Chapter 4 – Regarding Richard

Alivia woke the next morning with a purpose. She imagined it was the first time in a long time that she had felt so hopeful about the future. After a shower and a light breakfast, she walked across the courtyard to the volunteer entrance to the hospital. She noted that the therapists were already hard at work with their patients. She saw Rick in the corner attempting to jog. She flinched as he started to fall. Luckily, his physio was much quicker and much closer. He grabbed Rick before any damage was done. Alivia could tell that Rick was angry, so she ducked into the adjacent hallway before he could see that she had been watching. At some point in time she'd have to talk to him, too, but now she kept going down the hall to Nellie's office.

Nellie Stewart was sitting at her desk with her head resting lightly on her folded hands. Alivia knocked on the door frame before entering. Nellie looked up and smiled as she invited the younger girl to take a seat. Alivia really admired Nellie and her work as volunteer coordinator, and she was more than a little nervous to have to resign her position. Nellie seemed to sense Alivia's apprehension to speak and began the conversation.

"You're in early today, aren't you? And on a Saturday, too. Oh, how did things go last night with Amy and Maria? They seem like nice girls. Jeff's hospital discharge came through this morning. He'll be back on his base in a week or so. He's not even going to get any additional leave. Anyway, listen to me babbling on. You've obviously got something to say."

"Nellie, you know how much being here means to me. I was afraid of how I would handle everything, but it's been so wonderful to be able to play even a small part in the recovery of these men and women. It's healed me in ways that I didn't think would be possible after I lost Mark. But I need to live my life now. I've been offered a position at our old school, and I've decided to take it. The school term begins the first of September, but I would like to leave as soon as possible."

Alivia sat silently. Nellie didn't answer for a second, but after a moment her face exploded into a smile. "Oh, Alivia! I'm so happy for you. I don't tell you all this when you come in, but I know that we're just a stopping point in your lives. I have a list of name of other family members and loved ones who are ready to come in and take over your position and apartment. I think I have just the perfect girl. Her husband died in combat about two months ago, and she thinks she ready to help out here. I'll call her today. We'll miss you, sweetie, but we're happy to see you go, too. You'll be teaching, you say? I didn't know that you had studied that."

Alivia wasn't sure how to answer. "Well, our education system is a bit different over there, and my school was quite different even than most boarding schools in the UK. They prefer to have their own students return as teachers. It's really quite common for us, even if the teachers don't have formal training in education."

"How are you going to tell Rick?"

Alivia's eyes widened as she looked at Nellie.

"Of course we all know that he's falling for you. It happens, and we don't necessarily discourage it because we know that there is a level of understanding that can't be found anywhere else. But he'll be shocked that you're leaving."

Alivia closed her eyes briefly before rising from her seat. "I know. I already saw him in the therapy room. I'll let him get cleaned up from that, and then I'll talk to him around lunch time. Nellie, thank you for everything. I'll be leaving fairly soon. My mum's been begging me to visit forever, and I need to see Mark's father, too."

Nellie came around the desk to hug Alivia before she left the room. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and started back down the hall to the therapy room. Rick was still there, now climbing stairs, trying not to use the railing while maintaining a normal gait. He was doing an ok job of it. She stood back and watched him come back down. He saw her across the room and turned to his physio to announce a break. He walked carefully over to her and sat on the bench beside where she was standing. He invited her to sit with him. She did.

"Alivia, I'm so sorry about last night," Rick began, but she stopped him.

"No, Rick. Let's not do this now. Finish up here, and we'll grab lunch and talk then, ok?" He nodded, and she squeezed his hand as he rose to go back. She called after him. "You're getting along brilliantly over there." Rick smiled as he walked away. Alivia stood, too, and walked back on the ward where she was scheduled to work that morning. A blonde woman she'd only met once before asked her if she'd read to a group of men gathered at one side of the room. She flipped through a selection of books and magazines before deciding on one of the Lord of the Rings books, thinking that they would enjoy it being read in her accented speech. They did, and it was almost noon before she thought to stop. She looked up to see that Rick had joined the group gathered around her. She placed a bookmark in the page and closed the book. The men protested a bit, but she told them she would come back after her lunch. Rick took her arm and they walked down to the cafeteria.

They chose lunch items and sat at a table in a back corner where they could be alone. Rick looked as thought he was bursting to speak, so she let him begin.

"I really am so very sorry about last night. I shouldn't have just shown up like that, and I shouldn't have stayed, and I should have thought of how talking about Mark would upset you. I was so incredibly dense."

He put his head down as he stopped talking, so Alivia assumed he was done. She hadn't had time today to plan out what she was going to say, so she just started speaking.

"Rick, I accept your apology, but it's really unnecessary. I was upset, yes, but I should have handled myself better. You are more than welcome in my home. I'm a bit embarrassed at how I acted, so I would like to ask you to forgive me." Rick accepted her apology and she continued. "Now I have to tell you something that I'm not sure how to do it. I've been offered a teaching position at the school Mark and I attended, and I've decided to take it. I'm leaving for home as soon as possible, which is almost immediately."

Rick shook his head, a look of terror on his face. "Oh, God. I did this. Don't leave because of me. I'll leave you alone, I swear. You won't even know I'm here. Please don't pick up and leave your life because I'm such an ass."

"No, Rick, no. If anything, I delayed this decision because I didn't know how to tell you. I know I'm not ready for anything between us, but I thought maybe I should stay and find out. It's been a difficult time. I never imagined having to make these choices without Mark. Since I was 15, he has been a part of my decision making process, and now I don't feel qualified to go about it alone. I've wanted to go home for a long time, but I wanted it to be on my terms, not because I had nowhere else to go. Now I can do that. It's time for me to go, and I realized it last night. I just wanted to tell you as soon as I decided. I thought that I owed you that at least."

Rick still couldn't look at her, but he spoke. "I guess I knew that you would eventually leave. I just hoped that I could make you want to stay."

"Rick, I want to be in that place, but I'm just not there yet." She wanted to give him hope that she could still return, but she knew that it would not be so. She wasn't only leaving Rick, but she was leaving his world as well. She glanced at the wall clock. Realizing that it was time for her to go, she reached over and kissed Rick on the cheek. She got up and walked out of the room.

Rick sat for a few more moments before he felt composed enough to walk back to his room. He felt like he might throw up even though he had barely eaten anything at lunch. She'd never pitied him and when he was with her, he could almost forget that he'd left half of his left leg on a battlefield somewhere, if you could even call that stretch of road a battlefield. Rick wasn't sure what to expect from people when he got back. His parents and sisters visited, but the rehab period was too long for them to stay. He didn't have a girl waiting for him at home, and the prospect of trying to find one didn't seem like a fun one.

Then, Alivia started on his ward. She was so quiet and looked like she might cry all the time. One day she actually had been crying, so he asked her if there was anything he could do. She had been so embarrassed. She was supposed to be helping others, but instead she was crying about her own rotten luck. She'd told him about her husband rather freely, and they began spending more time together as time passed. He knew that he was probably pushing her too fast, but he'd not been able to stop himself. He was falling for her in a big way. Maybe it was because she didn't see him as broken or disabled, maybe it was because of her piercing hazel eyes or her still there accent or any of a million other qualities that she possessed. All he knew was that he didn't want her to leave and he was powerless to stop her.