Part III:

Trust

Phase 2 - Fellowship

The crowds were a blur. Everything whipped by at such an incredible speed, no one could have ever hoped to make any sense of it. But for Haruka, everything seemed almost to slow down, spanning out in a timeless moment of perfection. The faster she drove, the more she felt it. She and the car were one, one body, almost as if she had melded with it as soon as she took her place in the driver's seat. No place felt as right. She could almost feel the wind ripping by the sides of the car, consuming it, ready to lift it off the ground.

Haruka tore across the finish line in first place and pulled to a stop, climbing out of the car to the sound of cheering from all around her. She barely had time to stand up out of the vehicle before Shinyuuki ran to embrace her tightly, tears in her eyes. "I'm so proud of you, Haruka-chan!"

Kazekage laughed and slapped Haruka on the shoulder. "I always said I wouldn't miss a race. I knew you could do it, chibi."

Haruka's eyes snapped open, and she sat upright in bed. The feeling of the driver's seat, the controls at her fingertips, the wind just inches away from her, and the sound of cheering were still fresh in her mind. As was the feeling of her mother embracing her once again. Exhaling slowly, the girl looked at one of the racecar models on her dresser. Maybe someday…

Looking at the clock, Haruka swore under her breath, jumping from the bed to dress as quickly as possible. Forgetting breakfast, she hurried to school only to arrive fifteen minutes late despite her efforts.

Haruka was restless the entire day. Come free time, she was none too disinterested when someone challenged her to a race. At least half a dozen boys were ready to test their speed along with their pride. Haruka waited ready at the starting line, one foot positioned in front of the other, her fingertips barely touching the ground, waiting for the signal for the race the begin.

The boy next to Haruka, Tozasu, a sturdy-built young man a year ahead of her in school, leaned over a bit so that she could hear him speak in a low enough voice that no one else heard. "Hey, you know that girl over there?" He motioned with his head. "Hakaru Yuuwa?"

Haruka did not turn to look at the boy or up at Yuuwa but instead kept her eyes straight ahead. "Yeah, I know her."

"Yeah, I heard about your whole little ordeal, fagot. Well listen, she's my girl now, and if you come anywhere near her, I'll beat the snot out of you."

"I haven't gone anywhere near her in more than a year and a half. So either you don't really know her that well or you can't count. And if I were you, I'd be a little more careful who I threatened."

Tozasu snorted. "Yeah right, I'd never lose to a girl. Even a punk-ass girl like you."

There was a shout for the race to begin, and Haruka took off at the head of the group, gaining ground even as the others struggled to rob her of the advantage she'd gained from an abnormally quick start. But she knew full well that they wouldn't catch her. They couldn't, not a single boy in her whole school. In the whole world.

Putting every boy running against her to shame, Haruka waited patiently at the finish line for the others to arrive. Tozasu showed up with his chest heaving, breaths coming in ragged gasps, and Haruka approached him calmly, her heartbeat no higher than normal. She glowered down at the boy, who doubled over as he attempted to catch his breath. "I have no intention of touching your girlfriend or even looking at her sideways, asshole. Just know that the same threat stands for you. You hurt her, and I'll make you wish you were never whelped." Before giving him a chance to respond, Haruka turned her back and walked away without another word.

* * * * *

"What problem do you have with being a girl, anyway?" one of Haruka's classmates once asked her. This, of course, was after news of her whole saga with Yuuwa had somewhat gotten around. Really, not so many people knew, comparatively. Girls still flirted with Haruka, thinking she was a guy, but people whispered at lunch tables sometimes and cast Haruka strange glances as she passed by. She simply did as she always had — ignored everyone. What did it matter? They were all a bunch of morons anyhow.

"I don't have a problem with being a girl," Haruka replied simply.

"Then why do you dress like a boy and act like a boy and date girls?"

Haruka raised an eyebrow. The boy was small and scrawny, at least half a foot shorter than she was and wearing funny shaped glasses. She had to admit, he had guts talking the way he was to someone who could beat him to a pulp without breaking a sweat. "Why do you?"

The boy blinked. "What? I am a boy."

"What's your name, kid?"

"Keiji. And I don't think I'm really a kid to you since we're in the same grade."

