A/N: OMG the wait if finally over. I can write now! Anyway, when I told you about Dark!Ed and my OC, I won't be adding any OC's, but I might put some Dark!Ed in.

Thank you to the people who reviewed:

Kairi671

Sakura Chara

Vanne-the-bookworm

Dani McLean

Kairi4ever16

These reviews make my day!

Also, I want you guys to know:

Bold is for when people are talking Amestrian

Italics, as you know is for flashbacks and dreams

So, happy reading!

Disclaimer: Hatori Bisco and Hiromu Arakawa, I envy you for having created Ed and Tamaki.

Chapter 4: Va t'en Bâtard!

Previously…

"Hello Fullmetal"

"WHAT?! NOOOOOO!"

This was Edward's biggest nightmare. This guy couldn't be… he's not supposed to be here… Why was he here!? Ed was staring, mouth open, at a smug looking Roy Mustang.

"Colonel Bastard" Ed's teeth were clenched as he said this. "What are you doing here?"

"Oh, I'm just visiting. I just want to know how you're doing" Mustang answered coolly. Ed just even more angrier.

"Just visiting, my foot" he mumbled. He inhaled deeply.

"So, how long are you planning to stay here?"

"I'll be leaving tomorrow evening"

Ed sighed. "Good, 'cause I want you out of here asap"

Mustang clutched his shirt, where his heart was supposed to be.

"Awwww Fullmetal, why do have to be so mean?"

Suddenly, Ed's phone rang. His ringtone was some kind of loud music.

"Jeez Ed, what kind of music do you listen to?" Roy cringed.

"It's Heavy- Metal and I like it" Ed answered, the smug now on his face.

The raven-haired man just stared as Ed fished his pockets for his phone. It was evident that Ed had done something to it. His case was red and had a flamel insignia in the center. There was a tiny pocket watch charm and an Al charm connected to the phone by a string.

"Hello?"

There was a small silence, then a loud voice blasted through the speakers.

"EEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDWAAAAAARRRRRRDDD!"

Ed was startled. "Tamaki?" he asked, voice quivering.

"Who's that?" Roy asked.

"Shut up!" Ed mouthed. "Okay, whaddya want?" he asked, irritated.

"Ed, we know where you live, and we're coming to pay you a visit!"

"What?! Since when did you start stalking me?"

Roy kept looking at his subordinate who was looking pissed at the moment.

Ed pressed the decline button angrily. "Since when can they just come over without me inviting them!"

"What's going on?" the Flame Alchemist asked.

"Nothing, it's just a wrong number" Ed smiled nervously.

Roy knew that Ed was hiding the truth from him. Ed knew better than to just rage at someone who had accidentally called him. Also, Ed sounded like he knew the person on the other line.

Just then, the buzzer rang. As if something was coming to take him away, the small blond froze up.

"Go… go hide, now"

"Why should I do that?" the taller man questioned. "I'm your superior, therefore I can stay if I want to"

"J-just go already!" Ed exclaimed frantically. He had started to push Mustang, but wasn't going very far.

"Fullmetal!"

"GO! GO! They're coming! They're coming!" he screeched.

"Fine!

"Thank you" Ed said, sighing in relief.

"Lacey, could you lead Roy to his room please?" he asked a young woman with reddish hair and brown eyes. She nodded, then gestured at Roy to come and follow her.

Edward is the Fullmetal Alchemist! If he's afraid of something, then we're all screwed…

Ed inhaled and exhaled slowly.

"Hey, guys"

"Hello Ed" everyone said in unison.

"How's favourite shorty doing" the Hitachiin twins asked, smirking.

Tick marks had appeared on Ed's forehead. "I'm not short…"

"Yes you are" they replied. "In fact, you're so short, atoms are the size of gigantic boulders to you"

Ed smiled, not a nice, friendly smile that his mother always gave, but a rather creepy. The dark aura began to surround him.

"Oh, I'm sooo short…" He smiled even more as his hair covered his eyes.

"Yeah, why don't make more short jokes, so I can rip your arms and legs off, sew them together, then make a puppet show for your bleeding torsos?"

Everyone was freaked out at what Ed had just said.

"Uh, h-hey Ed, I heard you screaming at someone, are you okay?" Tamaki asked, trying to change the subject.

"Yeah, an annoying friend just called me…" Ed answered, laughing nervously. "I was really angry that he called"

Honey stepped forward. "Edo-chan, please don't get angry, see? I brought cake!" he held a box full of strawberry cake up to Edward's face.

