Me: (Surrounded by balloons and such) HIYA EVERYONE!
Rukia: Well, we've got pervy hilariousness in this one.
Me: IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!
Ichigo: Yay. We can celebrate the fact that the woman destined to make my life a living hell was born today fifteen years ago.
Me: Awww, you called me a woman, how sweet!
Rukia: (Eyeroll) Well, anyway.
Me: Oh, right. I'll get the cakes up for last chapp AND the ones I might get for this chapp up on the next update, since I'm almost out of time. My curfew's over in a little while, and I have exam prep tomorrow so I need all the energy I can get. So, without further delay, THE NEXT CHAPP!
Ichigo: So read-
Me: REVIEW-
Rukia: Aaaaand ENJOOOOY! :D
Me: OH! And credit goes to dgj212 for the lick idea! :D
Peyton had had a nightmare about literally waking up with The King from Burger King. She jolted awake around the part where Ichigo and The King got into a fight over her; Ichigo had just ripped his arm off, and ketchup was spewing everywhere.
Wait, no it wasn't. She was still in Seth's car. She sighed and shook her head quickly, setting the Burger King bag (which she appeared to have been using as a pillow, it was pressed against the window with what looked suspiciously like a drool mark on it) as far away from her as possible.
She shivered a little at the thought of that dream somehow becoming a reality, then shook her head again. "No more sweet tea for you," she muttered before glancing around, rubbing her eyes tiredly. "Ichigo?"
He glanced at her. "Oh, you're awake." She nodded and stretched with a yawn. "I didn't know I fell asleep in the first place."
Ichigo sweatdropped. "Weird, considering you nearly caused me to wreck, AGAIN, when you jumped out of my lap and shouted you were tired and taking a nap."
She sniffed importantly and turned her nose up at him before facing the window; on the inside, she was flushing with embarrassment. She seriously didn't remember that.
"...I don't recall such an incident."
He just smirked and shook his head, and she looked out the window curiously. "Where are we?"
"Um...I think we're innnn...Oklahoma."
Peyton sweatdropped as they passed a sign that informed them they were somewhere in Arkansas. "...Not even close, dude."
He drooped. "Wishful thinking..." She just smiled and shook her head, pulling out the directions Google Maps had been kind enough to give them.
"Wellll...so I guess we're on I-40 West now, right?"
"Yep."
"Good, you haven't gotten us totally lost so far. I'm so proud of you!"
"Hey, I paid for your Burger King," he pointed out importantly. She shuddered, doing a Mini-Traumatized-Wet-Noodle-Dance in her seat. "Don't mention the word 'King'...I beg of you..."
He sweatdropped. "...You're so weird."
"I DON'T WANNA WAKE UP NEXT TO THE KING, IS THAT A CRIME?" she shouted before yawning and hiccuping at the same time, making him sweatdrop yet again.
"...SO weird."
She rubbed her chest with a pained expression. "Owwwww..."
"Is it absolutely necessary to groan and rub your chest like that?"
Peyton smirked at him before squeezing her arms underneath her chest much like Matsumoto did. "Oh YEEEEESSS, yes it is, ICHIGOOOO," she practically moaned. He nearly swerved off the road, making her laugh uncontrollably as a car honked at him.
"I'm gonna kill you by the end of this trip, I just know I am," he muttered to himself, temple throbbing.
"Aww, I'll make it up to you."
He perked up almost instantly at that. "R-Really? How?"
"Oh, you'll see."
After about an hour of Ichigo making random guesses, then another hour of them turning the radio tuner dial in opposite directions JUST to piss the other one off, and then yet ANOTHER hour or so of them trying to find out why they were so lost before realizing Peyton had the map upside-down the whole time, Ichigo looked rather tired.
She slowly set the map right-side-up, blinking innocently. "Maybe if you hadn't HANDED THEM to me like that..."
He sighed exasperatedly, and she stuck her tongue out at him. "Hey. Want me to drive? You look exhausted."
"No, I'd rather be alive than resting for a few hours."
Her temple throbbed, and she slouched in her seat, leaning it back. "Stubborn ass."
"You know you love me for it."
"More like I love you IN SPITE OF IT." He stuck his tongue out at her in reply, and she just huffed and folded her arms. She stared at him intently for the next seven minutes, psychologically willing him to give in.
