Disclaimer: The usual apply. Lyrics are Kelly Clarkson's.
Maybe
I'm strong
But I break
I'm stubborn
And I make plenty of mistakes
Yeah I'm hard
And life with me is never easy
To figure out, to love
I'm jaded but oh so lovely
All you have to do is hold me
"Took you awhile." Sirius drawled, sitting down next to a boy with dark, untidy hair.
"I know...but if you'd arrived a bit earlier, maybe we could have bagged a compartment with Rodolphus and the others."
"Why bother? We're fine here." Sirius turned to the boy next to him. "Pleased to meet you, mate. I'm Sirius Black."
"James Potter," the boy introduced himself with a bit of a grin on his face. Bellatrix immediately connected him to the Potters who'd married into the Black family almost a hundred years previously, but Sirius didn't seem to find the name familiar. The other people in the compartment decided the time was right to introduce themselves as well, and there was suddenly a lot of hand-shaking going on.
"Dedalus Diggle, happy to make your aquaintance," a sandy-haired boy grinned.
"Mary Macdonald," a freckled girl with a Scottish accent said good-naturedly.
Everybody looked at Bellatrix, who hadn't spoken yet. There was a moment's silence before she said resignedly, "Bellatrix Black."
"You two brother and sister then?" Dedalus enquired.
"No! Oh, no. She's my cousin," Sirius guffawed. "We both have way too many sibl-" He stopped talking when the door slid open and the red-haired girl Bellatrix had seen on the platform stepped inside.
"I - I'm sorry," She pointed to the empty seat by the window, next to James. "Can I sit there?"
Everyone smiled and laughed and suddenly they were all repeating their names again, Sirius introducing his cousin as well as himself, because Bellatrix didn't seem to be paying attention to what was going on around her, and she couldn't, not knowing a filthy Mudblood was right there, in the same compartment...
The door opened yet again and a sallow, greasy-haired boy walked in. He spoke to no-one, but sat down opposite the red-hair, whose name everyone now knew to be Lily.
"Hey, there's already six of us in here," Dedalus protested, finding himself pressed up against Mary Macdonald, who in turn was squashing Bellatrix against the wall. The boy pretended not to hear him and went on talking to Lily.
"...you'd better be in Slytherin," he was saying.
"Slytherin?"
James stared at the greasy-haired boy, then looked at Sirius. "Who wants to be in Slytherin? I think I'd leave, wouldn't you?"
Sirius didn't smile. "My whole family have been in Slytherin."
"Blimey," said James. "And I thought you seemed all right!"
Bellatrix stood up. The company she was in suffocated her. A mudblood, a blood-traitor (for whoever disliked Slytherin could be nothing more than that), and a boy with an idiotic name like Dedalus Diggle. She felt ready to faint as she slid the door open and walked right into Rodolphus himself, flanked by Avery and Mulciber.
"There you are, Bella!" he exclaimed, "I wondered if you'd actually lost the train."
Bellatrix desperately tried to slide the compartment door shut behind her so Rodolphus wouldn't see in whose company she was, but unluckily he got a glimpse of the filth she'd been fraternizing with and raised an eyebrow.
"Who're those people, Bellatrix?" he asked, an indulgent smile on his face. He evidently found her obvious embarassment amusing.
"No-one..." Bellatrix was muttering, "My cousin...his friend...friends of my cousin..." Abruptly she caught Rodolphus' hand and pulled him along the corridor, away from the compartment. "You've got my owl safe, haven't you?"
"Yes, it's fine," came the reply. As they entered a different compartment, from the one they'd just left behind emerged red-haired Lily and her friend.
"See ya, Snivellus!" someone yelled after them, and there was an explosion of laughter.
Spending the rest of the journey in a compartment full of second years wasn't exactly Bellatrix's idea of fun. When she'd invisioned her first trip on the Hogwarts Express, she'd pictured herself in the company of fellow first-years, admittedly all of them pure-blood, joking and wondering what was in store for them at school.
As it was, Bellatrix was stuck with Fabian Prewett, Nathaniel Avery, Ajax Mulciber, Malina Malfoy and Rodolphus, all of whom were laughing about one of their teachers. It was all she could do to refrain from sighing. In a way, it had been very kind of Rodolphus to look after her, and there was no denying that he had made friends with pretty much all the right people, even those older than himself, like Lucius Malfoy: it was convenient for Bellatrix to be seen in his company. But she longed for first-years as puzzled and bewildered as she was, exchanging theories about what Hogwarts was like.
Mid-afternoon, a lady with a trolley loaded with sweets slid the compartment door open and asked if anybody wanted something to eat. Bellatrix had an extremely sweet tooth, and no matter how much she ate she always stayed thin as a pin, so she saw no reason not to buy as much junk as she wanted. Avery's eyes widened when he saw the sheer amount of sweets Bellatrix bought, and even Mulciber, who ate like a horse, looked impressed.
