FOUR
"Teddy," Harry sighed tersely the next morning. "Please don't do that." Teddy - who'd been pushing cornflakes into Charlie's mouth – stopped, his hair fading to white as he did so.
"Charlie wants breakfast." he said forlornly,
"Dogs don't eat breakfast."
"Charlie does." This, Harry couldn't fault. Given the chance, Charlie would eat breakfast. He'd also eat lunch, dinner, dessert, supper and any snack thrown in.
"Charlie's on a diet." Harry retorted. This was true. Last time Hermione had come over she'd pointed out how fat he was getting and warned Harry to stop giving him biscuits when no one was around.
"I don't give him biscuits." Harry had snorted.
"Nonsense." she'd replied. "Every time I go near the biscuit tin he jumps a foot in the air with excitement." She'd lifted the tin's lid to demonstrate, nodding triumphantly when Charlie came skidding into the room at the sound.
"Well don't goad him, Hermione." Harry had muttered.
Teddy spent the rest of the morning watching antique programmes on TV with Harry, occasionally asking Harry what bargain and auction meant. Charlie spun in circles on the carpet, leaving the room now and then to return with one of Harry's shoes, much to Teddy's amusement.
"Come on Teddy. Get dressed." Harry said for the fifth time later that morning as Teddy buried himself under the cushions of the sofa, asking Harry to read Muggle fairy tales to him.
"No thank you Harry."
"Saying no thank you doesn't make it okay not to do as you're told." Harry tutted, trying to pull the wriggling ball of pyjamas from the cushions as it clung fast like a limpet. The phone rang and Harry was forced to leave his Godson singing softly to himself under the upholstery.
"Harry?" said Ginny's voice when he picked up the phone. Shit. He'd completely forgotten.
"Ginny..."
"Thanks for returning my call." she said, her voice frosty.
"I'm so sorry. I've been really busy and Teddy's over-"
"We need to talk." Harry closed his eyes and held back a groan. Ginny sighed. "Are you busy today?"
"Um..."
"If you're going to make an excuse then I'll put the phone down now and put an end to all of this."
"No, I'm not busy."
"Come to The Burrow today? Mum and Dad are out." Harry couldn't help thinking the invitation seemed quite sordid.
"To talk?" he asked hesitantly.
"Yes of course." she snapped.
"All right. I'll see you after lunch."
"See you then." Harry put the phone down and groaned loudly.
"Are you poorly Harry?" Teddy asked from the living room.
"I'm fine Teddy. It's grown up stuff."
It came as no surprise to Harry when he felt himself sink into a bad mood. He decided to visit the shops for milk and cigarettes he wasn't supposed to be smoking. Teddy refused to use his legs and Harry carried him, frowning as they walked down the street. "Grumpy." said Teddy, prodding Harry's furrowed brow.
"I'm not grumpy."
"You're a grumpy old man."
"I'm twenty years-old."
Teddy gasped and wriggled in excitement. "I can count to twenty!"
By the time Harry had gotten to the shops, Teddy was on 'two-een', requesting a carton of apple juice and asking what was for lunch. "He's very blond isn't he?" the women behind the till gasped, squinting at Teddy's white hair as he pulled his hat off and rubbed tiredly at his head in the heat. "Almost white!"
"Yep." Harry replied, pulling the bobble hat back over his head and hurrying from the shop.
Later, Harry sat at the table with Teddy while he ate sandwiches, thinking of Malfoy's cheek the night before. He wasn't going to help that bastard. He took his phone from his pocket and dialled Malfoy's number. "Eat your crusts." Harry said to Teddy as the phone rang. Malfoy picked up, sounding amused.
"Morning Potter."
"Afternoon actually." Harry snapped.
"Cleverly observed. Have you settled your conflicting emotions?"
"Yes – I mean no. I'm not doing it. I'm not helping you – I've changed my mind."
"Don't be stupid, I'll meet you today and we'll talk."
"No. I'm busy." Harry retorted. Malfoy sighed tersely.
"Tomorrow?"
"I'm...mowing the lawns."
Malfoy scoffed. "Mowing the lawns. Right."
