Woooh! Not one, not two, but THREE reveiws are in! Suh-weet! So here's another chapter for you guys.
Luigi finally "gets with it" and now owns his own computer. After all, what could go wrong on the internet?
Also, this chapter introduces Dexter's (dysfunctional) family. So let's get this gravy train a-rollin'!
Luigi: Hey Mario, guess what I'm doing.
Mario: ...
Luigi: I'm baking cookies. But not for you. I'm making them for our neighbors to make up for the horrible, unmentionable things that you did to them.
Flashback: (Shows Mario Drinking from a birdbath, looking satisfied, and then uncomfortable)
Mario: (Looks frantically around the yard while clutching his crotch and dancing, and comes onto a rose bush, where he releives himself, and then leaves)
Dexter: (Talking to his friend) ...and this is where I hide my secret stash of cookies (Reaches under the same spot in the bush where Mario was and pulls out a cookie)
Dexter's friend: It's kinda soggy. Maybe you shouldn't hide this outdoors where it rains.
Dexter: I suppose you're right, but hey. A cookie's a cookie. (Starts to take a bite) (Flashback stops the splitsecond before they bite the cookies)
Luigi: Maybe cookies wouldn't be the best things too give them. I suppose you can have them Mar- Hey (Looking in the oven window) Where are my cookies?
Mario with his mouth full of cookies: (Shrugs)
Luigi: You sicken me! Now if you'll excuse me, I have a family to befriend.
Over at Dexter's house
Luigi staring at the TV: (On the couch) ... Boy, I'm hungry.
Dexter: Me too, Hey Mom! When's dinner going to be ready?
Dexter's Mom: In 10 minutes dear.
Luigi: MAN! We wouldn't have this problem if she started cooking ten minutes sooner!
Dexter: I getting sick of this show. Why don't you pick something Luigi?
Luigi: (Picks up the remote) Sure I- Whoa! That is a lot of buttons.
Dexter: You act like you've never seen a remote like that before.
Luigi: I haven't. I mean, what does PREV. do?
Dexter: It takes you to the last channel you were watching?
Luigi: Why can't you just type in the number again? Are people really that lazy?
Dexter: Just pick something already! I can't take any more Oprah!
Luigi: Ummm, how do I change the channel with this?
Dexter: You go to GUIDE, select all channels, press PAGE UP or PAGE DOWN to scroll through the channels, press INFO to see if the show is good, the press OK.
Luigi: Hmmmmm, where's the first button?
Dexter: What's wrong with you!? Are seriously that technologically challenged?
Luigi: No! I know techno stuff!
Dexter: How much RAM does your Modem have?
Luigi: How much what does my what have?
Dexter: You do have a computer right?
Luigi: I don't even know what a computer is.
Dexter: (Eye twitching) OH...MY...GOSH!!
Luigi: What, is that bad?
Dexter: (Backing into the corner) Get away from me you freak!
Luigi: Huh?? But I-
Dexter: (Holding a shovel) I said back off Jack!
Luigi: ...Dexter?
Back at the Mario house
Luigi: I don't get it. When Dexter found out I didn't have a cimpuper, he freaked on me for some reason.
Parakarry: You mean Computer?
Luigi: Sure. Besides I don't see what the big deal is.
Parakarry: I'll tell you what the big deal is. Everyone around you is advancing at a faster rate than you, becoming more intelligent and knowledgable, meanwhile you don't even know what a URL is. Even kids' shoes are becoming more advanced than you are.
Luigi: Yeah right.
Parakarry: My shoes blow a puff of air on my toes with every step I take, I'd like to see you do that.
Luigi: (After looking intensley at Paratroopa momentarily, drops onto the floor and starts blowing on Paratroopa's feet) Puff Puff Puff
Parakarry: (Starts to walk)
Luigi: (Follows on his knees, but quickly runs out of breath and flops on the gound tired) ...Fine! Where do I get a computer?
At the mall
Toad: Hi! Welcome to Tekki Gear, where you can shop for all of your computer needs.
Luigi: I need to buy a computer.
Toad: What kind of computer were you thinking of?
Luigi: Something that will make my child look me in the eye again. Well, not my child, but the neighbor's.
Toad: Whoa, something to impress a kid that grew up with technology? Hmmm...It's not going to be easy, but I think I have just what you're looking for. We call it-
Game Show Announcer: The Tekki 4000! The latest in Laptop technology, the Tekki comes with a chargeable battery lasting a full half of 10 minutes, weighs an extrememly portable 23 lbs. and comes with an installed keyboard at no extra charge. All of this can be yours if the price is right.
Luigi: How much is it?
Toad: 32,000 dollars.
Luigi: That sounds about right. Just let me get out my crowbar- I mean, my "checkbook".
Toad: Ooh, sorry. Cash only here at Tekki Gear.
