate everything. I just want to DIE. God... I just want to d-"
"Shhhhhh" whispered Anderson, walking over to the door and locking it. He went back to Maxwell, and hugged him tight.
"Maxwell. You remind me so much of someone very special to me once. You are so much in common with that person." Maxwell's face formed a confused expression, but then he went back to feeling ashamed and depressed just seconds afterwards.
"I'm terrible! Look at me!" sobbed Maxwell, pointing to his soiled pants and underwear. "Ah've seen much worse, believe me." he said, without batting an eye. "What?!? What's worse than a sick pervert like myself....covered in this...STICKY WHITE SHIT???" he yelled, trying to describe something he didn't know what was called. "It's semen. You have a lot to learn." Anderson told him, laughing.
"What's so funny?" Maxwell said, starting to get even more upset, sniffling. "'sticky white shit'." He said, still chuckling to himself.
"I know, I'm stupid and retarded." Maxwell said, lowering his head down.
"Hey, don' be makin' assumptions like that! you're just not used to anything like this, are ye?" Anderson asked, smiling. "And you are?!?" snapped Maxwell, thinking that Anderson was mocking him because he was 'disgusting'.
"Maxwell. Ah'm 49 years old. Do ye honestly think Ah'm a virgin?"
Maxwell blushed deeply. "Of course!" said plainly.
"Hahaha, not even priests can restrain themselves at all times. If you keep yourself sexually suppressed...it really is quite unhealthy." Maxwell looked back up. "You don't think I'm disgusting?" he asked. "No. Not at all." he answered, smiling warmly. "And yer wanker doesn't think I'm disgusting either, so we're all equal." he said, laughing. Maxwell's eyes grew wide, he turned a deep shade of crimson. "Pfft, forget about it." Anderson said. Maxwell was finally starting to calm down, and wiped his tears out of his eyes.
"Father Anderson?"
"Yes?"
"You know about my mother and father, correct?"
"...Yes." he said, taking a deep breath.
"Why did they abandon me?"
"It was your mother that did, she never even knew who yer father is. No one does. She was very young; and very, very poor. She had long black hair and black eyes. She had nearly the same body and facial features as ye do, however. She was sixteen years old. She never contacted us again after she left yah here. Ah'm sorry, but that's all there is to know about ye." Maxwell shrugged. "I didn't expect much."
"Hey Maxwell..." started Anderson. "Hmm?" Asked Maxwell, looking off into the distance, perhaps thinking of his parents. Anderson continued: "I wanna tell ye about meself and the person ye remind me of."
"Really?" Maxwell said, excited. He loved learning other's secrets. "Haha, Ah know how ye're like. Ye like yer information, ye love getting yer grubby little hands on it, don't ye?"
"..."
Maxwell glared at him, his mouth a thin line. "Damn, boy, Ah'm not mad at ye! Ah'm only kiddin' with ye! Yer so emotional...but that's something Ah like." he said, patting Maxwell's head. "Ah really want to tell ye this...but you must promise me two things."
"What is that?" Maxwell asked.
"One, Dinnae tell anyone."
"Ok...I can do that." Maxwell said.
"Two, I have request for you after Ah'm done talking to ye."
"Alright..." Maxwell said, apprehensive, yet very excited for what he was about to hear.
"Ok...let me begin....."