Disclaimer: All that is mine is the plot. The rest belongs to the ever so talented J.K. Rowling.
Warnings: Uh, I believe there is some mild swearing in here.
No Slytherins were harmed in the making of this Fanfiction
"That is it!" cried Fred, slamming the portrait shut. There was a muffled "Children these days are hooligans, every one!" that George assumed came from the Fat Lady.
"What?" asked George. Fred all but threw himself down next to George, crossing his arms violently.
"Those evil, disgusting, wretched, terrible, awful Slytherins have gone too far," he muttered, "Someone needs to make them pay"
"Hmm, change that someone to 'you and I', and I think I can help"
"Do you have something in mind, then?" asked Fred. His twin sat quietly for a minute, staring down at two second-years playing exploding snap.
Suddenly, George jumped up. Ignoring the cries of one of the second years - he'd been so surprised by George's sudden movement that'd he'd messed up and now his eyebrows were a bit singed - he turned to face his brother with a large grin.
"Remember how we made that pact when we were eight to never, ever listen to Mum unless she had the 'The Wizenmagot won't send me to Azkaban for hexing you once I tell them what you've done' look on her face?" he asked. Fred nodded slowly, "Well, I think I've just found an exception to that rule"
Fred looked like he was thinking, but soon it was replaced by his usual look - confused and rather excited. "And what exception would that be, my brilliant brother?"
"Well, my not-quite-so-brilliant brother, let's just say that now might be the proper time to send Ginny that toilet seat"
Fred blinked twice and then understanding lit in his eyes, "Lee's just bought a fresh batch of dungbombs. I'm sure that we can get him to help our cause"
"Help?" said George with a snort, "If I know Lee, he'll be the one planting the dungbombs"
"We'll have to make a few modifications, of course," said Fred, he snatched a piece of parchment from a first year. He scribbled a few notes down on it, only looking up when the first year made a sort of shocked squeak, "The BSLU team thanks you for your donation"
"BLSU?" asked George. Fred turned back to the paper, now writing furiously.
"Blow Slytherin's Loos Up"
"You see, this is why no one ever calls you the creative twin," sighed George. Fred smacked his arm, without looking up.
"Oi! I don't remember anyone calling you the creative twin, either"
"Yes, but the point is no one calls you that," said George. He could tell that Fred was about to hit him again, so he was glad when Lee Jordan fell into the room through the portrait, his breathing slightly labored. When he spotted Fred and George, he made a bee-line towards them.
"Merlin, Lee, what happened to you?" asked Fred. Lee was currently cradling his left hand in his right, and he sported a nasty gash on his chin.
"Remember that list we made? '99 Reasons That No One Ever Needs to Worry About Montague Becoming a Dark Wizard?"
A blissful smile made its way onto Fred's face, "Ah, yes. How could I forget?"
"Well, somehow Montague got hold of a copy, and, even though we remembered not to sign our work this time, he figured out that we wrote it," said Lee. George thought back to a time when they had signed their name to every piece of parchment they wrote on. They were at the mercy of Snape a lot more frequently, then. Now, it was mostly evenings with Hagrid or Minny - after the first time of calling her that Fred just couldn't stop, and George eventually began as well.
"Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait," said Fred, waving his hands, "You made it sound like Montague can actually read"
Lee shrugged, "It shocked me as well"
"Merlin, and here I thought that boy got in on looks alone," said George incredulously.
"So, Montague did this to you, then?" asked Fred. Lee nodded stiffly.
"Apparently he wasn't too happy about number eleven 'Montague has the attention span of a particularly dumb goldfish, and therefore could not remember the Unforgivables more than ten seconds after they were taught to him'," said Lee, "And he was quite upset about number thirty-four, 'He'd never be able to hex anyone, because the second they saw an ape running at them, they'd call the local zoo and he'd be captured'. At least, I think he didn't like that one. Honestly, the way he uses the English language, I'm never quite sure what he's trying to say"
"Hmmm, and those weren't even the best ones"
"That's what I thought too, but I figure he probably just didn't understand the better ones. Bet he thought they were compliments," said Lee. He laughed, which caused his arms to shake. Even though it was just a small shake, he still winced slightly, looking down at his arm in disgust.
"Oi! Bell!" cried Fred. Katie Bell, a second-year Chaser, looked up from her homework and raised one blonde eyebrow.
"What?"
"Would you mind taking Lee here to the infirmary? He got into a bit of a scuffle"
Katie's face flushed slightly - George was almost positive that she had a large crush on Lee - but she shook her head, "Why can't one of you do it?"
"Because, we are working very diligently on destroying the Slytherin's toilets," said Fred, his voice the sort of exasperated that says Seriously, how did you not know that?