"Well, listen, Keiji-san. You might want to try to stay out of things that are none of your damn business before you get the living shit beat out of you — but since I find you somewhat amusing, I'll answer you as best I can anyway. Why do most girls wear dresses and frilly stuff and play with dolls or whatever else they do?"

Keiji blinked again. "'Cause that's the way girls are."

"Wrong. That's the way they are, but not me. Sure, it's normal for girls to do all that crap, but I was never that way. And it's not just me. There are other people like that too, girls who play sports and dress in pants and wear their hair short like this."

"But why do you wanna date girls? Was it just so people would think you were a boy?"

"No, I don't try to make people think I'm what I'm not. But I don't really mind being mistaken for a guy, either. I went out with Yuuwa-san because I really liked her."

"Isn't that sort of gross?"

"Of course not! There are guys who date other guys, aren't there?"

"I think that's gross too."

"Well, you're a freakin' baka. We all be who we are, and whoever doesn't is a real wuss."

"My daddy says it isn't natural for girls to date each other and that people who do it are wrong."

"You're dad's an asshole," Haruka growled. "And I'm getting pretty sick of you. Don't know why I didn't just pound your face in to begin with."

"Why don't you just act like every other girl?"

"I thought we'd been through this already! This is how I wanna be, like it or not. It's the way I really am, and I don't let anyone tell me what not to do. Now are you gonna bug off or what?"

"I think you're cool. Do you really like kissing other girls, and you're not just doing it to show off?"

Haruka stared at the boy. "You are the most random person I've ever met. Yes, I like girls. Live with it or get lost."

"Well, I'm not gay, but I think you're pretty brave for it anyway. Can I have your autograph?"

Haruka blinked. "Again with the random… Why the hell would you want my autograph? I thought you thought it was wrong to be a homosexual."

"A what?"

"Gay, baka!"

"I thought I did too. Maybe I still do. Why do people say it's wrong, again?"

"You got me. Ask your dad, he seems to know just fine."

Keiji smiled. "Did you really beat every boy in the grade in track racing?"

"I didn't race every boy in the grade, but I guarantee I could dust 'em all."

"Isn't that kind of cocky?"

No, because I am the wind…."Not when it's the truth. Besides, I'm not renowned for my lack of arrogance."

"You're not renowned for anything except fighting and kissing girls."

"Probably not. Why are you still here again?"

"I hear you beat up the principal once."

"What? Whoever said that was pulling your dick. If I did, I'd be expelled right now."

"Could you beat up the principal?"

"Is there a point to this conversation?"

"Well, could you?"

"I could beat up you!"

"What time is it?"

"What? Where'd that come from?"

"I have to check out at eleven thirty," Keiji replied.

Haruka sighed and checked her watch. "Eleven forty-five. You're late, baka."

"I'll talk to you again, Haruka-san."

"If you do, you'd better come up with better conversation topics."

The boy just smiled and waved. "Ja ne."

"What a messed up kid," Haruka said, shaking her head, after he'd left.

* * * * *

"Haruka-chan…"

The violent winds tore at Haruka's hair and clothes. She could hear her mother's voice, but she could not see her. "Mama!" The child's call disappeared in the whipping wind, carried away where no one could hear it. Still, she shouted, hoping that her words would reach Shinyuuki's ears. "Mama! Where are you? I'm here!"

Then Haruka saw her. She was… in pain. And Haruka did not know how to help. She ran desperately toward the woman, but she was too late. Shinyuuki was gone, torn apart in the storm, along with everything else. "Iie!"

As she turned, Haruka caught a glimpse of a young girl out of the corner of her eye.

Sitting up in bed, Haruka sighed and raised a hand to her forehead. Her dreams were growing steadily worse. But what was really starting to bother her more than anything was the image of the girl. Haruka never saw her clearly. She only saw a shadow or silhouette just before she woke. She did not know much about the girl. She remembered nothing except flowing curls falling becomingly around her delicate shoulders. And those eyes… Despite never being really able to make out the figure's features in detail, Haruka somehow had managed to see her eyes. Those glowing blue orbs, piercing into her soul… calling to her…

Haruka ran a hand through her hair, closing her eyes and trying to envision the girl. She enjoyed little success, but she was sure that whoever the figure in her dream might be, she was undoubtedly the most beautiful person Haruka had ever seen. She appeared to be about Haruka's age, though it was difficult to tell exactly. But Haruka would never forget those eyes.