"Good luck anyway.-"
"Potter! Don't you hang up-"
"Bye." Harry hung up and shoved his phone back into his pocket.
"Who was that?" Teddy asked, throwing his crusts on the floor for Charlie.
"Another grumpy old man."
~X~
After Harry had procrastinated as much as he could, he Apparated with Teddy to The Burrow, appearing outside their front gate. "George?" Teddy asked hopefully.
"We'll see if he's in."
George was indeed in, he answered the door and gasped in mock surprise at the sight of Teddy. "Hair as white as snow! Harry, is this someone's grandfather?" Teddy wriggled out of Harry's arms and leapt at George like a monkey.
"No. I'm Teddy!" he cried, his hair becoming Weasley-red.
"A long lost member of the family!" George replied, smiling at Harry and gesturing to the kitchen where Ginny was stood chopping vegetables. Harry smiled back, his heart twisting sadly as it always did whenever he saw George. Most of his sentences hung unfinished in mid-air waiting for Fred to complete them, and though his grin was still bright, his eyes were empty and often flitting, as though looking for his twin in the corners of the room.
Ginny didn't turn around when Harry approached; she continued peeling a carrot, looking out at the chickens as she did so. Harry stood behind her and cleared his throat. Turning casually, Ginny looked at Harry with her eyebrows raised and Harry felt his cheeks burn instantly red. "I should think so." said Ginny. Harry laughed nervously. "It's not really funny though is it?" she added.
"No." Harry mumbled, leaning his back against the sink and staring at the tiled floor.
"An explanation would be nice." Harry sighed, looking up at her face. She was as pretty as ever, her hair flowing down her back in a cascade of red.
"Ginny...you're the most beautiful girl I've ever met. Ever!" She snorted, chopping the carrot she'd just peeled forcibly. Harry winced. "I don't know what's wrong with me." Harry groaned, rubbing his hand over his eyes. "I just can't commit..." Ginny put her knife down and turned to look Harry in the eye.
"Are you gay?"
"What? No!"
"Right." she breathed. "I didn't know. I thought maybe that's why you ran out when we were... you know..."
"No! We've done it loads of times!" Harry hissed.
"When you were drunk!"
"Not that drunk!" Harry retorted defiantly as Ginny scoffed.
"Half the time you fell asleep before we finished!" Harry turned away, embarrassed. God. Had he really been that bad?
"Ginny..." he began."You're like a sister to me-"
"Oh cut the crap Harry." she spat. "Every girl you know is going to be like a sister to you." Harry blinked, suddenly offended.
"What are you trying to say?" he demanded. Ginny dried her hands on a tea towel, looking away from him.
"I mean it." she said defiantly. "You're either gay or harbouring a load of emotional issues." Folding his arms, Harry laughed scornfully. Emotional Issues! Why did everyone think he was such an emotional wreck? Ginny brought her hands to her face and sniffed. "Hermione told me not to expect too much of you," she squeaked. "She told me you needed time."
"Why does everyone think I'm emotionally disabled or something?" Harry cried, completely exasperated. Ginny didn't reply, her face still hidden in her hands. Harry sighed and wrapped an arm around her awkwardly, pressing his face into her hair. "Don't cry." Harry sighed. "It's okay." If Ron were here now it wouldn't be...
"It's not okay though, is it?" Ginny whispered, lowering her hands and looking into Harry's eyes. Harry didn't reply, winding his finger around a tendril of red hair. What could he do? Ginny was looking at him as though he'd lost his mind somewhere. He leant towards her, thinking maybe he had, and wondering why he was doing this to both of them, when his phone went off in his jeans.
"You're vibrating." said Ginny, turning away and crossing the room to get a tissue. Harry tore his phone from his pocket and answered it.
"What?" he snapped.
"Hear me out!" said Malfoy's voice hurriedly.
"Go away!"
"Please! I won't make fun of you anymore!"
"I don't care! I'm not going back to Hogwarts." Malfoy huffed dramatically.
"You can have all the pictures from Godric's Hollow. They're yours."
"You can't buy me Malfoy." Harry growled. Ginny gave him a funny look and carried on chopping her vegetables.