"Fine," Katie said, placing her parchment in her back and standing up, "Come on, Lee, let's hurry"
The two left the room, which left the twins to finish their scheming. They worked in the common room until long after the last student had left. It had cost them their night, and it would probably cost them their social lives for the next several months, but they'd come up with a plan that the Slytherins wouldn't soon forget.
A few days later, when Lee was completely healed, and they'd perfected their plan - or at least as far as they could without completely scrapping the idea, because, let's be honest, modifying already volatile dungbombs to blow up a loo is never going to be completely perfect - the three set out towards the Slytherin common rooms.
They took with them a sack that had in it approximately forty-five dungbombs, an assortment of goodies, and a spare piece of parchment. The spare piece of parchment was grabbed by Fred, who whispered, "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good"
"Those idiotic second years, Crabbe and Goyle are on their way down," he said, after he'd watched the map for a while, "You'd better do it quick, Lee"
Lee nodded and took out his wand. He whispered a few words and then tapped his, Fred's, and George's heads. George felt something cold and slimy trickle down his back, and when he looked down at his hands, they slowly disappeared. The rest of his body soon went with.
Just in time, too, for at the moment, Crabbe and Goyle rounded the corner. They were talking noisily, so the trio didn't really have to hide their footsteps as they followed the brutes down to their common room. After the two said a password, an entire portion of the wall slid away, revealing the Slytherin common room. It was a dank place, filled with musty green couches and flickering green lamps. How anyone could live there was beyond George.
The three easily managed to slip in behind Crabbe and Goyle. They then followed the two up some stairs until they reached the first door, which they slipped in to. It was empty, which they'd counted on, and they quickly made their way to the first years bathroom.
It was almost completely bare - though it housed several mirrors - holding only a few combs that showed anyone lived there at all. Well, it would be harder to hide their extra goodies, but not yet impossible.
"I've got the dungbombs," said George, fishing a few out of the bag. Fred and Lee nodded, grabbing the rest of their supplies and getting to work. George turned to the actual loos themselves. There were solid stone walls surrounding each toilet, which would hopefully contain the blasts.
George knelt down and carefully took the lid off the back of the toilet, placing it next to him. Then, he placed one dungbomb in the pristine water and placed the lid back on. There was a large crash from where Fred and Lee were.
"Are you guys all right?" he asked.
"Merlin," breathed Fred, "Yes, we're fine. Lee was just freaked out by the ugly git"
"You came up with it, Lee, how can you be afraid of it?" asked George. He made his way to the next stall.
"Well, you didn't have to make it so realistic," Lee complained. George rolled his eyes as he placed another dungbomb in the back of the loo.
"If we didn't make it realistic, Lee, then the Slytherins wouldn't be freaked out enough. Duh," said Fred.
"Oh, well, sorry, Mister 'I've-put-creepy-images-of-Snape-in-loos-thousands-of-times-before', I guess I'm just not as experienced a pervert as you are," muttered Lee. George laughed, before going to the next stall.
After a few more minutes, George was finished with all the stalls. He stood up, and was preparing to turn around, when he was grabbed by both arms, and his eyes were covered.
Well, at least he thought that's what Fred was trying to do. He'd seemed to have forgotten the fact that he was invisible when he put his hands over George's face.
"Fred," he said, "You do realize that I can see right through your hands, yeah?"
"Oh," said Fred, "I hadn't thought of that. Well, this is rather embarrassing"
"How'd you know that it wasn't me?" asked Lee, releasing George's arms.
"Because, Fred has these dainty little girl hands," explained George. Said dainty hands pulled off of his face, somehow managing to scratch him on the way out.
"Are you two done?" asked George.
"Most definitely. These slimy snakes are going to get quite the surprise when they next go to the loo"
They were getting ready to go to the next floor - or George was - when George thought of something.
"Hey, Fred, duplicate that toilet seat, will you?"
There was the sound of footsteps and a muttered, "Geminio" Then, a pristine white toilet seat magically appeared, about five feet from George. He set the bag of things down on the floor and pointed his wand at the toilet seat in front of him.
"Diffindo," he said. There was a large crunching sound, before the toilet seat pulled apart from the rest of the toilet. George slipped Fred's toilet seat onto the toilet and said, "Reparo"
The toilet seat - which he hoped would last for several more hours - attached itself neatly to the toilet.
"Oh, this is Ginny's, then?" said Fred.
"Yeah, that's what I was thinking," said George. Invisible hands grabbed the bag of goodies from the floor, and picked it up.
"To the next floor!" cried Lee. He exited the loo, followed by two invisible twins.
They finished the rest of the floors within the hour, and made their way back down to the common room. This is where there plan got tricky. They wanted to make a mess of the girl's loo as well, but they weren't sure if the Slytherin dorms were the same as Gryffindor's.