Climbing out of her bed, the tomboy trotted into the bathroom and flipped on the shower. The cold water quickly soaked her short hair as she let it run down her head and body, washing away the memories. Even over the shower, she could hear the noises coming from her father's bedroom.

It had been four months since the first time Hashira had come home with Seirai Mieru. Now she was around almost as often as he was. Sometimes she even showed up when he wasn't there. Haruka did not mind her father having a girlfriend. It gave him somewhere else to direct his sexual urges, and for that at least Haruka could be grateful. But she entirely loathed Mieru.

While she had seldom been raped since Mieru had first walked into her father's life, the level of abuse Haruka took had sharply increased. She was not sure why the woman hated her so much — perhaps because she saw Haruka as an obstacle to be done away with — but Mieru seemed to go out of her way to find reasons to pit father against daughter. And with two people to corner her and keep an eye on her, it was exponentially harder for Haruka to slip away when the situation looked bad.

The first thing Mieru had been sure to do as soon as Hashira had given her a key to the apartment was to remove all traces of Shinyuuki that were still left behind. Haruka had managed to hide the picture of herself and her mother in the park before the woman found it. Now only that and the piano still remained. Mieru was constantly bitching about that piano, but Hashira always put off getting rid of it, saying he did not want to mess with the hassle of having it hauled out. Haruka hoped that for just once, Mieru would not win. Even now, the woman wouldn't let Haruka play it when she was around. The girl had to find time when she was alone in the apartment, which was getting harder as she tried to avoid coming home due to the fact that her father's young, beautiful girlfriend hung about more and more frequently.

When Hashira had first come home with his new girlfriend, Haruka had brushed it off. She was personally surprised it hadn't happened sooner. She'd never expected any sort of long-lasting loyalty to Shinyuuki from him. But she was growing increasingly uncomfortable around Mieru. Unlike most children in similar situations, she felt no invasion in her family life — what family ties did she hold? It had been quite a long time since she'd last felt the bonds of blood holding her to any relationship. And she did not feel uncomfortable with the idea of her father being with a woman other than her mother. For all she cared, he could fuck every girl from Kyoto to Osaka. If it took the attention away from her as a source from which to derive sexual pleasure, it was all the better. But Mieru... that woman posed a different story entirely. Haruka did not understand this feeling of dread that rose in the pit of her stomach every time her father's mistress walked into the room. As awful as Mieru was to the girl, Haruka was not particularly afraid of her. Still, she felt the need to avoid her presence at all costs. And it was only getting worse.

"You little bitch! A fagot like you doesn't even deserve to be related to a man like him!" Mieru had an odd idea that Haruka was unworthy of being Hashira's daughter. Haruka had never seen herself as so low. She'd never really thought herself better than her father — in fact, she'd envisioned them on about the same level. She knew she wasn't worthy of Shinyuuki's love, and she knew that both she and Hashira had a fair share in destroying the woman. For this reason, she had not in reality thought so badly of her father for raping or beating her. She'd hated him for it, but she hardly felt she deserved better for what she was. An eleven-year-old dyke spawned purely by mistake, no purpose or lot in life to justify her existence, no one to love her or receive her love. She had never earned such a thing as love, an idea so high and pure that she did not even dare to dream of it. Anymore.

One thing about Mieru was that she knew more about Haruka than the child's own father did. Hashira had never figured out that his daughter was gay, never knew of her grades or behavior in school, never knew what she was really like when he wasn't around or, honestly, when he was around. Mieru knew. Mostly because she pried it out of the girl. Hashira never even talked to her, really. So Mieru seemed to think that Haruka's whole life was blackmail material. Haruka did not understand why. What did she care if her father knew everything? He didn't care, and if he did, what the hell was he going to do about it? But the woman still used the knowledge to put Haruka down whenever possible. The sad fact was that it was actually beginning to work as time went on. Haruka was able to cast off the things Mieru said for the most part, but for some reason she always felt low and no good — even more so than usual — whenever the woman was around. She hated that feeling. Even more than, though, she hated that it was Seirai Mieru who could make her feel that way. She could not stop kicking herself for that fact.

