You know the thing I'd do first
Chapter Four
Tracy knew that it was too much to ask, that this man, who had appeared at her door just over an hour ago, would be the type of guy who would not spend his lonely evenings at bars hitting on single women.
She had hoped for better from him. He had seemed kind and his bearing implied a depth of honesty that she was unused to sensing from most other men in New York. Yet, as she stood there, watching him flirt comfortably with a red headed woman, Tracy fully appreciated the extent of her error.
She climbed out of the entrance of MacLaren's and onto 55th Street, a largely residential area of New York. Two drunk men stumbled past her and on to their way home through a chilly evening. They were young, perhaps in their early twenties. One of them turned around and gazed at Tracy. He watched her for a moment with a frankness that was uncomfortable. His friend soon picked up on this and led him away around the corner.
She thought of Louis, sitting at home in front of his hockey, quite unaware of her distress. The thought of it brought tears to her eyes. She blamed the cold consciously, allowing herself to believe the lie if only for a moment. Louis was, after all, a good man who held nothing but sincere feelings for her, she was certain of that much. That, in itself, seemed an unusual quality at that precise moment.
'Hi,' she heard a man's voice from behind her. She started walking, determined not to be side-tracked.
'Wait,' he said. She could hear him break into a jog until he was almost next to her.
She turned around and stopped, ready to confront him, to make whatever remark that came to mind to ward off more unwanted attention until she realised who had caught up with her.
'It's you,' she said.
'Yeah, hi,' the architecture professor replied, the man from the bar, this Ted stood opposite her on the sidewalk.
'What do you want?' Tracy asked, more sharply than she had intended.
Ted hesitated. He gazed past her for a moment, examining the apartment block behind them, as if that would grant him the power of speech.
'I just wanted to catch up with you, cause you have to understand what was happening in there,' he said.
'Oh, I have a good idea what was happening,' Tracy replied.
'It wasn't, she made the move, okay, I did not ask her to sit with me. She's just someone from a long time ago…'
'One of your exes, right?'
Tracy walked away from him, as fast as she could. She could not bear to look back at his listless expression.
She could not work out why she was quite so angry, why she was wasting such levels of emotion on a man she did not know. It seemed very curious, though she forced herself to put aside such notions as she focussed on her route home, sharply turning right onto 9th Avenue.
'Wait, please,' he said again, having kept pace with her.
'What do you want from me?' Tracy asked, coming to a stop.
'That woman, she's not an ex. She's just a girl I met years ago at a dance club.'
'Oh, well that's so much better.'
Ted stopped in front of her, he shifted his weight from one foot to the other. He looked away from Tracy and at the traffic flooding along the avenue, before turning back to face her.
'Look, who are you?' she asked.
'What do you mean?' he responded evenly.
'It's just, for someone who I only met delivering leaflets an hour ago, you look at me as if…'
'…As if, what?'
'As if, we've known each other for years, and, frankly, I don't get it.'
Ted looked past her again, he shook his head slightly as if to ward off a stray thought, before looking her again in the eye.
'It's nothing like that, I just, it's just…' he trailed off.
'What, it's just what?' she asked.
'I'm attracted to you, okay. That's all,' he concluded.
'Oh,' she replied.
A moment of silence followed. Tracy had a sudden, deep awareness of her movements, she glanced quickly up and down the sidewalk, it seemed that no one was paying them any particular notice. She looked back at Ted, making a conscious effort to remain still and maintain a non-committal expression.
'I'm sorry, I know that you're with someone and you don't want to hear it…' he began.
'No, no, it's fine,' Tracy interjected.
'I'm just bad at hiding my feelings. My friends always tell me so. One of them is so good at this.'
'Blonde guy, around your height?'
'Yeah.'
'I've met him.'
Ted smiled. A young couple pulled up in a taxi, paid their fare and walked into an apartment block ten metres to the left of where they stood.
'He's a pain in the ass,' Ted said.
Tracy could not help but laugh at that. Yet, she felt sympathy for him, imagining that he had spent many nights feeling overshadowed by the blonde man.
'He tried to hit on me a few months ago, unsuccessfully, I should add,' she said.
'Well, you're not the first, although you may have been one of the last,' Ted replied, somewhat cryptically.
She wondered what that meant, before pushing aside that train of thought.
'Ted, you're a good guy, but I've got to get home,' Tracy said.
'Sure, absolutely,' Ted replied.
'I, um, know where to find you,' she found herself adding.
A few seconds of silence passed between them. Their eyes met once more. Ted blinked.
'Yeah, MacLaren's,' he finally concluded, looking away.
Tracy forced herself to do likewise, gazing out at the traffic, it seemed to be populated by a mix of couples in taxis on their way home and stressed out city workers who had worked two hours later than planned. In the ten minutes they had been talking the traffic had become, as is habitual in New York, stationary.
'So, I should let you go home,' Ted said, offering his hand.
'Yeah, of course,' Tracy replied, shaking it.
He walked back in the direction of MacLaren's. Tracy watched his first few steps. He turned around after five paces, perhaps noting that she had not yet moved.
'Could I just ask for your name?' Ted asked.
'My name's Tracy,' she replied.
Ted nodded. He had a curious expression on his face for a moment as a strange half-smile emerged from it.
'Good night, Tracy,' he said, as he turned to resume his walk.
'Good night, Ted,' she replied.
Tracy turned to the opposite direction and walked at a brisk pace. The sidewalk was progressively emptying as people arrived home for the evening. She thought of Ted as she walked, finding that she felt confusion, a pleasant form of confusion that she had not felt in many years.
Author's Note: Apologies for the long, long delay in updating this one!
I broke one of my fingers pretty badly recently so typing has been much harder, although I've also been working on original stuff which has been keeping me away from this. I am gradually recovering from said injury so I hope to be more efficient in getting on with it over the coming months!