Be afraid, be very afraid. It's the return of…Kazumi! -evil music plays- For those of you who have no idea what the hell I'm talking about, he's my psycho OC from my HitsuHina fic. He likes to lick people and say they taste good, and now he's back! Ha ha! -gets whacked by Hyourinmaru- Hey, you're not even in this story, Shirou-chan!

Hitsugaya: Yes I am. I was in the first chapter. And I'm in this one, too.

Erm, right…

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach. But I own…Pudding! Ha!

"Hey, Ken-chan, where do you think Kurosaki-kun, Ishida-kun, and Yachiru-chan went?" Orihime asked, sipping her now-cold tea. She had added pickle juice to make it taste better, but she would have preferred it warm.

"I don't…Hey! Who said you could call me Ken-chan?"

"Well, Yachiru-chan does all the time, so I thought it would be ok…"

Zaraki sighed. "Whatever," he muttered, sipping his own tea. Orihime had offered to share her pickle juice with him, but that sounded almost as disgusting as the coconut tea, so he decided to just drink it plain. Of course, he mentioned that they could have heated it up in the microwave or something if she hadn't set the kitchen on fire. He still didn't know how someone did that while making tea, of all things.

"Well, I guess we should figure out how to get them back," he said. "I don't give a shit about Kurosaki and the glasses dude, but Yachiru is my vice-captain and I'll have to face hell when I go back to Soul Society if I can't find her." Deep down, he really did care for the pink-haired girl; he just hated to show it. "I should probably let Soul Society know about this while I'm at it. Not that I know how to get in touch with them…"

"Oh, I know!" Orihime squealed, bouncing up and down. "Urahara-san might be able to help! I think Yoruichi-san is staying with him, and she keeps in touch with Soi Fon-san a lot, so I'll bet we can get in touch there!"

Zaraki noticed that she put -san at the end of everyone's name, and figured he must be very special to now be considered 'Ken-chan'. Still, the fact that the carefree girl was actually getting closer to him didn't exactly make him feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Well, I guess I'll go see this Urahara guy. The sooner I find Yachiru, the sooner I can get the hell out of here. "Alright, let's get this over with."

----------

Great. Of all the people that I could have talked to, it had to be…

"What do you want, Zaraki?" Hitsugaya asked, annoyed at the fact that he had just been woken up in the middle of the night. Urahara indeed had a machine that could contact Soul Society, but they had to wait for over two hours for Jinta to get off the internet, since it was apparently related to the phone or something and wouldn't connect otherwise. Then, after Jinta had finally gotten off the computer, Uraraha had forgotten how to use the damn thing, and that had taken another hour or so. By the time they had finally gotten it to work, it was a little after midnight; which explained why the small Tenth Division captain was so annoyed.

"Hello, Toushirou-kun!" Orihime said, peering into the monitor to speak to Hitsugaya, who only grunted back. "I'm sorry, did we wake you up?" As if the pajamas and night cap he had on weren't proof enough.

"Who the hell cares," Zaraki said. "Unless the little brat needs to get his beauty sleep?" Hitsugaya's eyebrow twitched. "Zaraki, you'd better be thankful that you're on Earth right now, and I'm still in Soul Society."

"Oh, I'm so scared of the little brat!" Zaraki said. He was enjoying making the small captain angry.

"Um, Ken-chan? Toushirou-kun?" Orihime said, hoping to stop their arguing. "Would you two please stop fighting?"

"I'm a captain, dammit!" Hitsugaya yelled through the screen, finally reaching his limit. "Don't call me Toushirou-kun!" Orihime looked hurt. "I-I'm sorry, Hitsugaya-san…"

"Ah! Wait, that's not what I meant…" Hitsugaya hung his head in defeat. "I just can't win tonight, can I?" He sighed. "Alright, so what do you guys need?"

So the two took turns telling the sleepy captain what had happened: how the two Shinigami had decided to stay at Orihime's place for the night; how Ichigo and Zaraki had started fighting; and how the sky suddenly become purple and swallowed Ichigo, Ishida, and Yachiru up. While listening to the story, Hitsugaya had a thought.

"What about that other ryoka?" he asked. "The big one with the giant arm. What happened to him?" Orihime thought a moment. "I think he's in Mexico visiting relatives or something like that." She was close, anyway; he was actually in Mexico visiting his grandfather's grave.