Half an hour later, while she was taking a nap, resting her head on the window, someone knocked politely and entered the compartment.
"Hey, guys. I was wondering if I could borrow Bellatrix Black."
At the sound of her name Bellatrix sat up and stifled a yawn before squinting at the person.
"Gentian! Gentian Parkinson!" she said, recognizing him.
He nodded and grinned.
"Hey. Me, Travers and a couple of first years are in a compartment at the end of the train. My twin Hyacinth is here too, she'd like to meet you. Fancy coming over?" He looked at Rodolphus apologetically. "I hope you don't mind."
That irritated Bellatrix. It wasn't like she was Rodolphus' property, he was just looking out for her. People had gotten the wrong idea.
"I'm coming." She stood up and made as if to grab Belmond's cage. Rodolphus raised a hand. "Don't bother, Bella. Your trunk and owl will be taken to your dormitory later, you can leave them here."
Bellatrix opened her mouth to ask how they- whoever 'they' was- would know what belonged to who, but closed it again. It would simply make her sound silly. Grabbing the small bag containing her set of school robes, she followed Gentian out of the compartment and down the corridor.
"I'm glad you remembered my name," the boy said. "'Course it's difficult to forget such an awful one, eh?"
"Hmm." Bellatrix wasn't really listening, because they were passing the compartment Sirius was in and she wanted to know what he was doing. She purposely slowed down and pricked up her ears.
"Tell you what, we'll have a midnight party in the common room tonight," James' voice said.
"I'll bring the refreshments," laughed Sirius. "I have a bottle of truly awful pumpkin syrup my mother gave me. I think she hoped I'd die of poisoning."
Their voices faded as the two in the corridor moved on, but Bellatrix's scowl stayed in place. Sirius was making idiotic plans that he had no chance of carrying out, seeing as he was as good as a Slytherin already, and that James Potter wanted to be in Gryffindor. They would never be in the same common room.
Gentian slowed and moved to the side of the corridor to allow two older boys to pass him by. Bellatrix didn't even glance at them, but one seemed to recognize the two first-years.
"Bellatrix Black and Gentian Parkinson," the boy drawled, "Welcome aboard the Hogwarts Express." A prefect's badge was pinned to the school robes of Lucius Malfoy, and he was smirking in what he obviously thought was an almost friendly fashion.
"Thanks, Lucius," said Gentian, nodding respectfully. Bellatrix wasn't feeling any inclination to be nice, so she merely shrugged. Lucius' icy eyes swept over her and his smirk became a cold smile that looked rather menacing, but she didn't particularly care. Tossing her head she stalked past him and his fellow fifth year, and Gentian followed her with a bit of a grin on his face.
In the compartment there were four other first years: a girl with black hair, who resembled Gentian very much and was certainly his twin Hyacinth; the tall boy Bellatrix had met at the Lestranges' Christmas Ball, called Damian Travers; a much shorter boy than Travers with bright green eyes who introduced himself as Kevin Brocklehurst, and lastly Queenie Greengrass, a girl with a plain but rather interesting face. She greeted Bellatrix before anyone else did, a very small smile playing upon her lips.
"Oh, you found her, Gentian!" Hyacinth spoke up enthusiastically, clapping her hands together. "I'm so pleased to meet you, Bellatrix. I'm Hyacinth, Gentian's twin."
Travers began to hum Tiptoe through the Tulips.
"Not funny," Hyacinth rolled her eyes as Kevin Brocklehurst burst out laughing. "I'm sick of all the flower jokes."
"It's getting a bit dark, isn't it," Queenie observed, looking out the window with an indifferent expression. "And isn't that a fire over there, where those houses are?"
Either she was trying to change the subject to avoid an argument or she simply wasn't interested in silly jokes about the twins' names, Bellatrix couldn't tell.
"Dark?" Brocklehurst repeated. "Understatement of the century. I can't even see my hand when I wave it in front of my face. Aren't there any lights on this train?" He looked at the distant fire with evident boredom.
"I hadn't noticed," said Gentian, squinting at Kevin. "But it is rather dark. I expect they'll turn the lights on soon though. Hey, are the actual houses on fire?"
"I think so," Queenie replied, keeping her eyes on the flames until the train entered a tunnel.
They waited, but half an hour later they were still sitting in the dark. Bellatrix stood up and, sliding open the door, peered at the corridor outside. The whole train was black, no lights to be seen.
"What a crap journey," she commented, returning to her seat.
"How are we supposed to change into our robes when we can't see what we're doing?" complained Hyacinth's voice from somewhere near the window. "All right. Gentian, get out of the way, I'm getting my trunk down."
