This one literally hit me out of the blue. It started when thedissapearingalchemist reviewed Reprieve and said that there was a song that fit Ed's feelings about him missing Taylor. It's called, Hymn For The Missing by RED. I went and listened to it and it was not only beautiful but really did fit Ed's perdicatment exactly. And then I just had to write it out and this is the result! If you can, listen to the song while reading this. I know I listened to it the whole two hours I was writing this.

For this particular drabble, I felt that it was necessary to make it a song-fic. I've never written one before but I'm very proud of how it came out. This scene is set after the end of TBA but before Reprive, during the months that Ed and Al were going on missions. The setting takes place in their dormroom.

(-Ed-)

I tried to walk together

But the night was growing dark

It was moments like this that he treasured most.

In the shelter of night he could not see the truth. Reality was as clouded as any stormy day. Sleep clung to him in a heavy blanket, soothing his worries, calming his stress, and leaving him blissfully unaware. For those precious seconds when he woke up from uneventful dreams, he didn't feel overwhelming guilt or bitter loss because his mind was stuck in the past. In the quiet of the dorm room he believed, truly believed, that if he stretched his arms out there would be a warm body there, resting safely beside him, like those many months ago.

Thought you were beside me

But I reached and you were gone

With the lingering haze fogging his mind, he'd stretch his arms out, seeking that pleasant assurance that she was there. But then his hands would discover only empty space and reality would finally catch up to him with a blinding impact.

He would lurch forward with a gasp, wide golden eyes searching the cold sheets for the girl he knew was not there. Would never be there again.

Those were the moments he hated the most.

Sometimes I hear you calling

From some lost and distant shore

When he realized this the memories would drill forcefully into his mind, reminding him of what he'd never see again, never hear, never touch. They would start out in shining hues of red and green, smiles seeping into his vision and laughter invading his ears. However, they would always reach the end, when it all came to a crashing halt. There were no more smiles. The laughter turned into haunting calls.

I hear you crying softly

For the way it was before

Worst of all were the echoing cries. He swore he could hear her crying in the distance. Images would fill his mind: tears leaking from vibrant green eyes, full lips quivering, pale hands clutching at a chest filled with pain.

With clenched teeth, he'd shake his head desperately. And yet, the images, the memories, the hollow ache in his own chest, it'd all wash over him, no matter how unbidden. One after another.

In both anger and sadness, he threw the covers off and sought the comfort of the seat by the window. He knew that the only sound in the room was his brother's breathing from the other bed, soft from a mind being in some dreamland far away, but he could still hear so much more.

Where are you now?

Are you lost?

Will I find you again?

Looking out the window at the serene streets of Central, he wondered the same thoughts that plagued him nearly every day. He knew that it was impossible. After all, she had literally given her body and soul for their lives. There was no way she could exist now. And yet he hoped that she was still somewhere out there. Giving in to the fantasy of if's and maybe's, he wondered if she was lost. Perhaps she was drifting through a different world, her own even? That would be the most he could ever wish for. And, if it were true, would he ever find her again?

Are you alone?

Are you afraid?

Are you searching for me?

He fed this hesitant flame of hope, asking questions to her distant cries. Are you lost by yourself? Does it scare you? Are you somewhere out there trying to return? He could see her now, walking through a desolate land, shoulders shaking in fright and doing her best to carry on.

Why did you go?

I had to stay

Now I'm reaching for you

Now he stared out the window but no longer comprehended what lay in front of him, just the images floating through his mind. They turned to that brief moment when he saw her in that empty white void for the last time. He could hear her voice saying, "It's finally over." At the memory, he fisted his hands and asked her beseechingly, Why? Why did you do it? He recalled his brother's words as well, relaying to him her last wish. Simply that he stay here. That he stay and live. He tried, but it was hard at the best of times and agony at the worst. Agony…because he was always reaching for her, whether he realized it or not.

Will you wait?

Will you wait?

Will I see you again?

If…if she really was out there somewhere, was she waiting for him? Wherever she may be, was she expecting him to come for her? But she had told him not to come after her. Still, he couldn't help but wonder… Would he ever see her again?

You took it with you when you left

These scars are just a trace

Now it wanders lost and wounded

This heart that I misplaced

"No," he whispered to himself, staring down at his hands with a remorseful smile. There was no sense in encouraging false illusions. No matter how much he desired it, she would never come back. There was nothing left of her except for the scars he carried. Deep, serrated scars that dug into his flesh, mind and soul with merciless abandon. But never in his heart. No. He had lost his heart and now there remained a hole where it once lived, filled with the grief and guilt.

Coming to this conclusion, he shut his eyes, his smile twisted into something excruciating, and he lowered his face into mismatched hands. He stayed in his hunched position while waiting for the sun to rise, just as he did on every similar night… Just as he would do on many nights to come.

Personally, I feel I did a great job with this but I do have a biased opinion. I tried very hard not to make Ed sound OOC and this is what I really believe Ed is feeling after Taylor's sacrifice. He's torn up inside, the guilt and grief warring inside of him. Note that I never said that he's crying. He's dealing with all of this emotion internally, not letting it out. In fact, I don't think Ed ever gave himself time to properly grieve for Taylor. The closest he comes to it are nights like these and still he doesn't let it out. And in the daytime he pushes it aside in favor of focusing on missions and showing Al and others that he's fine.

Anyway, that's just my thoughts on the matter. I hope you enjoyed this. I certainly did while writing it.

Thanks goes to thedissapearingalchemist.