Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter series or A Very Potter Musical, these belong to J.K. Rowling and Team Starkid respectively. I'm just borrowing their creations for a little while for my own enjoyment. :)

A/N: Okay, I've been getting some questions about whether or not I'll be doing A Very Potter Sequel version of this as well and the answer is...maybe. It depends on how quickly I am able to get this done and whether I still feel like making this after I've finished it. I'm heading into college in less than a month and their internet is supposedly not the best... I think I'm probably going to die. :(

Also, I only got two votes on the poll, and they were for different things, so I flipped a coin and chose the winner.

Again, thank you to all the totally awesome reviewers and I hope you enjoy the chapter!

Chapter 4

"Hold on a second, Ron. After watching Malfoy roll around on the floor in the last video, I realized that there's someone missing out on all the fun." Harry grinned a wide Cheshire cat grin and pulled a light purple piece of parchment. He scribbled a quick message on it, folded it neatly into a paper airplane and tapped his wand, making it vanish.

"What was that?" asked Dudley hoarsely. After all these years, magic still freaked him out.

"Ministry memo." Harry said shortly. A few minutes later, a tall blonde man spun into existence in the center of the room, clutching the now crumpled up paper airplane in his fist. "Ah Malfoy, welcome."

Draco Malfoy faced his childhood nemesis and sneered, "Potter, what is this about? I don't have time to pop in and out all over the country, I have a job you know."

"Like we wanted you here anyway, Malfoy." Ron shot back defiantly.

"Apparently, you did, that is why I am here after all." Drawled Malfoy.

Harry explained, "I called him here to watch the video, I thought he might find it interesting." Harry smirked.

"A voleo? What nonsense is this?" asked the aristocrat disdainfully.

"It's a video about our years at Hogwarts and of course you're in it."

"Well, it wouldn't be any good if I wasn't." stated Malfoy, buffing his nails.

Harry rolled his eyes, "Right…so sit down and we'll watch it."

Surprisingly, Malfoy acquiesced without argument. Dudley pressed play.

RON: "Harry, you got this tournament in the bag."

HARRY: "I don't know man, Cedric Diggory…he's pretty awesome- not! He sucks! I'm totally gonna win, it's in the bag!"

"Oh, you are so arrogant Potter…" declared Malfoy with a roll of the eyes. In the process, he caught sight of the mirror hanging above the mantle and was distracted by the fact that a few hairs were out of place.

No one bothered to say anything back as it was obvious that Malfoy could prove their opinion on the subject without their help.

HERMIONE: "I-I don't know Harry…"

RON: "Oh my God, Hermione, shut up! Why do you have to rain on everybody's parade?"

"I do not!" asserted Hermione. Ron a simply pulled her closer and kissed her on the cheek.
HERMIONE: "Because Ron, this is dangerous!"

HARRY: "Dangerous? Oh come on Hermione, how dangerous could it be, especially for me?"

HERMIONE: "Well, you're not invincible Harry, somebody died in this tournament."

HARRY: "Uh, I'm the boy-who-lived, not died, God! What's the worst that could happen?"

Malfoy held out both hands towards the screen as if to say, "What did I tell you?"

Harry was not bothered, he knew that Malfoy's character would be returning sooner rather than later, since he was supposedly a champion, and that would be worse for Malfoy's ego than anything he could possibly say.

HERMIONE: "And I don't know about that Quirrell character, first he resurrects some horrible ancient tournament, then he bumps into you and your scar starts to hurt, and you have to admit, there's something really funky about the back of his head!"

HARRY: "Come on, think about it, Quirrell is a professor and who hires professors-?"

HARRY & RON: "Dumbledore!"

HARRY: "He's the smartest, most awesomest, most practical wizard- beautiful wizard in the whole world! Why-why, would he possibly hire someone who's trying to hurt me?"

"Beautiful, Potter?" Draco queried raising an eyebrow suggestively.

Ron cracked his knuckles threateningly. Harry really hoped Malfoy's character would return soon.

HERMIONE: "Well, what about Snape?"

HARRY: "Yeah, what about him?"

HERMIONE: "He's hated you for years! And he's hated your parents too Harry, everybody knows that. And he just so happens to pick your name out of the house cup out of hundreds, if not five possible Gryffindors?"

HARRY: "Yeah, what a coincidence, we lucked out!"

