Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon or Codename: Sailor V, they belong to Naoko Takeuchi and Toei. I make no money.

Thanks to Malevolent Dark Reflection for the review. :)

Chapter 4: Don't bottle it up

When Usagi wakes up in the morning, Mamoru has already left. She rises, luxuriating in the warmth of the bed, when the memories of the previous night hit her like a truck. She bolts out of bed, shivers when her bare feet touch the icy floor. She goes out into the living room, expecting to see Minako on the couch, and is surprised to see only Kunzite's stone in the room. She touches the stone, curious, and the shade of Kunzite appears. Usagi takes an instinctual step back. Kunzite notices, but since it's Usagi, the future queen and savior of his prince, He doesn't try to intimidate her any further.

"My Queen?" He asks deferentially. She is the one his prince has chosen, and she is a force of good in her own right, so she has his respect.

"I'm not queen yet Kunzite, just call me Usagi" Usagi replies, with a bit of a pout. Queen makes her feel old. It reminds her of responsibility yet to come. And Usagi doesn't want subjects, she wants friends.

"Of course, Usagi. Why did you call me?" Kunzite always had been blunt.

"I didn't mean to, didn't even know I could, but since you're here... can I... would you mind... what happened to Minako?" Usagi asks awkwardly. She doesn't want to seem nosy, but she wants to know if there is anything she can do to help her friend.

If anyone other than Usagi had asked, Kunzite would not have answered, knowing that Minako would prefer to tell her friends when she felt that she was ready. However, Kunzite thought that if anyone should know what happened, it would be Usagi. Though he would not like to admit it, Kunzite is still worried about Minako, and he believes that Usagi would be the best person to help Minako.

"Minako was suffering from an unbalanced identity. She awakened to her past as Sailor Venus earlier than it was healthy for her to remember. She came to view her memories as the memories of a different person. It split her personality, and her past life's personality; Sailor Venus was becoming dominant. It was exhausting her with nightmares about the past. When she saw me last night, her past connected with the present, using me as a bridge. She knows who she is now. After she had her revelation, she left." Kunzite finished, not allowing his discomfort at sharing such personal, emotion-laden information to show on his face.

"So she'll be alright now?" Usagi asks, refusing to acknowledge the awkwardness of conversation, like only she can. Kunzite mentally grinds his teeth, on the outside, he is emotionless as ever.

"The cause of the problem is fixed... but I think that someone should speak to her to be sure."

Usagi senses Kunzite's hesitation, his concern for Minako, and his worry that he has no right to be involved in Minako's life. She smiles reassuringly (or at least she hopes that it is reassuring),

"I'll go over to see her" Usagi goes to the bedroom to get dressed, but before she does she turns and asks "Did you see Mamoru leave?"

"Yes, he left half-an-hour ago for his morning jog."

"Ah.. okay. Well... I'm going to change and go to Minako's so..." Usagi looks at the stone, unsure how to ask about it, wondering if Kunzite is going to go back or just float around in the house.

Kunzite gives her the out she was looking for, and bull-dozes over the awkwardness, knowing Usagi (and he) would be more comfortable if they ignored it.

"Before you go, could you place my stone with the others? I need to speak with them."

"Sure." Usagi replies, and Kunzite fades away. Usagi places the stone on its altar, goes to change clothes, and walks to Minako's apartment building.

During the walk to Minako's apartment building, Usagi watches the world around her, looking for something she couldn't explain. She can sense some grand change coming, blazing across the sky like a shooting star. She knows instinctively that the change will be big and permanent. She take pictures of the now in her mind; the people exiting restaurants, the teen girls looking at store mannequins with envy in their eyes, so like the way she used to. At Minako's door, Usagi hesitates before she knocks. What should she say? What can she say? She takes the plunge and knocks, deciding she'll figure it out as she goes. The Minako who answers the door is not the usual happy-go-lucky Minako. Usagi is sad to see her friend unhappy, but is relieved that the pretenses are over.

"Usagi, come in." Minako's voice is hoarse. Usagi feels bad, she probably woke her up. She and Minako sit down on the couch and Usagi looks down at her hands, at a loss for words.