"Awww, thanks" Ed took the cake and ruffled Honey's hair. "Why don't we all eat this in my living room?"

Meanwhile…

Roy's face was as red as a ripe strawberry when he found Riza unpacking for the both of them. He was blushing not only because his First Lieutenant was doing something so sweet, but she also looked beautiful. Her hair was not in her usual bun, it was let down and hung loosely on her shoulders.

"Lieutenant, what are you… What are you doing?" he asked.

"Sir, I'm just unpacking for the both of us" she replied.

"But, you don't have to-" the Flame Alchemist was then interrupted by Hawkeye.

"Sir, did you tell Ed that we're staying here for the night?" she asked, changing the subject.

"No, but I'm pretty sure he found out. We were talking, then all of a sudden, he was whining at me. He said something about a 'them'. Fullmetal sounded terrified."

There was a small pause, then Riza broke the silence.

"Sir, Ed isn't the type to get scared easily. 'They' must be people that Ed is actually afraid of, or he's trying to hide something"

Riza had stopped unpacking.

"You know Lieutenant, you could be right…" Roy said. "Ed could be hiding something, and doesn't want us to know"

"Why don't you go check it out for yourself? I'll join you as soon as I'm finished with this" Riza spoke, a small smile on her face.

Roy walked out of the room, as Riza resumed unpacking. As he was walking through the empty halls, he heard something other than his feet.

It was a laugh, loud and clear. It was obviously Fullmetal's, but Roy had never heard this kind of laugh before. Usually, when Ed laughed, he was making fun of someone, and those kinds of laughs sounded a little too fake. It was not surprising, considering that Ed had lived through so many awful moments. For him, learning to laugh was like learning to walk again. It took time and practice. But, here was Ed, laughing like he was actually having some fun.

Why does he fear "them" so much if he's out there, giggling his ass off with them?

He continued on, taking small steps, until he saw a small group, including Ed walking his direction.

"Hey Edo-kun, who's that?"

A tall young man with sapphire blue orbs for eyes and blond hair (slightly paler than Ed's) was pointing directly at Mustang.

"Huh? Who?" Ed asked, confused.

"Over there!"

Ed whipped his head back only to see Colonel Bastard staring right back at him. The small boy's eyes widened.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Ed mouthed, angrily.

The Colonel shrugged in response, keeping his expression blank. Ed licked his lips and smiled nervously.

"Uh.. guys, this is my… uncle, and he'll be staying for… how long again?" he whispered that last part. Ed prayed that the Host Club would buy it.

Mustang whispered back "Tomorrow evening"

Ed laughed, but this time, it was one of those fake laughs. "Ah, yes, tomorrow evening.

Roy waved to everyone, even giving a small hello in a heavily accented Japanese.

"Wow, Edo-senpai! It's so kind of you to invite family over!" Haruhi said as she smiled.

He smiled and nodded. "Hey, since when did I become a senpai to you?"

"Uh, what's a senpai?" Roy asked.

"She just looks up to me" Ed replied.

"Oh, really?" the Flame Alchemist asked sceptically.

"Yeah, just ask the Host Club! I'm the symbol of purity and child-like innocence!" As he said this, a spotlight appeared and small Edward cherubs were flying around, blowing tiny trumpets.

Everyone shook their heads. They knew that Ed wasn't innocent at all.

"Yeah, and back at home, you act like devil-spawn"

Hikaru and Kaoru giggled as Ed glared at Roy.

(And this is where I started having writer's block)

"No one in the Host-Club thinks you're devil-spawn, right?" Tamaki assured Ed.

Everyone stood there, faces blank.

"Right?" he asked, once more.

It was clear that the club got the hint, because they started talking amongst each other, saying that Ed was the nicest kid and that he wouldn't even hurt a fly.

Roy just stood there, confused. Why was Ed so afraid of these people? After all, this little group didn't look like they'd hurt him or anything…

Then he blurted out the question that was on his mind the entire time.

"…"

"What's a host-club?"

Tamaki went from patting Edward's head to staring at Roy with a shocked expression.

"A Host-Club?! Would you like to know what a Host-Club is?!" Tamaki asked, a smile growing on his face.

Kyoya looked up from writing in his notebook and gave a small smile

(Oh why have I forgotten about Kyoya? And what does he write in that notebook? Sexy TamaHaru fanfics?).

Haruhi facepalmed, and the twins and Edward groaned.

