Disclaimer: I do not own FAKE or any of its characters

Strings in A Knot

By: Nova Starlight

Part 4: The Silent Distance

JJ stared out the window of his apartment unable to concentrate on the television playing in the background, or the book he had picked up a dozen times. The snow was beginning to disappear completely from the busy city streets as the first signs of spring made their appearance. It had been months since the rejected proposal over Christmas and JJ had been surprised when they had returned to their usual routine. He had scarcely been able to believe that Drake had been sincere about forgetting the entire thing even happened. Now, it seemed that he had been right to doubt his good fortune.

For the first couple of weeks after Christmas their lives returned to normal…well almost normal. Drake never mentioned the holidays, his proposal, or anything even slightly confrontational. He had been surprised at his own mixed emotions. He had refused Drake's proposal, so why did it bother him that Drake was allowing their relationship to continue in spite of it?

Just as he had begun to relax and accept Drake's acquiescence, he started to feel something was really wrong with Drake. Slowly, he noticed that Drake had begun offering to take extra shifts at work. Anytime there was a scheduling conflict and another detective needed time off for a kid's piano recital or even a date, Drake was there offering to help and work his shift. He had thought it was sweet at first, another reminder of what a great, caring, guy Drake was.

This resulted in JJ often returning to their apartment alone at the end of his shift. It had happened sporadically at first and over the following weeks it gradually increased. Drake had started without discussing it with him first and because of that JJ was not really sure how to approach the situation; if he really wanted to broach it at all. The truth of the matter was that he was terrified to discuss anything with Drake. Since his refusal, he felt as if he were walking a tightrope and afraid that a misstep would cause him to lose Drake. He had tried at first to explain away Drake's motivations for working overtime. Telling himself that he was just looking to help out their coworkers, but he could never truly convince himself.

The only person he had felt comfortable discussing the situation with had been Ryo.

He remembered going into Dee and Ryo's office to speak with him. He had just seen Dee leaving the precinct, most likely to grab lunch for himself and Ryo, so JJ knew he had limited time. When he knocked on the open doorway, he was surprised at the look Ryo gave him. It almost seemed wary, as if he already knew what JJ wanted to discuss. He was tempted to turn around and forget everything, but he steeled his resolve. He needed to do this, or he would simply burst.

"Can I speak with you for a minute, Ryo?" he had asked timidly.

"Of course," Ryo answered.

JJ had given a glance back at the open doorway and then back to Ryo as he suggested, "Somewhere private?"

Ryo did not seem surprised by the request but he simply answered, "Just close the door, Dee will probably be out for a while." He turned back and closed the door behind him, as Ryo continued. "What did you need to talk about?"

"I need some advice…about Drake," he began softly. "He has been distant and I am afraid to talk to him about it."

Ryo had been unable to keep the words from coming out, "You mean because of the proposal?"

JJ's eyes flashed with surprise. "How did you know?" he demanded.

Ryo's own expression was one of shock at JJ's vehement response. "Maybe I should have just kept my mouth shut," he thought to himself. "Uhhhh…" he stalled, trying to think of the best way to continue. "He told me what he was planning after Thanksgiving," he explained. "He said he needed help picking out a ring and did not know who else to ask."

JJ felt angry and embarrassed. Did that mean that everyone knew? No one had thought it prudent to warn him, or even clue him in? His expression changed from surprise to resentment. "Who else knows what Drake was planning?" he asked, trying to keep a calm tone to his voice.

"No one," Ryo insisted quickly. He stood up from his seat and began to walk towards JJ. "I swear I did not tell anyone else, not even Dee." There was a heavy silence between them as JJ processed Ryo's remarks. Ryo knew there were questions that he wanted to ask but JJ had seemed so angry that Ryo had already known about the proposal, would asking questions only upset him further? Against his better judgement he finally questioned him, "May I ask what happened?"

JJ could not raise his eyes, focusing on the beige vinyl tiles of the floor, as he spoke. "He proposed to me in front of his mother and his family on Christmas Day…and I told him he was an idiot to think we should get married." He took a deep breath and tried to blink back the tears forming in his eyes. "I asked him if he thought we were going to have some church wedding with me in a white dress…my tone dripping with sarcasm." JJ looked at Ryo and said, "I was just nervous and scared…I…I just don't know what to do."