"I guess you want to know what happened, huh?" Minako begins, clearing her throat. Usagi thinks that Minako seems less... fragile. She's hurting, but she has something she didn't have before, hope. Usagi hadn't noticed its absence until it was back, glittering in Minako's eyes like a solitary star. Minako has a bitter, self-mocking smile on her face, but she isn't hiding anymore.

After a long pause, Usagi replies "Yes... If you don't mind telling me."

Minako seems relieved to finally get the story off her chest, and begins.

'Alright... It'd be best if I started at the beginning. When I was thirteen, Artemis found me and gave me the power to become Sailor V. Along the way I met a young man named Saitou. I liked him, and he seemed somehow... familiar to me... but, I'm getting off track. I met a hero named Kaitou Ace. He was my Tuxedo Mask, or at least he seemed to be, but it turned out he was an enemy, the reincarnation of a Venusian soldier that had been in love with me. My memories of my past life returned, triggered by his trap, a movie set that resembled the Moon Palace. We fought, and before he died, he gave me a love fortune : "Your love... will never be granted, for all eternity."

After that," Minako's voice breaks. "After that, I lived and worked as if I were Sailor Venus. I became a different person when I was Sailor Venus, because I came to think of "Minako" as a false identity, a disguise to hide me until I awakened. It.. split me, I didn't think my life as "Minako" was my real self anymore. I was able to hide it when we had enemies to fight, but recently... the past m- the separate identity of Sailor Venus was reliving the end, over and over. I couldn't sleep at night, or I'd have nightmares. It was draining me. Last night... the exhaustion made me weak. I dreamt of the past as I slept, and when I woke... Kunzite was there. When I saw him, unchanged from how Sailor Venus remembered him, looking at me the same way he used to... I saw the red string of fate between us and it was like a link... between the past me and the present me. And then Venus wasn't a separate person anymore. I, Minako Aino, am Sailor Venus." Minako stops, gets up, and grabs two glasses of water. She offers one to Usagi and she takes it, so she can have something to do with her hands.

"So what is hurting you now?" Usagi asks, because the lingering pain in Minako's eyes is plain to see. Minako's hand tightens around her glass and her knuckles turn white. She looks down, and her bangs obscure her face. She says through her teeth: "I... have failed... so many times.. to protect you... as is my job as leader of the inner senshi. I've lost count of the times you have had to face an enemy alone because I was dead or too weak to help you. I have failed to fulfill my duty. I've failed my lost home planet, your former mother Queen Serenity, my fellow senshi, and most of all I have failed you. I should be punished, but there is no Queen, no council of planets now. I would resign as Sailor Venus if there was anyone capable of taking my place.

"Don't ever say that!" Usagi cries, "You are my friend! I wouldn't trust anyone else in your place. It's not your fault. You can't always protect me Minako, and you've saved me just as many times as I've saved you. Maybe more." Usagi takes a sip of her water, and calms down. Usagi knows that nothing she can say can soothe doubts like Minako's away. Ultimately, no one can improve your self-esteem but you. Minako has to learn to value herself again on her own, the most Usagi can do is be there for her and give her opportunities to prove herself.

Earlier, at Hikawa shrine, Rei Hino awoke, puffy-eyed, from a short and troubled sleep. She went through the motions of the morning routine, put on a smile to say good morning and goodbye to her grandfather, and left to go to Minako's apartment. Inside, Rei feels a wall of ice around her heart. She hones it, transforms it into armor that makes her natural grace sharper, colder, and painfully beautiful. She thinks that she does not deserve happiness with Jadeite, and tries to resign herself to a life without him. She has no idea what to say to Minako. She doesn't plan to tell anyone what she's learned, and hopes that she doesn't run into Usagi for a few days. If she were to see Usagi too soon, Usagi would be able to get past the wall of ice she put up. Rei wants to be strong. Rei has to be strong, by herself. Rei gets to Minako's apartment in a daze, but snaps into awareness when she hears Usagi's voice through the door, "Don't ever say that!". Rei almost turns and leaves, but finds her feet rooted to the spot, her arm rising to knock in the silence of a lull in conversation. With a mind of its own, her hand forms a loose fist, and knocks. Rei wonders if it's that old part of her, the one that spoke to her when she was lost in memories the night before. It's so quiet she can hear someone get off the couch and pad, barefoot, to the door.