"Alright, so I guess it's safe to assume that he wasn't captured as well," Hitsugaya said. "I'll go tell Yamamoto-taichou about this. He'll probably send some backup tomorrow or something. Good night, Inoue, Ken-chan." He gave a small smirk and disconnected the link before Zaraki could say something back.

----------

"Hell no!"

It was the next day, and Soul Society had sent backup as promised. He arrived quite fast too; standing in front of them was none other than Hitsugaya Toushirou. Needless to say, neither of the two Shinigami were very happy about this; hence, Zaraki's earlier comment.

"Off all the Shinigami in Soul Society, why did they have to send you?" the Eleventh Division captain said, continuing his rant. Hitsugaya folded his arms across the chest. "Maybe because I was the one that you woke up in the middle of the night to tell all this too!"

"Don't you dare blame this on me!" Zaraki yelled. "It's not like I could control who that damn thing contacted!" Hitsugaya was about to shout a comeback when Orihime butted in. "Um, Ken-chan? Can we move on to why Hitsugaya-san is here?"

Grumbling, Zaraki nodded. After sending the irritated captain a quick glare, Hitsugaya began his explanation. "Apparently, something like this happened about a hundred years ago. Several of the Shinigami that were here at the time were sucked into the sky, just as you described. Only those with high spiritual power seem to be affected by it. In any case, your friends seem to have been taken into another dimension.

"Why? Orihime asked, her voice filled with worry. "How do we get them back?"

"Calm down," Hitsugaya said. "Because this already happened before, we know how to get to the other world." He pulled out a small purple ball out of his pocket. "All we have to do is break this, and it'll take us there." Zaraki chuckled, which resulted in yet another glare from Hitsugaya. "What now?"

"Why is it…purple?" Zaraki said, his chuckle turning to a full-out laugh. A vein throbbed violently on the small captain's head. "How the hell should I know?" he yelled angrily. "Now do you want my help or not?"

"Yes, we do, Hitsugaya-kun!" Orihime said, failing to remember to call him '-san'. She reached out and grabbed his hands, holding them tightly in her own. "Please help them!" Hitsugaya blushed slightly. "Ok, ok, just let go of me!" he said; he may have been a captain, but he was still young.

Orihime did as she was told. "Yay!" she yelled, throwing her hands into the air excitedly. Damn, just watching her makes me tired, Zaraki thought. He turned to Hitsugaya. "Alright, let's get this over with," he said.

"You took the words right out of my mouth," Hitsugaya said, throwing the ball onto the ground; it shattered to pieces, and instantly a bright light began to swirl around them. Soon they were enveloped in the glow, and were in the other dimension.

They stood in a green meadow, with brightly colored flowers and lush green trees; it wasn't exactly what they had expected. "What the hell is this?" Zaraki asked, looking around with disgust. "Did Yachiru design this place or something? All the freakin' flowers are pink!"

"They're so pretty!" Orihime said, bending down to sniff one. Hitsugaya sighed. "This must be where Yachiru is," he said. Orihime and Zaraki both sent him questioning looks; well, Zaraki's was more of a glare. "Let me explain. The lord of this realm, Kazumi, makes it so that the people he's captured don't want to leave. He creates a dream world out of their memories. So, judging from the surroundings, I'd say this is the world that he put Yachiru in."

"Well, if she is here, there's no way in hell she's leaving," Zaraki said. "She likes pink things way too much. In a whole freakin' world filled with the damn color, I don't think we'll be able to convince her to leave." As he talked, he had been trying to stifle a yawn, but it didn't work too well; when he was done speaking, the yawn escaped his mouth "Eh? Why am I so tired?"

"Oh, it must be the Benadryl," Orihime said. Hitsugaya looked at her. "Bena-what?"

"Benadryl. It's allergy medicine," Orihime explained. "It helps cure a stuffy nose or a sore throat and such, but it makes you sleepy too. I wonder why it took so long to work, though. Maybe it's because he's a Shinigami, or maybe he's an alien…" she went on to list the possible reasons that the allergy medicine could have taken so long to take effect.

"Oh?" Hitsugaya said, raising an eyebrow. "And just what is he allergic to?"

"Cats."

The young captain looked at his fellow Shinigami. "You're allergic to…cats?" He said, a smirk on his face.

"S-shut up! It's not like it's my fault!" Zaraki said, yawning again. "Dammit! Why the hell didn't you tell me that damn medicine would make me tired?" He yelled, pointing a finger angrily at Orihime. "This is all your stupid cat's fault, anyway!"

