He must have misheard her.

That was it.

She was talking about the past tense, the brief time in her hyper-evolved form where she'd been carrying the offspring he'd ordered left behind. Something must be wrong with her speech center and she was confusing word tenses… yes, that had to be it.

Because if it wasn't and Kathryn Janeway was actually pregnant with Tom Paris' child, well… well, Chakotay wasn't sure how to feel about it.

"Captain, did you just say that you're…"

"That I'm pregnant? Yes, yes I did." Kathryn watched the play of emotions across Chakotay's face and knew now with certainty that the loyalty her first officer demonstrated to her daily had a root in feelings beyond that which were platonic. She couldn't miss the bit of jealousy that colored his expressions… or the discomfort.

"Congratulations." His face had settled into a slightly pained smile. It was clear there was a part of him that was genuinely happy for her, but it was also clear that a greater part of him was unsettled. Kathryn wondered if his reaction would have been different if it was another member of the crew instead of Paris that was the father. She imagined it would only slightly make a difference.

At the end of the day, he still wouldn't be the father.

"Thank you. I can't imagine any of this will be easy, but a part of me is quite happy." She allows the twitches of joy she's kept at bay for the past couple of days to finally fan out and Chakotay couldn't help but be slightly awed by the grin Kathryn flashes him. It's unrestrained and lights up her entire face and is all it takes for him to devote himself to making sure that joy always has a place across her features.

"You'll have my support in any way you need it, Captain, that is IF you-"

"I will need it Chakotay." Kathryn reached out her hand to clasp his, a small gesture meant to convey just how true the statement was. "I wasn't lying back when I told you I wasn't sure Voyager was a place to raise a child, but it seems now we don't have a choice anymore. And for me… well, I can't imagine I'll make any of this easy on myself." It's probably the most accurate statement she's made about herself in quite a while. Very rarely, if ever, did she accept the path of least resistance, and her tendency towards self-flagellation predated her time in Starfleet by years. That wasn't to say Kathryn Janeway wasn't a happy person, far from it, but when she disappointed herself there was no greater critic. She would find herself failing throughout this new journey she was on and she would be angry with herself, she just had to learn how to deal with that anger in better ways.

"I think you'll find this ship and its crew rising to the occasion, Captain. A child is a blessing for its entire village." She smiled at Chakotay's words, doubtful though she may be. Would the crew begrudge her happiness and deal with her split focus? How would her daughter feel about having a mother who cared for her job just as much as, if not more than at times, her own flesh and blood?

"I don't know Chakotay, there are going to be things I can't do anymore. I'm supposed to be larger than life to these people. I'm supposed to set an example for dedication to the cause and-" She drew her hand back, shaking her head as she did so.

"And why is any of that going to change?" He was genuinely curious and unwilling to let this opportunity to get inside the captain's head go to waste. She had never been so open before in the time he'd known her and Chakotay guessed it would be unlikely for her to be this way again for quite a while. Sure, pregnancy might make her more emotional, but genuine openness was hard to anticipate. "This is a chance to show people that they can still desperately want to get home and still have a life here on this ship. You can set an amazing example here, not just for your crew, but for your child too."

"Daughter."

"Excuse me?"

"You said my child because you didn't know the gender. I thought you might like to know it's a girl." He gave her a soft smile, one you'd reserve for delicate moments.

"Well then, you have a chance to set an amazing example for your daughter... one I have every faith you'll take." Chakotay's eyes flicked down for a second, almost like he was afraid to say another word, but fear lost out to sentimentality. "You've been nothing but an exemplary captain to this crew… I can't see you being anything but the same as a mother." When he looked up he was met with watering blues, an unexpected sight that immediately alarmed him. "Kathryn, I… I'm so sorry, I didn't mean-"

"No, no, no, it isn't you." She moved a hand up to wipe away the tears that began to spill, laughing slightly as she sniffed back the emotion. "The Doctor warned me I'd be emotionally unstable the next couple of days as I got used to all these hormones... I just didn't expect it to be this bad." She took a second to compose herself, her vulnerability in this situation making her increasingly uncomfortable. Chakotay's complete belief in her was not something she shared, but she was nevertheless touched by his words. However, they also struck her as almost too intimate, too personal. Kathryn wanted to both hug him and hide from him, and she didn't find she cared much for this emotional chaos.

Instead, she turned to what she knew best, command. Chakotay could almost see the toughening of her face, the defenses coming up, but in that second, he couldn't really find himself blaming her. It might have been a cold comfort, but for months now it was all she'd known, and as she struggled to find her way through the complexities of her new situation, it would only make sense for her to flee into her captain persona.

"I assume you're interested in discussing the logistics of this new development?" He met her halfway, throwing her a line to quickly pull them out of the pool of emotion they'd been in and back on the stable ground of command structure and Starfleet protocols. She nodded her head, a smile gracing her face.

