A/N: First off go here .com/watch?v=LUiOZBZJg9s the part before '.com' should say youtube. won't let me put that IDK why but just type that in when u try to go there its the Official promo, just felt like doing that for no reason.

I obviously was pretty excited about this chapter and instead of putting it up like on Thursday of next week or something I decided to give it to you now. Please don't disappoint me and have me hopes wasted, go ahead and review ladies and gents! (And everything in between hehehe) But I will say if not enough reviews you may have to wait at least 2weeks for the next chapter lol

Okay anyway, here is the non-bs not super short chapter of Desolate, I hope you like it because I kinda feel like I poured my head and heart into it. Once again shout out to the previous reviews and one new one of...DeathStryke14 I read all of your reviews, I like them, I appreciate them. So please, review more. Tell your friends, tell your fave authors, tell the world, that Kelly Greyer got her groove back.

Kitty laid in her bed, her back facing the door so that no one would know she was awake. Looking at the clock on her nightstand it read 1:26pm. She hadn't gotten much sleep at night and at first decided to just sleep in, but then decided she just didn't want to deal with the world today.

She had been contemplating all day the reality of what happened with Samantha, the reality that she and her fellow X-men, no not X-men, mutants lived in everyday. Thinking it was a world in which the people who were the closes to you could alienate you in a flash, and everyone else could hate you without even knowing who you really were.

And if that was true, Kitty wondered if it was true that everyone was alone.

Not just by themselves, but alone, truly alone where in the end the only person you could count on was yourself, if even that. Kitty also wondered if that was a world that she was ever going to be ready and willing to face.

"Kitty?" Rouge pushed the door to their shared room open and stepped in, closing it behind her. Waiting a few moments for Kitty to respond Rouge sat on the edge of the closes bed to the door; Samantha's bed. She reached down and touched the sheets, gently rubbing her hand over the smooth black fabric that was missing its owner at this moment in time. Rouge sighed but returned her attention back to Kitty, but was of course only met by her back.

"Kitty I know you're awake." Rouge tried again, despite the silence in the room and Kitty's lack of movement, she knew that she was awake, because a person like Kitty could never sleep if she or another person around her was suffering.

And currently, she and everyone around her was suffering.

Rouge always felt like Kitty had a complex.

A complex developed from being one of the younger members of the X-men, from seeing all of the bad in the world and attempting to make some good of it. From pretending all the time, that everything was okay.

They were always told to be strong, by Professor x, Dr. Grey, Ms. Monroe...everyone. And to Kitty, that meant never showing them the tears in your eyes...the hurt in your heart.

But how, as a 15 year old girl, a 15 year old kid, are you suppose to look at the lifeless faces of kids your age and not shed a single tear?

How do you look at the blood covered hands of the people that took the lives of those kids and not physically feel your heart break, and let your face contort in pain as you clutch your chest and fall to your knees, gasping for breath because the pressure is to much for you?

Rouge didn't know the answer to that question, but Kitty did. And now as a 17 year old member of the X-men she still keeps the answer to herself. Keeps it a secret because she feels that she has to...

Because those dead kids are counting on her to not show them anymore pain.

Because Jean, Scott, Ororo, and Logan had seen enough faces of dead kids, and do not need to see the face of Kitty dying before them.

Because to be the youngest, is to be the weakest and that is something that Kitty isn't ready to become, and so she dare not show a glimpse of fear, or anguish, or heartbreak for if she does she has let the world down.

"I'm okay." Kitty finally answered, deciding that Rouge wouldn't go away until she gave her some sort of an answer.

"No you're not." Kitty didn't respond, she only pulled her blankets over her head. All she wanted was for Rouge to know that she wanted to be alone, but realize that she needed them, needed to be around her and just needed to be a kid for one more night, because to be who she normally was, was getting unbearably difficult at each passing moment. "I get it you know...I do..."

Kitty looked up at the nightstand once more. Her eyes become glossed over with tears, and if she were to speak, her voice would resemble something broken and child like. So she would rather not speak because she was too fragile in her despair.

