DISCLAIMER: I do not own Disney or Grimm's Fairy Tales. Oh, and if you think about it. If I owned FMA, would this really be a fantasy, hmm?

CLAIMER: I own Rory Fox Mustang and "The Book".

A/N: Okaaaay…so now you had Majahal as the King and Karin (remember her?) as the Queen. And yes, we have Roy, a prince, forced to play the part of the princess. What other liberties have I-I mean-have Rory and Havoc taken with this classic fairytale? Certainly enough to pony up some reviews?

Come on pretties! I'm putting in some hard work here! (pouts) Even if I do deviate from canon and pair Archer with Karin! Oh, and the fact that Rory knows about even though Hughes is still alive. Then again, he makes a cameo at Hughes' funeral, showing that he probably was in the hallways and stuff. (sigh)

Snow White and the Eight Dwaves
A Corrupted Fairytale By: N.C. Stormeye

Chapter Three: The King and Eye

Now, as it happened, a cruel twist of fate let Queen Karin to seek another king. Apparently, King Majahal had a thing for…err…dollies. And as it happened, a new shipment was being brought in and one of the heavy crates fell on the king, and, err, killed him.

Death by dollies. That's something you don't see everyday.

So Queen Karin, aging but graceful and loving still, sought out a new king. It was at this point that a dark and possibly evil stranger waltzed, quite literally, into her life. At a ball held to find her new champion, Queen Karin met the ambitious, snarky, mentally unstable, yet somewhat handsome Archer, who was only after her money. Queen Karin was so enamored with him that she married him on the spot.

Now if we had to number Archer's flaws (his being mentally unstable for one), his vanity would be number two. So when he chanced upon the (still girlified) Roy-I mean-Snow White, he felt a pang of jealousy. Luckily, he had a magic mirror…or what he believed to be a magic mirror. We're not quite sure with (now-King) Archer.

At any rate, he'd stare into that mirror with dread in his heart and ask, in the so-cliché chant, "Mirror Mirror on the Wall, Who's the Fairest of Them All?" And without fail, the mirror would say, "Dude, your competition is a boy in a dress. Of course you're the fairest."

So in this way, Archer wasn't much of a threat. Still, in an effort to rough up 'Snow White' a bit, he sentenced…err…him to scullery duty. So Roy, I mean, Snow White grumbled and groaned and did scullery duty, which normally entailed him doing paperwork. (It was a very advanced kingdom.)

Unfortunately, scullery work did nothing to "rough up" Snow White…except for a few paper cuts. As time passed, and Roy's cover as a "princess" slowly became less and less easy to maintain, Archer found himself threatened. Eventually Queen Karin, now a decrepit hag, would have to unmask her daughter as a "son", thereby supplanting Archer as the fairest male in the kingdom.

And you have no idea how hard that was to write, seeing as in real life I'm related to said "Fairest Male in the Kingdom". Would that make me the fairest female? I digress.

Well, the day came. Snow White was to be unmasked as…well…what he was, a man. Which was a relief because Roy had been wearing petticoats and itchy things and high heels for twenty-odd years that it was already sickening. He did own pants, but he had to hide them under his bed beside his stash of nudie magazines. Queen Karin invited all the eligible females in the kingdom to a gigantic party.

Now, invited to this party was the pretty tomboy from a neighboring kingdom whose fate was similar to Roy's, except reversed. Prince, or rather, Princess Riza of Hawk's Landing had been the child which should have been a much-wanted boy. So, to at least have second-best, she was raised between both worlds, highly skilled in marksmanship. When the secretly-playboy "Princess" laid eyes on this strange, breeches-wearing "Prince" who had also been doomed to a similar fate, there was only one thing on his mind.

Damn, she's hot.

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"If Lieutenant Hawkeye ever saw that sentence, she'd kill us all!" Havoc hooted. In an instant, all the officers tackled him and laid hands over his mouth.

"She may be here you idiot!" Breda hissed. Fuery turned his agonized eyes to the door. The doorknob was turning. They all held their collective breaths.

"Hi everyone." Sciezska said, arms full of books. She spotted the beautiful red volume in Havoc's hands and dropped everything.

"Oh! A new book! Let me see!" She grabbed it. "The workmanship of the leather! And the quality of the title text! This is exquisite work for a book! Where'd you get it?"

"Mustang's…niece." Havoc choked out from under all the officers. They all got off, and Rory, who had backed away during the tackling, waved meekly from behind Havoc.

"Well, what's it about?" Sciezska asked animatedly. Stifling laughter, Havoc handed the book to Breda, who handed it to Falman, who handed it to a squeaking Fuery. Fuery gingerly opened it to the page Havoc had been reading. There was another line drawing of Roy, in a dress, looking down from a balcony at Riza, in what was the male wear of the day. Scieszka squeaked, then turned red.

"You're in luck Private…Havoc's reading it aloud." Breda spoke up. Falman's face, normally a mask of seriousness, had a distinct line of an evil grin forming. Ed and Al were in stitches, stifling boyish giggles.

"W…well then, continue, I guess."

To Be Continued...

A/N: OMFG! Okay, that was a bit stolen from the Hallmark version of Snow White, and a clash with Disney's Cinderella too. But honestly, what if the first time you saw your Prince Charming he was wearing a dress? And what if your stepdad has the hots for the same girl? Oh dear…these things collide dangerously in the next chapter!