It's Minako who answers. Rei can't say she's shocked by Minako's disheveled appearance. Minako looks the way that Rei feels.

"Oh. Rei. Come in." Rei does. Usagi takes one look at Rei and knows that something is wrong. Minako seems to get this information from Usagi's eyes and doesn't continue what she was going to say. Rei comes in, and sits on the side of the couch away from Usagi.

"I came to see if you were alright, Minako-chan." Rei says, with forced brightness that is all too noticeable.

"I am. You, on the other hand, do not seem to be alright." Minako states, done with pretenses.

Rei is not done pretending yet. "I don't know what you mean."

"You came to get me to spill my guts, it's only fair of you to do the same. So spill, what's wrong?" Minako demonstrates a bluntness that reminds Rei and Usagi of Kunzite. It amuses Usagi and irritates Rei. Minako continues when Rei stares blankly at the wall. "All three of us remember that the inner senshi were in relationships with Endymion's shitennou, and we were all betrayed and killed by our lovers. That reminds me, Usagi, does Mamoru remember?"

Usagi ponders it. "He's never mentioned it to me, but because he brought Kunzite out to see you last night, I'd say that he does."

"That makes sense." Minako replies. Usagi suspects that Minako is so eager to question Rei because she doesn't want to talk about what she said earlier.

Rei looks down at her feet. "Since we all know now, and we all know that we all know, I might as well admit that it was my fault the Moon Kingdom fell."

Minako waves off the statement. "Even though you fell while guarding the front gate, it's not your fault the monsters got in, they got all of us. Mercury died while guarding the back gate, then Jupiter died while raining lighting down on our enemies from the roof. Serenity killed herself after Beryl killed Endymion, I killed Beryl with the sword, and was then killed battling the body that used to be Kunzite." Rei flinched when Minako said Beryl. Both Usagi and Minako noticed. Usagi looked sheepish when her suicide was mentioned.

Usagi is the first to speak. "Rei, why do you blame yourself for what happened?" Usagi gives Rei such a look of trust and acceptance that Rei's wall of ice breaks.

Rei bites her lip, lets her dark bangs obscure her face and speaks. Minako gets Rei a glass of water. "I... I remembered something last night. Something more than what happened on the moon. Something from... before..."

"You had a life before you were Princess Mars?" Usagi asks, surprisingly unsurprised.

"Yes", Rei continues, " I had been a priestess on earth. The people did not allow priestesses and priests to marry, and well... one day I met Jadeite. We fell in love and went against the rules the people set for us. I got pregnant, the people, one evil official in particular found out... and after our daughter was born, Jadeite and I were executed. We were reborn. Our daughter lived, and the evil man who trapped us and tortured me raised her. He tried to turn her evil but our blood was too strong. However, with each descendant, our blood's power waned. The last descendant... was Beryl." Tears begin to well up in Rei's eyes and run down her face. "So you see? It was my fault all along. If I had never loved Jadeite, Beryl never would have existed. She wouldn't have taken Metalia's power and destroyed the Moon Kingdom. She wouldn't have been reborn and attempted to do it again." Rei becomes silent, and refuses to look Usagi or Minako in the eye. Usagi and Minako are speechless. Usagi gets over it first. She moves, and wraps her arm around Rei's tense shoulder.

"Let me tell you something, both of you blame yourselves for things you had no power to prevent. As Serenity, you all knew me as a naïve, trouble-making princess interested in nothing but her own love life. The reason I was so willing to risk everything to be with Endymion, even for one moment, was because I knew there was nothing to lose."

If the situation weren't so serious, Usagi would laugh at the simultaneous "What?" and the matching confused looks on Minako and Rei's faces.

