There is no silence in Fólkvangr.
Everywhere, there is softness and purity and the air is rich with vibrant songs of other song maidens, far away from me. It basks my skin and nurtures my spirit, which I feel has been broken from the moment the samurai's blade pierced my flesh.
No…
It was before then, wasn't it?
I am here because I send men to their deaths!
I am no better, no more glorious than he who has littered my homeland with the bodies of my townspeople.
I have sung for death, for bravado.
Not for honour or mercy.
"Is this why I stand here, Freya? Is this why I was given to you?" I wail.
I am weeping out loud, in an empty room. My cries carry on the faraway melodies which are drifting to where I stand. They don't sound like me…
"I want to be with the valkyrie," I say, and then rake my fingers down the flesh of my cheeks.
How, how could I ever spit in the face of the goddess who has extended her gracious invitation to me? She beckoned me to her home and here I stand and curse her!
But I am still alone. No one has heard.
My cries end and break in my throat. I am suddenly concentrating on the songs floating through the air. My fingertips are pressing hard against my face and I walk forward impulsively and stop.
"Is this the way it shall be? Doomed to an eternity in heaven where my voice is mocked by those whose souls are not tarnished with the intent of murder?"
They sing and they sing and they sing.
"The melodious throbbing of life's sacred rhythms…"
I sink to my knees and defeat as my hands fall forward. I stretch my fingers and turn my palms upwards. They feel frail and weak. Too weak to wield a sword.
Is it why I was destined to sing?
No…
Singing is not about killing.
It never was!
But somehow, I was raised to think that. To think that my songs, my voice could bring harmony and prosperity to my home without the bloodshed.
I did end up spilling blood, did I not? I am just as guilty as those who plunged their weapons into their enemies bodies.
How come I just…
…did not see it?
I leap to my feet and push my hands in front of me.
"Who goes there!"
There is footsteps. A kind, gentle soul walking towards me. It is pale and grey but gives off great gusts of smoke and energy.
I am intrigued.
"You need not be afraid," it says.
A girl?
Now there is laughter coming from the figure and it steps closer to me.
Their presence is…casual. It is not commanding and I relax my shoulders believing it does not desire anything from me.
"You are mistaken, but that is alright,"
I feel a deep flush rising to my cheeks and I realize the voice is too husky to be that of a girl. Nonetheless, the essence and the way he speaks sounds like that of two genders.
"I'm sorry. I didn't think anyone would come here," I offer feebly.
"Freya's lands are open to any kind soul. However, only those fill her heart with warmth and proud ness are allowed to reside here,"
He stops, just a few steps away. There is joy and friendliness in his soul and I know that he is smiling at me. My lips turn upwards in return.
"I didn't know that my life was so valuable to even one," I return, drawing my arms against my chest and clasping my hands together. He does not stop looking and I turn away, embarrassed. Now, his shade is gone and I see darkness again.
"Freya has love for all those who are slain on the battlefield. But," his voice is so warm and inviting, "she is more partial to those who take a special interest in the beauty of life. The arts, you could say,"
"Then I don't belong here," I whisper.
"Yes, Shiho…" and he walks up to me and I hear his clothes ruffling as he does so, "you do,"
His hands have been on my quivering shoulders and now they move down my arms and across my breast. Soft hair brushes against my neck and my body weakens in delight from the embrace.
Are you going to be my companion?
Will you stay with me now?
I will stay with you until you have found what you are looking for.
Do you promise?
I promise.
And still, they sing…