"Only those with excellent social standing and those from filthy rich families are lucky enough to spend their time here at the elite private school Ouran Academy. The Ouran Host-Club is where the school's handsomest boys with too much time on their hands entertain young ladies who also have way too much time on their hands! Just think of if as Ouran Academy's playground for the super rich and famous!"

"So, Ed is part of this club?" Roy asked.

"Yes, and he's a favourite!" the tall blond exclaimed happily.

It took a moment for the Flame Alchemist to process this.

"Wait, so your club's purpose is to hang out with girls and make them happy?" he asked.

"Exactly" Tamaki answered.

"And Ed- Edward is part of this club?"

Everybody, except for Edward nodded.

"He's still new, but the ladies love him!" the twins told him.

Then Roy turned and glared at Ed. The young alchemist smirked back.

"Edward, I didn't know you had joined a new club! You should've sent me a letter!" he said, teeth clenched.

"Oh Uncle, I just didn't want to trouble you with all that!" Ed replied, smiling innocently.

Roy looked like he was going to beat Ed when another voice was heard.

"What's going on over there?"

Everybody looked back, to see a young woman standing there.

"Who's that?" Haruhi asked.

"Uh, that's my uncle's girlfriend, Riza" he lied. Haruhi nodded.

No had noticed that Tamaki had gone to greet the woman.

"Bonjour, je m'appelle Tamaki Suoh" he greeted, kissing the woman's hand.

Riza was just about to pull out her gun and shoot him when Ed intervened and told her that it was Tamaki's way of saying hello.

"Wow, are all your realtives so good-looking Edo-chan?" Ed and Roy looked back at Honey, shocked looks on their faces, and while Tamaki wasn't looking, Riza walked towards Roy.

"So, these are the people Ed is afraid of?" Riza asked. "Because they don't look terrifying at all"

The colonel nodded. Then he whispered "The only thing Edward is hiding is that he joined a club of guys that entertains girls". He sounded angry when he said it.

What happened next was not expected. Riza smiled, just a bit, then that smile grew and she started giggling. All of a sudden, she was laughing her butt off.

"Really? That's all? That's all Ed was hiding? He was probably keeping all that from you because he wanted to make you jealous!" Roy couldn't understand all the words she said, but he got the word "jealous".

No, Ed wouldn't do that… Why would Ed want to do this to me?

Ed had turned his head to see Hawkeye laughing like a madman and Roy looking like he wanted to set something on fire.

"What's happening?" he asked.

Riza, seeing Edward, took superior's hand.

"We just need to calm down for a bit" she said, still giggling. "Do you mind if we just head out for a bit?"

"Yeah, and I need to get these guys out of my house too" he told her.

The woman stopped, and stared at Haruhi for a bit.

"Wait, if this club of yours is full of guys, then why is there a girl?" she said, pointing at the Host-Club.

Everyone looked nervous. They didn't know what to say.

"Uh, I think Roy and Riza need a little bit of fresh air" Ed tried to change the subject. He pushed the "couple" out the door and slammed it in their faces.

"Yeah, why do you have a girl in this all-male club?" Ed asked.

The Host-Club sighed and began their story.

"So, it was either pay eight million yen on the spot, or join your club to pay off her debt?" the short male asked.

Everyone nodded.

Ed took out his phone and pressed the little button on the top. The time read 7:43.

"Oh my God, look what time it is!" he exclaimed. "I still have lots of homework to do!". He stood up, starting to leave.

Tamaki stood too.

"We should leave too. Come on!" he said gesturing to the club.

As everyone was leaving, Kyoya stopped beside Edward. He crouched down to Ed's level

"I know you're hiding something, don't play stupid with me"

Ed looked nervous. Could Kyoya know anything about Amestris?

A/N: OOOOOHHHHH Looks like Kyoya is on to something.

Anyway, my friend wants me to write a fanfic, and my other friend wants me to write some other fanfic.

Here is a sample of one of them:

"Y-you don't know what love is?" The young girl asked.

The boy shook his head. "I am not very familiar with this concept of 'love'. Care to explain it to me?" he asked.

"I-if you don't know any thing about love, you're not human!" Winry shrieked. She started to sob as cupped Edward's cheeks.

"Well, that's because I'm not human. I'm a superior being known as a homunculus"

You likee? Tell me in the reviews

Anyway, after this, I'll be posting my Christmas special, so stay tuned.

When I wrote this, I was watching Miss Universe, and I had writer's block, so if this chapter doesn't make sense, I don't know.

Merry Christmas

Joyeux Noël

Feliz Navidad,

Galaxia

PS: Santa, please put some manga in my stocking!