This chapter is dedicated to KyiraLA, she's kinda crazy but i love her anyways even if her hands are cut off by another insane person that needs a straight jacket, but not until said person that wants to cut off her hands goes to prom with the love of her life. She is also awesome for forgiving when i threaten to bite her. Review if you want more craziness.

-Kristen

Chapter 4

~If Love Had A Say~

Bella POV:

I looked up at Renee, she sat there on the edge of the bed with phone in hand. She toyed with it, constantly checking the messages.

"What's up mom?" I asked worriedly, she looked so lonely.

She shook her head and smiled sadly, "nothing, just wondering how the game is going."

I stood up to sit next to her and took her hand in mine, "mom, you can go. This is the reason I left for Forks in the first place, I know you want to be there with him now. Why don't we go to his game?" I tried to speak gently, hoping that she could hear the feeling in my words.

She shook her head, "that's kind baby, but this is supposed to be our vacation," she insisted, she probably didn't expect me to come back to her so broken.

"Mom, let's be honest. You want to go, and Phil would be so happy to see you there, you should go," I bit my lower lip as I waited for her to agree. I knew it wouldn't be long until she agreed.

"Honey," she said turning her head to look at me, "you sure?"

"Yeah, go have fun, I'll just stay in and order pizza or something," I smiled reassuringly.

Renee laughed and kissed my forehead. "My middle aged daughter," she smiled and grabbed her jacket and bag. She closed the door behind her and I reached for the phone to dial for room service. I ordered chicken pasta, and waited for room service to bring it up. Until then I brought out my Calculus text book and worked on the homework that we were assigned.

Edward POV:

I sat in my room which I learned was one floor above hers, I listened in on the conversation and saw Renee finally walk out to go and meet Phil. It bothered me how much Bella gave up for others, if it was me with her, I would never leave her. As soon as the thought came I growled in anger, because I did leave her, in the most horrible way Bella and I would be connected.

I realized that I couldn't listen anymore, until I heard her room number echo through a bellboys head I wanted to take his place, but I knew I couldn't just go there and deliver her food. But I paid attention to his mind, which was actually quite dirty.

He raised his hand to knock on the door, then tapped his foot impatiently. She opened the door and I was stunned by her beauty once again, but so was our bell boy friend.

Damsel in Distress, Bradley likes, he smiled asking her where she would like it.

"Um… just give it to me," she sighed, annoyed, I laughed it was so Bella to not notice the Bell boys reason for his affections.

"You sure? I could take it out for you?" he asked eagerly let me in.

"No seriously I can do it myself," she insisted. Handing him the money and grabbed the package, slamming the door in his face. I laughed again. There was no way to see her anymore so I sat there impatiently. I was getting impatient, so I went down to the other hotel and checked in as another name and quickly paid for the room opposite of hers.

I watched, her blinds were opened and I could see her clearly through the window. It felt strange after all this time to still be looking on her and I resisted the urge to jump through the window and be with her. She ate alone on the small glass table that was next to the wall, she was frowning slightly and I noticed with disappointment that she barely touched her food, but taking small nibbles from the crust.

She moved very slowly, even for a human, dragging her feet. Now that she didn't think she had an audience all of her pretenses were down and she showed just how lonely and depressed she felt. Once again I doubted that me leaving her did her any good. The selfish part of me was glad to find this out, that she couldn't live with out me just as I couldn't live without her.

Bella ate her pizza slowly, as if it would hurt her to swallow. The next bite was smaller and smaller until her bites were barely nibbles. She only ate one slice and stood up from the small table. Every emotion dropped from her face as she grabbed her toothbrush and curled her leg under her on the bed.

I scrutinized her every move, watching her finish brushing her teeth and disappear for what seemed like forever before she came back with wet hair in pajamas. I knew how the soft comfortable cotton of her t-shirt and sweat pants - that she was so fond of - felt against my skin.

Blank expression, was she bored in this life? With out Renee there I suppose she didn't have to pretend anymore since she went to sleep at eight. Her eyes fluttered closed, and her breathing slowed. I knew she was really asleep curled on her side.

Bella POV

Renee left, they all do, I've learned that from him. I was glad to be by myself because I knew that I couldn't escape the dreams, because they always came. I hoped I didn't scream tonight but the darkness that sleep gave was easier to deal with than Renee coming back with a dozen different apologies.

Even with sleep so close I felt something that I never felt in a while. Something that I didn't know how to explain because what I felt was so dangerous for me to be feeling. I let go of reality and let sleep engulf me in suffocating flames, but this night was different. This night, not unlike nights before, I dreamt of him. His grace and beauty, his arm out stretched offering his hand and as soon as I reached out to hold him he disappears into a million sparkling diamond dusts.

For that night I felt unexplainably safe, I felt the eyes of one who's watched me, see me again. A dangerous thing to imagine but I was past insane already, my dreams and entire life proved that already, so I ignored the warnings being screamed at me and allowed myself to fell semi-wanted again.

A/N: I apologize for the intro of this chapter, next week will be less weird. Unless you want more strange intros.