"There really is no getting out of this." Feferi told me this with a loving friend voice. I doubted this and informed her of my opinion. She frowned. "It just wouldn't look good! I mean, Nep, can you even imagine? We're just being good friends by telling you this." She redirected the last sentence at me, trying to lure me into a false sense of security. Well I wasn't having it, bra straps be damned. No one in this world could get me to wear a push up bra. I was opposed to it for moral reasons. What were those reasons? Well... I just didn't want to. See this party was already shaping up to be a bad idea. It was Friday at seven in the evening and I was abducted after school by my two "friends". Friends don't make friends wear push up bra's. Even if they are only an a-cup.
"C'mon guys, can't we talk about this?" I pleaded. I was cornered in my room in only my thin white bra, trying to keep some of my dignity as Feferi and Nepeta inched closer. And I saw Nepeta twitch her hands and just like that I knew it was over. That slight movement triggered me and I slammed through the two of them in such a way that the football coach would be proud. But I wasn't quick enough, Nepeta was instantly on my back tackling me to the ground. In a total of thirty seconds, my bra was replaced. I accepted defeat. Dignity was lost. "I still don't want to know how you have such good reflexes." I say as I pull myself up.
Nepeta pushes her hair back and grins, I noticed the brunette girl had long canines. "I guess you could say... cat like reflexes." She giggled at the end, revealing that she wasn't serious. I had my doubts.
Feferi made a noise of disapproval. "Look at that, your hair is all messed up!"
Instinctively I reached up to smooth down my hair before I saw the look Feferi gave me. She was clearly the hair expert here. Well I'm glad one of us is. We both have a similar hair type. Long, thick, and wavy. The similarities ended there as my hair was dyed a medium blue color and hers was a dark blonde. She was also more tan then I could ever be in my whole life. She spent a lot of time outside. And by a lot I don't mean a few hours a week, I mean she practically lived outside. Her and her neighbor/best friend/ boy friend? Were attached at the hip. In fact, it was probably killing him right now not to be here. Eridan, as everyone knew, was totally and completely in love with Feferi. She has not acknowledged his crush on her. I smirked at the thought.
While I am not normally so mean, he told me at the beginning of freshman year that we were to be sworn enemies. Some fight between old relatives? I wasn't sure and didn't care to rehash it. I blew him off and I swear I make him more mad now then I ever have. Truth be told I don't dislike him. I think he can be hilarious and I know he really loves Feferi so that's a plus. Also contrary to what we are doing right now, I am not normally hanging out with Feferi and Nepeta. I only know Feferi because of our sisters and Nepeta is basically everyone's friend. In fact, she is such a sweet girl she is even friends with Terezi. Not that I intend to be mean to Terezi, I can't blame her for thinking whatever she does about me. I had not been the best person to her before.
Thinking of Terezi reminds me of Kanaya. Would we always have these loose ends? Or was it just me? I considered texting her and in the end I did. As Feferi grumbled and as she teased my hair again, I was relieved when she responded telling me she would be there at the party. I was glad and honestly hoped to repair our relationship. I didn't know if we could be what we used to be, but I am not sure either of us exactly wanted that. I still just wasn't sure where I stood with her.
"Who are you texting?" Feferi cooed in my ear after I texted back a smiley face.
"Just Kan. I am trying this whole good person thing and being nice to my old friends." I tried to be as short as possible. While it was true I was trying not to be as rude and shut in and obnoxious as I used to be, the tendencies were still there. "I just want to be how things used to be. And maybe it could have been, but then I had to be at the wrong place at the wrong time with Tavros." I sighed.
"That's why you're going tonight isn't it? Let everyone know you didn't mean to do it? What even happened?" Nepeta asked these questions now as she also checked her facebook from her shiny white iPhone. Supposedly it's cooler to have the white one, I'd still pick my black one any day.
"Someone bumped into Tavros as he was about ready to go down the stairs. He reached out to grab onto anything to not fall down. That anything was me, but I shook him off. It was purely instinctual. It wasn't about Tavros, I wasn't there to pick on him and I did not push him! I just didn't help him as he fell. And that's all anyone cares to remember. That I pushed him off me, not the person who made him stumble." It was hard to push back tears but I knew it was necessary. I had my Serket pride. It doesn't matter though, these girls could smell weakness. Instantly they were swooping down hugging me.