Finally, she sighed and smacked him upside the head. "LEMME DRIVE FOR YOU, ALREADY!"
"I got a better idea," he said suddenly before swerving onto the next exit. Peyton spastically grabbed the little handle on the ceiling of the car as if her life depended on it. "THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?"
"Pulling over for the night."
"Ichigo, it's four in the morning."
"Okay, pulling over for a bit of the day then."
"OR you could just lemme drive."
"We're lucky you can drive in daylight!"
She huffed, crossing her arms. "Not even my own boyfriend trusts me at the wheel," she muttered dejectedly, Puppy-Dog Pouting and everything.
Ichigo just sweatdropped as he pulled into a Comfort Inn. "Is that supposed to have some sort of effect on me?"
Her temple throbbed, and she made a huge show of unbuckling her seat belt and dramatically exiting the car. "WELL then!"
The Comfort Inn was of pretty good size on the outside, with beige stucco-esque walls and maroon-slash-dark-red-or-whatever-the-hell-color-it-was piping and gutters. She was almost to the front doors when Ichigo ran up from behind her and slung her over his shoulder Sack of Potatoes Style.
"Ichigooo," she whined, but the rest of whatever she was going to say was overpowered by the power of her giggling.
When they got in there, they nearly missed the front desk. It was practically one with the wall, not jutting out in the slightest way. It appeared to be made of laminated wood, and "Comfort INN" was written in gold along with the hotel chain's logo on the marble wall strip behind the front desk.
There was a girl there with sandy blonde hair, cleaning her turquoise glasses. She heard Peyton's giggling and put her glasses back on before blinking a couple times as if not quite sure she was seeing correctly.
"Hey there. Could we get a room for the night?" Ichigo asked casually as if he didn't have a small redhead over his shoulder.
"Part of the morning, it's four am," Peyton corrected.
"WhatEVER, it's the same thing practically!" he replied, smacking her legs. She just giggled some more, and the girl behind the desk smiled slightly as she typed in some stuff on the computer.
"Sure. How many beds?"
"One," they said in unison. A guy with a cool black faux-hawk popped his head out of the door to the right behind the front desk, eyebrows raised. He was obviously gay; his eyebrows were perfectly plucked and his clothes were nice and completely orderly. Of course, his voice removed all doubt from Peyton's mind.
"Ooooh, don'tchya just love it when the horny kids check in for the night, Courtney?" Yep, definitely gay.
Courtney chuckled, while Peyton and Ichigo exchanged a shrug. They were right, after all. She slid the room key over the counter, and Ichigo took it.
"You need a cart for that luggage?"Gay Guy asked. Ichigo chuckled, and Peyton grinned at him as they left. "YOU'RE FUNNY!" she said with a giggle.
"Jeez, I'd hate to see you drunk, Peyton."
"I know, right? And I can't really walk in a straight line when I'm sober, so I'd be REALLY screwed if I got drunk!" she said before hiccuping. That made her giggle, and she giggled even harder as Ichigo made a weird face once hearing the elevator music was full of banjos.
"...Oh. I forgot I was still in the South."
"Hehehehe!"
By the time the elevator arrived at their floor, Peyton was dead silent and almost completely unconscious.
Ichigo shook his head. "Good thing you're with a guy like me. You'd be the cheapest date ever, you know that?"
"HEY! ...Yeah, you're probably right. Roofies wouldn't even be necessary," she said with a long yawn.
She stopped mid-yawn as they heard moaning noises from two rooms almost right across from each other. They tried not to laugh; they sure knew what caused THOSE noises.
"Don't get any ideas," she muttered, making Ichigo droop before laughing nervously. "I-Ideas? No way! I wouldn't...do...that..."
She rolled her eyes as they reached their room number. "Just unlock the door already." He did so, and set her down at her request. She looked around the room briefly while waiting for Ichigo to get out of the bathroom.
The bed was king-sized with gold sheets and a gold comforter, and looooots of pillows. There was a whole bunch of other crap they didn't need in there, like a tv and a mini-fridge. And a dresser, and a mirror, and a desk, a nightstand...Peyton sighed and shook his head.
He WOULD pay for all that.
When he finally opened the door, she practically ran him over. "YES! THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU!"
Ichigo sweatdropped. "...Didya have to use the bathroom?"
"YESSS," she called out from the other side.
"...Oh. Couldn't tell."
