As far as Daryl could tell it was evening. He'd become better at estimating the time of day by the noises he could hear from the common area. Rick had not been back yet. Daryl guessed he was still angry, and he didn't blame him. Daryl was used to feeling useless and unwanted, though it was much harder to bear now that he couldn't even remove himself from the company of those who didn't want him. Also, he had to admit to himself that feeling unwanted by Rick was much more painful than feeling unwanted by his pa or Merle.

Daryl had started scraping his hand against the wall again when Carol had left. He didn't even know why he was doing it. There was no rage in him now, just numbness. He supposed that it was better to feel the pain than to feel nothing at all.

He was cradling his hand against his chest, concentrating on the throbbing sensation of the raw skin on his knuckles to keep all other thoughts at bay when he heard footsteps behind him. He didn't even try to hide what he'd done from Rick. What was the point? He'd see it anyway.

"I wish you wouldn't do that."

Rick's voice sounded so sad, Daryl felt ashamed of what he'd just done, and the thoughts going through his head. He didn't turn round. There was the sound of Rick toeing off his boots. Then Daryl felt the mattress descending a little behind him as Rick stretched out on the bunk.

A hand snuck around to Daryl's front, and Rick scooted close. Still holding on to his own wrist and keeping his body tense, Daryl wasn't sure whether he was ready to relent yet. But then Rick spoke.

"Don't be angry with me, man. I am sorry, I shouldn't have pushed you. I know I was doing it all wrong…"

All of Daryl's anger vanished. He turned around with difficulty in the small space next to the wall and buried his face in Rick's shirt. Rick smelled of baby formula, gun oil and soap, and the familiar smell was both comforting and a reminder of what they'd been like before. Daryl could feel tears threatening again. Rick pulled him close and held him fast, and Daryl could feel the other man's breath catch in his throat as he fought his own tears.

But Daryl didn't want to cry again. He wanted to show Rick that there was nothing to forgive, and that he still felt for him the same way as before. Daryl raised his head from Rick's chest, and brought his hand up to find Rick's face. Then he kissed the other man gently. It was clumsy at first, but once Rick started responding it felt just as good as all the other times before.

Rick pulled back after a few minutes. "Maybe this is too soon…"

Daryl's chest felt suddenly tight. He should have known that Rick would not want him now, damaged and useless. He tried to keep his voice level. "Ok, if you don't want…"

"That's not it, of course I want to, there's nothing I'd rather do…"

"Then what's the problem?"

There was a pause. Rick's voice was almost inaudible when he spoke again. "I don't want to hurt you, man. I love you so much, I could not bear to cause any more pain."

That stopped all Daryl's thoughts in their tracks. Neither had said that word to the other before. Love. And suddenly Daryl didn't want to talk, or think, or worry. He just wanted his man to take him and love him, and make them both feel good. Not a man of words, and certainly not the kind that could explain just how much this meant to him Daryl instead kissed Rick again, letting him feel that right now being with Rick would be the exact opposite of hurt. Showing his lover just how much he needed this now.

And Rick responded in kind. He started unbuttoning Daryl's shirt, letting his hands slide down his bare chest as soon as he could, pushing the fabric away and making for Daryl's fly. For Daryl the sensation was as intense as he ever remembered it being. Whether it was because he could no longer rely on his eyes, or because it had been too damn long since they'd been together he didn't know, but it seemed unimportant. All that counted now was skin on skin, feeling alive under his lover's hands.

Daryl closed his eyes. He knew it was silly, but somehow it helped him focus on what was going on rather than their whole fucked-up situation. He let his hands wander down Rick's chest, seeking out the waistband and finding the buttons. He undid them one by one, every so often brushing lightly against Rick's growing erection.

When all the buttons were open Daryl slid a hand inside his lover's pants and took him in his hand. Rick was already fully hard, and desire to feel the other man inside became the first thought in ages that actually managed to push everything else to the back of Daryl's mind.

"I need to feel you inside, now."

Rick's breath had sped up as Daryl stroked his cock and now he made short work of Daryl's own fly. Daryl felt his pants and boxer shorts pulled down and heard the fabric hit the floor. Then Rick pulled his own pants down and dropped them over the side as well.

Rick took Daryl's erection into his hand now, and Daryl moaned under the touch of the warm and familiar fingers. Rick started positioning himself on the mattress, pushing Daryl's legs apart. But then he stopped, and his hand stopped too on Daryl's cock.

"Are you sure this is what you want."

For an answer Daryl sought out Rick's other hand which was lying against his thigh and squeezed it.

"Yes, man. I am sure. Please…" Daryl didn't even care much about how needy he must be sounding to Rick, he was so desperate to feel something pleasant for a change.

Rick sighed, and it was both a sigh of longing and of sadness. Daryl could tell, because his own feelings were the same. But then Rick continued shifting himself into place. Daryl could feel him reach down under the bed and knew that he was getting the slick which they kept there. A small click indicated the opening of the bottle, and thirty seconds later he could feel Rick's hands on his buttocks, a finger pushing slowly against his entrance.

With the other hand Rick again encircled Daryl's erection, and as he started pushing in one finger he began a steady up and down motion on his cock. Daryl arched his back and pushed down, to feel Rick more, to get him to hurry up. Rick got the message and shifted again, now bracing himself with one hand on the mattress by Daryl's side, guiding his erection into place with the other.

Daryl could feel the tip of Rick's cock press against his opening and he started trembling with anticipation. Rick entered him slowly, and to Daryl this was the most intense sensation he could remember ever experiencing with his lover.

When Rick hit his prostate Daryl knew he would last only seconds. He took his own erection in one hand now and cradled his balls with the other. He needed to experience this as fully as he could manage.

"You close, Daryl?"

"Hmm…"

"Don't wait. I'm almost there too…"

Rick's voice was husky, full of arousal, and just hearing it, and realizing that he'd spoken so that Daryl would know what he could no longer see filled Daryl with desire and love all over again. He bucked his hips to maximize the sensation of Rick's cock inside him and then came with a low moan.

Riding the waves as long as he could he felt Rick's orgasm and pulled the other man on top, holding on, stroking Rick's back and savoring the contact of skin on skin.

He never felt the crash coming. One second he was still recovering from one of the best orgasms he'd ever experienced, the next moment waves of despair and rage broke over him. His right hand went up to his head, clawing and tearing at his hair, while he slammed his left fist into the wall again and again.

"Daryl, stop!"

Rick's startled voice sounded loud in Daryl's ears, as he grabbed hold of both Daryl's arms. He slid off Daryl, who tried to pull free and shrink back. Rick held fast, increasing his grip until it was acutely painful on Daryl's wrists. Daryl let out a howl of misery, arching back, trying desperately to get away. But then, just as quickly as the feeling had come, the fight went out of him. Suddenly the rage turned to an all-encompassing sadness and Daryl crumpled onto the mattress.

He felt Rick pull him into his chest and cover them both with the blanket. Daryl thought he could hear some commotion from the doorway, but didn't care. Nobody spoke and Daryl just buried his face against Rick's shoulder, sobbing.

Rick never let go of him all the while he was crying. He held him, soothed him with gentle strokes on his back, smoothed the hair from his face and rocked them both. He made small soothing noises, like those he sometimes made to Judith. But Daryl could tell that he was crying as well, and his hatred of himself intensified for causing his lover more pain. He didn't understand what had happened, why he had reacted the way he did. Finally, exhausted from the barrage of feelings coursing through him, he drifted off.