It was really awkward but also kind of nice at the same time and I didn't really know what to do. I just planned on getting wasted tonight so I didn't remember any of it. Maybe that wasn't the model picture of healthy, but I didn't know what to do.
Eventually though the hugs ended and it was Vriska primping hour. Most females and maybe some males know the horror girls go through every day. Jabbing yourself in the eye over and over with a mascara brush is horrible. Don't even get me started on waxing eye brows. Since when was that a thing? After what seemed to be an eternity, I was graced with the honor I finally looked like a decent human being. Okay, no one said that. I am just bitter over the whole push up bra incident. I was given the privacy I needed to get changed into my clothes. Not that it essentially mattered, I had already lost my ability to say no one has seen my tits. At least I can comfort myself by saying they look good. Well good and small. I guess that was the point of the bra, as I slid on my gray tank top with lace, I could appreciate that I actually had cleavage. A hella lot. I didn't know if I should feel sexy or embarrassed.
I didn't dwell on it and slid on my dark skinny jeans and then my orange toms. I assessed myself in the mirror. I basically look like every other girl, albeit a very feminine looking one. Lots of people say my looks don't fit my personality. I am very girly looking, I have all the stereotypical traits. Big lips, big eyes, petite figure. I think when people say that they are trying to tell me my personality is too ugly for my body. Nothing like a backhanded compliment to remind you that people are assholes. I allowed myself a small smile at myself though. I was vain it was true, but not normally was it justified. This is one of those few moments where maybe it was acceptable.
"Come out wherever you are!" Feferi sang from across the door. I was probably their project. Isn't that funny how it happens? It probably wasn't a bad thing, or at least I didn't feel bad about it.
Once I opened the door they did the appropriate cooing before we discussed when would be an appropriate time to make our grand appearance at the party. It was currently eight thirty and it officially started, okay. Well I don't really know, but I assume it has started by now. Hell it probably started as soon as some kids got out of the school. Feferi and Nepeta had a serious discussion of when would be the best time to show up. I just idly went on my phone and pretended to text someone. Basically the oldest trick in the book. There was really no point in pretending there were other friends in my life. I had never been a popular person, but the stairs sealed the whole thing. Maybe if it had been some other kid, I wouldn't have become a pariah. But it was the schools golden boy. Okay that might be exaggerating but I mean it when I say literally no one disliked Tavros. Except for me. Sometimes. I can honestly say I disliked him more now then ever. He had ruined my high school career. I knew I was being selfish because I could have paralyzed him for life. Which reminded me of a question.
"Why was Tavros on crutches? I thought he was supposed to be in a wheel chair?" I was reminded of when I saw him when I first went back to school. I couldn't remember seeing him the rest of the week.
Feferi seemed to consider this before she answered. "I think he was a special case and there was a really talented doctor who happened to be at the hospital when he was dropped off. I'm not really sure but I think they're testing some new surgery on him."
Nepeta jumped in, "Isn't it awesome? I don't know why people are being so hard on you anyways, he didn't die or anything. I wonder if he will be here today... I think so I heard him talking to Karkat about it." She then drifted off, thinking of Karkat. I would never understand the attraction. I wonder if it is because the end of his name sounds like cat. I tried to pitch this theory once but she waved it away. Apparently it was serious, but who was I to judge? I felt bad for her though, Karkat had been committed to his on and off girlfriend Terezi since eighth grade. That is when she wasn't flirting with Dave Strider. I fucking hate that kid.
"Of course, just by chance, you managed to hear every word of their conversation." I cracked at Nepeta. Most of the time I don't smile after I tell a joke, but I have learned to believe that means people think I am picking on them, so I threw in a chuckle. She glared at me.
"Sorry I had info that could help you out, Ms. I Hate Tavros Oh Wait Just Kidding I Love Him." She giggled afterwards.