In his mind, Ryo knew that the proposal and its aftermath was the most likely reason for Drake's distance. In truth, had known it before JJ had even come into the room to discuss it, but now was even more certain. He could see in JJ's response that he felt guilty, but was that all? Was he only remorseful, or did he also regret saying no? He reached out an hand and placed in on JJ's shoulder to comfort him. "Did you mean it?" he asked. When JJ looked back at him startled by the question he continued, "Did you really want to say no?" JJ looked as if the thought had not really crossed his mind, as if he had tried to block thinking about it at all. At this point there was not much else that Ryo thought he could really do for his friend. "Maybe you should think about it and talk to him," he suggested.

JJ heard Ryo's suggestion and wanted to say more, wanted to answer his final question, but the door burst open and Dee entered carrying bags of food. He looked at Ryo quickly and said, "Thanks." Then he turned and left the room, before Dee could ask any questions of his own.

From that moment on, JJ had felt truly alone. He no longer felt comfortable talking to Ryo anymore and he was still unsure of what to say to Drake. In place of words, he tried to get Drake's normal personality back in various ways. He started by suggesting that they go out on their days off; to the movies, or out to dinner. He was aiming for places that were more suited to dating couples, but Drake seemed disinterested. Attempting to maintain their physical intimacy also seemed to have the opposite effect on Drake's mood.

With every passing day, every passing week, with no change JJ felt even more confused. He could feel that everything was reaching its peak, but had no idea what lie ahead. Then that afternoon he returned home, Drake was pulling a double to cover another detective's shift, and checked the mail. He was surprised to find a large envelope from the leasing company that handled Drake's former apartment building. It was addressed to Drake and he knew he should not open it, but his curiosity was piqued. He opened the envelope and as he pored over the papers he had realized that it was papers for renewing the lease on Drake's old apartment.

The first thought to flash into his brain was that Drake wanted to move out. But was there even more to it than that? Did Drake really want to break up? He shook his head and tried to reassure himself. "It was ridiculous! Drake loved him, enough to want to marry him, there was no way he would leave him…or would he?" Doubts plagued him as he began to nervously pace the floor. He made countless laps of the apartment, awaiting Drake's return from work.

Now, as he reflected back on these past few months, he stopped his pacing and stood looking out of the window in their apartment to the street below. When the key finally turned in the lock, he felt his heart leap into his throat. He had been biding his time waiting for this moment, but now he was anxious. What would he say? The door opened quickly and as Drake entered the room and their eyes met, he seemed caught off guard. "Oh…Hey Baby…" he began as he slung his coat over the back of the couch. "I did not expect you to be up waiting for me," he commented offhandedly. JJ watched in silence as Drake strode across the room and pulled him into his embrace, kissing him sweetly.

It felt like it had been forever since they had kissed like this and it almost dissuaded him from saying anything. Though his body and his heart were were powerless to resist Drake like this, his brain still commanded him to get answers. He pulled away and broke their kiss, taking a few steps back to put some distance between them. Drake looked surprised but was still smiling. JJ started to question the sincerity of that smile. Was Drake really happy with him? He shuddered at the thought, and forced himself to focus. He quickly snatched up the papers that he had left sitting on the end table and held them out in front of him. "We need to talk."

Drake was confused for only a second until he glanced at the papers and saw the name of his former leasing company in bold letters at the top of the page. "Oh…you mean about respecting each other's privacy," he commented sarcastically. His sweet smile had vanished completely and was replaced with a look of anger and disappointment. He stared at JJ brandishing those papers out in front of him, the way he would evidence to a suspect. He had been keeping his thoughts and feelings bottled up for months, but it was becoming too much. Seeing his lover standing there in front of him with accusation in his eyes, made him lose his temper.

JJ ignored Drake's derisive comment and continued to confront him. "Why the hell are you renewing your lease?" The other question he wanted to ask was if he intended to move out, but he could not seem to get that particular question past the lump in his throat.

Drake sighed and ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. He could feel his temperature beginning to rise and knew that he needed to settle this quickly. The last thing they needed was for him to get upset over this and let loose. "Its no big deal," he insisted. "I decided to renew the lease and keep subletting because I have been making 50-100$ every month off the place." He had thought that comment would be the end of the discussion, but he had been wrong.

JJ regained his voice to demand, "What do you need that kind of money for?" He observed the way Drake handled himself. JJ could see that he was upset, maybe even angry, he was not quite sure. All that he knew for sure was that he was hiding something…something that was brimming right beneath the surface and he intended to get to the bottom of it.