Stepping out of the shower, Haruka quickly got dressed and towel-dried her hair. She then went in search of her missing left sneaker. She silently hoped to God it hadn't somehow ended up in her father's room. Finally finding her shoe hidden halfway behind the bookshelf, she jerked it onto her foot and checked her watch. Still nearly an hour and a half until school. Making sure her key was in her pocket, Haruka decided to go out for a run.

Returning nearly an hour later, the girl eased open the door, her eyes darting around inside before she stepped in and softly pushed the door shut behind her, listening to the soft click as it latched. She could still feel the wind in her hair, and she hated to give that feeling up to come back, but she had to retrieve her stuff to go to school.

Moving quietly to her bedroom, Haruka grabbed her bookbag and quickly scooted for the door. She almost made it, too.

"Hey, kid!" Damn! Haruka mentally kicked herself for being too slow. "What do you think you're doing?"

Haruka turned to face Mieru, gritting her teeth to try to keep the scowl off her face. The woman was dressed in nothing but a loosely tied bathrobe, and she wore the same condescending look that always dominated her features whenever she looked at Haruka. "Just going to school. If you don't mind, I'll be on my pathetic way now."

The girl turned quickly, but unfortunately, she could not escape so easily. Maybe in her dreams. "With your grades, you might as well not go."

"My grades are fine, thank you very much. Probably better than yours were."

Mieru laughed. "At least I didn't waste my time making out with little girls in my class." She spat out the words, as though Haruka was not good enough to waste her breath on.

All this time, Haruka continued slowly backing toward the door, knowing better than to leave openly. "I haven't kissed a girl in about a year and a half. Of course, unlike you at my age, I haven't slept with every boy in my class."

Mieru turned red from rage and humiliation. She grabbed Haruka's wrist roughly, jerking the girl back toward her. "What did you say, you little dyke?"

"Let go of me, bitch!" Mieru grabbed Haruka by the hair and threw the child against the nearest wall. Haruka immediately retaliated, swinging her fist hard at the woman's face. The blow would have been enough to knock loose a few of the woman's perfect teeth, but Hashira caught the girl's arm, hitting her hard in the chest and knocking the wind out of her.

Ignoring the pain, Haruka immediately bolted to her feet and made a break for it. Once she had made it out of the building — by that time, she was usually sure no one was following her — she doubled over, gasping for breath.

Haruka swore under her breath. She hated running away like that, like a damn coward. But she could not hope to take on her father. Given half a chance, she knew she could hospitalize Mieru. But Hashira would beat the living shit out of her. She stood no chance. As much as she'd grown over the years, he was still too strong.

Cursing the whole way to school, Haruka found her way to her desk and shut up for the rest of the day, blocking out her teacher and her classmates and anything else that threatened to intrude her far-less-than-perfect world within. No one dared approach her that day, not for any reason. Even the school staff steered clear, as much as they enjoyed their annoying habit of trying to intervene in Haruka's life as though they had a magical ability to fix her problems. They knew her personality well enough by now to know when it was simply idiotic to try working with her.

Haruka did not particularly want to return home after school, not after what had happened that morning, so she wandered around for hours aimlessly. She'd gone to the garage almost immediately after being released from class, but after it closed, she was without anywhere to go.

Climbing to the roof of her apartment building, Haruka made it just in time to watch the sunset. No one else ever went up there, so she did not have to worry about being found. The light evening breeze made her feel a little better, even after such a day. Sighing, she dropped her bookbag on the floor and lay down with her head resting on it like a pillow. Not the most comfortable of sleeping arrangements, but she did not mind. Anything was better than returning home to Hashira and Mieru. At least when it was Hashira alone, Haruka knew what to expect. And she supposed that, despite everything, she had felt some kind of loyalty to him for fathering her. But she owed nothing at all to Mieru, and she could never trust or predict the woman. Sometimes it simply was not worth the hell just to go back home.

Forgetting the dropping temperatures that came with the swiftly approaching night, Haruka allowed her mind to wander to nonexistent worlds where she knew she could feel at home. They weren't nearly as perfect as those she had imagined as a child, but they were better than reality. And maybe, just maybe, there she would be able to meet the elusive girl from her dreams. By the time the twilight colors had faded into the deep night sky, Haruka had drifted away into a peaceful sleep.