Feferi smirked. "First of all, that's a horrible last name. She doesn't hate him at all." And at this Nepeta and Feferi giggled together while I sat scowling. Fucking Tavros, this was all his fault.
"Okay, let's go." I said, eager to get out of the mansion. "Fef go get you're conceited sister so we can go." Meenah had been the butt of a lot of my jokes mostly because whenever she went on vacation with her family, she entrusted my sister to watch over a large statue of herself. It was so hilarious I didn't even question it. Feferi took these jokes with a good nature. She loved her sister but she was aware of some of her more hilarious stunts.
And in ten minutes we were dropped off, naturally right in front of the house. I had never really been to a party before but I suspect this was not my friends first rodeo. I wouldn't doubt it. I especially wouldn't doubt everyone getting together and accidentally forgetting to invite me. As such I was the one to shuffle behind them inside the house.
Gamzee's house was rather large also. His however looked about as friendly as a grave yard. There aren't a whole lot of people in this town who have bigger houses then me. Gamzee, Equius, Feferi, and Eridan made the list though, off hand. Here was my failed arch nemesis coming this way right now. "Fef!" He said. "Thank God you're here. I was dreadfully bored. Not that I was waitin' on ya or anything..." Silly Eridan had a silly accent. No one knew where it came from, but unfortunately for him it was the butt of many jokes on him. I never made these jokes around Feferi, though. Man it is tough being a good friend. Speaking of Feferi, she headed off in his direction, leaving me and Nepeta. I turned around to mock Eridan but Nepeta was already gone. She had latched herself on to Karkat and Terezi. Terezi had the decency to not look bothered that Nepeta had joined in. Everyone knew she wanted Karkat though.
I swore. What was the point in going to this dumb party if I was going to be alone? I saw my escape though, in the form of the ever beautiful Kanaya looking around distastefully at Gamzee passing a joint to Tavros. What? Since when did Tavros start smoking? I scowled, no doubt it was the juggalo's fault. I moved past this though and sat next to Kanaya. "What's up?" I said finally. I fully expected to one day talk about where we went wrong as friends, but I feel like it wouldn't be appropriate next to a stone cold drunk Aradia and a high Gamzee and a not-so-high-but-not-sober-either Tavros.
"I am just enjoying my peers company." I detected a hint of sarcasm and of the perfume I had given her for Christmas last year. I looked at Kanaya, I mean honestly looked at her. She was pretty tall, at least taller than me. She was the palest girl I had ever seen but her ink black hair suited her perfectly. She looked very sophisticated. And naturally she was fashionably dressed. I am about one hundred percent sure she saw me looking at her but she didn't say anything. Kanaya was cool like that. We idly chatted for awhile, while I sipped on beer. A lot of people didn't like beer but I think it is an acquired taste. You get used to the piss taste, at least I did.
It only lasted for about twenty minutes though before Gamzee said "Yo, Vris!" I looked at Kanaya as if to say duty calls, and sauntered over to Gamzee who was now very stoned. Tavros was still with him and so was Karkat. As I sat down in their circle Gamzee smirked at me and said "Want some?" as he held out a joint. In truth, I didn't really. But I also didn't want to be the one to say no, typical teenager trouble. I took way too big of a hit off it and started coughing like crazy. Karkat, Tavros, and Gamzee laughed. Assholes. Apparently I had underestimated how stoned they were.
"Fuck you guys," I say as I waited for the high to kick in. Contrary to the way I may seem, I am not really a big pot user. If anything, it was purely a social use. I hadn't done it since freshman year and had completely lost my tolerance. I had no doubt Gamzee had good stuff and this probably would get me really high as I took another hit.
"Hey bitch don't be so greedy." Karkat grumbled at me, I handed it over to him before I spread myself out on the floor. The plush carpet felt really good and I now understood why Gamzee Makara still had shag carpet. The rest of them passed it around again for awhile. Before long though we were all spread out on the carpet laying in a row. The order was Karkat, Tavros, Me, Gamzee. Tavros had yet to say a word to me and I was still surprised he was here.
