Chapter Four: This Chapter is the Fourth One.

It was with a heavy heart that Boymony crawled out of her grave and ate the gravekeeper with his vampire powers. Well, it would have been a heavy heart, but Boymony was a vampire now and the only thing a vampire's heart was good for was keeping the vampire alive, so weight was not usually a factor.

Boymony shook his manly, demon-shaped head and stomped out of the grave, killing people and vampires, but mostly people as she tried to figure out what he could do with his life, now that it was over. It didn't take long though, before Boymony ran into someone almost as blond and vampire-like as he was.

"Spike!" Boymony said, clarifying for the reader who the character mentioned in the previous paragraph was.

"Boymony!" Spike snarled, using his tone of voice to indicate his feelings on encountering this particular person.

"Shall we battle?" Boymony asked, raising his beefy hand-muscles.

"I would win, because I am a vampire and can only be hurt by things that can kill me!" Spike said, laughing uproariously at his ingenious stratagem.

"Ha! I am also now a vampire and can only be hurt by things that can kill me!" Boymony said, metaphorically stomping on his stratagem with her literal handstand.

Spike hissed in that way that bad guys do when they are hurt, not physically, but in some other, less apparent way. In Spike's case, his feelings were hurt. Boymony felt intense guilt at that, and almost without meaning to, but really meaning to, he gave Spike a big manly hug. Spike returned the hug, their massive vampire strength crushing each other's internal vampire organs, but then their vampire healing repaired their broken bones.

Before the hug could deepen into a stronger hug, Spike threw Boymony off of himself, crushing a person to death.

"Why did you do that?" Boymony demanded. "Don't you love me?"

"I'm not gay!" Spike said.

"Neither am I!" Boymony said.

"Oh."

"So…want to date?"

"Well, as long as you're not gay I guess it's okay, since Drusilla is still dead for now and cheating on me with that demon guy."

"I will let you know as soon as I become gay and we can stop dating," Boymony said radiantly and the two went to find a tomb they could kill people in, skipping and holding hands and then eating the hands of the people. Because they were vampires.

Meanwhile, Buffy and the people that Buffy hung out with were going to college. It was a nice college, with rooms and classes and stuff, but bad guys lurked behind every corner, which often caused problems for Buffy because sometimes she wasn't sure which corners she had already cleared of bad guys.

Suddenly Oz burst into Buffy's dorm room and Buffy was surprised.

"Oz! What are you doing here?" Willow, Buffy's roommate, asked.

"I have to leave, because I am a werewolf," Oz said dejectedly.

"When did that happen?" Buffy's new boyfriend Riley asked.

"Quite recently. Bye!"

Willow was really sad that Oz was gone, but things turned out okay, because Willow found that unlike Boymony and Spike, she was gay and liked lady-people. So she met a witch and named her Tara and the two of them cast spells sexily.

Xander then came to the college with Giles.

"Bad news Buffy, Anya is back and she is my girlfriend."

"That's horrible!" Riley said, hiding behind a desk.

"No that's not the bad news. The bad news is the military is catching demons!"
"Oh no!" Buffy said, "That sounds bad!"

"Don't worry," Riley said, crawling out from under the bed. "I'll investigate!"

"Okay!" everyone ever said, in excited agreement.

While Riley went out to investigate, Buffy and her new boyfriend bonded by lying to each other about themselves, building the solid foundation upon which all relationships are formed. Meanwhile Xander was attacked by Boymony

"Boymony!" Xander said excitedly. "It is pleasurable to see you!"

"That doesn't sound like something you would normally say," Boymony said suspiciously.

Unfortunately for him, it was too suspiciously and Xander pulled out a stake. "You must be a vampire! Prepare to die!"

Before Boymony could prepare to die, Spike jumped out and back-flipped over Xander, stunning him long enough for the two to escape. Xander went back to his basement place and held Anya's hand in sorrow. Unbeknownst to him but soon beknownst by Spike and Boymony, commando's captured Spike by shooting his eye with tasers. They tried to catch Boymony as well, but she was far too powerful to be taken out by conventional weapons, so they just scuttled back to their secret base, carrying captured Spike on their backs.

