Disclaimers: Don't own any part of Gundam Wing nor it's characters. Merely borrowing them for a little torture.
Warnings: Shounen-ai (because I suck at yaoi) , mildly blasphemous in terms of my depiction of heaven. Not a death fic… ish. Usual 1x2, 3x4, and with 5 hanging in the wind. The poor darling.
Notes: This was entered into the Hatsukoi fic contest and betaed by the extremely talented Keiran-sama
Chapter 3: Leave forms are a painDuo was still sulking, after being rudely dismissed by two archangels rushing for an action committee, one harassed clerk, that had nearly ripped out the scant hair that he had, one irate courier person, who was still insisting that it was Duo's fault for allowing himself to be carried off, and one very pissed PA.
This was the same PA that had to share him home with Duo for the foreseeable future. Gaylord had muttered about more paperwork and a non standard report that he would now have to write before telling the archangel department how he screwed up. He already hadn't had a life, now, with additional work, he won't even have an afterlife. So, no processing for Duo until the report was done, which meant Solo would have to bunk with his little brother until further notice.
Duo was pouting so much that he didn't really take notice of his surroundings until he was comfortably, though albeit grudgingly ensconced in Solo's domicile. It was white, no surprise there, but everything else was decorated rather tastefully. It was apparent to Duo that angels didn't have possessions, except for the usual laptop, PDA and cell phone, needed to contact other angels. The dead American shook his head at that. The electronic world overlapping into the afterlife. He had jokingly wondered if God answered their prayers using the mail, very much like in that movie Bruce Almighty.
Solo had quirked a brow at him and said, "Didn't you know that movies are based on reality?"
"You sleep here," Solo pointed to the couch, which was also white. He threw the thick stack of forms he needed to help his charge fill on a marble table and stalked rather irritably into what Duo assumed to be a kitchen.
Angels cooked and ate? Did he just wait in line for almost a year and didn't even feel hungry? His stomach, as if reminding him of his lack of sustenance, chose this exact moment to growl ferociously.
Solo appeared from the kitchen as if by magic… and God sent, totting a steaming bowl of something that filled the room with a delicious scent. The smell only meant one thing to Duo – dinner was served.
"You ruin my career and I feed you," Solo grumped. "Where is the justice in that?" He glared at Duo happily tucking in the food.
Duo stopped in mid forkful and looked up at Solo, his temper overflowing as well. "Well, excuse me, I didn't ask to be harvest like grain when it wasn't my time!" He slammed the fork on the table with a loud bang. "If those idiots over at the Courier Department had followed the pick up list properly, this whole utter crap wouldn't have happened in the first place!" Oh crap, Duo thought, horrified, he was beginning to speak like them. This demented terms sprouting from his mouth was making him wish he had never woken up that day in the transition room. "Wait…" He started realising something. "Those courier guys…"
"Yeah?" Solo snapped, annoyed that he was being questioned by a soul only a few months old.
"They take the souls of the dying right?"
A nod.
"So, they can also be called the Death Department right?" Duo started paling.
Another nod, slower this time and with dawning comprehension. "Which means every courier is also considered Shinigami," Solo finished before collapsing from mirth.
Duo groaned, his head bent. He couldn't believe how his title had been sullied, or at the very least, how his vision of the angels of Death been tainted. Shinigami were a bunch of overweight, under qualified men, who apparently couldn't read, couldn't follow instructions and couldn't so anything remotely correct to save their lives.
He was hating Heaven more and more.
XXxxXX
They had spent the next two days filling up forms. Form 34B (iii) was as thick as a book and confusing as hell. After making sure everything was in place, Solo took his charge to the Archangel Department. This was the first time Duo had actually seen Heaven in all its wonders. Flowers and trees literally sprouted everywhere. It looked more like a garden than a bureaucratic governmental office it actually was. All manner of greenery grew with amazing ease, and some of it Duo knew was already extinct back on earth. Animals, small and large, ran free through the stoned path and into the forests beyond and were as tame as house cats. It was truly an amazing place. The buildings however, left much to be desired. Each one reminded Duo of the pre-colony photos of a government complex. They were ostentatious, dull and a real waste of space.
Only, the Archangel Department was even worse. Since everything was white, and the building purposely unadorned to be ready for whenever their interior designer decides to finish his plans, the Archangels had a better method of 'decoration'. From that distance, Duo could see two huge wings arching out from the back of the building while a glowing gold halo hovered over the top of the roof.
"What the…" Duo trailed off, speechless. There were horrible decorations and then there was the Archangel Department.
