Superwoman

Superwoman Plays Football?

"Oh, drat!" Clara fumed as the train pulled away from the station. She had been to Smallville over the weekend. Normally traveling from Metropolis to such a tiny burg would have taken hours by rail or car, but for Superwoman, she had managed the trip in minutes.

She would have returned the same way, but her friends had made that difficult. Larry Lang and his wife Patricia were the two best friends a person could have. When Clara arrived back in town, they insisted she not only spend the night with them, but that they would also see her off at the train station.

Naturally, this complicated her plans for departure, since there was no railway going straight to Metropolis, but rather a series of stopovers. Clara didn't want to abuse her friend's trust or wallets, so she bought the ticket herself and waved goodbye to her friends when she boarded.

Deciding to run the rest of the way once the train got close enough to the city, she had been hit with two problems. The first was a drunk driver who stopped his car on the tracks. The second problem, which she realized only after disembarking, was that all her clothes and personal belongings were on the train.

Shaking her head, she broke into a sprint. Easily overtaking the train (and making one engineer swear off drinking on the job when he saw the red and blue blur), she slowed down enough to latch onto the rear luggage car.

Slipping inside, she hurriedly changed back to Clara Kent just as four men entered the car. Ducking behind a stack of luggage, she listened carefully.

"Ok, the game against Cordell is this Saturday." The first man, a kind of wheezy baritone, spoke softly. With most people, his words would have been a mystery, but not to the superhuman senses of Superwoman. Turning her head slightly, she gazed through the luggage pile and saw the four men with her x-ray vision. The first man was short, with deep lines in his face. He nervously clutched his hat in his hand, showing a head full of white wispy hair.

"We know about the schedule Randall, but why don't you enlighten us on how much bread we're going to make?" The second man chuckled. He was taller than the rest of the four and almost as wide as the door.

"Look, if we blow this game, it's my job. If you take out Cordell's top three players, we can make it to the finals."

"And I say tough. If you want those pretty boys rubbed out, why can't we just plug them?" The third, a slow sounding man with thick Northeastern accent, whined. He was shorter than the second man, but Clara could see the knotted muscles in his wrists.

Randall shoved the third man. "Because it's the chair for all of us if you do! Look, just play one game, hurt Burns, Stevens, and Lewiston, leave, and I'll pay you after the game. Understand?"

The fourth man chuckled, a deep booming laugh. His face was fresher than the other four, suggesting youth. "Heh, four grand for one game of football? I think we can manage that, can't we boys?"

The men laughed. Clara heard paper being pushed around then a door opening and closing. "Hmm, this could be a story!"

Once the men had left, and Clara was assured of their being back in their compartment, she slipped out from behind the luggage and made her way back to her seat. By the time the train pulled into the station, she already had an idea.

Sending her luggage ahead to her apartment, she went directly to the Daily Star. Bypassing the elevators, she entered the stairwell. One leap later, she was inside the main newsroom at her desk, busily typing up a proposal.

After a brief checking on Louis, she made her way to archives. "Let's see, these are the players for Cordell University for this season." She looked over the photos and information. "These are the three players Randall wants to remove from the game." She checked in on the fellow Randall. Coach Randall, head football coach of Dale University. He had been picked to coach three years ago, and had overseen the team's steady decline in the rankings. "He was right. With this record he'll be lucky if they don't can him right now."

"That doesn't excuse poor sportsmanship, but how can Superwoman lend a hand?" She had the names of the players targeted. She considered called the police, but how could she convince them? The three men were toughs, but she couldn't find anything on them in the archive. "Could be out of town muscle, which would make sense."

Glancing down, Clara noticed something odd. Of the photos she had taken up, one slipped free and fell onto the table, sliding under the other photos, covering up the entire image save for one player. "That's peculiar!" The image bore a remarkable resemblance to Louis. "I think I know my handle on this story!"

"Wait, you want me to switch places with this bench warmer named Tommy Burke?" Louis raised an eyebrow.

"Sure, that way you can get a first hand scoop!"

"Clara, sports is more Lombard's desk. I mean, where's the action?"

Clara shook her head. "Attempted cheating doesn't strike you as newsworthy?"

"I'm not saying it isn't, but what is your source? Randall is desperate, I give you that, but do you have any hard evidence?" he held up his hand to cut her off. "And I don't mean a conversation your source swears they heard. I mean, if we ran with this Dale would nail us for libel the second it hit the street."

"Which is why I want you to go under cover." Clara slapped Burke's photo on the table. "You're the only one who can pass for this kid. If I'm wrong about this, I'll buy lunch for the next month. What do you say?"