Boymony had no choice, he had to go to the good guys and get them to help. However, when Boymony arrived at the good guys, Buffy was already fighting Faith!

"I thought you were dead!" Giles said as Buffy kicked Faith in her Faith-parts.

"You wish!" Faith said, before putting something on her hand and smashing it into Buffy's head-face. There was a sudden explosion of light and sound and explosives and when it cleared, everyone was doing stuff…especially Buffy and Faith.

"I am Buffy," Faith said, moving in a way that was not as sexy as usual.

"No you're not," Buffy said, giving Faith an evil look. "I am clearly Buffy. Look, I am blond and have a boyfriend."
"Hmm…" Giles said, "This is tough. Which one is the real Buffy and which one is not Faith?"

"I am not Faith!" both said simultaneously.

"Well that answers that question," Riley said, using his camouflage to blend in with the wall.

"It's like a logic puzzle!" Willow said excitedly, channeling her inner Hermione. "Let's analyze the facts: We know one of them is Buffy and neither of them are Faith. Uh…"

"I think those are all the facts," Tara said encouragingly.

"Could both of them be Buffy?" Anya asked.

"NO!" both said simultaneously.

"Forget this," Boymony said, stepping forward and punching Faith into Los Angeles. "I need your help."
"Okay," Buffy said. "With what?"

"Spike was kidnapped by bad guys-" Boymony started to say.

"Don't help her!" Xander said warningly, "He's a vampire!"

"So?" Buffy said. "Spike and Angel are vampires too and I got along with them just fine."

"But Boymony is eviler!" Giles warned.

"Hmm…is that true?" Buffy asked.

"Yes," Boymony said unflinchingly.

"I respect your honesty," Buffy said. "We shall help you."

"YAY!" Everyone said.

Before they could get too excited, Riley burst through the skylight, still holding onto the harness thing that had lowered him from the helicopter.

"Hey guys, I found this Spike guy, but the bad guys have him."

"Let's rescue him!" Xander said, eyes blazing with metaphorical fury.

The group organized together, gathering weapons and pooling their determination into one large pool of determination that each one could reach into, grit their teeth and be more determined than they were before. Riley led them to the government's secret underground lab, but it was underground so they weren't able to reach. They were about to give up, when Boymony punched through the ground and they ended up in the lab.

Bad guys gathered around them, but they stopped them instantly. Things were looking awesome, up until the ultimate bad guy came up. He looked awesome too, but it was a scary awesome and the others quivered in fear.

"I am Adam," he said and threw Spike at them.

Boymony caught Spike after he rolled over Giles and Anya and got him to his feet. But something was wrong.

"Something is wrong," Spike said.

"What?" Boymony asked.

"Watch," Spike said, throwing a roundhouse at Xander's face. Both of them fell to the ground screaming and clutching their heads.

"What is this sorcery?" Boymony demanded.

"Not sorcery," Adam said in his super-cool voice. "This is science. He has a chip in his head that prevents him from hurting humans."

"But he still hit me!" Xander said, clutching his head.

"It needs work," Adam said. "Now stand still so I can kill you."

Some of the good guys thought about doing that, but ultimately Adam was not cool enough for them to listen to him, so they fought him real hard. He used science, but they still had their pool of determination and not even science can stop that. Unless the science was done in the process of stopping determination, which this science was not. So it did not stop them.

Soon Adam fell to their power, and with that, the fourth major bad guy ever made ever was stopped. Spike and Boymony ran off into the sunset, while the other good guys prepared for a luxurious summer that would lead to a year where nothing bad happened ever. Giles suggested that the New Year start at the end of summer, because that is when most of the stuff started, while Xander wanted the New Year to start at the beginning, because summer is really neat and the best time for celebrating. Everyone else just laughed, because what they said had been funny.