"You know we're all here Kitty." Rouge stood from her place on Samantha's bed and slowly stepped away as if it were sacred place that she had disturbed and a single movement more would cause it to collapse and be destroyed.

"I can't tell you really that everything is going to be okay Kitty, because I don't really know that. If you want some security ask Ms. Monroe what the weather will be like today because I can't promise you those things. But what i can promise, at the very least, is me. That at the end of the day I'll stop you from jumping off a cliff if it means I'll go instead..." Rouge paused, her expression turned into one of somewhat confusion.

She wasn't exactly sure what compelled her to say that to Kitty. She felt like those were words that she wanted to say, just not the person she wanted to say it to. She shook her head and reached for the door and pulled it open.

For a split second she seemed to be staring into a third floor bathroom covered in blood, in compassion that leaked out the wrong way. She blinked and shook the visual away..."Or whatever.." Rouge offered to Kitty right before exiting into the hall way and closing the door behind her.

Kitty turned over and stared at the door as Rouge left, the silence rushed back into her ears and she closed her eyes. Rolling over on her back she thought about what Rouge had said, that she would stop her from going off of a cliff...even if it meant she would fall too. Samantha fell off a cliff...no one stopped her, infact she was pushed.

But it seems as though Kitty still fell with her.

Like her worst nightmare coming together, she was falling. Falling through the hands of her friends, through the better judgement of the X-men, falling past everything and unable to stop herself. And when someone would finally catch up to her, and reach out to grasp her hand and pull her to safety...right when she could practically feel the friction ridges on the tip of that person's finger that created their own personal identity, their hand would simply pass through hers and she would fall into the darkness below her. "To a place so far down you have to look up to see the bottom."

That feeling scared Kitty beyond any point of courage she ever thought she had reached, and it was something she just could not deal with.

Kitty wondered if Samantha had felt somewhat like that, what Samantha felt at all. What is was that she was thinking about when she dug a razor into her arm and peeled back her skin for the rest of the world to view her veins; and judge them.

If she expected to die and when she opened her eyes and discovered that she was still alive, what she would think then?

Kitty would have give anything in that moment of Samantha's weakness to trade places with Jean and discover the inner depths of Samantha's mind, but imagined that Jean's mind would be too clouded with her own turmoil to care. Had she had the ability to trade places with Jean, she would not be wondering of what Samantha was thinking or what she felt when she attempted to take her own life, because it wouldn't have happened.

Learning from their own lessons was not a dominant trait of the leaders of the X-men. But their loyal followers; Rouge, Tabitha, Bobby, John, Jamie, Sam, Amara, Rahyne, all of them learned perfectly..and quickly because they knew it was more than a lesson, it was a test, and they would be looked down upon had they not taken it all in.

And if in that one moment Kitty could have become Jean...she would have known better...she would have done better.

When she and Samantha first met, Kitty asked her if she had any friends. She responded with no and Kitty asked why. Samantha went on to tell her that she didn't want friends, because they always end up leaving you in the end. Later on in their developing friendship, Samantha told her that she held things in. Not because she didn't know how to talk about them, but because she would rather not talk about things like her life with the people that lived in this school because no one would ever understand. Because, she said, when you understand you can't just tell someone that everything would be okay, because most of the time it wouldn't be. And yet everyday she heard the phrase, it'll be okay.

Kitty wondered if that's why she didn't talk to any of them last night, wondered if she let what she was thinking build up in her head until it drove her to attempting to take her life. She pulled the covers up over her head and turned her face into her pillow. She missed Samantha, missed who she and all of her friends use to be, missed the world that she use to see before she was old enough to understand things like murder and betrayal, missed the feeling of having her life together, missed the feeling of being certain, and hated the feeling of being alone.

A/N: And there you have it folks the end of this story! Lol just kidding just the end of chapter 4. More to come. I feel like I wrote a pretty good amount here and if I may be so bold and say I think that deserves at least 10 reviews, seriously lol. Please tell me what you think. I sat in one booth from 10:00am until now which is (10:56pm) and I think that is some sort of dedication to you people.