Solo shook his head at the monstrosity before him. "Yes, I know. I said the same thing the first time I saw it." He prodded his dumbstruck little brother through the doors.
Duo gasped. He had been expecting the same long wait he had at the administration department but to his utter shock, Solo and him were the only ones there. Apparently, being 'harvested' by mistake was an almost one time of a thing. But it was obvious that God's choices of Archangels were not. He felt like he had stepped into a biker bar. Everyone there had at least one tattoo, two different scars on their bodies and looked to be at least 6 feet in height. It was either a biker bar, or a Mr Universe pageant. Duo was surprised that he hasn't passed out from the clouds of testosterone these angels were spewing out each time they breathed. And all of them in white leather. That has to be the most frightening thing about them, to Duo anyway.
Solo appeared with ease at the bunch of Archangels sitting behind the counter and he went to get a queue number.
Number 1.
Instantly, the bright LCD screen overhead flashed.
"Now serving number 1 at counter 1. Thank you for you patience," the same mechanical voice that had been torturing Duo's ears for the past 6 months resounded.
"That was fast…" Duo muttered.
"That's after three years of restructuring and reorganising. You should have seen it before," Solo hissed softly under his breath. "Hi," Solo greeted a smiling girl sitting at the counter, next to a large sign that read 'Customer Care Consultant'.
"Hello, welcome to the Archangel Department. We care for your afterlife. My name is Debbie, how may I help you?" Debbie tilted her head slightly to the side, smiling brightly.
"We came to file a complaint form," Solo passed the small mountain of papers to Debbie.
The girl quickly scanned through the form, ticking off items from the checklist at the front. She looked at Duo in commiseration. "Ooh, Mr Maxwell, I am so sorry. We do not usually make such mistakes. I ensure that we will investigate this properly and I am sure you would be back amongst the living in no time. But then…" She giggled inanely. "…who wants to leave Heaven?"
Duo resisted the urge to scream 'ME! Because it is not my frigging time yet, you doofus!' and merely smiled weakly.
Debbie keyed the case into her computer and waited for a printout. She passed it Solo. "This is your acknowledgement form and your reference number," she pointed each detail to Solo. "Please allow us 4-6 weeks for processing and another two weeks after that for investigation. We will release the results of the investigation within ten working days after that. Thank you for visiting the Archangels."
"That's it?" Duo asked.
Debbie bobbed her head enthusiastically. "Yes, Mr Maxwell, that's it."
Feeling really out of his element, for the… millionth time in a row, Duo turned to leave the building. Before they reached the exit, they heard a minor scuffle from behind. Turning, they saw all the Archangels descending on a rather resigned Debbie who was trying to fend them off the complaint form.
"What was that about?" Duo asked, shocked at the sight of grappling pounds of muscle over his papers. He worry that they would be tore to shreds and he would have to fill those forms all over again.
"That's part of the restructuring. God decided that Heaven was a little too rigid and unfriendly so, He decided to change it into a service based environment," Solo explained. "Before it happened, the Archangel department was one of the worst off. They were disorganised and constantly blowing their budget. And they weren't doing anything, hence the increase of atheist amongst the people in the world today. They weren't even taking care of Heaven anymore. So God decided a Heaven restructuring programme, which included the reorganising of each department in phases and a beautification programme."
Duo was starting to lose his shock at hearing things like this. In fact, he was beginning to expect it. Why wouldn't Heaven, a few million, billion, perhaps trillion year old institution be affected with bad management and internal problems? Completely logical.
"We got this nice military man with a penchant for roses called Treize Khusrenada to whip the entire Archangel into…"
"WHO?" Duo yelled.
"Yeah, Mr Ozzie himself," Solo grinned. "With his organisation and leadership skills, he managed to completely change Heaven, give it a new purpose and a new image and everything."
"Then why is the admin department in such dire straits?"
"He was on loan. Hell wanted him back. The devil said something about wanting to take over Heaven since all the gundam pilots weren't dead at the time."
"Aah."
XXxxXX
"Why did the Archangels fight over my complaint form anyway?" Duo asked long after they were out of the building with horrible wings and Solo showing him around Heaven.
"For Salvation points," Solo answered distractedly, sniffing appreciatively at a red rose. It seemed to Duo the only colour in this place were the plants.
What the hell were Salvation points?
