"So, what happened. Why haven't I see you in so long?" asked Henry. He had showed up at my apartment the following morning.
"I don't want to talk about it, Kid. I've involved you enough. You don't need the grief." He looked at me with sad eyes.
"But this doesn't make sense. I saw it happen...you guys kissed. She loves you."
"Henry, stop. I don't want to hear any more of this. Not only do I have your mother telling me I'm crazy, but now MY mother and Ruby have joined in." He raised his eyebrows in shock.
"What?! Snow and Red? Really?"
"Yeah, kid." I said, nodding sadly as he walked in and sat at the foot of my bed. I went and sat next to him.
"But why? Can't they see that it's true love? I thought of all people..."
"Me too, Henry. I wouldn't have said anything to anyone if I had known this would start..."
"What did they do?" he asked, looking into my eyes.
"Oh, you mean, other than tell me I'm sick and crazy? Oh, just threw that Hook guy at me, as if all I needed was a man to make this all go away..." His little eyes filled with tears as my voice cracked and a tear rolled down my own cheek. He got up and wrapped his arms around me.
"Emma, don't you believe them. There is nothing wrong with you, or this. It's right, I just know it. Sometimes, it just takes awhile for the things to happen the right way." I squeezed him tightly as I felt myself start crying into his shoulder.
"I just want to know why she's letting me feel like this" I said between sobs. He finally pulled back and looked at me.
"It makes no sense...I've seen her cry about it..." I wiped my tears away and looked up.
"What do you mean?"
"Ugh...she'd be so mad if I told you...but you need to know...the night after you kissed...she went to her room and cried."
"And you could hear her from your room?!" I asked, wondering how loudly this woman must have been sobbing. My heart ached for her and for myself. Everything was just so fucked up.
He nodded and continued "So, I crept over to her room...and hugged her. I told her I loved her no matter what...she didn't even answer...just cried harder...until we both fell asleep. She's not okay, Emma. This is killing her, too."
"You didn't tell her we have these talks, did you?" I asked, suddenly worried.
"No, of course not. She'd just start doing her best to hide her feelings from me, too. I don't know why this is freaking her out so much...she of all people should know that you can't stop true love..." he said, very clearly confused.
I sighed and threw the pillow I had been clutching across the room. "Alright, well. I've had enough of this sulking. I won't let this break me. Want to go get some ice cream?" a grin spread across his face.
"Will you walk me home after?" he said, a twinkle in his eye.
"I don't have much of a choice, now, do I? Plus, I have to return your mother her shirt." I said, finally getting off my bed. It was a beautiful day and I refused to lose anymore time being sad. Plus, regardless of how she acts, Regina cares. Henry knew it, and I knew it...or, at least, I was fairly sure. My heart fluttered sadly at the thought of the woman shedding any tears because of me. At least I now knew that she wasn't as hard as she lead on. But does she really love me? I had my doubts.
We were sitting on a bench outside, enjoying our ice cream when Henry turned to me.
"Do you think maybe she's trying to protect me?" I looked back at him and tilted my head as I thought about that.
"That would make sense, considering the second you made noise that night, she backed away from me so fast, you'd think I was Snow or something..." He smiled at that
"Sorry about that...I had to sneeze and lost my balance...I was trying to be so stealth, too..." I nudged him playfully.
"Thanks for cramping my style"
"Oh, please. From what I heard, she was the one who made the move, anyway."
"How good is your hearing? That's not even fair." I said, pouting.
Just then, Ruby walked by, on her way to Granny's.
"Oh, hey, Em!" she waved.
"Hey, Rubes" I said, faking only the smallest of smiles.
"How have you been?" she inquired. Henry just looked up at her, unable to hide how unimpressed he was with her.
"I've been alright, I guess..."
"So, have you seen that Hook guy, lately?" she smirked, eyebrow raised suggestively.
"Ruby, no. I-"
"Listen, Red." interrupted Henry "You need to just back off. Hook isn't Emma's true love. Anybody who KNOWS her would know that. Stop trying to force something because you don't like the truth that's been in front of you who this whole time."
"Woah, Henry. You don't have to attack like that. Jeez." she said, defensively.
"We weren't attacking..." I started, trying to defend Henry.
"I should go" Ruby said before I could even finish my sentence.
I sighed as she walked away.
"See, kid? Everyone's against me in this. It wouldn't be so bad, were your mother at least on the same page as me..."