* * * * *

The next morning, Haruka managed to sneak into her apartment to shower and eat breakfast without anyone noticing her presence. Though the time was far too early to head to school, she left as soon as she was finished, taking her bookbag with her so that she would have no need to return again that morning.

Trotting along aimlessly, Haruka allowed her mind to wander to the futility of her life in its current state. Ever since her mother had died when she was five, her childhood had been less than happy, but she had not minded it so much. Her father was a royal asshole, but she had taken his drunkenness and abuse in stride. There was absolutely no hope for him — he was always going to be irresponsible and undependable, would always be the same teenager who had gotten Ten'ou Shinyuuki pregnant and then neglected to care for either her or their child even after they were married, who later beat and raped his own daughter and could not stay sober for half a day if it meant his life — but at least his intentions had never been to hurt anyone. Haruka couldn't begin to fathom what it was Mieru wanted. Maybe she was simply lonely and wanted a man to love her and saw Haruka as an obstacle to be removed. The child did not particularly care what her motives were. She just wanted the bitch out of her life. But the way things were going, it did not look like that was going to happen. Haruka could no longer go home.

There seemed to be no place for Haruka anymore. Home was hell. School held no joy except that it was away from her apartment and her father's demonic slut of a girlfriend. The only time she felt anything that could be called happiness was when she was around cars. Her driving skills had sharpened quite a bit, and she learned more about cars every day. They had become her life. But there was nothing else to sustain her. All she could think was that things could not go on this way forever. Something would have to snap.

When it was finally time for school to start, Haruka went straight to her seat and dropped her head onto the desk with a thud. "You look like hell," came a voice from just in front of the tomboy. She lifted her head just enough to see who was speaking to her.

"Oh, it's you again."

Keiji grinned dorkily and dropped into the seat right in front of hers. "Yau. You look like you've been having a rough day already, and first class hasn't even started."

"Don't you have anyone better to annoy?"

"You know, I told my dad about all the stuff you said," Keiji continued, ignoring her inquiry.

"So what?"

"He still things that all homos go to hell."

"If you think it's so bad, why are you still talking to me?"

"I didn't say I thought it was bad."

"Well, do you?"

"I don't know. I haven't decided yet. Even though I was pretty convinced by all you said before. But my daddy still says you're a sinful little girl and should get your life on the right track before it's too late."

"Tell him he can kiss my ass," she replied irritably.

"Why don't you tell him?"

"Nani?"

"Yeah. You had me pretty convinced before. Tell him all that stuff about just being how you were made, and he might actually change his mind."

Haruka shook her head, slumping back in her seat. "I don't think so, Keiji-kun. I can't change his mind. I can't change anything. Besides, he sounds pretty damn firm in his opinion to me."

"Yes you can."

"What?"

"You can change things." Haruka stared at Keiji for a long time, and he stared steadily back.

After quite a while of silence, Haruka finally laughed. "You know, you're not so bad."

"I was thinking the same thing about you. I hope Otou-san is wrong and you're not going to hell."

Haruka chuckled softly. "Well, if I believed in heaven and hell, I doubt I would be going anywhere else."

Keiji blinked. "Do you think you're really that bad?"

"I don't deserve anything better."

The boy was silent for a long time, just staring at Haruka. It was starting to unnerve her. She wished he would either speak or look away. Or, better yet, go away. "Haruka-san, do your parents believe in God?"

"My dad sure as hell doesn't. My mother never talked about God. I think it was because of her parents."

"Were they atheists or something?"

"No, the opposite. They were ardent Christians. But when Mama got pregnant, they practically renounced her as a daughter. I only met them once, and I don't care to see them again. Ever."

"Don't you ever miss not having grandparents around?"

"No," Haruka replied simply. "Family means nothing to me anymore."

"Nothing?"

Haruka sat silently for a long period of time. She had no family left except her father and two grandparents she never saw. How could they mean anything to her? Blood or not, all ties she'd had with anyone had been cut.

"Nothing." However, whatever she managed to say, Haruka knew that she missed the warm feeling of family. She missed her mother and her uncle, even if she could not shed tears for them. Her resolve to let go of what was gone still could not entirely erase them. In fact, it did not erase these feelings at all but simply buried them beneath a rough, arrogant exterior and a stubborn focus on the present.

"But you seem mad at your grandparents for how they treated your mom. Doesn't she still mean anything to you?"