"Since when did you start smoking, Taaaaaaaavros?" I dragged his name out, not to mock him. Mostly just because talking was kind of fun right now. I had the nice warm feeling sitting in my stomach and I remembered why I had smoked in the first place. Why had I quit again? Somehow I couldn't remember the answer. It was probably a dumb reason anyway.
I roll over and face Tavros. He is studying the ceiling before he turns and looks at me and says "It helps with the pain." It didn't sting like a jab, so I don't think he was trying to be mean. Or maybe it was just the peaceful pot taking over.
"I'm sorry." I whispered to him, only the two of us could have heard it, it was so quiet. He smiled at me and I knew it was okay. That was comforting. I grinned back too and it was pretty goofy. Okay, I was definitely super high. No doubt about that. But I was content just laying here enjoying the nice feeling of the carpet and hearing the three bodies next to me take in air. The giggles and cheers of everyone getting drunk and having fun made me feel so happy and warm all the way around my body.
I think the four of us were just enjoying the moment. Gamzee leaned up on one elbow and said. "Aw fuck sis, I missed you." He smiled at me. The stoned boy was very handsome with his green eyes and his thick curly brown hair that was permanently messy. I opened my mouth to tell him I missed him to when he started moving closer to me and I realized he was going to kiss me. Looking back, I could have stopped this. But I wasn't in my right state of mind and I didn't care about the consequences. I didn't care about the other boy that was sitting right next to me, who I maybe liked maybe didn't. All's I thought about was what Gamzee's lips felt like as they lightly brushed mine.
Incidentally the felt amazing. Gamzee knew how to kiss. He slid his tongue against my bottom lip and I opened my mouth. Our tongues wrapped around each other swirling and fighting for the lead. He nibbled on my bottom lip and I reached my arms and wrapped them into my hair, pulling him closer to me. I hummed into the kiss, letting him know everything felt good. We made out for awhile, ignoring Tavros' squeak as he noticed and Karkat saying "What the fuck you guys! You couldn't wait till everyone left?!" He got up and left and eventually so did Tavros. I think they both went to drink but it was obvious my mind was somewhere else. And so was Gamzee's hand. I guess I didn't stop him when he went up under my shirt. For that moment I was thankful I had worn a push up bra. But also very embarrassed because it is going to be very clear that only about 20% of that cleavage is my boob.
He smirked as he felt it and chuckled a little but it didn't stop him from sliding his hand under my bra. Gamzee tried to pull my shirt up but I grunted and pulled it back down.
If I had decency I would not let my first real make out session be on the floor at Gamzee's house while being felt up. After awhile of this Gamzee complained his back was hurting him on the floor. I rejected his invitation to go to his bedroom and he shrugged his arms with a smirk and said "your loss, sis." He wandered into the kitchen ahead of me as I fixed my shirt. I had a moment of post make out regret and ran to the bathroom. I bolted from his living room to the bathroom. I quickly locked the door. As soon as I did I heard someone walk by. Probably someone so drunk they're lost, I thought. I held my breath and looked at myself in the mirror. My high had faded and the only thing I saw now was a girl with messy blue hair and swollen lips.
I was embarrassed and humiliated and now more sure of my feelings than ever. I don't know if I am just being emotional, but I like Tavros Nitram. I wanted to cry. Was a great make out session worth looking like a slut and fucking things over with Tavros? I didn't know if it made me feel better or not reminding myself that I had already ruined things with Tavros when I happened to be on the staircase that day. Thinking that didn't really make me feel better only worse. I bit down on my lip to stop myself from crying. I was stronger than that. A loud knock on the door knocked me out of those thoughts quickly. I was in no mood to be dealing with that bullshit so I yelled back "SOMEONE IS IN HERE! FUCK OFF!" Tears were coming out of my eyes now, I couldn't avoid it.
There was more knocking and I decided I had enough I was going to open the door and punch the lights out of whoever was there. I swung the door open only to be faces with Tavros himself, on crutches. As soon as he stumbled in I knew he was drunk. I didn't say anything about it though. I just stared at Tavros as he stared at me. My eyes were blurry from the tears and I could feel the taste of blood on my lip as I chewed on it from nervousness.