Luigi: Well, what can I get for (Reaches in his pocket) ...a torn movie ticket?
Toad: You can get out of my store.
Luigi: (Brings out a clipboard) Tsk Tsk.
Toad: What's that?
Luigi: Your score. I'm the mall's secret shopper. Gotta say, not too happy with your services...
Toad: 0.O...Ummm, hey I was kidding about all of the stuff I said.
Luigi: So how much is that computer of yours? (gestures towards the clip board)
Toad: A torn movie ticket?
Luigi: Bingo (Gives him the torn ticket, takes the computer and leaves)
Game Show announcer: Thanks for playing "The price is right". See you next time.
At the Mario House
Luigi: Now to set this little baby up. The manual says I must first type in a password. I'll make it "Luigi" (Starts typing) What the? My keyboard's busted. It's only typing asterisks in the password box...I'll just make it 5 asterisks. (Presses the keyboard 5 times) Now what about my username. It should reflect me, yet make me look hot... (Snaps) (Types "Luigi"). Now that's a sexy username. Press enter and we're on our way.
Laptop: Welcome Luigi.
Luigi: ...Hi?
Laptop: You're obviously a sexy man with great tastes to select the Tekki 4000. But you may just call me Tekki.
Luigi: Thanks...Tekki.
Tekki: You're welcome Luigi. Is there anything you'd like to ask?
Luigi: What would be the best way to show my neighbor I'm not a "Techno-deprived Loser-face"
Tekki: E-mail. I'll bring you to your inbox right now...(Goes online to )
Luigi: OOOoooh. I don't have this thing for 2 minutes and women are already sending me E-mail. (Clicks the E-mail) ...Hey, this isn't from a hottie! It's some sort of ad for cheap spray-on deoderant. Is there anyway to block this?
Tekki: Ping You have mail Luigi.
Luigi: (Opens the Mail) "Hello friend. Please donate to the Sweaden Trust security fund in order to allow our government to continue our current state of living. Without your donation we will no longer be able to provide swiss cheese, swiss chocolate, or swiss bank accounts to your country/village. We promise this is not a scam. Simply put your name, personal info, security number, bank account number, and credit card information into the spaces below. Swedan thanks you." I'm not going to give them money.
Tekki: Because you can tell it's a scam from the fact Sweden doesn't have it's own government, one donation will not decide the fate of future exporting, and the fact they spelled "Sweden" wrong, twice?
Luigi: No. If I give them money that means I have less (Glances over to an empty doodlecake box)
Doodlecake box: "Made with 100 Sweden Chocolate."
Luigi: Girly Shriek (Frantically fills the spaces with info and presses send)
Tekki: I don't think that was a good idea Luigi.
Luigi: Why not?
Toad: Sir, please get of the couch.
Luigi: (Stands up)
Toad: (Drags the couch out the door)
Luigi: Hey! What are you doing with that?? (Runs outside to see several moving trucks and many of Luigi's items) What's going on?
Toad: You've exceeded you're credit card limit so much that the company has to reposess these items in order to allow you to pay off the debt. Which reminds me (snatches Luigi's credit card and cuts it in half). Here's your bill. (Hands the long paper to Luigi)
Luigi: WHOA!! I don't remember getting this stuff! When did I buy an olympic swimming pool? Do you see a swimming pool?
Toad: I don't care about your swimming pool because I can't reposess it.
Luigi: Well how much of my stuff are you going to take?
Luigi's question was answered when his entire house was torn off of it's foundation by a Moving truck chained to it. Luigi watched as his house, belongings, and a screaming, confused Mario strapped to the back of one of the trucks disappeared into the sunset. But what really hurt Luigi was that they went as far as to reposess his reposession trucks by having all of the small trucks drive into one enormous truck. Even Tekki was gone, and with no one else to comfort him, Luigi had to find a new home, unless he ended up living in the streets of the Mushroom Kingdom.
Dexter: No
Luigi: Come on Dexter! Why not?
Dexter: Mom says we can't invite hobos into the house
Luigi: I'm not a Hobo, I'm your neighbor, your pal, your...some other third thing. How am I a hobo?
Dexter: Only a Hobo couldn't figure out a TV Remote.
Luigi: Could you at least ask your parents if I can stay?
Dexter: ...Hey Mom? Can this hobo live with us?
Dexter's Mom's Voice: No sweetie.
Dexter: Thems the breaks. (Slams the door)
Luigi: Why you little. Open this door!
Dexter: (Opens door) Why do you even want in. You have your own...house (realizes there's no house next to his) Dude. Where's your house?
Luigi: It disappeared through the internet.
Dexter: Internet? You got a computer?
Luigi: I got a Tekki 4000 to impress you, but it was reposessed with my house.
Dexter: ...Hey mom, can my friend stay over for a few nights?
Dexter's Mom: Sure thing honey.