JJ's questions about the money were difficult to answer. The truth was out of the question, but how would he explain it? "To pay off a debt…" he tried to explain; keeping his emotions in check. He took a step towards JJ and kept the calm tone as he continued, "It's really not anything you need to worry about."

"Well, I am worried," he snapped back; getting a little frustrated himself by the sweet-talking tone that Drake was trying to use on him. JJ finally stepped forward placing himself back in Drake's reach. "Listen, I don't care how much it is, but I have some money in my savings…maybe I could-"

"No!" Drake cut him off. "I don't want your money JJ." Well JJ had finally done it, he could not control his response anymore. He had not wanted to discuss the money and his motivations with JJ for fear of hurting him, but he was reaching his breaking point. The offer of money from JJ was the final straw.

"It's only money," JJ tried to persuade him. "I want you to have it."

JJ had a way of getting under his skin, getting inside his head. It was usually an asset that allowed them to be in tune with what the other was thinking, but now was major issue for Drake. Every word from JJ had his temper flaring even more. He needed this conversation to be over and a few moments to get himself under control or he was really going to snap. "Look, I'm not going to say it again, I don't want your money." The finality of his tone was apparent, but it did not discourage JJ.

"Why the hell not!" JJ demanded finally livid over Drake's refusal of his help.

Drake stared back at his lover, the fury he could no longer contain spewing from him as he shouted, "Because what kind of bastard makes someone pay for their own engagement ring!" With that last shout, his anger was spent for the moment and now the room was silent once again.

JJ was instantly floored. He was not sure he had heard Drake correctly, even though the words had been practically roared at him. His mind was so rattled that he did not think before he said, "Why didn't you just return the ring?" He knew he had just taken that tragic misstep off the tightrope when Drake's expression became a mixture of bewilderment and fury.

Drake was furious with himself and with his lover. After everything he had put himself through to pick out that ring, to propose, and get rejected, then to have JJ tell him that he should have returned it. He did not know if he could take it anymore.

"If you had bothered to even look at it you would have seen it was engraved and I could not return it even if I had wanted to." With that final statement, he strode back towards the door grabbing his coat along the way. He did not look back even once before he opened the door and walked out. If he had he would have seen JJ standing there with tears in his eyes.

…

Hours later, Drake was nursing his third jack and coke; debating whether or not he should return to the apartment. He had been so irate as he had walked out the door that he had not bothered to glance back and gauge JJ's response. So, in the end he had no idea what mood he had left JJ in, or what mood he would be in when he returned home. Drake glanced at the clock on the wall and saw that he had only a couple of hours before he would be forced to make a decision when the bar closed up for the night. Suddenly movement at the door caught his eye and it was the last person he had ever expected to see; Dee.

"There you are," Dee called out to him with a smile. As Dee approached him, Drake wondered why he would have been looking for him.

He waited until Dee had taken the empty barstool beside his before he asked, "Have you been looking for me?" The moment he asked the question it became clear to him what had happened. As Dee remained silent, he mused. "So, JJ sent you."

"Yeah," Dee answered truthfully. "He called our apartment pretty upset, and wanted to talk to Ryo. As soon as Ryo got off the phone he filled me and I offered to come down here and talk to you."

"So you know why I'm upset?" he clarified.

"Yeah," Dee said simply and then turned to the bartender that had approached them. "Give me a beer, please," he asked and handed him some cash from his wallet.

"Did you come to get me out of here or to drink with me?" Drake posed the question with a small smile.

"Well, since I'm here I thought I would have a beer," he answered calmly. His tone betrayed nothing of his feelings about coming out here and dealing with another couple's problems, but Drake was too self focused at the moment to care. He watched as Dee grabbed the bottle of beer as it was placed in front of him and took a swift gulp before placing it back on the counter. Dee remained facing the wall of liquor behind the bar, not turning to meet Drake's gaze as he asked, "Do you want to talk about it?"

Drake sighed and finished off the last of the tumbler that had been sitting idle in front of him. "What is there to talk about…" he ruminated. "I asked JJ to marry him and he responded like I was crazy for asking. Then he offers me money to pay off my debt, but when he finds out its for his ring he says I should have returned it. All seems pretty cut and dry don't it?"