Louis paused. "Ok. If you can get this kid on board, I'll do it."

Clara grasped his hand. "You won't regret this!"

After working the rest of the day, Clara sat down on her couch. "Ok, Louis is game, but how can I convince Tommy? Kidnap him?"

She glanced at her Superwoman costume, hanging neatly on a hanger. "Well, if Clara Kent can't do it, perhaps Superwoman can!"

Superwoman landed lightly in the alley near Burke's apartment. She didn't change back, as a mild mannered reporter might not have the gravitas of the Maiden of Steel. Walking up to the front door, she knocked once.

The door opened slightly. A puzzled man looked back at her through the crack. "Yes?"

"Tommy Burke?"

"Who's asking?"

"Superwoman. May I come in?"

"Is this a joke?" Burke narrowed his eyes. "Look, if Mary put you up to this…"

"It's no joke, I assure you." She easily pushed her way inside. "Mr. Burke, I've been watching you, and I have a proposition for you. How would you like to be a football star?"

"Oh, now come on!" Burke stomped his foot. "I know I've been the benchwarmer for the past two seasons, but this is just taking thing too far!"

Superwoman held up her hand. In detail she explained her reasons for being there, plus Randall's plot. Burke calmed down, but still seemed skeptical. "I don't get it. If Coach Randall is really going through with this, why not call the cops?"

"That's where things get tricky. I know, and now you know, but that alone won't stand up in court. We need to stop them cold, and preferably in a way that exposes Randall was well."

She sat down. "I understand if you're nervous, but you would be helping a lot of people. For the game itself you wouldn't even have to play."

"A ringer? But, wouldn't that be just as bad?"

She shook her head. "No, this would only be for a few plays. Think of it as a sting."

"I don't know, but at this point I'm desperate. So what do I do?"

"Very little. I'll take you to a secure location tomorrow night. From there my friend will sub for you in practice a little bit then we'll have the game."

Burke paused before sticking out his hand. "Why not?"

"How did I agree to this?" Louis shifted from one foot to another. A touch of spirit gum and one change of hairstyle, and he could have been Burke's cousin.

"Because I asked." Clara adjusted his helmet. "Burke almost never plays, so just sit still." Burke's performance was a joke at best. He was one game away from being cut from the team. If not for his and Louis's appearance, she would have picked someone else. "All you have to do show up and try not to embarrass yourself and then we'll be right as rain for Saturday."

She wanted to sit in the bleachers for Louis's big moment, but if the players saw a strange girl rooting for Burke it might raise questions. She slipped away, and in an alley changed back to her costume. Leaping to the upper decks, she sat down and watched.

Louis may not have been an all state player, but he was better than Burke ever was. She was tempted to help him out, but decided against. Despite the sweat and grime, she could tell he was enjoying himself.

Scanning the field, she noticed a water boy slinking off. Following him (leaping down to the parking lot and moving so quick as to be a blur), she appeared near the pay phones. "Something about that boy bothers me."

"Hey coach, it's me Bobby. Shut up, I got something for you!" The boy's Brooklyn accent made his words almost unrecognizable. "Those three guys are going to be playing for sure, but I think you should check out Burke."

Even without the enhanced hearing, she could hear Randall's laughter. "Shut up, I'm serious! This guy is good! If he can get this good in practice, how much better could he be in the game?"

Straining her ears, Superwoman listened as Randall swore he would look in on Burke tonight. "I have to warn Tommy!"

"You mean I'm going to be kidnapped?" Tommy raised his eyebrow.

"Randall is planning it tonight."

"So now are you going to call the police?"

"No, not yet." She held up her hand to silence Tommy's protests. "We can't tip our hand just yet. You are going to a friend's place right now, and you'll play in the game Saturday."

Tommy's eyes lit up. "So the guy who's doubling for me is going to get taken instead? Isn't that dangerous?"

"He'll have plenty of help, don't worry. Now grab what you need. Those toughs should be over here by sundown."

"This is a bad idea." Louis paced back and forth. "I mean, I thought Kent talking me into this was bad, but kidnapped?"

"Don't worry." Superwoman calmly crossed her legs as she leaned back on the couch. "Once those thugs show up, I'll nab them. From there we can alert the police and expose Randall."

That night, at six on the dial, two of the men from the train forced their way inside Burke's apartment. Louis, sitting nervously by the window, threw up his hands. Without acting too much, he pleaded for mercy.

"Get a load of this bum. Thinks he's hot stuff on the field!" The nearest one cackled.