"It's 'cause I'm so casual and aloof and- OHMIGOD, ICHIGO, LOOK AT THE SHOWER HEAD! IT'S SO COOOOOOL!"
He rolled his eyes, grinning despite himself. As long as she was happy. ...That increased HIS chances of being happy also, so it was like a twofer.
After washing her hands, she got out and saw Ichigo peering in the mini-fridge. She waved off his search. "You might as well wait until they start serving breakfast. That stuff costs when the breakfast is free, AND it's not as good as waffles."
He poked his head back out at that. "WAFFLES, you say?"
"WAFFLES, I said."
"I'm in." She laughed and stretched with her eyes closed, sitting on the edge of the bed. "I figured you would be." Her eyes were still closed when she felt his hands on her shoulders, and she opened one of the aforementioned eyes suspiciously.
"What're you doing now?"
"Nothing much," he said simply, rubbing her shoulders. Peyton sighed contentedly, letting him slip her jacket off. Anything for his hands to get closer to her skin.
"Ichigo?"
"Huh."
"How long were you driving before we pulled over, anyways?"
"Hmm...I dunno...maybe five hours?"
"Where are we? Besides Arkansas, I mean."
"North Little Rock."
"Oh, gotchy-AAAA," she said, moaning mid-sentence as his hands, which had been under her shirt to get to her shoulders, moved a bit further south than her shoulders. He started laughing, and she glared up at him half-heartedly. "You pervert."
"Being a pervert's healthy for ya!"
"How the hell do you figure that?" she asked, closing her eyes again as he slid her shirt off and her bra straps down, exposing just about all of her shoulders that was possible.
"If you're not a pervert, you haven't gone through puberty yet. And if you're at or past the age of sixteen and haven't gotten puberty yet, something's wrong with you."
"Lindsay would kill you if you said that. Justin Beiber apparently hasn't hit puberty yet."
"In that case, Orihime would probably kill me too."
"Probably."
"I thought you like to call him 'Justine'?"
"I do. For some reason, a masculine form of the name came out. Odd."
"Truly puzzling. ...You know what's even MORE puzzling?" he asked right against her ear. She shivered a little. "W-What?"
"How much I want you right now," he replied.
She opened her eyes to roll them at him. "That's not puzzling at all!" Ichigo's articulate reply came in the form of kissing her once, twice, three times.
Peyton kissed him back, of course, but couldn't keep herself from sighing tiredly and pulling away when his fingers found her bra clasp. "C'moooon, I'm tired."
He sweatdropped. "Wait, wait, WAIT...so you can just do this to me whenever you please, but I have to call it off on account of you being tired?"
"Hey, I don't have the advantage of being a Soul Reaper, I don't bounce back just like that!" she replied, snapping her fingers for emphasis on the word "that".
"I don't recover THAT fast."
"Yes, you DO, Mr. Bankai!"
"You do too! You come, like, four times a night when we do it!"
She sighed, mortified on the inside. I so don't wanna be talking about orgasms right now... "...Ichigo, I didn't want it to come to this, but it's time I tell you. Sometimes...I fake it."
He paled as if she'd just told him she had cancer. "...W-WHAT?"
"It's nothing personal! It's just...I know the sounds turn you on, and I'm just so tired that I try to get it over with as quick as possible, and...yeah," she explained oh-so-articulately. Peyton wished she could disappear off the face of the earth at the moment. It was still at least slightly embarrassing talking about their sex in general without bringing something like THAT into it.
He drooped, lines of depression forming in the background. "...I feel so inferior..."
She sighed exasperatedly. "Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't fake it if I weren't so tired! The actual sex is GREAT, I just...can't recover quick enough sometimes."
He continued to droop before suddenly looking over at her. "Peyton Alicia Cullen, I'm GONNA turn you on."
"I know you can."
"Not just can, I AM GOING TO."
She sighed exasperatedly, but found herself intimidated a little as she backed up towards the head end of the bed as he advanced towards her. "Ichigo, c'mon, you don't haveta-"
"AND YOU SHALL NOT BE FAKING TONIGHT, I KNOW IT! YOU'RE GONNA HAVE THE BEST ORGASM OF YOUR LIFE!"
"ICHIGO DAMN KUROSAKI, I'M NOT IN THE MOOD!" she fumed, hoping against hope the walls weren't very thin. She didn't want anyone hearing this humiliating conversation, it was bad enough being a part of it.