HERMIONE: "No Harry, I don't think it is a coincidence. When you defeated Voldemort you made a lot of enemies, ones you may not even know about."

HARRY: "Okay, so let me get this straight, you're saying this tournament is one big ploy to try and kill me."

Harry almost smiled. "Yeah, what are the odds of that actually happening?" Hermione shoved him playfully.

HERMIONE: "I don't know, maybe! Anyway, I just think it's dangerous and I don't think you should do it."
HARRY: "Alright Hermione, if it means that much to you, I'll drop out."

HERMIONE: "Oh, thank you Harry!"

"You're too noble Harry." Ron commented lazily.

RON: "Wait- wait, what? The House Cup? What about all the eternal glory you would win?"

HARRY: "Hey, eternal glory- I've already got that. Besides, Neville will be a great champion!"

RON: "No, no, no! I do not want Schlongbottom to be my champion!"

Harry, Ron, Dudley and Draco laughed simultaneously and then immediately stopped to glare at each other.

HERMIONE: "Harry look, all you have to do- Oh look there's Dumbledore! All you have to do is just talk to him now and tell him that you're dropping out?"

HARRY: "Um, listen Hermione, Dumbledore and I are really cool, we're super tight and I don't want to make him think I'm being lazy, or disaffecting him, so can you just- why don't you tell him, just tell him I want to work on school or somethin' alright? Hey, you got this one- you're the best! Go on, you got it."

Hermione watched Actor-Harry tap Actress-Hermione's nose and turned to Harry fiercely to remark, "If you ever do that to me, I will smack you."

Unconciously, Malfoy rubbed his cheek as though to ward away the sting of Hermione's slap from third year.

HERMIONE: "Okay…"

HARRY: "Don't worry about it."

HERMIONE: "Dumbledore?"

DUMBLEDORE: "Yes, Granger?"

HERMIONE: "Uh, I need to talk to you for a moment, it's about the House Cup tournament. Um, well first of all, I think it's an awful idea, but um, second of all, I don't think that Harry Potter should compete."

DUMBLEDORE: "Granger…why do you always have to be such a big ol' stick in the mud? Huh, pray tell me why Harry Potter shouldn't compete?"

HERMIONE: "Uh, because he- wants to study!"
DUMBLEDORE: "Granger, nobody studies at Hogwarts, except for you!"

HERMIONE: "Gah! Okay, well he wants to focus on the O.W.L.s!"

DUMBLEDORE: "Why couldn't Harry have told me this himself? He thinks I'm cool, we're tight!"

HERMIONE: "No! Professor, I'm a really bad liar, okay? I think it's a ruse, a set-up and I even think Snape might be trying to kill Harry Potter."

DUMBLEDORE: "Severus Snape is one of the kindest, bravest, gentlest, sexiest men I have ever met! Severus Snape is trying to kill Harry Potter about as much as he's trying to kill me, huh?"

Everyone in the room, including Malfoy blanched at the idea of Snape being sexy. It just gave them all images of Snape that made them shiver with disgust.

SNAPE: "Oh, why Professor Dumbledore…"

DUMBLEDORE: "Oh!"

SNAPE: "I just happened to be in the kitchen and I made you this…delicious sandwich!"

DUMBLEDORE: "Why thank you, Severus! You see Granger, how thoughtful!"

HERMIONE: "Uh…"

SNAPE: "Here you are Professor, bomb-appetite! I mean- bon-appetite!"

HERMIONE: "Um…is that sandwich ticking?"

DUMBLEDORE: "It looks like it's licking; finger-licking good!"

HERMIONE: "Uh…Professor, I don't think you should eat that sandwich!"

DUMBLEDORE: "Why Granger? You gotta listen to Snape more often, you might even get a sandwich out of it!"

Ron gulped, "I don't think I'd want any sandwich that Snape makes…"

This was confirmed when the Hermione onscreen grabbed the sandwich and threw it off stage and it was followed by a huge BOOM!

DUMBLEDORE: "Granger, what are you doing? Dog-gone it you exploded my sandwich!"

HERMIONE: "I'm sorry, sir!"

DUMBLEDORE: "Hey, even if I did believe that Harry Potter was in danger, he has to compete! You see that cup?"

HERMIONE: "Yes!"

