Afterlife

Author Notes: Muah to all of you! I dunno, fanfiction has been acting weeeeeeird lately, so if some of you haven't got a reply from me, that's why. Uhm. Yeah. I don't think the alerts are working either right now. I haven't got any of my alerts lately. So yeah. Whatever. Story! Or, warnings and disclaimer first, but then: story!

Disclaimer: Do not own Naruto. Poo...

Warning: I am still Norwegian, so I still swear and curse and write weird-ass English. (About the swearing-part, did you know an averege Norwegian uses the word "fuck" when speaking Norwegian more than an average Englishman or an average American does when speaking English? Fuck isn't even in our vocabulary.) And there will still be boy's love. In some time. But it's coming! Hoho!

Chapter 4:The Letting People Know

(Soundtrack: I Have Come To Tell You I'm Going – Mick Harvey)

People are weird. They don't show a hint of a warm feeling towards you when you need it, but when you obviously don't need it (reffering to being dead – or Harry) they over float of it. They cry for you, and swear and scream and sob, and repeat names again and again. There were a lot of repeating names to Harry – and none of them were his. Actually, all of them were mine. All of them might not be right, though… both of them. They shouted "Naruto" and "Uzumaki". Both my names. None Harry's. Or… I made him. Maybe he could be Harry Uzumaki? That would be cool. It would almost be as if I had a family! All right! Though, the story of my little family would then be pretty sad. And crazy. "The poor lonesome guy made himself a brother, which he had in a couple of seconds before he killed him. Then the lonesome boy used his brother to make people love him." Yep. Story of my life.

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I remember thinking about two things from the walk to the Hokage office. One of them was Tsunade's big boobs. I mean, is it possible to have that big boobs without falling all the time? They must be a heavy weight, so really, Tsunade should be falling forward all the time. Or maybe she's taught herself to always lean a bit back, so she's all balanced? I don't know. Boobs are really weird. But nice. Weird, but nice. Like so many other cool things in this world.

The other, and most important thing, was Sasuke. Or rather, Sasuke crying. Why did he cry? He didn't move towards me, or scream, or repeat my name, or faint or anything else. It didn't really seem like he cared. I thought. So why did he cry? I would find out later (and believe me, that was shocking!), but since I didn't know anything at the moment, I pondered over it until we got to the old hags place.

The guards stopped outside the big house, waiting for Tsunade's orders. They had gotten beaten up good enough that day (one mentally, and one physically), so they probably didn't want to do more mistakes. Which was, really, pretty smart of them. Though they both need to grow some goddamned balls. Tsunade looked at them, wondering why the fuck they had stopped. One of the guards (the one who got lucky earlier) made a little noise from way behind his throat, before he spoke.

"Uhm… We thought maybe… I was wondering where you want him." He pointed towards Harry. "I mean, so we won't go the wrong way with him. You know, it would be stupid if we brought him into a meeting, or something. Imagine that!" He laughed nervously, then noticed Tsunade's look, and coughed. "Uhm. We'll just take him up to your office, Hokage-sama." She nodded, and the guards brought Harry up, while Tsunade still carried me.

Once we were up, both of the guards disappeared pretty quickly. One can understand them. I was left alone with an unstable, crazy and fucking strong woman and a dead me-look-alike. It was scary. Tsunade just sort of sat beside Harry, caressing his cheek just like Sakura had done, smiling sadly and crying at the same time. I just sort of sat at her desk, where she had placed me. There I noticed two things. One, I hadn't tried to croak yet. So I did. It was pretty cool. Two, the old hag had a picture of me there, just beside the pictures of a stupid-looking boy, a pretty nice-looking young man and Ero-sennin.

That both broke my heart and fixed it at the same time. I was that important to her. It was nice. And also a bit sad. When looking at her shaking figure there she sat beside Harry, I felt really bad, and it occurred to me that I would probably feel a bit bad a couple of times 'cause of her. A little something in my plan I hadn't really calculated with. But that's usually how my plans go.

I didn't want to sit there and feel both warm and cold at the same time anymore, so I croaked again, a little loader this time. Tsunade looked up, tears still streaming down her face. "Oh, yeah." She said, looking at me. "You're right. I have a phone-call I have to make." I realized I sat right next to a phone. I croaked again. Sure, she could make her phone-calls.

She walked right up to me, took the phone in one of her hands and started to pet me with the other. It was weird. The petting, I mean. The phone call wasn't. Or, maybe a bit, but then again, she thought I had just died, so whatever.

"I want every person close to Naruto in my office in ten minutes." That's what she said, and that only. It was a bit short, but, like I said. Then she went over to Harry, picked him carefully up and laid him on some weird thing I didn't know she had at her office. I had never seen it before. But whatever. It wasn't really a bed, or a sofa, but a combination of the two. It was a good place to put a dead body. Maybe she had put dead bodies there before. I don't know. There's a lot of weird things with that hag, I don't think I'll ever reach to the depths of her weirdness. For all I know she has loads of dead bodies at her office, all of the time. You never know.