Dee did not say anything for a few moments, sipping from his bottle of beer as if he were trying to decide whether or not he should say what was on his mind. Finally, he put down the bottle and said, "I have a confession…I envy your courage."

"What?" Drake was incredulous. Dee had never had any problem with courage. He was brash and cocky. He had strolled up to numerous men and women convinced he could win them over with a smile. He would never hesitate to risk his life for his friends and loved ones, and here he sat in this bar telling him, Drake Parker, that he envied his courage. Before he could challenge this foolish notion, Dee continued speaking.

"I always wanted to ask Ryo to marry me," he began with a sigh. "But I always thought he might react the way JJ did. I was too scared to ask if I thought he was going to reject me so for all of these years I have settled for living together." He laughed as he thought back to how he had asked Ryo to move in with him, waiting until Bikky was on his way to Los Angeles. "You know, when I asked him to live with me I was waiting for him to say no to that too."

"Well, seeing how it is playing out for me, aren't you glad you kept your mouth shut?" Drake asked trying to laugh in spite of his frustration.

"Not really," Dee answered solemnly. "I would still love to ask him, when the time is right. Maybe that is all it was with you two…maybe the timing was just bad."

"I don't know," Drake commented as he mulled over everything Dee had just said. "I think the time will never be right for me and JJ. He seems to think it is a dumb idea but I don't. Maybe I'm just naïve to think even if its with another man, if I find the one I want to be with for the rest of my life we should get married."

Drake started to signal the bartender and Dee pushed his hand back down. "I think you should head home."

"I don't know what to say," Drake sighed as he glanced once more at the empty glass in front of him.

"Look Drake, you need to go home and talk to JJ. Trust me, he loves you and it will all work out." Dee's confidence in him and in his relationship was inspiring, even if he felt it was a little misplaced. Dee then downed his beer and pulled some cash from his wallet and laid it down on the bar. "Come on, let's get you out of here."

Once outside, Drake took off walking towards his apartment building down the block, as Dee caught a cab to return to his own apartment. When he reached the entrance to his building his head was still swimming, and he found himself continuing down the street to the corner. As he considered everything that had happened and everything that Dee had told him, one word stuck out in his mind; timing. Could that have been the problem all along? There was only one way to find out, and he turned back to his apartment building in search of the one who could answer that question for him.

When he arrived back at the apartment to find the living room dark, he thought, "JJ must have gone on to bed." He fumbled through the darkness down the hallway and when he entered the bedroom, he saw JJ sitting on the edge of their bed with his head in his hands.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

Though his voice had been soft, the sudden sound was like a cannon blast in the quiet room. JJ's head snapped up and Drake could now see the ring box he held. He was not surprised that JJ had found it, hidden in plain sight as it had been. Drake had placed it in the top drawer of his dresser the day after Christmas and had found himself looking at it every morning as he went in search of a pair of socks. JJ had probably just happened upon it while looking for something else.

"Oh…you found it," he commented "I'll take it back to the jeweler tomorrow if that's what you want." He moved to sit down beside JJ and sighed as JJ refused to meet his gaze. "I don't want to lose you," he asserted. "Tell me what I have to do to make it right and I will. I'll throw the damn ring in the East River if you want, just tell me and I will do it."

JJ looked a little taken aback by his comments. He finally brought his face up and their gazes locked. "I guess it makes sense, that's probably what it sounded like I wanted isn't it?"

Drake was really confused now, what did JJ mean? Did that mean that he did not want the ring gone? "JJ…I have to admit, I'm confused."

"I know," JJ consented. "I'm sorry, but I have been pretty confused myself." He took a deep breath and pulled Drake's hand to his own, interlacing their fingers. "I'm sorry for everything Drake," he began with a sigh. "I love you…I want to spend the rest of my life with you, but I-"

"Then why did you refuse?" Drake demanded.

JJ placed the fingers of his other hand over Drake's lips and shushed him. "I'm getting to that…if you will let me explain." He took another deep breath. "As I was saying, I want to spend the rest of my life with you, but a ring was not something I was expecting. I was not sure you would even be comfortable telling your family about us, much less getting married. I was so anxious about meeting your family and my nerves were just overloaded, I guess nothing really excuses the way I acted but I hope you can forgive me."

After hearing it all out in the open, Drake felt lighter than air. It struck him that Dee had been right, that it had all been an issue of timing. He could barely keep the smile from his face, but there was just something else he needed to say. "I will forgive you JJ…on one condition."