Solo, seeing the blurred expression on Duo's face, explained further. "In the past, the angels weren't paid. Due to lack of motivation amongst the ranks, God came up with a new reward package. Right now, each angel gets commission for every case handled. Me included. Since money isn't of any value here, God came up with Salvation points. It is a system where for each soul you save, each problem you solve, each job you perform in God's service, you get these points as commission."
"What do you do with it?"
Solo shrugged. "Many things. We can exchange things with it. Something like money. I am saving up for a nice sunrise over the sea. It costs a bomb but sunrises are the best." He was grinning like a child, thinking excitedly about his own personal sunrise.
Duo shook his head, pinching the bridge of his nose. There was a whooper of a headache coming. Just when he thought nothing could surprise him anymore. "And what's with all these stupid flowers sprouting out of nowhere mrrf." He was shocked when a hand was clamped over his mouth.
"Shh…" Solo looked furtively around. "Important rule in Heaven, never step on any of the plants. Always walk on the path."
"Why?"
"God's our gardener. In His words, nothing beautifies a place up more than trees and flowers. But for me it is a 21 inch plasma TV and a foosball table any day."
"God's your… gardener…"
"Come," Solo pulled Duo along. "I have something to show you."
Duo suddenly remembered something. "Wait," he pulled back. "I want to see Heero. You said I could go see Heero. And I want to know how I died."
Solo looked a little indecisive, his eyes darting about. "You aren't registered here in Heaven, I am not sure if you can request for a leave of absence," he trailed seeing the pain and betrayal written in Duo's expressive eyes. It sent a stab of pain through his heart. Whoa, his little brother was sure useful with guilt trips. Perhaps he would do good taking care of the Jewish mothers, teaching them the proper use of guilt. Hmm, that would be a good job for him…
Duo's eyes shimmered with unshed tears and pain. He couldn't believe he didn't have a chance to say goodbye to Heero. It just wasn't fair. Solo had promised to help with the leave form. So why was he going back on his words?
Solo caved, falling prey to those eyes. Yes, Duo would have a job waiting for him at the 'Persuade With Guilt' class as a lecturer at the Divine Higher Learning Centre, since he had protested rather loudly at being a courier… ahem, he meant God of Death. He snaked an arm around Duo's slumped shoulders. "Alright baby brother. How about this? We go over to Life Department and meet the Records Officer there, okay?"
Duo nodded tearily, inwardly suppressing a crow of success.
XXxxXX
At least the Life Department had no gaudy designs. It looked like every other building there on Heaven, basically boring. Duo looked at the building rather apprehensively. This was the place where all documents about him; his life, his death, his deeds and anything in between; was kept. It was a place where evidence for his judgement was drawn from. It was a scary thought. He wondered about the lives he took and perhaps they had made some serious mistake about sending him to Heaven. After all, he was here by mistake. He could have had a quaint little suite waiting for him in Hell, right next to Mr Treize Prissy-Ass-Rose-Loving Khusrenada. Now that would be Hell all in itself.
Then another thought hit him. They thought he was Adrian West, so it meant he would have to look into Adrian West's files? It was all so confusing.
"What's wrong, little brother?" Solo asked, neatly avoiding a sprouting lily.
"I'm not Adrian West."
Solo nodded. "Yup, and that's what caused this whole problem to begin with."
Duo sighed in frustration. Solo sure wasn't perceptive. "How can I access my Living File if I am not Adrian? He's the one that is supposed to be dead, not me."
Solo waved his hand nonchalantly. "Oh, don't worry about that, the grapevine in Heaven works even faster than anywhere else. Probably by now," he scowled, as if realising something. "Everyone would know that the admin and the PA departments have screwed up. There goes my promotion!"
The braided American suppressed the desire to roll his eyes at Solo's dramatics. He was dead and his old friend was worried about promotions. He also suppressed the desire to tear off Solo's head with his bare hands.
The inside of the Life Department was rather well organised. Instead of the stacks and stacks of papers Duo expected, there were next rows of tables and at least four computer terminals in each row. Far behind, there was a small counter with two girls who wore similar expression of awe and stunned shock.
"Hi," Solo greeted the two with a charming smile, causing the two of them to be reduced to giggles.
The girls were looking rather surreptitiously at Duo, before whispering to each other behind their hands. One of them, a dark haired girl with 'Tsu' printed on the nametag smiled back perkily at Duo. "Hi." She elbowed her companion, a blonde one with glasses. 'Keiran', as her nametag read sported a braid exactly like Duo's, only shorter.
What shocked Duo the most were the smaller, but still very impressive, tags pinned to their lapels. They read:
01x02 Fangirls Society
What the…
Tbc…