Healing a Soul

By Uniasus

Lavi

Allen had gone through a hard time the past few months, that incident with the Fourteenth a few weeks ago hopefully the last of it. But surprisingly it seemed like the event had effected Kanda more that Allen.

Well, sure Allen was minus a foot and an ear, that was pretty major, but he didn't come back from the encounter depressed or anything like the last time he had been taken into the Ark. He just seemed...a lot more fond of Link. And Two-Spot seemed to return the affection. Huh.

Kanda though, there was a mystery. Cool, aloof Kanda who only paid attention to Mugen and green tea was suddenly, well, paying attention to more than that. He answered the questions, with words, that most people asked. And asked his own that didn't relate to missions in one way or another.

He also seemed hyper aware of Allen. When he was nearby, Kanda's eyes followed him and the samurai always seemed to have an idea of where he was. Lavi had seen him on the second floor quite a bit, and suspected that he visited the silver exorcist at least as often as Lenalee – once a day. Unheard of for Kanda. And then, yesterday he had noticed Timcampy sitting in the samurai's hair, making a little hammock just above Kanda's ponytail.

It was such a drastic change something had had to have happened to him. But it wasn't the drastic sort Komui usually had a hand in, cat ears or turning green. This was something personal, and Lavi wanted to find out what.

Kanda seemed to sense that and avoided him when ever possible, and his new loose lips returned to 'che' tightness whenever Lavi asked a question that slightly dived into his personal life.

That is, until Lavi caught him red handed in the library. He was in the self help section, looking at titles but he had already collected several. They sat on a wheeled cart beside him. As Lavi watched, Kanda took a book down, flipped through it, and deeming it good started a new pile on the cart.

"Whatcha doing, Yu-chan?"

Kanda whipped around and would have drawn Mugen if the book aisles weren't too narrow.

"Fuck off, Rabbit."

"Now, that's not very nice. And what do you have here? Plato, How to be a Friend, Understand Relationships, a few fiction titles, the Essence of the Soul, The Inner Self, Mynd, Spyryt, Soul, Understanding Yourself, How to Keep Ties Strong, Finding a Best Friend, The Art of Alchemy...Kanda, what is all this?"

"Books."

"For light reading?" He picked up Mynd, Spyryt, and Soul. The book was three fingers thick and promised to be in Medieval English.

"Yes."

"I don't believe you."

Lavi expected Kanda to snap back at him, but calling Kanda out on his lie seemed to strike something inside and the other exorcist just sighed in defeat. He turned his attention back to the books in front of him, finger hovering over a book titled Staying Healthy in Mind and Body. Lavi watched Kanda scroll through the table of contents, mutter 'useless', and put it back.

"Is this about Allen?" he guessed.

Kanda stiffened but then relaxed. "Help me get these to my room?"

"Sure."

The ran into Lenalee on the way to his room, fresh from Russia. "You better come too," Kanda said to her, "your report can wait."

She sent Lavi a confused look, but he just shook his head.

Lavi and Lenalee took seats on his bed and started at Kanda while he leaned against his closed door. Lavi noticed another pile of books next to Kanda's pillow.

Lenalee shifted. "Kanda, what's going on?"

Kanda looked at Lavi though. "What do you know of souls?"

"That people have them. And some of them are said to be attractive to one another, soul-mates."

"What do you know about souls, Bookman?"

He stiffened, because all of a sudden this conversation got serious. Kanda was a second exorcist, a transplanted soul, was something wrong? But no, it had to be something about Allen based on his other behavior.

"I...know a lot of theories, but no one's been able to really prove anything. But it's believed that they are our true essence and every living creature has one. Some would argue inanimate objects have them too. Our soul determines our form here on this plan of existence, but they are thought to mainly reside on another. They're what makes us, ultimately, us. It's thought our memories and experience, when mixed with our soul, form our spirit. Spirit and soul co-exisit, and it's the mind that provides an outlet and home for it, lets us think and theorize and interact with others. But, it's possible for someone to have a mind and no soul, people who are alive but can't function on their own. Souls are thought to be what goes to afterlife, be it good or bad based on the actions we do in life."

Kanda held a hand up for silence, and Lavi shut his mouth. "I think I've got a pretty good understand of what they are, but how do they work? How do they...stay healthy?"

"Again, theory. Mental stimulation, a good life, morals, a social life. A lack of it is said to be detrimental."