DUMBLEDORE: "It's enchanted! Whosever's name comes out of the cup has to compete, or the results would be bad…"

HERMIONE: "What do you mean, bad?"

DUMBLEDORE: "Try to imagine your entire life stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light."

HERMIONE: "A total protonic reversal!"

Dudley and Hermione chuckled at the Ghostbusters reference.

DUMBLEDORE: "Yeah…so you see, Harry Potter has to compete. And Hermione, if it makes you feel any better, the last guy who died in the tournament was a Hufflepuff, so um…so I'll keep my eyes open and nothing is gonna get past old Dumbledore!"

Malfoy laughed openly at this and promptly received death glares from all of the Gryffindors.

HERMIONE: "Alright…"

DUMBLEDORE: "Now I gotta go make myself another sandwich, although I don't know how it's going to be as good as the last one- the last one ticked!"

HERMIONE: "'Cause it was a bomb!"

Harry, Ron, and Ginny laughed at their friend.

"Harry I'm so sorry, but I think you're going to have to compete in the House Cup tournament. But don't worry, I won't rest until I find out what the first task is gonna be!"

RON: "And I'll sabotage all the other champions, so that you win by default."

Harry laughed, "Thanks, Ron."

"Anytime, mate." Ron joked back.

HARRY: "Alright, awesome!"

What they saw next caused everyone in the room, barring Malfoy to grow wicked smiles while the latter donned a look of horror. Draco was being carried in by Goyle bridal-style, and said a typical Malfoy phrase, only in a voice was about three times higher than his.

DRACO: "Well…isn't this touching!"

RON: "Oh my God, just butt out Malfoy!"

The blonde wigged actress rolled across the floor until he was laying in front of the trio in a pose out of woman's fashion magazine. "That is not me." Malfoy stated faintly.

"Oh, you bet your wand it is." Harry said cheerfully.

DRACO: "Goyle and I have a bet you know? He says you won't last five minutes in this tournament…I disagree…I think you wouldn't last five minutes at Pigfarts!"

Malfoy could be heard muttering "Pig farts…I'm talking about pork gas…?"

HARRY: "What? Alright, Malfoy, what is Pigfarts?"

DRACO: "Oh…never heard of it? Ha, figures…famous Potter doesn't even know about Pigfarts…"

The adults uproariously with the children as the girl on stage rolled off of a bench. Malfoy was now hiding his face so as not to look at his writhing doppelganger.

HARRY: "Malfoy, don't act like you don't want to talk about it, this is like the ninth time you've mentioned Pigfarts- what is Pigfarts?"

DRACO: "Pigfarts is only the greatest wizarding school in the galaxy!"

HERMIONE: "Malfoy, I've never heard of that."

DRACO: "That's because Pigfarts, is on Mars…"

"No…" moaned Malfoy.

HARRY: "Alright Malfoy, you know we're trying to have a conversation here, so if you could just leave us alone…?"

DRACO: "Oh! No, I'm not even here…"

The trio began speaking quietly about how they could find out the first task from Dumbledore when they were interrupted again.

DRACO: "Dumbledore? What an old coot! He's nothing like Rumbleroar!"

GOYLE: "RUMBLEROAR!"

The whole room shook with laughter and Malfoy was frightened from his near hysterical state.

HARRY: "Anyway, I was saying-"

DRACO: "Rumbleroar is the headmaster at Pigfarts! He's a lion, who can talk."

Angered from the continued giggles and his counterpart's actions, Malfoy stood shouting, "LIONS DON'T TALK!" Harry and Dudley were having flashbacks to Uncle Vernon's rants about imagination.

HARRY: "Malfoy, if you don't mind, we're trying to have a conversation here, it's not like- what are you doing? You're not even eating, get out of here!"

DRACO: "Well, I can't help it if we can hear everything you say, we're the only ones in here."

HARRY: "Well just- come on Malfoy, just get out of here, please?"

DRACO: "Where are we supposed to go?"
HARRY: "Uh, I don't know- uh, Pigfarts?"

DRACO: "Oh, ha-ha-ha. Now you're just being cute! I can't just go to Pigfarts, it's on Mars! You need a rocket ship! Do you have a rocket ship Potter? I bet you do…You know not all of us inherited enough money to buy out NASA when our parents died…Look at this- look at this- Rocket-ship Potter! Oh, oh Starkid Potter! Moonshoes Potter! Traversing the galaxy for intergalactic travels to Pigfarts! Ooh!"

