a/n - hi guys! Sorry I haven'u updated in awhile, sorry, I'm trying to make my chapters longer. This chapter might be longer. I've been buzy all week with a play sooo...

LYRICS:

till now, always got by on my own

I never really cared until I met you.

And now it chills me to the bone.

How do I get you alone?

-Alone again-

KATNISS POV

I run after Peeta, into his house which I haven't even dared to look at for the past five years. Every fibere of my being is telling me you will make things worse, my my heart is screaming for him, for his affection, for his love. But that is over. Because of that damn fateful day.

The night I slept with Gale is distant, thick with drink and regret. But I remember. The night I made the biggest damn mistake of my life.

"Katniss, you know your getting married in less than a month. Only you seem perfectly okay." Gale says, his stormy grey eyes clouding over.

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"What if you change your mind?"

"I love him Gale, I will never have that with you, I'm sorry."

"You are making a massive mistake, Katniss." Says Gale. "Why do you stay with him? What if he hurts you?"

"Because every time his hijacking acts up, he'll lock himself outside and come back loving me a little more." I say quietly, every single word only the truth.

"Katniss I see him with you everday and it kills me, he's not right for you-"

I cut him short. "That's where you're wrong Gale. It's taken me two years, a war, and all his painfor me to realise that without him, I'm a little girl, and without him I couldn't of coped. He was always there for me even when I was a bitch, he still didn't care. And when he was gone in the capitol, I hurt so badly to know he'd never see me the same way again."

Before I know it I notice I drinking from the vodka bottle Haymitch left on the kitchen table. It's fiery and I'm not sure I like it, but I continue to drink. I feel sick, but I continue.

"But I miss you sometimes." I whisper.

And this stupid bitchy girl with no sense of right a wrong leans in for a kiss, and she gets one.

Damn you Katniss Everdeen.

The whole house is filled of the faint stench of wine. The house is still in perfect condition though, as Peeta always kept it. But the paintings on the wall have been scratched at hit, especially ones with me in.

I remember the boy I broke is gone, and now he's the lady killer, the drunk, the celebrity. But I still see the crack.

Peeta is in the kitchen, filled with shards of green glass I have to tip-toe over. Peeta is sitting limply in the window, his eyes a million miles away. The same faraway expression he had when he was hijacked, sad, faraway, broken.

" I know you in there." I whisper. " Not this person you've become. The person you used to be."

I whisper, my eyes welling up and my voice breaking. "And I want him back..."

he's silent, too much too soon I think.

"How much did it hurt?" I ask.

"You know, when a person has a broken bone, if they're a lucky and have a clean break. These heal quickly and aren't too painful. But then, if the impact if hard enough the bone fractures and the splinters make the break a thousand times more painful." he says.

"And the patient blacks out." I say, as this was taught to me by my mother.

"After his best man punches him." he says. " Not my finest hour."

The breeze comes in through the open window and sweeps and constantly folded and un-folded piece of paper. I pick it up and read it.

It's the letter I sent to Peeta the day he left

Dear Peeta,

I feel like such an idiot. I know you'd never you that to me and I'm so sorry, please. I know this is a lost cause and it's no use, but please, say you still love me. And I sound stupid, but, please don't fall in love with someone else. Okay, I'm`sorry, and I just want to say I love you. But what does it matter, I've really fucked up.

-Katniss

It makes me jump the when the radio starts to blare the words of the announcer, who reads news he feels worthy, starts to speak.

"Peeta Mellark, Hunger Games victor, has been announced to be engaged to victor Aimmee Green, by his spokesperson. However, Mr Mellark has been rumoured to have been tortured during the war, kept a secret as to the capitol he was seen as a popular personality."

"Wow, life sucks for you." I say."An arranged marriage, people knowing about the hijacking, to much publicity?"

This marriage hurts me, even though I'm engaged to Gale. I couldn't not marry him now, especially after the baby's death. even though I can't talk about hurt with Peeta, he's lost a leg, almost died, been kidknapped and abused my his own family, and of course been broken by someone he thought he loved.

"Yes," he says. "That why I came here."

A/n- yayy, okay that wasn't as long as I intended but who cares? R&R!