We decided to just go home, rather than risk another person coming up and telling me how they think I should proceed in my love life.
When we got there, the door opened to reveal Regina, looking amazing as usual. My heart stopped as I stammered a "Hi, Regina!". "Miss Swan", she nodded, motioning that I come in.
"Henry, dear, can you go up to your room? Miss Swan and I need to talk about something" she said after closing the front door. He was already racing up the stairs by the time she finished her sentence.
"He is behaving so strangely" she said aloud, not really expecting an answer. I just looked at her and tried to hold back from pushing her up against the wall behind her. Finally, she turned to me and took the shirt I had been holding in her hands.
"Would you mind telling me, Miss Swan, why both Ruby and Mary Margaret felt the need to come to my home at separate times today, to tell me to stay away from you?" My heart dropped and I closed my eyes, sighing.
"They did that?" I said, feeling my face flush and my eyes fill with tears. Rather than snap or say something spiteful, she sighed, letting all traces of fight leave her features.
"What did you tell them?" she asked quietly.
"I don't know...I didn't talk to Mary Margaret...I just talked to Ruby. Told her..." I swallowed, feeling the blush rising to my face "that I...that I have feelings...for you" I looked down at my hands, expecting her to lose it on me, too. Instead she took my hands in hers.
"Oh, Emma..." she sighed, causing my heart to hammer in my chest with such speed, it took all I had to actually concentrate on the conversation we were having. I looked up at her, still expecting her to be angry. Instead a look of understanding and even sadness was present in her features.
"We can't" she said finally. Tears rolled down my face as those words sunk in.
"But why?" I asked, my voice far more childish than I had intended.
"Saviors don't end up with Evil Queens." she said, a tear of her own making its way down her cheek. I let go of her hand.
"I'm getting really tired of people telling me who I should end up with. As if I don't have my own thoughts and feelings on the matter."
"You seem to be forgetting that I too have feelings that are quite relevant to the situation" she said, her voice regaining its usual composure and losing all vulnerability it had been displaying.
"And what are those feelings, Madam Mayor? Because I've grown quite tired of feeling like I'm the only person dealing with this right now. Not only are YOU ignoring me, I'm also dealing with the people I thought loved me freaking out...and going behind my back to try to...to fix me. Because they think I'm sick or wrong or broken" I was openly sobbing now as I talked, sinking to my knees, leaning up against the front door "and you...you're doing the same. You're acting like there was never anything there...so, now, I'm just spending all my time wondering if I'm actually crazy...because that seems to make more sense than just everyone else in Storybrooke going fucking nutts at the same time..." I broke down, burying my head in my hands as shame for having broken down in front of her like this made itself known in the pitt of my gutt. "why do I feel so ashamed all the time? I wish it would just stop..."
Before I knew what was happening, her arms were around me, holding me.
"Emma...I'm sorry." she said quietly "So sorry for causing you this pain...I just...this isn't right. You and me. It can't happen." she ran her hands through my hair gently, trying to comfort me. "Nobody would understand...it would make things harder. For both of us. And Henry."
"Really? Cuz I don't think anything could be harder than this..." I said in a quiet voice before my sobbing continued for a spell.
"Can you answer a question, Regina?" I said finally, sitting back and wiping my face. She nodded silently.
"Do you...do you care about me, too? Like that, I mean." I asked awkwardly, trying to avoid the L-word. Baby steps. You can't just go asking a woman who's supposed to hate you if she loves you.
She looked at me a moment, as if trying to find the words.
"Yes, Emma. Of course I do." she said in a voice not much louder than a whisper. "But I can't do this. Not now, not ever."
"Regina, what..." I started, trying to reach out my hand but she shrugged me away.
"You have to go, Miss Swan. It would probably be best if you didn't come back for a while." her voice had grown cold. I stood up, rage taking the place of sorrow.
"You have a problem, Regina. I'm done with being toyed with like this. You have lead me on for FAR too long. I'm so done." I turned and left, slamming the door behind me, pretending I didn't notice the look of hurt etched on her beautiful face.
As I walked home, my phone buzzed in my pocket I looked to see a text from Mary Margaret.
-Hey, Emma. I was talking to Ruby today...
-Not now, MM. I'm tired of this shit.
-Wow, Emma. She was right. You ARE on the attack over this. We're just trying to help, we all just want what's best for you.
At that, I put my phone back in my pocket and just kept walking, lost in thought, and wondering when the hell things would start making sense again