"YOU WILL BE SOON ENOUGH!" he declared, kissing her before she could shout anything back.
THREE MINUTES LATER...
Okay, so maybe she was into it now. She didn't want to be, though; she was too tired for this! But she just couldn't help it. Everywhere his touch went got hotter almost instantly. Damn hormones.
Her bra was long gone, so was his shirt. His left hand was kneading her left hip, while his right hand was running under her legs before changing course up towards the top of her jeans.
Her own hands weren't exactly staying put either, though; one was on the back of his neck and keeping his mouth as close to hers as possible, and the other was roaming all over but was currently on his back.
She felt excited and hot, but she was still so tired. Peyton was worried that going any further would be risking another Fake Night, so she willed her brain to keep thinking coherent thoughts (which was a lot harder than it sounds) long enough so she could come up with a way to keep that from happening.
Finally, she thought of an idea. A truly terrible, horrible, slightly-cruel idea. If he didn't love her, he'd probably never forgive her for it. That pervert. But that pervertedness is what guaranteed her plan's success.
She pulled away suddenly, breathing heavy. THAT part wasn't fake. "Hey, Ichigo?"
"Yeah?" he asked, holding her eye contact while trying to fumble with the button of her jeans at the same time.
Peyton used the infamous Cullen Women Eye Trick on him, purring in a seductive voice, "...You want a lick?"
His eyes threatened to bulge out of their sockets, and he stared at her as if not believing he'd just heard that. He shook his head quickly. "I-I'm sorry, I think I just hallucinated. What?"
"You heard me. Yes, that really happened."
"W-W-Well, I, uh..."
"Do you, or don't you?"
"YES! ...Uh, I mean...sure, that's cool."
Peyton couldn't help but roll her eyes; what a moron. She played up her eyes again so he wouldn't see her rearing back her fist. She then punched him as hard as possible, and he flew backwards and landed on the floor with a very satisfying THUD.
She grabbed his shirt, slipped it on, slipped off her jeans, and crawled over to peek off the edge of the bed. He was currently glaring up at her, looking quite dazed.
"...THE HELL WAS THAT FOR!"
"...You said you wanted a lick! You're in the South now, Kurosaki. You should know by now that when I or any other Southerner say "lick," we usually mean an ass-whoopin' or at least punching you as hard as possible."
He stared at her for a second before groaning, letting his head fall against the floor. She couldn't help but giggle a little, and kissed him lightly with an apologetic smile before turning off the light, happy to have the bed all to herself.
"Goodnight!"
"You...any other man would murder you right now..."
"But YOU, for some odd reason, love me for it."
"I LOVE YOU IN SPITE OF IT."
She giggled even more at that one, and he just groaned again. "That sucked..."
Peyton waited until he was asleep, then went to the bathroom before going down to the front desk. Courtney was still there, and seemed to recognize Ichigo's t-shirt, but didn't say a word. Her eyes did all the talking. Peyton cleared her throat. "Um...how much did the room cost?"
"Uhh...I believe it cost around $74."
SEVENTY-FOUR DOLLARS, ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? Lemme see...half of that is...is...iss...
"What's half of seventy-four?" Peyton asked with a sheepish laugh, making Courtney sweatdrop. "Thirty-seven. Why, is there a problem?"
Peyton fumbled in her wallet, and found a fifty, so she gave that to her instead. "Can I have fifty of the seventy-four dollars my boyfriend paid? I wanna pay for it." Courtney looked at her for a few seconds before smiling and digging around in her cash register. "Here you go."
"Thanks, Ma'am," she said cheerfully, taking the money and heading for the elevator. Once she got back in the room, Ichigo was still on the floor. She laughed and shook her head, stuffing the money back in his wallet before tripping over his shoe, which he had kicked off amidst all the action. Temple throbbing, she grabbed him by his arms and pulled him onto the bed and got him under the covers.
"Damn Giant, you're so...fricking...heavy," she hissed, sighing with tired relief after completing her mission. She attempted to crawl over him to the other side, but he suddenly sat up and grabbed her by the waist.
"Y-You're awake! Greeeat!" she said cheerfully. Inside, she was cringing. I...am so DEAD.
He gave her a Death Glare, and she gulped. "You're SO gonna pay for that, Cullen." And with that, he tickled her until she almost couldn't breathe.