Chapter 4 – Playing The Part - Ramos's POV
I waited for them to enter but it never happened as I stood alone in that room, your last goodbyes and neither my mother nor father had bothered to come to say, what could very well be their last chance to see their own son. I knew in many respects I'd disgraced my father by becoming a volunteer to the games, to willingly become part of the huge show that fed the capitol's control and blood lust. His own son who had bared witness to how manipulative and tyrannical those under the manipulation of the capitol's power could be, my own family losing life due to beliefs that were considered rebellious. I hated that it hurt though, I knew the likelihood of such a reaction for what I'd done but they clearly didn't see that in affect I'd saved a young boys life from being sacrificed to those in the capitol.
I ran my hand over the wood grain of the desk drawers that stood just bellow my hip in height, feeling my slightly roughened hands stroking over the smooth texture feeling the grain of the wood. I tried to push myself away from what I no doubt was feeling for myself in this moment and instead focus on the family of that young boy, part of me wondered if they'd even tried to come and thank me, once again though it didn't matter. The timid knock on the thick door brought me from my musings of what I'd allowed myself to be pulled into and then the door slowly began to push open.
At first I was shocked to see the all too familiar appearance almost turning up my features in a grimace of sorts, Autumn's mother looked every bit of the submissive weak woman I'd always assumed her to be. I had only ever seen another side to her once, many years ago when she helped my father remove the trident from my body and then work over my ruined body, I had never doubted that she had saved my life that day and I had always respected her for that. For a short period of time I'd even convinced myself I'd fallen in love with her, my father had explained it was something called Nightingale syndrome in which a injured person falls in love with the person helping them only due to the gratitude of being saved or looked after. There was no reason for her to be here though in this room with me when her very own daughter was no doubt in a room very much the same as this one. She looked vulnerable even a little frail as she closed the door behind me her eyes looking over my scarred face in a fearful yet sympathetic manner that made me feel both furious and weak. The silence between us felt as if it made time draw out even longer until I went to clear my throat as to say something, but she raised her slender fingered hand and looked at me sure of whatever she was about to say now.
"I saved you" she said in an almost whisper as I nodded my head "I saved your life" she said louder this time even taking a step forward now as did I closing that distance, the churn in my stomach the ever reminding pain of how she'd helped me live
"I know" I said gruffly turning my head away from looking at her, I knew in that moment what she was here for and I hated her too then the woman I'd found myself respecting for what she'd done for me was here now to call in a debt. To make claim on a debt I hadn't realised I had being held over me
"Then you know what you've got to do Ramos" she whispered, my teeth gritting together turning my face back to her, glaring down at the woman so furiously at her for making me feel like I owed her anything "I know you hate my family. I know you hate her father but you respected me, I know it was you that always delivered those fish Ramos" and I want to deny it, a foolish young boy who'd let himself become such a naive idiot his gratitude turned to an obsession the reason Autumn's father continuously went after me because I fed his family illegally, because of the woman that saved me "She helped me with you Ramos. Autumn helped wrap and clean your wounds while you were unconscious from the pain she saved you too" I try to hold back the vomit that wants to push out from my body as if to reject any help received from Autumn
"I won't do it not even for you" I spat out but it sounded weaker then what I'd wanted it to come across she'd ruined my plans now everything I'd wanted for this was suddenly becoming about paying a debt to a woman and her daughter
"You'll do it Ramos because you're a good man. You can hate me, you can hate my daughter but we both know your honourable you'll do what you can to help her live because we helped you" She didn't let me reply, I didn't have anything I could have said back to her anyway as she left silently the click of the door as I was left alone
I roared out in anger, my large hands gripping either side of the wooden desk drawers and lifting it with little effort and throwing it with all my power across the room in my anger as the wood splintered and shattered items inside becoming discarded. I let my back hit against the wall leaning my weight against it as I pressed the palms of my hands into my eyes, that odd and old familiar burn of needing to cry set in but it never came forward. I stood there my eyes fixed on the broken desk drawers, in a poetic and symbolic way the desk resembled my plan for the games before my eyes had been forced open to a truth.
Perhaps she was manipulating me, it could be likely but she had never come across as the sort of woman, I'd hate her for as long as I lived for making me feel like I owed her but as she had said she knew I'd feel I'd have to help Autumn now. I was eventually brought out from the room by peacekeepers I barely realised who was talking to me when someone spoke and I snarled out a sarcastic response, I stayed in my angered feelings knowing I had a better grasp of the emotion then the other's that had been setting over my chest.
I had completely tried to disregarded and ignore Autumn then, even as her mother's words continued to bombarded me, I kept my usual silence and outward disdain for all around me present just because I had to help her didn't mean I'd ever like her or be happy about doing it. I'd save her once in the arena and then I'd have repaid the debt to her mother, I'd let her go on her own way and hope it wasn't at my hands that she met her demise because I refused to let her win, refused to let her kill me to win. I wasn't surprised when Galton stepped into the cart, probably the only man in district four that was larger than me in his monstrous size, normally I'd hate to be around a past victor but I'd known Galton through my father. I smirked at the way he all but dismissed Autumn giving her a slightly compliment or possibly a taunt I was never sure Galton knew himself when he made obvious remarks about people. Raven our escort quickly dispelled the awkward tension building and all but taking autumn away from us as we joked and made sarcastic comments towards each other.
"So you volunteered?" Galton said questioningly his thick eyebrow tilting up slightly with a confused expression and then fixing it back to neutral "I doubt your Pa was happy with that" Galton shifted the seat looking entirely too small
"Wouldn't know he didn't come see me" I shrugged it off nonchalantly I wasn't about to let myself dwell on my father's blatant rejection of me in what was likely the last chance to see each other, it was who he was unforgiving and hated the capitol
"Tough break Ramos" Galton chuckled as I just shrugged it off once again "well we know your capable as a tribute not maybe the best with weapons training but hand to hand and strength wise I doubt we'll see anyone match you" Galton said in complete mentor mode now, analysing everything he already knew about me "District four will support you over the girl. I doubt you'll get sponsors where it counts though" Galton didn't need to say it, I knew the capitol would see my outward appearance the stocky thick muscled beast with horrible scarring and then see the pretty girl Autumn a peacekeepers daughter. No the capitol and the people would not be sponsoring me while I was in the arena, I however was happy by that I didn't want hand outs from those that I despised so openly
"I don't care about sponsors" Galton scoffed at my comment as I glared across at him "I'll do my thing, I'll play part in the bloodbath hand to hand I'll be unstoppable so why not go run head in. Career pack will want me maybe I'll give them the idea of me joining" I shrugged as Galton chuckled at me standing from his seat towering over me as I stood as not to need to look up as much
"Kid once I'm finished with you there won't be a person in the capitol who doesn't love you" Galton squeezed my shoulder then looking at me seriously "I'll see what I can do without little madam during the time given, not sure if she's open to being told what to do by one of us district four commoners what would her daddy think" Galton said sarcastically as I laughed and we both moved into the cart where the strong smelling food wafted over my face, I looked at Autumn once knowing she had no idea that because of her mother I'd be helping her that first day of the arena.
She quickly dismissed herself as I shook my head and moved to grab some food, I knew what I'd do I'd enter into the bloodbath get what I needed and I'd get Autumn the things that would help her then I'd send her on her way. No one could expect me to do more than that for her, she deserved nothing from me but if giving her supplies to survive helped her live then my debt to her mother was paid, I hated being honourable and I hated that to do this I'd have to play a part I wasn't willing or happy to be playing.