"Name it," JJ inserted quickly.

"Marry me?" Drake asked as he pulled the ring box from JJ's hand and was once again down on one knee. This time there was no questions, no anxiety, just the answer Drake had been looking for.

"Yes."

…

JJ stood inside of Drake's childhood bedroom pacing nervously in a white tuxedo. When he and Drake had begun planning their wedding, he had teased Drake that he would wear a big white dress, but Drake had simply smiled and told him he would look great in a white tuxedo. Thinking back on that moment made him smile, but he was anxious for this ceremony to begin. He looked down at his left hand and noted the absence of his ring. The beautiful ring that Drake had picked out had been on his finger every day since he had accepted and it felt strange that it was absent now. The ring was now in Drake's pocket, waiting to be slipped back onto his finger as they recited their vows. His own pocket held a matching ring that he had purchased for Drake.

The ceremony was small, only close friends and family were invited. Dee and Ryo had offered to serve as their witnesses. Right now, Drake was probably just as nervous as he was, waiting for the moment they would meet each other at the altar, set up in the backyard of Drake's parents' home. There was a light knock at the door and Mary opened the door to say, "It's time." JJ took one last deep breath and followed her out to meet the love of his life.

JJ had definitely been right about Drake being nervous. He was practically wearing a path in the grass as he paced, waiting for their ceremony to begin. When the minister came to stand at the altar and instruct everyone to be seated, his eyes instantly scanned the area for JJ. When their eyes met, he knew he had the brightest smile on his face, and JJ was smiling right back at him. Their gazes remained completely focused on each other until they were standing side by side in front of the minister.

As he repeated the vows, the minister read to him, JJ felt completely immersed in the emotions he felt. He could scarcely believe he was standing here with Drake and they were getting married. It may not be legally binding but he knew how much it meant to Drake, and how seriously he viewed their ceremony. His anxiety had simply fallen away. Everything felt at peace, and as Drake slipped the diamond band on to his finger, he felt lighter than air. His smile must have been beautiful, because Drake looked at him as if it took his breath away.

Drake had never realized until this moment, as he held JJ's hands in his own, just how much he had needed this connection. He had always wanted to get married, but had begun to believe the right one would never find him, finally he did. JJ had been there beside him, he would have never given them a chance if it had not been for the power of JJ's love for him. Despite his own reservations, he stood there pledging his life and his love to him. He saw how brightly JJ smiled at him and he could barely speak the vows he was supposed to be repeating. How had it taken him so long to see just how beautiful JJ was? The spell was broken only for a moment as he heard the minister tell them to seal their union with a kiss.

He pulled JJ into his arms and kissed him passionately, in front of his family, and their friends. JJ seemed embarrassed as he feebly attempted to push him away, and Dee could be heard in the background cheering him on.

…

Music played from speakers set up around the yard, as Drake held JJ in his arms. They had been dancing through song after song, Drake's excuse to keep his arms around his husband. The cake had been cut and some of their guests were making their exit. He leaned in to whisper in JJ's ear, "I just want to take you to our hotel and start our honeymoon. What do you say we get out of here?"

JJ smiled coyly and angled his head away from Drake's heated whispers that sent shivers down his spine. "We can't just leave like that," he insisted. "Its not like we won't be missed."

Drake looked as if he considered it carefully and then stated, "I think everyone will understand if we duck out early, but there is something I want you to do first."

…

Dee stood in the yard of Drake's childhood home, and once again felt envious of his friend. He had felt so much emotion when he had watched the two of them recite their vows to each other. He could not help himself from glancing over at Ryo and wondering if he would ever get that kind of a commitment from him.

Ryo's thoughts were along the same lines. He had also been full of sentiment seeing two of his friends get married. He looked over at Dee and their eyes met. He started to open his mouth to say something. Then suddenly, Ryo heard his name called out and looked up just in time for a floral centerpiece of white roses to land in his arms. His eyes snapped up quickly to see JJ flashing him a bright smile. "Looks like you caught the bouquet," he called out with a wave.

Ryo felt his face instantly flush crimson and he was not really sure where to direct his embarrassed gaze. He looked back at Dee again and saw that he was smiling back at him.

The End

Author's Notes: Hope everyone has enjoyed reading this story as much as I have enjoyed writing it. Please Review!

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