Kanda scowled at the floor, but he didn't seem entirely surprised by what Lavi said. "Mental stimulation? Like what?"

"Learning, strategy games, riddles. Art even. Things that get you to think."

"Huh. So chess is good."

"That be an example."

"Maybe I should learn too."

"Kanda," Lenalee broke in, "what is all this?"

The older teen sighed and moved to his desk to claim the chair. "I told you that Rhode and Tyki started fighting the Musician and during the battle I scooped up Allen and ran. That's...not entirely true. I followed him, fought, but lost. Rhode and Tyki scared him off, that's true, but when Rhode took stock of Walker's condition she mentioned his soul was somewhere else. Something about how Walker's and the Fourteenth's souls were connected, and the Fourteenth was using that to hurt him.

"She took me to Walker's mind, it's not very pretty I'll have you know. Very dark, with ruins scattered everywhere. Rhode said something about him being connected to two minds, but one was harmless. The other one, to the Fourteenth, obviously isn't. He had taken Walker to this area between them, and..."

Lavi never thought he'd see a haunted look on Kanda's face. But there is was, directed towards the floor and hard to see, but still there.

"We found him, found him crucified on a cross by eight swords and barbed chain. And there was a barrier, we couldn't get to it. Rhode kicked me out of his mind. But the barrier feel that night and she took me back. With Tyki, we managed to get him and back into his own mind, and Rhode did her best to close the connection.

"Walker was, if all the wounds his soul had were on his body he's be dead. There were so many, and not just cuts. Gashes, burns, his palms and feet were mutilated. It was hard to look at." Kanda swallowed, and Lavi could see how much the sight had effected him. After all, he was doing all the researched and spending time with Allen.

"Rhode said it was the Orders fault that he was like that. Most of the wounds are old, the Fourteenth did very little damage himself but he liked to pick at them. Rhode said, said that a soul feeds on social contact. Every time some one hurts us, our soul is wounded. But positive contact, friends, work as a healing balm. It takes a long time to heal a soul's wound apparently, and with Walker having so many old ones with no signs of healing she blamed us all here at the Order. If the Fourteenth hadn't taken him, and we never thought to enter his mind, his soul couldn't have lasted must longer."

"Leaving the Noah to take over Allen's mind and body." Lavi guessed.

"I never knew." Lenalee was crying, silent fat tears running down her face.

Lavi put her arm around her. "Not your fault, none us did." He turned his attention back to Kanda. "That's why you've been so friendly lately. You're trying help him heal."

Kanda nodded. "It would be troublesome if the Musician took control. And...he's a friend. I suppose I would miss him if he died. And I can't help but wonder what my own soul looks like, and I feel like being friends helps both of us. I haven't been a very good one. I want to learn though."

"We haven't been very good either," Lenalee sniffled, "based on what you said Allen looked like. Let's go see him, now."

Lavi felt his chest twinge. No, he hadn't been a good friend. He hadn't come to the Order to make any, a Bookman was supposed to just observe. But he had missed this entirely, and perhaps his actions had led to part of it. At the very least, he should try to fix it a little bit. To balance it out.

"Okay."

They found him napping in his room, Link reading a book at a chair near his head. Lenalee slipped in first, ignoring the Crow to slip into Allen's bed and tuck him to her breast. He mummered sleepily.

Link was positively aghast. "M-Miss Lee, what do you think you're doing?"

"Providing social contact. It's a friend thing."

Link just blinked at her.

"Really?" Kanda stepped into the room and got on the other side of the bed, facing Allen's back. Before he got comfortable, he pulled on Link's wrist. "Come on, you're the best friend at the moment."

Link just gaped like a fish, but ultimately complied and got in next to Kanda. Lavi settled behind Lenalee. From his position, he could see Timcampy nestled under Allen's chin.

"Hey Tim?" he said, closing his eyes, "Make sure you get a recording of this."

A/N: And we're done! Allen's got help from multiple angles, and ideally the results will be mutual. All four of them (five, can't forget Link!) have incidents that've plagued them for years. I can't help but feel that they all rely heavily on avoiding issues when possible and don't take proper advantage of having a support system near by who will understand better than anyone. There's more to friendship that working together and avoiding Komui's projects, or even eating lunch in a cafeteria together. It's about connections and support and about time they started doing it on multiple levels. (I'm highly proud of Johnny and Kanda for going after Allen.)

So, reviews on my little fic here? I have to say, I enjoyed writing Kand's ministrations in the second and third chapters.