"My mother, Queen Serenity, had been teaching me about the politics of the planetary alliance. For thousands of years, the alliance was becoming increasingly bureaucratic. The ruler of the Moon, the most neutral party of the alliance, was slowly being stripped of political power. There were no royal rulers on Uranus, Neptune, Pluto, or Mars. The servants ruling Mars would have had you killed if you hadn't become Sailor Mars, Rei. The decrease in cooperation between the planets was leading to a decline in technology of Jupiter, and the planet's storms were becoming fiercer. If they had continued unchecked, they would have eventually made the planet uninhabitable. My mother knew that things would not have lasted much longer. So I knew that things were not going to last. Even if... even if Beryl had never existed... had never become one with Metalia... the Silver Millennium would have come to an end anyway. It's not your fault, either of you. One way or another, it would have ended, there was nothing anyone could do." The shell-shocked looks on girls faces don't amuse Usagi this time. They are evidence of a worldview shifted, an idyllic picture of their past wiped away. Though it cleared them of blame, it did not absolve their internal guilt, but it allowed them to speak aloud the feelings and misconceptions they had been bottling up inside for so long. And to have their secret fears comforted reconnected them, and made them realize how disconnected they had become.

"I'm sorry I killed your great-great-great-great...granddaughter Rei." Minako chokes out.

"S'okay, she deserved it." Rei says, sniffling just a little bit.

"I'm sorry for doing it again when she was reborn." Minako says.

"S'okay, she deserved it that time too." Rei says, smiling a little bitterly. They hug and hide their tears in each others shoulders. Usagi lets them have their moment, and lets the tears well up in her own eyes. For a moment she recalls a time when her hair was silver, and the tears were caused by the sight of her beloved Endymion dying. Now, like then, she bites her lower lip. But unlike then, now she does not scream. Usagi keeps the screams inside now, most of the time. She nurtures an effervescent optimism, does her best to light up the people around her. Usagi tries not to dwell very long on sadness. She does her best to live every moment, grateful to be alive. By the time Rei and Minako notice Usagi's absence, she has stopped crying. They invite her into the hug too.

After they've all calmed down, They sit on the couch, silent in the aftermath of their revelations. "I think... that there must be a way bring the shitennou back to life." Usagi says. "They were reborn, before Beryl brought them back into her service. We came back. We came back even after falling into the galaxy cauldron. I think the shitennou are meant to be a part of the new world, to be there for Mamoru the way all of you are here for me."

Hurt and feeling guilty the way they are, Rei and Minako think the possibility is too good to be true.

"How can they be part of the future? While we were there we didn't see any evidence that they were alive." Minako asks, not unreasonably.

"They might have been asleep like the people, or they might have been hidden from us, to avoid changing the past. Even if they weren't part of the future when we visited, the future can change. We've proved that. I think it's entirely possible that we can find a way to bring them back." Usagi speaks earnestly, her voice making the promises she couldn't trust to words.

"Always an optimist, Usagi." Rei chides jokingly, proudly, with a smile in her voice and on her face. Her tone renders Usagi's name affectionately, like she would be ruffling Usagi's hair if she was a young child.

"I think... we should keep an eye on Ami and Makoto. If we pay attention, we might see the signs of their memories returning before it gets so bad that they suffer a break down." Usagi says unwillingly. She doesn't want to spy on her friends, but she doesn't want them to be unhappy.

"Yes, I think that would be for the best." Minako states, her mind on the pros and cons of the situation.

"I... think I should go. Mamoru is probably back from his jog now, and he needs to know what we've decided."

"I should be going too, Ojiisan is probably scaring away customers at the shrine. You can come and help out if you want, Minako. It might be good to get out of the house."

"Yes, I think I will. Give me a few minutes to get dressed?"

"Of course Minako."

"Bye Minako, Bye Rei."

"Bye Usagi." Minako and Rei call.

Usagi walks out the door, and Minako and Rei listen to it close. Minako goes to change in her room and they think about the conversation they just had.

Another long one. What I think I'm going to do (not entirely sure yet), is write a oneshot about Ami, and then a chapter or two (of Dominos, keeping with the theme.) about the aftermath of what happens to Ami. Then I'll do the same for Makoto. I'm also planing to do a oneshot for Sailor Uranus's birthday next week. I also have school work (eeeevil research paper *hiss*), so please bear with me. The Uranus oneshot will most likely be done first.

'Till next time! Meow. :)