"Hyacinth, don't-" began an alarmed Gentian, breaking off with a yelp when something collided with the side of his head. Hyacinth giggled, and that set Travers and Brocklehurst off. Bellatrix had to admit, the situation was so pathetic it was funny. She joined in the laughter, Queenie did the same and there they all sat, roaring with mirth.
"Seriously," Brocklehurst gasped a minute later from somewhere to Bellatrix's left, "You guys know how we're going to be Sorted? I mean, do we have to answer questions or something?"
"You pure-blood, Brocklehurst?" came Travers' deep voice.
"Half-blood."
Travers grunted.
"I don't know...I've never asked how students are Sorted." Hyacinth remarked, "Queenie, Bella? Do either of you know how it's done?"
Bellatix was glad it was dark, so no-one could see her mouth hanging open. It had never, ever occurred to her to ask her parents how she was going to be Sorted, so certain she'd been of landing in Slytherin.
"I dunno," she answered. Queenie said the same.
"I don't believe it. A bunch of pure-bloods and we don't know how we're going to be Sorted," Travers complained gruffly.
"As long as I get into Slytherin, it doesn't matter to me," Bellatrix said firmly.
"I'm actually hoping to become a Gryffindor," someone said.
Travers sat up straight and peered in Brocklehurst's direction. "Kevin, that was you talking, wasn't it?"
"Yes," came the reply.
"I'm sitting in a compartment with a boy who wants to be in Gryffindor," Travers said slowly, sounding disgusted. "You can't be serious, Brocklehurst."
Bellatrix nodded, even though nobody could see her.
"Well, my family spews out Slytherins and Gryffindors, you see," Brocklehurst explained. "My parents were Slytherins. Time for a change, right?"
"Most Parkinsons are Slytherins," said Gentian. "Where do you think we're going to end up, Cynthia?"
His twin snorted audibly. "Slytherin, of course. What a thing to wonder. And you, Bellatrix?" she asked.
"Being a Black, I don't have much choice," Bellatrix smirked. Everyone chuckled appreciatevely.
"My mother was a Ravenclaw," Queenie said. "I don't particularly mind where I'm put...don't care for Hufflepuff though."
"Hufflepuff. The cowards's House," Travers said contemptuously. "I'd leave straight away if they put me in there."
There was a murmur of assent- nobody in the compartment wanted to be in Hufflepuff.
Bellatrix thought it was the right time to tell about the people she'd met in Sirius's compartment. It would be a good chance to show everyone she believed strongly in purebloods' superiority, and hated blood traitors and mudbloods.
"This boy called James Potter wants to be in Gryffindor," she recounted, her tone spiteful. "He laughed at someone else who wanted to be put in Slytherin. I've never heard about any of the families of the kids in that compartment, either. MacDonald. Diggle. What's worse, this girl walked in after a bit, I'd seen her on the platform earlier." She took a deep breath. "With her sister...and Muggle parents."
Queenie gasped, Hyacinth sniffed and Travers made a disparaging noise.
Bellatrix's voice shook with suppressed fury as she went on. "And you know what her sister said to her? She said..." Here she paused for a dramatic effect. "...she said we're all freaks, and we go to Hogwarts because normal people must be kept safe from us."
Damian Travers jumped up and banged his head against the luggage rack. Queenie and Hyacinth both hissed like angry cats; had the lights been on Brocklehurst's lip would have been seen curling. Only Gentian stayed silent.
"It's unbelievable, the scum they let in," growled Travers as he sat down again, rubbing his head. Bellatrix started to say something, but was prevented by Hyacinth squealing in surprise as the compartment door slid open.
Lucius Malfoy's blonde hair was visible even in the pitch dark; he leaned against the doorframe and advised them all to change into their school robes, for they had almost reached Hogsmeade.
"What's up with the lights, Malfoy?" Travers cut across him.
Lucius didn't sound very happy with the tone he was being addressed in.
"The lights aren't working, obviously. And in case you hadn't noticed, Travers...it is Travers, isn't it?...I'm a prefect. If you don't want detention on your first day, use your manners when talking to me."
Bellatrix intervened swiftly. "Don't be a pain, Lucius. You know Travers, politeness just doesn't go with the territory. You don't really want to put a fellow Slytherin in detention, or dock points from your own House, do you?"
"Ah, sweet Bellatrix." Lucius said with a slight sneer. "Who says Travers is going to be in Slytherin? And who says you're going to be?"
Bellatrix drew herself up. "You know fine I'm a Black. There's not much more to say, Lucius, is there?"
"Not really," agreed Lucius. "Except that when I passed your cousin's compartment he seemed to be finding the idea of being a Gryffindor very appealing." Before the girl could reply, he shut the door and left.