"Don't blame Kaze-chan! It's not her fault!" Orihime said back, which wasn't like her; she almost never got mad at anything, especially just one comment. Zaraki was surprised, and looked over at Hitsugaya. "Yo, twerp, is there something else you…didn't…tell…us?" His voice broke as he stared at the small captain.

Hitsugaya's face was bright red, and he was swaying slightly. Every few seconds he would hiccup, and he had a dazed smile on his face. "Holy shit!" Zaraki said, recognizing the symptoms he was showing. "He's drunk!"

"Really?" Orihime said, going over to the 'drunk' captain. She grabbed his shoulders and began to shake him. "Hey, Toushirou-chan! Are you really drunk? Can I have some?" Zaraki just stared at them. "They've gone crazy!" He said to himself, looking around at all the flowers. "Maybe it's all those damn flowers. But then, why aren't I affected?"

"Maybe it's because you're already crazy," said a voice. He turned, and saw a man standing behind him. He had black hair that went just below his shoulders, and his dark clothes matched the black cloak that swirled around him. He also had a large grin plastered on his face, and was chuckling slightly at his own joke.

"Who the hell are you?" Zaraki asked, glaring at the stranger. "And who are you calling crazy?" His hand rested on his Zanpakuto's hilt. "If it's a fight you want, then bring it on!"

The man laughed. "Oh no, I do not wish to fight; at least not yet. I merely came to watch." He gestured to Orihime and Hitsugaya: the small captain was still acting like he was drunk and appeared to be making out with a tree, and Orihime was clucking like a chicken while singing something about a pidgeon. "You see, I am Kazumi, the lord of this world." He swiftly bent down and picked a flower, smelling it lovingly. "I see my lovely flowers have begun to affect your friends. That little pink-haired girl has quite the imagination, doesn't he?" He chuckled again.

"What the hell did you do with Yachiru?" Zaraki yelled, seconds away from drawing his sword. Kazumi noticed this, and, reaching out, he poked Zaraki's arm. The Eleventh Division captain couldn't move, and could only continue to glare at the demented lord. "Now, now, we can't have that, now can we?" Kazumi said, dancing in a circle. He snapped his fingers, releasing the spell. "I told you, I'm here to watch, not fight. Now, if I were you, I'd start helping your companions; although it looks like the short one is becoming very friendly with his new friend." Zaraki, now freed from the curse, turned, and saw Hitsugaya practically kissing the tree.

"Now, if you'll excuse me, I must be going," Kazumi said, as he disappeared directly in front of Zaraki. "But I'll make you a deal. If you can find all three of your friends within three hours, then I'll fight you. Bye Bye!" And with that, he was gone.

"Shit," Zaraki said, looking around at his two so-called 'friends'. "I guess I'll start with the brat, before he really does something to the tree." He walked over to Hitsugaya, who was lovingly hugging the tree. "Come on, twerp, time to go." He reached out and grabbed the small captain's collar, dragging him away.

"But Pudding-chan and I were just -hic- getting to know each other!" Hitsugaya protested. Zaraki sighed. "Yeah, yeah, we'll make the wedding arrangements later," he said, going over to Orihime. The female Hollow slayer had stopped her clucking and singing and was now hopping around on all fours while ribbiting like a frog. He reached out and grabbed her as well, then proceeded to hit them both on the head with his fist.

"Ow! Ken-chan, what was that for?" Orihime said, holding her head; beside her, Hitsugaya did the same, only he was glaring at Zaraki as well.

"Hey, don't glare at me," Zaraki said, scratching his head, annoyed. "You were the one making out with a freakin' tree." Hitsugaya turned bright red. "What the hell are you talking about?" he yelled.

"You called her Pudding-chan." Zaraki said, then proceeded to tell the Tenth Division captain all about his romance with Pudding the tree.

O-k, that was the weirdest thing I've ever written. And Kazumi is just as insane as ever, but at least he's not going around licking people this time. Right, Shirou-chan?

Hitsugaya: ….

What's your problem?

Hitsugaya: What do you think? You made me fall in love with a blasted tree! Do you even know what this will do to my popularity with the fans? And what if Momo finds out?

Aw, don't worry, Shirou-chan! I still love you! -pounces on Hitsugaya- Don't forget to review, everyone!