I'm wondering if maybe I should make my chapters longer. In my last long multi-chaptered story, the chapters were around 3000 to 4000 words long and now my chapters are something around 2000 to 3000 words long. Is that too short? I mean, other people's chapters are much shorter, but I'm not used to writing that kind of length.

Edit (06/17/15): I deleted the first part of this chapter because I didn't like it anymore, so this chapter is quite short now. The story has progressed so far now though that I see no need to add anything just to make the chapter longer.

I don't own Naruto or any of its characters. Both belongs to Kishimoto Masashi.

Chapter IV
– One Good Reason –

Naruto woke up after another painful evening when it was finally dark outside. He couldn't get himself to stand up and find a clock, so he just lay there, feeling a pulsing pain course throughout his body. Not even able to lift one finger without causing more pain, the blond remained like that for a while, motionless. Only after ten minutes, the fact that he had been used once again sunk in. Slowly his mind succumbed to the unbearable pain and sickening fear, unable to grasp even a tiny shred of sanity.

In a sudden rush of panic, Naruto ignored his pain to grab his pants from the floor. He struggled on until he was finally off the bed and instead leaning against it, panting heavily, numbed by pain, paralysed. Pants in his hands, he slowly reached into a pocket to pull out his phone, unlocking it with his thumb. He quickly dialled a familiar number, feeling tears already sliding down his cheeks. Sobs ripped from his throat, breaths coming out raspy.

After only a few rings, someone picked up on the other line. "Hello?"

All Naruto did for a while was sobbing into the phone, unable to get his lips to form words for they were trembling with his shaky breathing.

"Hello?" the voice on the other voice uttered confusedly. "Who is this?"

Why am he even calling him? Naruto was close to hyperventilating now. "K-Kyuubi?"

"No. Wrong number."

Another sob passed the blond's lips. "Goddammit. I'm even too d-damn stupid to dial a g-goddamn nu-number right. I'm so so-so-sorry."

The stranger was silent for a while, listening to Naruto sobbing into the phone. "It's fine."

Hang up, Naruto. Hang up. Hang up. Hang up. Hang up. Hang up, goddammit!

"Oi…" the stranger finally spoke up again. "What's up with you crying into the phone?"

Dammit. Dammit. Fucking dammit! It took a while for Naruto to compose himself at least a little, enough to force out something other than sobs. "My damn l-life's so f-fucked up, th-that's what's up."

The stranger didn't answer right away, seeming to think about something. "Why?"

He didn't know this guy, but… Naruto's sobs began to die down, only leaving him to sniffle. "M-My dad… h-he just… again…" Now the blond's crying grew heavier again and he wondered why the stranger hadn't hung up yet.

"Tell me." The voice sounded demanding, but also held something like curious kindness.

Naruto tangled his own hand in his tousled hair, pulling at it somewhat desperately. "M-My dad just… raped me…" His voice was nothing but a tear-stricken whisper, but still audible, "again."

Once more, it was silent on the other end. Not even a small gasp was heard, something one would except from someone being told something like that.

The blond teen felt like he was drowning in his own despair and sadness, surrounded by constant misery and loathing. As though he was floating in a slough of anguish and helplessness he couldn't get out, only being pulled in deeper when he tried to escape.

"Don't do anything stupid."

This somehow snapped Naruto out of his misery, even if just for a little. "What?"

"I said: don't do anything stupid."

"I got that, s-smart-ass! I want to know wh-why the hell you just… just…" And so the wailing ensued, continuing for a few minutes and with the stranger remaining silent.

It was in this moment that Naruto felt that maybe there was hope for him.

I absolutely hate my life.

That was what Naruto told himself every time he went to school. It's easy to imagine why. Today's reason for this thought: he was aching all over, his entire body felt like one big bruise, his wounds were burning like hell and to top it off, he felt as if someone had just shoved a hot iron up his ass. In short: he felt like shit. Pain killers were great, but apparently, not great enough.

Lost in his thoughts, Naruto arrived in front of the school gate with Lee giving him that weird-ass pose. Gai-sensei and him called it great-gay-pose or something like that. Naruto could swear his teeth actually sparkled when he grinned like that! And as always, he marched past Lee without saying anything. He didn't want him to start rambling crap about youth and all that stuff. Gai-sensei had definitely somehow brain-washed him, he was sure of it.

Naruto walked down the empty corridor then, able to ignore the pain after so many years of abuse. Only few people were there. As always. Pretty much everyone ignored or glared at him. As always, nothing new. He went up to the roof, finding the doors unlocked. As always. How exciting!

