I had tons of fun writing this one! Jack just telling a funny story about a wild, untamed night he and some friends had. Virtual cookies to those who can spot the Watchmen character! (It's pretty obvious)

I own nothing.

One Wild Night

"Excuse me, ladies and 'gents. I need your attention."

All of the patrons at possibly the most famous tavern in Tortuga, The Faithful Bride, stopped what they were doing to look at the eccentric man standing on a table.

"Jack Sparrow," growled a big burly man that had a scar on his cheek. "You owe me ten doubloons."

"Ah! My favorite funny man, Edward Blake!" exclaimed Jack, grinning. "I was counting on you forgetting that wager."

"Well, hoped for the wrong thing, didn't cha?" Edward sneered.

"Suppose I did," mused Jack, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. "But I didn't call the notice of the entire tavern, just so they can hear me talk my way out of debt. No, I have a most magnificent tale to tell."

"Another one?" asked a curvaceous blonde, pretending to be exasperated.

"Yes, of course, Luv," said Jack, faking a hurt ego. "Now, can we stop this idle chit-chat so I may commence?

Silence. Everyone knew that Jack could spin a worthy yarn and was eager to hear this one.

"I'll take your speechlessness as a yes," said Jack. "I was in Jamaica a couple of weeks back, just outside of Port Royal. On that fine day, two of my friends Toby and Emmett, a lass who every one calls Big Fat Agatha and my self were sitting on this wall getting drunk. We were sitting there, drinking, laughing, having a good time, I hear something. I look around and I see two Royal Navy soldiers coming our way. So I whisper to Toby, 'Toby, there are a couple of authorities coming our way. Don't…'

"And before I can say "panic" the idiot starts screaming, 'Shit! Soldiers coming this way!'

"Predictably, the two soldiers start running our way. So we sling ourselves over the wall and start running a fast as we can! Now, I'm leading this chase and I trip into a ditch. Then Emmett lands on me, then Toby. Finally Big Fat Agatha trips and she flies through the air and lands on all three of us."

The entire tavern howled in laughter.

"You laugh now," said Jack. "But it wasn't funny then. The pain was excruciating, agonizing, unbearable and any other adjective you can think of. After we were able to untangle our selves, we hatched a plan. Toby and Emmett were going to run at the soldiers to distract them while me and Agatha were going to borrow a nearby wagon that was just sitting there with a donkey attached. Good plan, right? Emmett starts runnin' and he's looking like of them ancient Greek Olympian runners. But Toby, he just runs smack into the fatter one of the soldiers. They fall to the ground. The muscular solider (he was huge, almost as big as Funny Man) starts trying to get the Toby and the fat one off the ground. Me, Emmett and Big Fat Agatha take this as our cue to commandeer the wagon. So we run, get in the wagon, slap that donkey's ass (excuse the pun) with the reins and start to get the hell out of there.

"Then Big Fat Agatha says, 'Crap! We forgot about Toby!'

"Then, there's this yell of 'Hey! Where you going! Wait up!'

"Sure enough it is that idiot Toby, being chased and shot at by the soldiers.

"'Fuck Toby! Move!' yells Big Fat Agatha. So we move! Toby runs after us and hops onto the spending wagon and we make our most epic escape! And that's the end of the funny bits."

The entire room was roaring, chapping and someone even shouted "Encore!"

Jack gave an over-exaggerated bow and hopped down from the table. His own legend was being spread.