Haruka paused, an idea suddenly running through her head. "Would you like to meet my mother?"

Keiji nodded immediately in response. "Yes, I would."

* * * * *

A soft wind rustled the leaves of the few trees that surrounded the pair. Keiji pushed up his glasses farther on his nose as he knelt down in front of the stone. "I'm sorry, Haruka-san," he said quietly, for once not behaving like his usual annoying, painfully blunt self. "How long has it been?"

"About six years. Or nearly. My uncle died in a car accident not long after, and I've been on my own ever since."

"What happened to your father?"

"He's still around. I wouldn't say that accounts for much, though."

"Why is your name different from hers?" Keiji pointed to the words TEN'OU SHINYUUKI engraved on stone.

"She changed her name to Shujinkou when she and Papa got married. Ten'ou was her maiden name. I thought she should be remembered as who she really was, not as my father's wife. Kazekage agreed with that, so we had Ten'ou put on her gravestone."

"Who's Kazekage?"

"My uncle."

"The one who died?" Haruka nodded. "Man, I don't think I could take it."

"It's not so bad anymore. That's just the way life is. It's one of the reasons I never believed in God."

"Why's that?"

Haruka's face portrayed utter seriousness as she looked down at her mother's grave. "That innocent people should have to suffer the way they did."

"Like you've suffered?"

"No. I'm sure that I deserve everything I got. But Mama didn't deserve any of it, not one little bit. And neither did Kage. They should have gotten to be happy."

Slowly, Keiji rose to his feet. "I'd better get home, Haruka-san. My parents will probably already be worried about me."

"See you later, Keiji-kun."

He waved as he started off. "I'll see you at school." Haruka watched him go for a moment before turning back to Shinyuuki's gravestone. She felt a wave of pain flood through her as she saw the young woman's face once again, could almost feel her embrace. Lowering her head, Haruka turned away and walked off, leaving the peaceful grave behind.

* * * * *

Haruka leaned against the outside wall of the garage, staring off at the horizon. After a few minutes, Mairu came out to join her, opening the can of beer in his hand. "Nice sky tonight?" he asked, looking down at her with a friendly smile.

The girl glanced briefly at his beer before turning her eyes back out toward the distance. "What, none for me?"

Mairu held out another can. "Soda for you."

"Poor substitute," she replied, taking the can from him.

"So what ya thinkin' about?"

"Life."

Mairu chuckled softly. "Well, I'm really not around kids much. Is that normal for an eleven-year-old?"

"Twelve now."

"Oh, sorry, Haruka-chan. You're growin' up too fast on me. Too fast for all of us. Still seems like last week you were helping out Kaze with the cars. Now you're practically a young lady."

"I don't care how old I am. Age never stopped anything from happening to me and never could stop me from doing anything."

"That's a good attitude to have, Haruka-chan. Keep that up, you can do anything."

"All I want is to race."

"You will, kid. You're well on your way already. You've got the feel for it, you know what I mean? I've never seen anyone with so much talent for the sport, and at your age… If you don't give up, you'll get there for sure."

"I won't give up," Haruka said before draining her drink and crushing the can in her hand. "I've got nothing else left. See you later, Mairu-san."

With that, the girl started off toward home, leaving Mairu to stare off after her. With a sigh, he took another long drink of his beer before walking back into the garage to lock up.

* * * * *

Dreams tormented Haruka. Her sense of peacelessness carried over even into her sleep, and she found no rest in either reality or her own imagination. In truth, she preferred the reality. At least when awake, she could anticipate a distant time when the stars themselves did not ravage her existence, when her waking and sleeping hours weren't as a living hell. A time she would achieve for herself. She needed no one else to bring happiness to her. Nothing but her will alone.

"Mama…" the girl whispered into the dark. She had been dreaming more often of her mother since she'd revisited Shinyuuki's grave. Haruka grew increasingly unnerved. She survived by forgetting what she'd lost long ago.

Slowly, Haruka opened her eyes. Sitting up in bed, she shook her head to clear it, succeeding well enough to get up and dressed efficiently. Checking the clock, she saw that she had a while before she needed to get to school. Since she could hear Mieru moving about inside the apartment, she did not want to risk leaving just yet. Haruka realized with disgust how much she went through just to avoid the woman.

