*Chapter 4*: 4 A World That Sends You Reeling

"A world that sends you reeling from decimated dreams

Your misery and hate will kill us all.

So paint it black and take it back

Let's shout it loud and clear

Defiant to the end we hear the call"

[My Chemical Romance]

Spike decided the night had reached its close when Buffy curled up against his un-beating heart like a kitten without uttering any kind of warning against him. Trailing his hand through her hair, he whispered into her ear "C'mon pet. Time for beddy-byes now."

"Shush. Sleeping with pillow now." Buffy murmured groggily.

"Love, if we stay here any longer we'll get snowed in" Spike's reasoning seemed to get through to his golden girl as she squinted at him.

"Fine. Let's go then." She stood up. Spike lamented the sudden loss of his heater.

Spike knew something was wrong as he stood before 1630 Rebello Drive in the driving snow. "Slayer…"

"Mph" Buffy turned her face further into Spike's shoulder in her sleepy haze, inhaling the leather.

"Buffy! You need to wake up… someth'n's not righ'"

Spike's urgent words seemed to get through to her and the Slayer's head shot up, her eyes alert. "What is it Spike?"

"Your mum's home? Isn't she, pet?" Spike gulped and grasped for Buffy's hand, silently pleading with her to say no.

"You know she is. Spike, what is it?" There was no trace remaining of the girl Spike had danced with earlier that evening. Buffy stepped away from him slightly but didn't let go of his hand.

"There's no heart beat in there. Not a one." Spike felt Buffy stiffen beside him, her body shifting itself to slayer mode. "Jus' stay here a mo'. I'll be back in two shakes. I promise." Spike hesitated to leave her there but he knew from experience that you didn't want to be the person to find your mum on the living room floor minus a heartbeat.

"Joyce? You there?" Spike entered the house, softly closing the door behind him. He could feel each step growing heavier, could feel each whisper of air that came past his ear. Could hear and smell and see better than any human.

Three steps more, two, one. One more step and he would be able to see the source of the acrid stench that had alerted Spike from outside the house.

"Mum? Mum? Gods, pet, please don't le' tha' be you."

Spike took the final step and peered into the Summers' living room only to see exactly what he had feared.

"Bugger."

There was a lot to be said for the human way of death, Buffy thought as she stood before her mother's grave stone. Sure, it was messy, but at least she could say goodbye. Vamps didn't even get that. *Poof* and they crumbled to dust. Anyone who would miss them might not even know for certain that they had died- properly this time. Not for years or decades even. She wondered what that was like- to know someone for entire lifetimes and yet to have them gone from the world without even knowing.

"Do vampires have funerals?"

"No' in the way humans do luv. It's just no' possible is it? No body. We've go' our own way o' rememberin' though. Have a memorial if they're particularly special to us. If they've lived a long enough unlife."

"What's it like?"

"What's what like, sweetheart?

"Living forever."

"Lonely." When Buffy didn't respond Spike ploughed on. "Not many people stick around. You cling to wha' you've got and when you find something good you hold on for dear life, or unlife I s'pose really. Course, it did bring me here. To you. To your mum."

Buffy remained quiet for a long moment before saying barely above a whisper "I miss her". She wound an arm around Spike and turned toward him, pressing her face into his collar and letting out a long contained sob.

"I know pet. I know." Spike clutched his girl a little tighter to him as the last snow of the season settled into the grass around them.