The three stood, staring at the stairs, for a good ten minutes before Lee started forward - George could tell because the bag on his back started forward as well - he made it all the way to the foot of the stairs before stopping.
"Wish me luck, boys," he said. There was a gulping sound, "If I find myself with girl bits before the end of this, one of you had better date me"
Then he was off.
He walked up halfway, before turning back and calling down, "Do you find it mildly irritating that the slimy Slytherins are trusted more than us?"
"Well, everyone knows that the Slytherins are going to be slimy. I bet they figured that there was just no use trying to prevent it," said George, making his way to the stairs. He could just barely feel Fred in front of him.
The girl's loos were a bit different from the boy's loos in that - though there still weren't any beauty products lying about - there was more sign of life. A few hairclips lay about, and a brush or two as well.
The girl's dorm went much quicker than the boy's, and as the three made their way down the stairs, they were all feeling genuinely glad, because they hadn't met any Slytherins.
This happiness faded when they ran into Severus Snape, himself. If Minny was the Dread of Gryffindor, then Snape was the Grease of Slytherin.
The twins weren't exactly his biggest fans. (Read: The twins wouldn't have minded Azkaban if it meant they could hex Severus Snape for the rest of his life)
When Lee saw him, he backed against a wall, trying to hide his bag behind him. He managed to get out of the common room, but the twins were so lucky.
Snape had been walking towards a small alcove near the fireplace, and the twins thought they would be able to make it out. Unfortunately, as they were nearing the door, Snape froze.
"Whoever is there, I'd just like to remind you that coming into another house's common room with the intent to vandalize any part of it, or the surrounding dormitories, is an offense punishable by suspension," he said. He looked like he was prepared to continue, but he wasn't able to, as Fred and George rocketed out of the common room.
They found Lee - or, as it was, the bag - pacing outside the door.
"Merlin, I didn't think you guys were going to make it out alive," said Lee, as the three of them hurried up to their dorm.
When they made it up there, Lee performed the counter spell to make them visible again. George felt as if something warm and nourishing was spreading through his veins. It felt amazing to be visible.
"Give me the bag for a second," said George, when he could see Lee again. Lee threw it to him, and George grabbed Ginny's toilet seat.
Fred jumped onto his bed, and snatched the toilet seat from him.
"Flagrate," he said. Then, he began writing. When he was finished, he showed it to George.
'Hello, Ginevra! Been practicing those bat-bogey hexes? We promised to give you a toilet bowl quite a while ago, so here it is. This is the toilet bowl you'd have to use if you were sorted into Slytherin next year. And also became a boy. Love, your idols, Fred and George'
"What do you think?" he asked.
"Erm, it's certainly…a letter," said George. Fred punched him on the arm.
"Shut up! This is the best thing I've ever written"
"Which isn't saying very much," called Lee. Fred stopped to glare at him, before jumping off the bed.
"Are you two coming with me to the owlery?" he asked.
Lee shook his head. "I think I'll hide the evidence, in case someone comes up here to pin it on us"
So, Fred and George made their way to the owlery, alone. They wrapped the toilet seat up in a bit of old newspaper, and sent it off to Ginny with a borrowed owl.
They managed to get back to the common room before the screaming began.
It sounded like screams from multiple people, and after the screams, there were several loud noises. Noises that sounded quite like the sound a toilet makes when it explodes.
Everyone from the Gryffindor common room filed out and made their way downstairs, where several horrified Slytherins were being wrapped in towels.
"It-it was awful! He was just sitting there, staring at me, and it was like he didn't even care whether I saw or not!" whimpered one of the older boys. He was quickly scourgified, along with the rest of the victims.
Standing off in a corner, watching this all with cold fury, was Professor Severus Snape. George accidentally caught his eye, and he marched over.
"I'm not sure what perverted fantasies you were filling by making a figure of me watch while my students used the restrooms," he began, "but if I find even the tiniest piece of evidence that proves that you two not only scarred my students emotionally, but in some cases, also literally, I will have you out of here so fast that not even your brother's golden boy best friend will be able to save you"
"Why, Professor, I have no idea what you are talking about," said Fred, his eyes wide and innocent, "And that almost sounded like a threat"
"Congratulations, Mister Weasley. I wasn't sure if you were quite smart enough to catch that," he muttered. Then, he swiveled on his foot - causing his robes to bellow quite dramatically - and made his way over to the nearest student.
When she saw him, she made a whimpering noise and shielded herself. George and Fred watched in amusement, until Snape turned around again.
When he spoke, his voice was full of malice, and the threat of thousands of detentions if they were caught. "You two really shouldn't have done that"
Author's Note: I'd like thank hell-butterfly, starshipz, and .x for reviewing last time around. Reviewing this time around would be much appreciated. (Can you believe next time is the last one? Yikes! I'm almost done with my first multi-chaptered fanfiction!)