"I'll do your wedding photos for free!"
"I'm not getting married you idiot." Harry snapped.
"When you eventually do get married, Potter." Harry rolled his eyes.
"Bye." He hung up – again, and turned back to Ginny.
"Am I missing something?" she asked.
"Draco Malfoy wants help with his career."
Ginny rinsed the knife under the tap. "Why not?"
"What?" Harry gasped. "He wants to take pictures of me at Hogwarts on Monday!" Had he heard her correctly? Why Not?
"You ought to stop carrying grudges Harry." She tutted, shaking her head. "You need to put the past behind you." She raised her eyebrows. "Besides, we'll all be there on Monday." Harry laughed.
"Is this some kind of joke?"
"No." she replied briskly. "So you're not coming, just because Malfoy's the photographer?" Harry flushed. So Ginny thought he should help the prick? She also thought he was carrying around grudges and suffering from some kind of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Great.
"I'm going." Harry muttered. "Home – I mean, not to Hogwarts." He heard Ginny sigh as he left the room.
"You shouldn't be frightened of him Harry." she said, just as he began jogging up the stairs in search of George and Teddy.
"Frightened?"
"You've always been the bigger person."
"I've never been frightened of Draco Malfoy!" Harry cried.
"Whatever."
Harry's bad mood reached astronomical new heights as he marched up the rickety Burrow steps. Never in all the seven – no wait...Ten years that he'd known the git had he ever been frightened of him. Malfoy couldn't scare a Pygmy Puff! He found George and Teddy in the bathroom, George scrubbing the boy's face with a damp flannel. "Harry!" George cried, seeing him in the doorway.
"I didn't do it!" Teddy squeaked, turning to face Harry with chocolate around his mouth.
"You weren't testing Weasley products were you?" Harry sighed.
"Just a little one" George confessed. Teddy giggled.
Harry grumbled good naturedly. He trusted George, but Andromeda would kill him if he brought Teddy home levitating with a limb missing. "It's time to go." he said, holding out his hand for Teddy to take once George had rubbed the last of the chocolate from his face.
"Did you talk to Ginny?" George asked his voice quiet as he walked them back downstairs. Harry nodded glumly. "Don't pay any attention to Ron," George smiled. "Ginny can take better care of herself than the rest of us put together."
"Tell me about it." Harry muttered.
~X~
Later that afternoon, when Andromeda had collected Teddy with all of his limbs, his feet firmly on the ground and his hair still Weasley-red, Harry had soaked in the bath, stewing in his own rage. Ginny must really have it in for him, he thought, if she was trying to make out he was frightened of Draco Malfoy. Frightened of Malfoy? What a pile of toss.
He got out of the bath and examined his reflection in the mirror, baring his teeth threateningly. "Very scary - if only you had clothes on." his mirror sighed in a languid sort of way. Harry ruffled his hair and sighed, wrapping a towel around his waist and thinking of getting drunk by himself.
"You've always been the bigger person." said Ginny's voice in his head.
Would the bigger person get drunk by themselves? Or would they agree to be at Hogwarts and have their picture taken? Defeated by the conscience in his head that always spoke in Hermione's voice, Harry sloped out into the hallway and picked up his phone, marvelling at how quickly he'd managed to memorise Malfoy's number.
~X~
Being the better person had no benefits at all, Harry thought sourly as he walked Charlie around the block in the faded light of the warm day. Malfoy had been unbearably smug at his relenting and Harry had no desire to go to Hogwarts on Monday, even if his friends were going to be there. He knew it was bad, but he had been feeling this way for longer than he would have liked and he couldn't help himself. It was months since he'd last seen Neville and Luna, almost a year since he'd seen Seamus and Dean, yet all he wanted to do was isolate himself, pining for Merlin knew what. He'd spend time with Ron and Hermione without much to say for himself, wondering why Ron could find funny stories to tell about his job, or how Hermione could hold a passionate conversation about hers.