"I'd say he'll have more chances to play than where you're going!" Superwoman entered the room.

"It's a set-up!" One of the thugs drew a gun and fired. The bullet easily flattened against the Woman of Tomorrow's skin. She snatched the weapon from his hands and squeezed it to a pulp. "Now, do you give up, or do I grab something else?"

Both men threw up their hands. "We surrender!"

A call was made to Inspector Henderson's office. Louis, along with the real Burke, told their story to the disbelieving policeman. Superwoman made sure to leave right before he and a group of officers arrived.

"I don't believe it!" Henderson marveled. "Spats McKinney and Joey Truebello!" Turning to the officers, he issued orders as he took Lane and Burke aside. "Ok, so what happened?"

"Chief, this is only the tip of the iceberg!" Lane hurriedly told him what he knew. The two crooks chimed in.

"If we're going down, we're taking that bum with us!" Joey spat.

"Yeah, it was all Randall's idea!" Spats vigorously shook his head.

"Alright, I'll get a warrant together within the hour." Henderson had the two men hauled away. "Lane, I want to thank you. If not for your act, three men may have been maimed for life."

"I had some help." Louis glanced outside and for a second, saw a red cape fluttering in the night breeze.

Superwoman landed outside of the Dale University campus. "The police should be here soon, but I want to make sure Randall doesn't try anything funny."

She moved like greased lightening towards the athletic field. A lone light shone in the equipment shed's single window. "Perhaps they are waiting for their comrades?"

Stopping short, she crept towards the window and listened. "Burke? No, I still say you're crazy!" Randall swore.

"And I say shut up. You want this done right, so just let us do our job. My boys said Burke played good, real good. So maybe you should increase our pay while we're at it?"

"What? I never agreed to that!" Randall protested.

"I think we need to convince the coach here we're worth the money, ain't we Fats?" The leader spoke. That was enough for Superwoman.

Breaking the window, she leapt inside. "Alright, that's enough! You're all coming with me!"

"What is this, some kind of nutty cheerleader?" Fats rolled his eyes. "You want me to take of her Slick?"

"Please do." Slick reached into his coat to pull out a cigarette. Almost in slow motion, he saw Superwoman race across the room and bat Fats around like a basketball, then race over towards him. Fats' pistol, unfired, was in her hand. The cigarette dropped from his mouth. "How?"

Superwoman smirked. She puckered her lips together and blew. The force of the wind threw Slick off his feet and sent him crashing into Randall, who was attempting to climb out the window in the confusion.

"Now, where can I put them when the police show up?" Standing over the three men, inspiration came to her when she glanced outside. Gathering the trio up, she hefted them across her shoulders and stepped outside.

"Nuttiest thing I've ever seen." George Taylor looked at the photo that graced the front of the Star. Randall and the two roughs had been placed, via a secure fence post, on top of the goal post. It had taken the police some time to free the men. "Great scoop Lane."

Louis beamed, but shot a glance to Clara. "I had help chief."

Clara shook her head. "So did I, but Louis did most of the heavy work." She flipped the pages to the sports section. Burke made the headlines, but only due to his helping put Randall away. His performance in the game was abysmal, getting knocked off the field in nearly play. He still walked off with his dignity. He gave his best, but football didn't hold the thrill for him anymore. He told Superwoman his plans to become a journalist after the game. Clara neatly folded the page and tucked it away.

"True, but the thanks really goes to Burke." Clara put a hand over her mouth to cover her smile. "And Superwoman" she added silently.

The end

This story was inspired by "Superman Plays Football", which first appeared in Action Comics#4 (September 1938), with credits to Jerry Sigel (script) and Joe Shuster (pencils and inks). Copyright DC/Time Warner all rights reserved. No profit is intended or implied.

Reader mail

They Call Me Bruce

Good work here fella

Thanks!

From Anon

Have you heard of the Boys?

Sorry for trimming your post. Yes, I do prefer villains who aren't totally evil, and yes, sometimes you can't punch your problems away. Those topics will be brought up again in upcoming issues. Yes, I have heard of the Boys.

From Colt131

No, we never want to see more DC characters. Especially not Mary Marvel, Big Barda or Wonder Girl. This was almost too serious, but I like your stories.

And finally from Tiffani

You did a great job with this story. I really like your DC stories. More characters are welcome, but not needed.

And on that note, be here next time for…the Dam!

And keep an eye out for the following stories

Detective Comics#4-The Return of Dr. Death

Sensational Comics#6-The Revenge of the Baroness