"Yes, yes I am. Thank you for saying that." She wasn't just thanking him for the conversational shift, but also his previous words. Just like a lot of what laid between them, the actual words went unspoken, but the sentiment was clear. Chakotay nodded, satisfied with what little she gave him, just like he always was.

He wondered briefly, though, just how little he'd get from here on out.

#####

Forty-eight hours as a father and Tom was finding that uncertainty seemed to be the theme of the experience. He'd left the captain's quarters the night before and returned to his, only to find he wasn't tired and didn't have anything to do. He'd gone to Sandríne's, hopeful a familiar place might give him comfort, but the minute the holographic characters had appeared he'd realized this hadn't been the right move. As Ricky slid up next to him, putting her arm around his shoulders and preparing to plant a kiss on his cheek, he'd called for the computer to end the program.

It didn't seem right to cope with all these changes by falling back to the same habits that always led him to ruin in the past. There was now too much at stake.

Retreating to his quarters, Tom was stopped along the way by a few crewmen, eager to tell him they were glad to see him well and ask what it had all felt like. He'd smiled and put on his normal affable air, but inside he was wishing they'd all leave him alone about it, especially considering every retelling of events involved some sort of sin of omission thanks to the still secret baby news.

He was a member of the senior staff, he was used to having to keep things from hitting the ranks, but this news weighed on him with all its ramifications and life-altering consequences. Sitting alone later in his quarters, sleep unwilling to visit him, he found himself thinking a lot about his father. Admiral Paris had been a perpetually busy, always demanding man, setting nothing but greater and greater expectations for his son that Tom could never seem to catch his breath in the quest to reach. If he had been around right now, how would he have reacted to this news? What advice would he have given to Tom?

What reprimand would he get first?

He dozed off at some point, waking when the alarm went off for the duty shift he no longer had that day. As he waited for his midday appointment in sickbay to make sure he wasn't about to sprout a tail again or anything like that, Tom's mind turned more and more to the captain. She wasn't someone he usually thought about a great deal, in fact hardly ever outside of shift, but now she kept popping up in his mind. And it wasn't just that he was thinking about her as the mother of his child, he genuinely wanted to know how she was, what she was thinking, what she liked.

Tom intensely wanted to know Kathryn Janeway and he really wasn't sure why.

It pleased him way too much when he walked into sickbay and saw the captain sitting on a biobed, the Doctor scanning her midsection with a tricorder.

"Ah, Mister Paris, I was hoping you'd show up around now. Care to see your child?" The Doctor's tone was flippant, but the question was anything but. The captain's eyes moved over to his and Tom recognized what she was subtly trying to tell him.

He still had time to change his mind.

He could still decide not to be a part of this.

"Absolutely."

It was a second before her lips turned up into a smile, but it eventually came out. Tom answered it with one of his own.

"I assume you're feeling well today Tom?" Her question made the Doctor turn away from his scan for a moment to take in the lieutenant.

"Couldn't be better. And I'm guessing you-"

"Let's just say I'm cramming 12 weeks of symptoms in 12 hours."

"As well as 12 weeks of prenatal care. The Captain is going to have to learn very quickly appropriate self-care." The Doctor was by now over at the center console, plugging in the tricorder readings into the main computer. He missed the daggers Kathryn shot his way, but Tom certainly didn't.

"Lots of things to do around here when you're the captain Doctor. Forgive me for missing a few appointments."

"A few would be an improvement." Tom wasn't liking the way the Captain was starting to look. Glares were one thing, but now she appeared to be seething. He knew enough about pregnancy to know that violent mood swings were a thing and he quickly wondered if he was about to see one in action. He watched with his breath held as Janeway went to reply, but before she could the Doctor spoke again. "Here we are, a healthy and growing 12-week old."

Tom moved to the console screen without conscious thought, feeling the Captain moving right behind him.

The image he saw captivated him.

They'd managed to skip the part where the baby looked like a vaguely shaped mass of cells and gone straight away to a fully formed little being. He took in the nose, the hands, the feet... she was all right there in front of him and he'd never been quite so overwhelmed before.

"I can't believe… I mean-"Tom looked helplessly over at the Captain, looking for help in trying to find the right words, but Kathryn wasn't doing any better, in fact, she was stunned into silence, her jaw dropped slightly as she took in the life growing inside her. She'd been right when she'd guessed that a mother's love was something that she hadn't been able to fully comprehend the magnitude of. Seeing her child for the first time was a revelation, but instead of finding that her resolve to get this ship home dimmed in response to the love she had for this baby, she felt it simply strengthen.

Her daughter deserved to grow up on Earth, to have the same chance of running through the fields of Indiana that Kathryn had when she was young. The Delta Quadrant was fine for some species, but it wasn't for her. Only Earth would do. She reached her hand out and placed it on Tom's shoulder, just like she would if they were on the bridge, but this time it felt more intimate to both of them.

Any feedback you have would be greatly appreciated. I found this chapter slightly harder and I hope it came across alright. I'm trying to make it move a little faster and stay close to canon, however, some elements will get left out.

Again, please let me know what you think!