After completing her NEWTs, Hermione had found and joined a force campaigning for the fair treatment of magical creatures. Harry often forgot it's name, but he knew it was run by a scatty middle-aged Witch who had no idea how lucky she was to have Hermione; the only thing keeping the whole shambles going. Hermione loved it all the same, and Harry knew a job rescuing a failing society with timetables and badges and porcelain mugs was made for her. It was a wonder she could stand a week away from it.
Ginny was waiting for him outside his flat when he returned. She stood next to the blue door in a lilac cardigan, her head tilted to one side. "I thought you weren't answering on purpose." she sighed, watching Harry climb the steps and scratching Charlie's ear as he leapt up to greet her. Harry watched her as he put the key in his door, still annoyed with her cheek. "Are you still angry because I said you were scared of Malfoy?" she smiled, sharp as ever.
"No." Harry snapped, feeling she had no right to be smiling, and annoyed that he wasn't more inscrutable. "I'm going on Monday anyway."
"I should think so!" she snapped back just as fiercely. "Dean and Luna are going, and they were locked in his cellar for months!" Harry pushed open his door and Ginny marched in after him. "Honestly, what's the worst thing the stupid boy has ever done to you? Throw a spell at you? Call you a name? You might have saved the wizarding world, Harry, but you still act like a twelve year old."
"That's not fair!" Harry shouted, slamming his front door and turning to face her. "I don't care about Malfoy! I'm not frightened of him!" Ginny shrugged her cardigan off and tossed it on the stand in the hallway.
"Whatever. I'm not here to talk about him." Harry watched her stalk into his kitchen and he heard his kettle being turned on.
"There's no escaping her!" Harry hissed to Charlie who licked his jeans affectionately.
"I heard that."
~X~
"Harry, I've met someone." Ginny said quickly, cupping a mug of tea in her hands and averting her gaze. Harry blinked. Well he hadn't been expecting that. He rotated his own mug, not really wanting it, and waited for Ginny to speak again. "It was at that Quidditch match I stayed sober for in January. He was a trainee Healer helping with injuries. We just clicked and it's... it's getting quite serious." She sighed. "I haven't told Ron. It's only been a month or so really and I don't want to scare Luca off."
"Luca." Harry muttered in a mocking voice before he could stop himself.
"Harry!" Ginny cried. "What the hell is your problem?" Harry resisted the urge to tell her she was too young for a boyfriend because that was the height of hypocrisy and idiocy.
"I didn't mean to do that." He sighed raking a hand through his hair. "I'm...I'm just pissed off because everyone else seems to know what they're doing with their life." Ginny smiled, and Harry was surprised to see she looked genuinely relieved.
"It's all a bluff Harry." she said. "No one knows what they're doing really."
"Right." Harry replied, figuring she was just saying that, and everyone else knew what ship they were on and Harry was still running around on the sand by himself with a dog, in a job that offered him no challenge and unable to hold down a girlfriend...
"Are you...okay?" Ginny asked, touching his hand and making him jump.
"Yeah." Harry said quickly. "Just beating myself up."
"I thought so." she grinned. "You're looking especially angst-filled." Harry drank some tea, and then spat it back in the mug because it was too hot.
"You know what?" he began, getting up to rinse the mug in the sink. "I'm happy for you." And he was. Ginny joined him at the sink, watching him scour the mug repeatedly.
"Harry," she began. "Do you want to talk?"
"We just have." Harry heard the test of patience in her voice.
"No. I mean... about you? About your love life?" What love life?
"I don't want to talk about it." Harry murmured. He dried the mug on his tea towel, keeping secrets from Ginny, keeping secrets from himself.
"Are you sure?" Ginny asked firmly. It was something he'd always loved about her. Once she'd overcome her initial inhibition involving him, she'd always been firm and frank, like a boy might be. She never beat around the bush and she was never afraid to challenge him.
"I'm happy for you Ginny." Harry sighed, putting the stupid mug down and turning to look at the girl he had always thought he'd loved. "I hope he treats you better than I did because you fucking deserve it." Ginny threw her arms around Harry's neck, catching him by surprise. She took a wavering breath.
"Don't you ever use language like that again." she scolded his shoulder. Harry held her tightly, breathing in her flowery smell and mourning for the loss of the girl he really, truly wished he could have loved.