Ew. I need to stop thinking like that. Never leads me anywhere but trouble. Ew.

People were at her office nine minutes after she made the phone call. There were a lot more people than I thought it would be. Actually, most of the people I knew were there. My whole team were there, minus Sasuke, Asuma and his team were there, Gai and his team, Kurenai and her team, Gaara (Gods know how he managed to get there in nine minutes), Iruka, Konohamaru, Shizune and Jiraiya. With me, Harry and Tsunade, that's twenty-three people.

Everyone but Kakashi, Shikamaru, Gaara and Shino gasped when they walked into the room. Hinata fainted, and everyone was to busy staring at Harry's dead body to catch her, so she basically just fell on the floor. It made a pretty loud noise, but I don't think anyone noticed. Sakura was holding on to Kakashi, who had closed his eyes. Iruka ran over to Harry.

He cried. And shouted. And swore. I had never heard Iruka swear before. I didn't like it. Everyone was silent. Iruka hugged Harry's dead body, and he cried into his shirt that he was so sorry, so sorry. I wanted to tell him it wasn't his fault, but then I'd both be lying and fucking up my cover, so I didn't. But I didn't like to see him like that. I liked hurting him less that I liked hurting Tsunade. Iruka was the first person that was ever there for me. He was the first person to care about me. To love me. And when he cried and shouted and swore I felt something nasty inside of me I had never felt before, and never have since. I hope I won't ever feel it again either.

The old hag coughed, carefully, but loud enough for everyone to hear. Iruka stopped shouting, he reduced his noise to just crying and swearing now and then. "Everybody." Tsunade opened her whatever like so much other stuff had been opened. She's not all that original. "As you can see, Naruto is dead. It isn't a trick. It isn't a lie. He's dead." It's so cool that she actually said that it wasn't a trick, or a lie. I feel so smart. Haven't thought about that before. Didn't as I sat there. Which is really weird. I should have. Anyway. "Naruto killed himself. Because he felt we weren't there for him. He left us a letter." She took up my letter from her cleavage. It really surprised me. When had she put it there? Didn't I watch it, like all the time?

She read my letter. Clearly and load, except from the parts about Iruka and her. Her voice broke down on her there. Iruka was sobbing harder and harder throughout my letter, and so was Sakura. I still don't really get why she cried so damned much. She'd heard it before. Sure, more of the people there were crying, but besides from Iruka, no one cried as much as her. Maybe it's because she's such a girl. I bet it is. Girls are pussies.

"Ps. Sasuke, you're a bastard." Tsunade ended the letter, and looked up. "I hope everyone mentioned in this letter feels as guilty as I do. Actually, I hope everyone here feels guilty. None of you were there for him. Neither was I." She said the last part a bit quietly than the rest. Then she shut up, and when it was clear that she wasn't going to say anything more, there were a lot of shouting in the room. Kiba shouted at both Ino and Sakura and Shikamaru at once, Ino shouted at Sakura, Sakura shouted at Ino, Iruka shouted at both himself and Harry, TenTen shouted to get everyone to shut up, Gai and Lee just basically shouted, and I croaked. Then Tsunade punched a hole through her floor, and everyone shut up. At least a bit.

"You are all here so we can discuss how his funeral will be." The old hag continued as if there were no shouting or punching holes in floors for just a couple of seconds ago. "He will of course be buried with ramen, and if anyone here says anything against it, I will punch a hole trough your bodies instead of punching holes in the floor." She nodded against the hole in the floor. "OK?"

Jiraiya raised his hand, and she nodded at him. "I agree. He should be given ramen. But should we cook it before we bury it down with him, or keep it raw?" Everyone looked at him, and there were completely silence. Even Iruka stopped crying and swearing and hugging Harry, just to look at the crazy man talking about ramen when his underling had just died. Jiraiya continued. "It would, in some way be best if we cooked it, 'cause then he'd get the taste, but also the smell. It would probably smell pretty awful." He looked around, as if he wanted someone to nod and go: "Yeah, that's a good point." Since nobody did (they were still staring at him as though he were crazy), he continued, but on a different topic.

"Also, I do know that he died a virgin. But I don't think he should be buried a virgin. That would be cruel, don't you think? So, who's volunteering to fuck the poor guy?" For a second or two, everyone stood entirely still, wondering whether or not this guy really was for real. They probably would have stood like that for a long time too, if it weren't for Tsunade. She already knew that Jiraiya was for real, and that he really was like that. She was used to it. Imagine that. And she has a picture of him on her desk. That guy. She really needs to get her priorities in order. Although, it might be better with pictures of him than dead guys on sofa-beds.