Harry appeared repulsed, "Why, Malfoy, do you keep climbing in my lap?"

"Trust me, Potter, it wasn't my idea." Malfoy groaned.

HARRY: "Alright, that's it! This is the most misguided way to try and make me feel jealous. I don't care if you make fun of me, but if you bring my parents into this, it's a whole other story."

"You always were sensitive about them." commented Dudley, remembering Aunt Marge.

DRACO: "Whoa- not so fast! Crabbe, Goyle!"

HARRY: "Oh, sure just walk-"

GOYLE: "BACK OFF NERD!"

Draco laughed derisively. If his character had to be an idiot at least Potter would be too.

HARRY: "Whoa!"

DRACO: "Not so tough now, are you Potter? Maybe you should hang out with someone better than that lollygagging ginger and his stupid mudblood girlfriend!"

Draco smirked at the last comment; that was more like it.

HERMIONE: "Oh…that is it, Malfoy! Jelly-legs jinx!

Malfoy sneered, "That's not a real spell."

"You think, Malfoy?" snapped Hermione.

CRABBE: "Oh, come on!"

GOYLE: "Hey, no fair, our legs are jelly!"

Draco's smirk was wiped off his face and Hermione was looking fiendishly delighted.

HERMIONE: "Take it back, Malfoy!"

DRACO: "Take what back?"

HERMIONE: "Take back what you said about your stupid, made-up space school!"

RON: "Yeah, and all stuff about Hermione being my girlfriend, that's not even a little bit true…"

HERMIONE: "And say you're sorry for calling me a you-know-what!"

DRACO: "I'm sorry!"

HERMIONE: "And you promise you'll never do it again?"

DRACO: "I promise!"

HERMIONE: "Right! Now next time we tell you to leave us alone, you better do it!

"That was just like third year…" smiled Ron reminiscently.

"What happened then?" wondered James aloud.

"Oh, nothing, your Aunt just went ballistic on Malfoy here and hauled off and slapped him." Harry said nonchalantly.

"You're the best Auntie in the whole wide world!" cried James, hugging Hermione tightly. Albus nodded firmly in agreement. Lily just yelled, "See, I told you she wasn't a dumb-ass!"

Ginny rubbed her forehead. She was going to have a long talk with Lily later about appropriate language.

"Come on Harry, Ron, let's get out of here…Besides, you already ate all my lunch."

Hermione sighed, "That sounds about right…"

RON: "Wow."

HARRY: "Thanks Hermione."

HERMIONE: "Yeah, un-gellify!

RON: "Wow, that was like the most bad-ass thing I've ever seen! Too bad no one was here to see it though, it was like an outburst of pent-up aggression- it was like ARRRGH Hermione!"

Harry, Ron, and Ginny laughed. It made Hermione sound like a rampaging monster.

GOYLE: "Wow, that sucked royal hippogriff! We got beat by a girl, who is a nerd!"

"I am not a nerd!" exclaimed Hermione.

"Yes, you are dear." Ron answered lovingly.

DRACO: "I didn't mean what I said you know, Pigfarts is real. Am I, am I bleeding…? Goyle?"

Malfoy ran a hand through his perfect hair angrily. "Ugh, he's such a wimp…"

"You do know that you're talking about yourself, right?" Albus asked, unsure. Malfoy glared at him. "Alright, just checking!"

GOYLE: "NO!"

DRACO: "I thought maybe…may-maybe…wow, I've never been pushed down like that by a girl…Maybe I shouldn't call her a mud- whatever!"

"Third year…" sang Ron. It gave him great satisfaction to watch Malfoy's fingers twitching as if to grab his wand and curse them all into oblivion.

GOYLE: "I can't believe I couldn't figure out the counter curse was just un-gellify!"

DRACO: "Yeah right, I'm not surprised. Come on let's go watch Wizards of Waverly Place!"

Malfoy, apparently having had enough, stood up violently and disapparated without another word.

Ron shrugged. "Well, can't say I'll miss him."

"I'll be watching this again in my penseive later…" Harry added cheerfully.

"And on that note, time for the next one!" smiled Hermione, reaching forward to press the button.

A/N: How was it? Please review and let me know... :)