At the dinner table
Luigi: Hey Dexter, how come you never told me you had a brother?
Dexter: Didn't I? I better introduce you. Luigi, this is my brother Tim, Tim, Luigi
Luigi: Hey Tim. So what do you like to do for fun?
Tim: I play with my pet Jerry. You wanna meet him?
Luigi: Sure.
Tim: (Plops a cage with an orange in it on the table)
Luigi: 0.O...Your pet's an... orange?
Tim: Yeah, (Becomes very creepy) I keep him in a cage so he can't escape.
Dexter: Now you know why I haven't introduced you.
Luigi: So, Dexter's dad, what do you do for a living?
Dexter's Dad: I put jelly on the inside of doughnuts.
Luigi: Whoa! Tell me how you do it. Please!
Dexter Dad: I do it with a jelly injector.
Luigi: A wha?
Dexter's Dad: Imagaine a huge hypdermic needle with an extra long and thick needle on the end, filled...with jelly.
Luigi: Um...(Sweating) how thick is the needle?
Dexter's Dad: It can poke through a Truck tire. In fact, one slip up, and I'd put money on you killing yourself.
Luigi: Heh heh, funny.
Dexter's Dad: You think I'm joking? I'm serious about my work Mr. FunnyPants. If I don't fully concentrate on my duty at all time, dire consequences would surely occur.
Luigi: ... If I injected my stomach with jelly, would it be like eating it?
Dexter's Dad: Some intern always tries it, and every time they miss their stomach completely. Ever seen a jelly filled pancreas, I have it floating in a jar.
Luigi: ... Please tell me your mother's sane.
Dexter's mom: Just a few more minutes guys. The recipe says I need to cook the mayonaisse to a golden brown and then add the olives.
Luigi: (Turns to Dexter) How are you not insane?
Dexter: I dunno.
Dexter's Dad: You know son, I don't think you ever thanked Luigi to taking you to that one movie.
Luigi: I don't blame him. I should apologize for taking him to that monstrosity.
Dexter: Actually, I liked it.
Luigi: (Jumps from his seat) You're all insane! Get away from me you freaks! (Runs out the door and slams into a Toad)
Toad: (Blocking the doorway) Luigi, we need to talk.
Luigi: About what?
Toad: Your still abusing your credit card privileges even though we got rid of your card. You have been sentenced to the death penalty.
Luigi: WHAT!? But I'm a victim of identity theft!
Toad: That's what they all say, now come with me.
Luigi: Where are you taking me?
Toad: To a fate worse than the underwhere itself
At the set of Full House
Toad: Now get in the audience with the rest of those credit card abusers!
Luigi: What's going on?
Toad: Nick at Nite is resurrecting "Full House" in an all new season, and you are the permanent studio audience.
Audience: (Screams of Pain and Terror)
Toad: Camera's roll in 3... 2... 1...
Danny Tanner: Well maybe if you thought about that Canadian guy actually being an alien in disguise, then maybe you wouldn't have angered him with your cheese puns and caused him to attack all of northern Minnesota.
Michelle: Sorry Daddy. Next time I'll think about the almost impossible results of future actions before I do them.
Danny: That's my little girl.
Audience Member: You suck Bob Sa- Ow! What's with the electrocution? Ow! I just asked a question! Aieee! I'll be quiet.
Toad: Good!
This was worse than any experience Luigi had prior to that moment, for not only did he have to suffer the lame jokes and diolague, but he also had to endure the flubs, not funny bloopers, and Michelle's constant giggling. It was a wonder they got 12 seasons done. Luigi knew there was only one way out.
Luigi: Does anyone have a Jelly injector?
Audience Member: Here ya go! (Tosses him said injector)
Luigi: Thanks (points it at himself) this is the only way out, but I'm glad that it was jelly filled (Closes his eyes and prepares the injector) ...I...can't...do it. (Throws the injector away in defeat)
Bob Saget: And that's why we're a big happy family. And I will now ramble on about how Miche- Aieeee! My bladder's being injected with delicious jelly filling!
Luigi: Uh-oh. Is that bad?
At the gallows
Toad: Luigi is fined with the death penalty for the death of Bob Saget. Although a joyous moment, the 26th amendmant states that "He dead, you dead". Do you have any last words Luigi?
Luigi: Well, I have a request.
Toad: And what is that request?
Luigi: (Thinking quickly) Well, I used to be a singer, and if I could sing my favorite song one time through from beginning to end without interuption, then I would die a happy man.
Toad: That sounds reasonable. After all, you did do us all a favor, so you may sing you song when you're ready.
Luigi: Thank you. Ahem ...A million bottles of beer on the wall, a million bottles of beer, ya take one down, pass it around, 999,999 bottles of beer on the wall...
So that's it... okay... I guess you can leave now. But not before writing a reveiw of course.