Sitting down against the wall, Haruka started thinking about the way her life had been going. The more time went on, the more she felt that things could not remain as they were. The life she'd maintained since her mother had died so many years before was quickly deteriorating. She was unsure how much more of it she could stand.

Out of nowhere, the absurdity of the girl's current situation suddenly struck her hard. Why did she need to stay and endure this demented form of hell on Earth? She had stopped needing her father long ago. By this age, she should be able to take care of herself.

But did that warrant simply leaving? If she did try to go, would it work? It might not take very long for the authorities to put her back in the custody of her father or in an orphanage or foster home. And one failed attempt would surely land her in an unending cycle. From then on, she could kiss the freedom of being alone goodbye. She had grown used to functioning on her own with no one to answer to or worry about. No one had any expectations of her, so she could set her mind to things that were important. No one tried to control her or reprimanded her actions or lifestyle, and so she had grown into an individual person much faster than other children her age.

But she was alone….

Standing up, Haruka moved to her dresser and slid open one of the drawers, digging through the contents inside. She decided it was about time she stopped sitting around, waiting for the future to come of its own volition. Whatever was out there for her, she would have to achieve it on her own. She could no longer stay tied down in this place because it was her "home" or because Hashira was her only family left or some other equally meaningless excuse. It was time to leave those notions behind for good. When the time came, she had to be fully prepared to let go.

Finally, Haruka took a framed picture from the drawer. Wiping away the dust that still remained, she stared at it for a long time. The glass was cracked, having never been fixed from when she'd broken it on her sixth birthday. It amazed her to think she had once been the little girl in that picture, had once been happy, had once been loved. That life was far gone, and Haruka of all people knew that the past did not come back. She had accepted this while most children were still dreaming of knights and fairies and happily-ever-afters.

Going to her closet, Haruka took out her old bookbag. She had gotten her current one two years before, when her schoolbooks and other supplies had become too much to fit into this one. It was worn, and one of the straps was broken, but it was otherwise still good. Stuffing spare clothes into the bag, Haruka then slid the photograph in between them where it would not get damaged.

The front door suddenly slammed, making Haruka jump. She listened for several minutes, but she could hear nothing. Apparently, Hashira and Mieru had gone. Finally emerging from her room, Haruka made her way into the kitchen. After throwing some non-perishable food items into the bookbag, she made herself breakfast.

Checking the clock, Haruka saw that it was time for her to leave for school. She went back to her room and shoved the bookbag under her bed. She then grabbed her school stuff and headed out.

As she was walking, Haruka began to truly think about what she had done. She really wondered if she'd needed to take the precaution. Would she really need to use the bag? Perhaps only in desperate circumstances. The problem was she did not know when things would get desperate. Every turn was dark. She could never predict what was coming.

"Haruka-san!"

The girl half-turned to see Keiji waving wildly, running to catch up with her. Despite herself, Haruka could not help but laugh, shaking her head. What a dork. "Konnichi, Keiji-kun. You look like you're in a hurry."

Keiji was out of breath by the time he reached her. Haruka had to suppress the urge to laugh hysterically, knowing it would do little for the boy's self-esteem. "I… had to be… in a… hurry to catch you, Haruka-san," he gasped out.

"Well, I think you should slow down before you hurt yourself."

Keiji laughed as he straightened his posture. "I didn't know you worried about other people, Haruka-san."

"I don't," she replied as she continued walking, Keiji at her side. "I couldn't give a damn. But it doesn't mean I can't offer you some friendly advice."

"Does that mean we're friends?"

"I don't know. I've never had one before."

"Never?"

"Not once in my life. Unless you count my uncle."

"Family doesn't count as friends."

"Then no, I haven't."

There was a short pause, and Keiji continued, "If we're friends, can I call you Haruka-chan?"

Haruka thought about it for a moment before answering, "No."

Keiji looked at her, somewhat hurt. "Doushite?"

"Because. You don't need to be getting attached to me."

"But… we're friends, right?"

Haruka did not look at him, only straight ahead. "I don't know how long things are going to last."

Keiji suddenly blushed a bit, averting his eyes slightly. "Haruka-san, would you be my girlfriend?"

At the abrupt query, Haruka nearly tripped over her feet. She looked down at Keiji, shock evident in her features. "W… what?"