I can't say exactly who moved first but at once we were passionately kissing. It wasn't a smooth motion, at first it was clumsy and awkward but it felt worse. I didn't dwell on the fact that just ten minutes before I had been doing this with someone else. I just focused on how right this felt. I knew it was about more than just being a good kisser. It was about doing it with someone you cared about. Tavros tasted like alcohol and honey. I briefly wondered if this was taking advantage of someone. As he ran one hand over my ass and the other briefly skimming the line of my underwear, I felt butterflies in my stomach. I felt a bulge pressing against my leg and I smiled. I brushed my hand against his erection that was straining the fabric of his jeans. He moaned a little into my mouth and it was at that moment that I became extremely aware of the fact that I was in Gamzee's bathroom fooling around with Tavros.
Advance or abscond?
"Tav," I broke the kiss to talk to him. "Shouldn't we do..." He cut me off then and kissed me even more passionately with a smoldering look in his eyes. I tried to break away but he held my head in place. My nose was being blocked and I couldn't breath. I couldn't tell if I was getting dizzy from the kisses or the lack of oxygen. Finally, he let me go. I wasn't in a rush to say anything now though. After I had gotten enough air in my system I said "Shouldn't we go somewhere else? I don't want to do that here, especially not after... well..." I didn't have to finish, he knew what I was talking about. I realized right after I said it that it's something I shouldn't have mentioned.
The normally reserved boy and said, "After you wreck my body, you do that to me?" I didn't have to be a mind reader to know he was talking about Gamzee. "I put up with hell for you. I always wondered, when is Vriska going to grow up and quit playing games like it's middle school. I've liked you from the very beginning. Why do you think I grabbed on to you on the stairs? Shitty luck anyway, look what you did to me." I was not liking this drunk Tavros as much. His voice was shaking but not because he was nervous of what he was saying. This Tavros was saying exactly what he felt, like it had been held in for awhile. "I forgave you though, and I still do. But you're just so selfish."
I knew he was right. I was selfish and for a long time I didn't know what I wanted. But I wanted him and I knew this as he stumbled away from me, still drunk and high off his ass. Unfortunately my joy was gone. Maybe it was the reality check I needed. I knew it wouldn't break me, though. The greatest irony though is that after years of hurting Tavros, he probably hurt me the most.
"I love you Vriska," He said as he faced away from me. "If you can say that back to me, we can forget what happened."
What he was asking was simple enough. But I was still in shock and my brain was in a whirlwind as I absorbed everything that happened. I knew I really, really liked Tavros. But did I love him? I thought about it. Tavros sensed my hesitation and said, "Yeah, I thought so." He ambled away on his crutches and then I realized that I had monumentally ruined everything.
After he left I locked the door again, soaking in those words. My heart fluttered at him loving me. Did I deserve that? I was a bad person, I knew that. But inside I don't think I was as bad as I am made out to be. Tavros should be able to see past that if he loves me. Or was that just drunk talking? I realized I really was selfish as I stood up, the room swirling around me, as I ran after Tavros. He was almost to the others but they were too drunk or stoned to care about us.
"I love you too Tavros." He smiled and everything was forgotten but each other. We left a trail of kisses all the way from the same living room to a spare bedroom no one uses. The kisses were intense and the bed was soft. Tavros flopped down on the bed and I got up and straddled him. We were kissing and he dragged my hips, pressing me against the bulge in his jeans. As we kissed the layers of clothes lessened. Slowly I was down to just underwear and Tavros in his.
"Do you have a condom?" I asked quietly.
Tavros shook his head and sighed. "Come here," He said, patting the space next to him. I smiled softly and climbed into the bed with him. I grabbed my bra and put it on while I was getting adjusted, if I fall asleep like this I don't want just anybody to see my breasts.
"I love you Tavros." I said sleepily. I looked up after he didn't answer and he was already asleep.
I made this chapter extra long so if you guys could return the favor with more reviews that would be awesome! Hope you guys liked the chapter, there is still more to come so don't worry. :o) I think this could still work as T but if you guys feel it is more M just shoot me a message. I am still undecided on some events that may or may not happen in this so updates may not come for awhile. Thanks for all the support.