Standing in front of the roof's fence now, he realised how monotonous his life actually was. His days always looked the same. He didn't have any hobbies and now that Sakura had left, he didn't have any friends either. Anyone that didn't actually hate him, ignored him instead. Sure, people tripped him, threw stuff at him randomly, got a lot madder when he accidentally bumped into them instead of just anyone, but it wasn't like they hated him, right? There was no reason to hate him. It couldn't be that that incident with Kyuubi was all it took for people to despise his very existence. At least… that's what he had been telling himself the past few years, hell, his entire life. He wondered if anyone would even notice and be sad if he were gone. Sakura would, definitely. That was one person. Then… who else was there? There was still Kyuubi. And maybe his teachers would be a little sad, but it wouldn't be as though the world had just ended. For no one. They would all get over it eventually and then…

Ha ha! As if I'd actually kill myself.

He didn't have the guts, or else he'd be lying in some cozy grave already right now. He wondered if coffins were comfy? They should be, shouldn't they? But if you were already dead…

That's what you get for having a short attention span, Naruto.

He could have gone on forever. Thinking about death, coffins, graves. Was that normal? Probably not.

He didn't notice the door behind him opening until he felt someone's eyes on him. Years of being glared at from behind your back just did that to you. You just know when someone's looking at you. He turned around and found Sakura standing a few feet away from him, looking at him blankly. "Sakura-chan?"

Warily, she came closer to him and kept her eyes on the ground. She wrapped her arms around herself as if she was cold. "Can we talk?" she asked in a timid-sounding voice.

He only nodded, not trusting his voice right now. It was still sore from screaming and sobbing on end yesterday.

Sakura started to rub her arm nervously and her eyes flicked to his face every now and then. "I'm sorry… about yesterday. I was actually trying to get you to open up to me, but you… you… No, I felt as if you're just too far away, you know?"

He thought his staring at her somehow was making her uncomfortable, so he looked away and at the school grounds again, where people were mingling and wandering about. Like always.

"What were you thinking about just now?" she suddenly asked, walking closer until she was standing right beside him. She too stared down at the many people living their usual morning.

He realised that since she had arrived, he hadn't actually thought about anything like earlier. What he had been thinking about earlier… "Death."

He thought she jumped a little. Not only from hearing something like that out of his mouth, but also because his voice sounded rough and husky. Somehow… cynical. She stared at him with her eyes wide. "What do you mean?"

Why should he hide it from her? It wasn't as if it would change anything. "I was thinking about what it would be like if I died. Who would be sad? Would it change anything? Stuff like that." He knew it probably was weird how he was saying all of that with a straight and somewhat bored face. Maybe that Nara was rubbing off on him.

By now she was looking straight at him, ignoring the people below them that looked like ants from their point of view. "You shouldn't want to die, Naruto."

Now he turned his head to look at her too. He thought his face must have looked pretty devoid of emotions, since she seemed even sadder now. "Give me just one good reason why, Sakura-chan."

"You…" Her face became blank. He could see it in her face how she was struggling to find an answer. A reason for him to live. "That…" She couldn't think of anything. "You don't necessarily need a reason to live!" she suddenly shouted.

"Easy for you to say." He didn't feel the slightest bit different about her suddenly shouting at him like that. She gave him a look demanding for him to explain himself. "Your life is normal… average. You have parents that send you off to school with a smile. You don't have issues with getting good grades. People don't hate you for no reason. You have your handful of friends and maybe a few people you just don't get along with. You have goals in life and things to achieve. You're troubled by things every normal teenager our age is troubled by. Someone like you, someone that lives a normal life… a life you're supposed to live as a teenager… someone like you doesn't need a reason to live. You don't need something that keeps you from jumping off the next bridge. There's nothing to drive you to keep struggling with life because you don't struggle. That's why we're different, Sakura-chan. I need a reason like that. I need something that keeps me living, something I can tell myself to encourage myself to go on. I don't have anything like that at all though. The only reason I'm living right now is cause I'm afraid. But you know… I always tell myself that one day, I'll have the courage to jump off this roof and end it all."

Now she's dumb-founded. Awesome, Naruto! You just scored! Sensitivity: 0 and Naruto: 1! Not funny? Guess not. She's crying. Fuck… She looks so shocked. Wait, is she choking? Ah… No, she's just hyperventilating.

…

Double fuck…

Next chapter: Little Black Lies