based on tumblr request: "zip me"
It's the gloves that really send Yukine over the edge.
They're hideous, leopard-print things that crawl halfway up to Yato's elbows—and which the god currently insists are making him look "a billion times snazzier than that lightning-spitting, cut-rate mercenary Take."
"If you're going to spend all our money on clothes, you could at least make sure they don't suck," Yukine comments, cramming his hands into his pockets and thanking every star in heaven that both he and Yato are invisible to most people.
"The store lady told me these are lucky gloves!" Yato whines, stroking his face with his hands. Yukine thinks he can see something with a lot of legs moving in the faux fur, and he shivers.
"Of course she did—you look like a con man's wet dream!" he hurls back, ignoring Yato's squeak of affront.
"You carry your cash everywhere and you are way too excited about telling people you're a god. Spendy and insane—a complete recipe for disaster."
Yato stops petting himself with the gloves, and pouts.
"You're cruel, Yukine. If you think so little of me, you can come along next time I do the shopping—just so you can see how responsible I am with our money."
: : :
"I believe 'responsible' was the exact term you used?" Yukine says, fighting the urge to disembowel his master with the nearest hanger. Instead, he angrily sucks his juice box through a straw, turning his attention away from the commotion within the dressing room.
"C'mon! Look at these hot pants, Yukine!" Yato insists from behind the dressing room door. "They're so in right now!"
Yukine shudders.
"I will not look. I never thought I'd ask this, but please, just stick with the tracksuit."
Yato does something inside the dressing room that causes the hangers to rattle.
"I've actually been thinking about making some changes to my persona."
Yukine grimaces around the juice box straw.
"To something that involves hot pants…?"
He trails off as Yato throws the dressing room door open.
"Ta-da!"
Yukine sprays both Yato and the appalling paisley hot pants with his mouthful of juice.
: : :
Hiyori is over at Kofuku's by the time they get back. Yukine witnesses her jaw fall open upon seeing the two of them walk in.
"Did—what did—how…?"
Kofuku sprints into the room after hearing their voices.
"Wow! Daikoku come look! Yuki-chan turned Yatty-chan into James Bond!"
Yukine's shoulders straighten slightly, and he glances in satisfaction over his handiwork.
When Daikoku walks in, his eyebrows go up.
"Well, I don't know about James Bond—but he sure looks a lot more like Kazuma than usual."
Yato sighs.
"Guys, I'm not just a handsome face and a godly body to ogle! Someone could ask me what I think of this getup."
He turns to Hiyori, obviously expecting some backup. It doesn't arrive. She's still recovering from the initial shock of seeing Yato in a tailored suit.
"Hiyori?!" he says, looking betrayed.
She shakes her head, and her eyes snap back into focus.
"Oh…right! Um. What—what do you think about it, Yato?"
He pinches the starchy collar, wrinkling his nose.
"I think it's super itchy. And I don't want to look like Kazuma. I want to look cool."
Yukine winces on behalf of his mentor.
"You look cooler in this than in that tracksuit. Or, heaven forbid, those hot pants."
Daikoku snorts.
"Hot pants?"
"They were even on sale!" Yato mourns.
"Well, I think the suit looks sexy," Kofuku insists, clinging to Daikoku's elbow and staring pointedly at Hiyori.
Hiyori ignores the look.
"How'd you even get him to put one of those on?" she asks, focusing her attention entirely on Yukine.
"Well…first we got kicked out of the place that sold the hot pants, and Yato was so upset that he was willing to go just about anywhere after that."
"Next thing I knew, I was in a monkey suit," Yato says, frowning at Yukine accusingly and scrunching his shoulders up in discomfort.
"This thing doesn't accommodate my biceps."
"I think it looks nice," Hiyori mentions quietly.
Yato stares at her. Then, he bursts out:
"Hey—Yukine! Let's go back and get six more!"
Daikoku picks up and shakes the yen bottle, indicating the four solitary coins clattering around the bottom.
"Yeah, in a few hundred years maybe."
Yato looks stricken—then collapses, weeping, against Hiyori's shoulder. Yukine winces. The suit had been rather pricey.
"At least I have something nice to wear to the funeral of my career," Yato sighs dejectedly, as Hiyori continues patting his back.