Ew.

Anyway, she stood up and punched him, hard, but not as hard as she had hit the guard earlier. I could tell, not just because of the way Jiraiya took it (I mean, he's way stronger than the fucking guard), but from the way Tsunade's muscles sort of did not jump at all. And from the almost not visible smile on her face. I don't think anyone but me saw it, but then again, I don't think anyone but me understood what Ero-sennin had tried to do. He wanted to lighten the mood up a bit. He didn't want people to say goodbye to me (or Harry) angry at each other and sad. At least that's what I try to tell myself. I like to believe that's what he meant.

The mood did lighten a bit. Iruka was still crying, but silent, and he wasn't swearing anymore. No one shouted at each other. No matter what Jiraiya had tried to do, it really did work. For a half second I was proud to be his student. But only for a half second.

Tsunade continued, now with a smile tugging her lips. "I will discuss the details of the funeral with a selection of you. The rest of you are here so you can tell me if there's anything special you think would be right for his goodbye." She smiled melancholic, and loads of people raised their hands. She stopped them, with raising her voice. "I will call up the names of the people to stay! Sakura, Kakashi, Jiraiya, Gaara, Neji, Kiba and Hinata. I would also like Sasuke to be here, but since he is not…" She wrote down something in a red book. I'm pretty sure it's the book she writes the names of the people she's going to kill. I have no idea how Sasuke survived. Or… I might have. Anyway.

"Well. Anyone got any objections?" Tsunade looked up, and though there were some people who raised their hands, they took them down again pretty fast, all of them looking at the hole in the floor. "No? That's good. So. Anyone got anything for his funeral?" Lee and Gai raised their hands at the exact same time. There were tears streaming down both of their cheeks. "Miss!" Lee said, after getting a signal from the hag. "I feel Naruto should have statue! To honour him! I will make one, miss!" Gai made a weird little squeal and hugged his look-alike. "Oh, Lee! What a wonderful guy you are! I volunteer to make it with him, Hokage-sama!" They cried even more now then before.

It's weird with Lee and Gai. You never really know what they feel, 'cause no matter what, they always cry. I could honestly not tell right there and then if they were crushed by my death or happy. They're freaks, really.

Anyway, Tsunade nodded, and some more hands shot up in the air. Ino asked if she could do the decorations, so it would be "a bit him". Tsunade said she'd discuss that topic later, with the people selected to stay. Chouji didn't say anything about what food it should be. Shikamaru asked if there would be speeches, and who could hold them. Tsunade told him that everyone who wanted to make a speech would ask her, and she would either tell them no or yes. All of the hands up dropped except one. That one hand belonged to Sakura.

"I… " She had stopped crying now, but her voice was still weird and crooked. "I don't think we can have the meeting afterwards without Sasuke. I don't think it would be right. Besides from Iruka," she pointed at Iruka, who looked at her. "he was the one Naruto knew the most, and the one he stood closest to. I think he should be here." Tsunade looked down. So did everyone else. "So do I," she whispered, not loud enough for anyone but me to here it.

This put me completely out of it. Why did everyone get so serious? Ok, they already were pretty serious, but this was different. It was as if everyone in the entire room (but me and Harry, of course, me simply because I didn't know and Harry because he, well, was dead) knew something together, and never spoke of. They actually did, though, but I didn't know that. It was freaky. I mean, geez. How could I know what the deal about Sasuke was? Or what the deal about Sasuke and me was.

Though when I sat there, I did sort of understand it was something. I didn't have the slightest clue what, but I still knew he and I had a weird and special relationship. And it hurt me that he wasn't there, discussing my funeral like everyone else.

Then Jiraiya snapped everyone out of it, with a: "So! You think he should be the one to take away Naruto's virginity?" I didn't count, but I think at least ten people hit him for that one. He deserved it.

Tsunade chuckled, before she let out most of the people. I was left with Harry (who was indeed like he had been most of his life; dead), Iruka (he was still crying silently), Sakura (she hadn't started sobbing again, but anyone could tell if you touched her, she would), Kakashi (who both looked at Iruka and Harry at the same time, and looked sadder and sadder every minute), Kiba (who looked pretty pathetic, poor guy, holding on to Akamaru like he was a teddy bear), Gaara (looked exactly the same as always, sad to say it), Neji (looked serious and sad, but not breaking down or anything), Hinata (she was crying silently and supporting herself on Kiba), Jiraiya (didn't have the goofy look on his face as he had earlier, looked as serious as when he talked about Orochimaru) and Tsunade (she had both the let's-do-business-look, the I'm-so-angry-I-need-to-smash-something-look and the my-favourite-idiot-has-just-died-look on her face).

"So. Let's find out how to deal with this."

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Author Notes: Hum. So, yeah. I've finished another chappie. Good? Bad? Too sad? Tell me darlings.