"What did he mean by that?!" exclaimed an angry Bellatrix, staring at the spot where Lucius had stood.
Queenie stepped forward to calm her, but ended up walking right into her instead.
"Ooops, sorry...can't see anything." she apologised. "He just said that to upset you, Bella. Forget it."
Bellatrix thought hard as she slowly pulled her robes over her head. A sense of unease settled on her: unlike the rest of the group, she was not convinced Lucius had lied about her cousin's House preference.
The train corridor was packed: because of the dark nobody could see what was going on around them, and as a consequence people were pushing, shoving and bumping into everybody else.
"How am I supposed to carry my trunk through that?" Hyacinth asked shrilly, eyeing the rowdy crowd with distaste.
"Leave your stuff here. It'll be taken to your room later." Bellatrix told her, raising her voice to be heard above the din outside the compartment.
"But how will they know which room is mine?" Hyacinth demanded to know. She received no answer, for Bellatrix was talking to Travers about the best way to survive in the corridor.
"Come on, let's stick together," said Gentian grimly. He bravely stepped out of the compartment and joined the flow of shouting students. He held out a hand for Hyacinth, but she wasn't quick enough to take it: two Gryffindor seventh years pressed Gentian forward and he vanished in the crowd of black-robed people.
Bellatrix seized tall Travers by the elbow.
"I'm right behind you," she said, and they both joined the throng of fellow students.
Travers led the way, Bellatrix hung on for dear life. Someone almost tripped her up and she kicked viciously at random, her foot connecting with somebody's leg.
"Watch it, Cadwallader!" a girl yelled. "That was my shin, idiot!"
At last the unfortunate little group of first years caught sight of the train door. One last shove, and Travers jumped down on to the platform, pulling Bellatrix with him. It was as dark outside as it had been on the train, and rain was falling thick and fast. A few people were holding books over their heads, but Bellatrix had nothing to shelter beneath.
Hyacinth and Queenie soon joined them; they'd lost Brocklehurst on the way out, and Gentian was nowhere to be seen either.
"Firs' years this way!" an enourmous man with a lantern called. "Firs' years here!"
"Why?" Hyacinth looked puzzled. "Who is he?"
"You're going by boat," a grinning Ravenclaw said as she passed next to Queenie. "I feel pretty sorry for you."
"Watch out for the Giant Squid, firsties!" a raucous voice yelled. Queenie started to turn green.
First years began to timidly approach the large man, many holding their hands above their heads in an attempt to stay dry. Sirius came into view when a squat Slytherin girl moved away with the older students. He was still talking to the Potter boy, Bellatrix saw. She crossed her arms and frowned at him, but he didn't see her- or pretended not to.
"All o' you firs'-years? Are there any more? Right, follow me...careful, now!"
The large man led them down a steep path. Bellatrix could hardly see where she was putting her feet. A girl at the front of the group lost her footing and almost went rolling down the slope. Before that could happen the large man seized the back of her robes and pulled her upright.
"I said, watch yer step!"
Hyacinth was grumbling, shoulder-length black hair sopping wet. The journey had been much more eventful than anyone could have imagined, what with the train lights, the fighting in the dark corridor, the rain. Bellatrix was feeling pretty fed up, but what she saw made her forget her woes.
"There's Hogwarts," the giant said proudly as the first-years gathered round him and stared across the black lake at the castle. It was perched on a mountain, with towers and turrets and hundreds of windows blazing with light. It looked pretty impressive, Bellatrix had to admit. She stopped minding the rain; her stomach contracted with excitement as she thought of the Sorting, the food, then the warm bed that was waiting for her.
"Now, four to a boat!" the large man was instructing them, and Bellatrix led her group to an empty boat. Travers wasn't looking very pleased with the all-female company, but didn't complain as he climbed in the boat and sat next to Queenie.
Hyacinth took a seat next to Bellatrix and fingered her wet hair. It looked like she was getting ready to whine about something, when somebody spoke to them.
"Hey, guys." Gentian waved from the boat on their right. He and Brocklehurst were sitting side by side, laughing at their surprise.
"Where were you?" cried Hyacinth, jumping to her feet and almost falling into the water. Two boys climbed in the boat with her twin and Brocklehurst, looking nervous. Gentian turned to talk to them: he had to shout to make himself heard over the howling of the wind.
At last, the small fleet started to move across the lake. The boats rocked so much Bellatrix wondered if they were going to capsize. Rain stung her cheeks and droplets of water ran down her neck. Travers had hunched up, his back to the castle. Hyacinth was trying to use him as a shield from the wind.
Bellatrix simply had to laugh.
Next Chapter: Bellatrix and Sirius are Sorted, presumably both end up in Slytherin...or not.