The boy blushed even redder. He shrugged innocently. Too innocently. He was really nothing like Haruka. She felt lonelier at the thought. "I don't know why…. I just never knew anyone like you before."

Haruka finally regained her senses and buried any lingering surprise or confusion. "No, Keiji-kun, I won't." Keiji's face fell. He was about to speak, but Haruka cut him off. "For one thing, I'm not attracted to boys like that. It wouldn't be right. And it's not fair to you."

"I don't care if it's fair, Haruka-san."

"You're a strange kid. Just be happy I said no. You don't wanna get dragged into a life like mine." The two arrived at school just in time for class. No words passed between them for the rest of the day.

Later that afternoon, Haruka sat alone by the fence once again. Keiji had been held back in the classroom to finish an assignment. She was actually glad he was not there. It was somewhat of a nice feeling, she supposed, having an acquaintance — perhaps even a friend, as he said — but she wanted her own time to think as well. A loner by nature, she was not incredibly fond of the idea of having someone around her all the time.

Haruka barely even looked up when she heard raised voices. But she did look up — had she not, she would not have been able to catch sight of Tozasu shouting at Yuuwa, who tried desperately to defend herself, tears standing out in her midnight blue eyes. The scene caught Haruka's attention, and she quickly rose to her feet. It was just then that Tozasu's temper finally shattered, and he struck Yuuwa hard across the face with the back of his hand. The girl's head snapped to the side, and her hand shot to her cheek, her mouth open in pain and shock. Only an instant passed after the resounding crack.

With an enraged cry, Haruka tackled the boy to the ground. He'd never seen her coming, even from the distance she'd had to run, which she had covered in record time even for her. With a yelp of surprise, Tozasu fell under her blows, but it did not take him long to fight back.

Haruka was good at fighting — she always had been — but it was true that she'd never fought as tough an opponent as Tozasu. Still, for some reason she found this fight particularly easy to master. By the time she calmed enough to restrain her fists, he was practically crying for mercy. Her face set in anger, Haruka dragged him out of the dirt and to his feet.

"If you ever touch her again, I will personally hospitalize you." With that, she let go of his shirt, and Tozasu ran off as fast as his legs would carry him, screaming something back about a damned fagot out of her fucking head, but Haruka ignored him. Instead, she walked over and held out a hand to Yuuwa to help her up. The girl had fallen down, stunned, at some point during the fight. Still trembling from shock and fear, she took Haruka's hand hesitantly, allowing herself to be pulled gently to her feet.

Yuuwa opened her mouth to speak, but nothing issued forth. She wanted to thank Haruka. She wanted to say so very much. But instead all she could manage was a quiet "Haruka-kun…"

Haruka forced a smile, brushing some of Yuuwa's beautiful red hair from her face. "You know, you really are shit at picking boyfriends."

At first, Yuuwa was shocked by the comment, but then she could not help but laugh softly.

Leaning forward, Haruka kissed the girl gently on the forehead. "Be careful who you put your trust in," she said softly. "Someday you'll find someone who'll love you for the rest of your life. That's what you deserve."

Yuuwa caught her cue to walk away, to forget about her past and go on toward a bright and happy future. But somehow, she could not. "I wish…" The girl drew a slow breath before smiling sadly. "I really wish things had been different."

"Most people waste their time on wishing. Don't. There's so much more you can do without it."

Hakaru Yuuwa's eyes burned with nothing but the purest honesty. "Don't think I didn't care about you, Haruka-kun. I always have. Even now, I still do."

Haruka smiled at the girl. Time had lent to her beauty. As she neared the threshold of early womanhood, she grew more becoming.

"I know all that, Yuuwa-san. But this was never meant to work out. I care for you more than anybody since my mother and my uncle died. But you know, I don't think this is love. When you find someone you love, you'll know. And whether they end up being a guy or a girl, you won't have any hesitation. So there's no sense in dwelling on the past, right?"

Yuuwa managed a smile, tears glittering in her eyes. She reached up a hand and stroked Haruka's cheek gently, a move that surprised the tomboy quite a bit. Though the surprise was nothing when compared to that she felt when the girl leaned forward and kissed her softly yet passionately on the lips.

Drawing back, Yuuwa said quietly, "One more memory to not dwell on. Goodbye, Shujinkou Haruka." With that, she turned and walked away. Walked off toward her own future.