"I love you, too."
Three simple words (four if you know how to count) that single handedly made this the best day of Rock Lee's life. Those words having been uttered from Sakura, the woman he adored, made it feel like the clouds in the sky were fading away, that he heavens were opening up, and that Kami-sama was giving him a shiny-toothed smile complete with a Gai styled thumbs up. Today, he wished, would never end.
The day had started out interestingly enough, what with being turned into and toddler and all, but when he was given to Sakura to baby-sit, Lee recognized it as fate. Lee had gotten the courage together to once again confess his love, and today his efforts paid off.
"Sakura... I... I..." He was speechless. But you knew that because of the whole dot dot dot things.
"You don't need to say anything Lee, I love you. I've always loved you. Like a brother."
It wasn't the addendum that Lee expected. Frankly he felt like he had been down-graded in the book that was Sakura's heart. But at least he was considered family. At least there was room in that novel called love. And hey, he was still a 'brother' type to her; crazier stories have been told about the illicit relationships between brother and sister when not related by blood, right?
"Well maybe not like a brother. More like, I love you like a cousin twice-removed."
Those words were daggers fit into his heart like how children put the square peg in a round hole. But he was still thought of as family. Isn't there always that family member that gets a little too touchy-feely when they have a little too much to drink? Lee already had a noted history of being bad with alcohol. He made a mental note to use it as an excuse in the future.
"Actually, I wouldn't even say that we're close enough to pretend to be family. Maybe I love you like a dear friend."
"With benefits?" he thought to himself.
"Now that I think about it, we don't really hang out. We don't even share common interests. Okay, I got it. I think I like you like an acquaintance."
"Still with benefits?" he continued hoping.
"Maybe I'm being too loose with my 'loves' and 'likes'..."
Lee wasn't the brightest ninja to grace to rank of genin in the village of Konoha, but at this moment his mind was going full speed, thinking of a way for him to still, somehow, some way, get some with Sakura.
"Alright Lee, bottom line. I can honestly say that I know you exist as a person..."
He wasn't even hearing her now. His two heads were taking a rare moment to work together, scheming of a way to be with Sakura, with great emphasis on the "be" if you know what I mean.
But what could he do? What could he use to get his way? Inside that simple mind of his, he remembered his pad of paper that he used to take notes with when Gai would give important ninja lessons. Stubby little fingers like sausages shot into his ammo pouch until he grabbed the pad. Flipping a couple pages, he found the information he was looking for. It was a simple list of items that Gai had him write down: Paralyzing poisons, chloroform, ropes, and rufinal.
Success, he thought to himself, but when could he use them. When?!
"...when no one else is around me."
There was a pause before Sakura and Lee smiled, both content with their final thoughts. Both of their smiles looked identical in nature, yet each of their smiles held a meaning that couldn't be more different.
"Whaaaaaaat I've doooooone! I'll face myself! To cross out-" Sasuke's singing of the popular new angst song came to an abrupt stop. Tiny wisps of snow stopped the self-loathing tune in his head as they floated down from the sky. Silently he cursed himself for not being prepared for the walk to the academy; the snow was definitely going to mess up his hair.
In an unusual gesture, he forgave himself a tiny bit because there was little that could be done to protect his perfectly shaped 'do. Hats were out of the question, hoods were impossible, and the only umbrella he owned had pictures of Gravitation characters on it. It was certain to raise questions about his 'preferences' that he wasn't ready to deal with. No, Sasuke would have to protect his head the only way he knew how: run like hell.
Crunch, crunch, crunch.
Even his lightest footfalls were marked by the crushed snow under his stride. With speed like that of Rock Lee, Sasuke was running towards his destination. He activated his sharingan and used its unique abilities to literally dodge each falling flake.
Messy hair was no joking matter.
"I always wanted to write something meaningful. Something with some real substance..."
The man standing in the center of the circle was a pitiful sight to say the least. His skinny frame seemed to be lost in the baggy, lived-in clothes that he wore. His sweaty palms were trembling slightly, gripped together as if he was hanging on to himself for dear life. His head was lowered and his eyes were glued to the ground as he continued talking.
"But the readers, they kept encouraging me to write AU high school yaoi poem fics. I... I don't get reviews otherwise..."
His lips quivered as he struggled to keep his voice from cracking.
"As you know, I wrote a story about... about..." His voice was wracked that his words fell between loud sobs, "Kaoru and Hikaru..."
The meeting organizer stood up and took a step closer to the grieving man and placed a comforting arm across his shaking shoulders. There was a sense of understanding in his touch. There was a sense of empathy. The crying man was among friends here; he was among colleagues and respected others who knew exactly how deep the pain was.
"Everyone, let's thank Thomas for sharing himself with us." The meeting organizer said.
The large gym echoed with solemn gratitude of everyone assembled. "Thank you, Thomas."
The leader of the gathering surveyed the room and gave a bittersweet smile to the assembly. He had the demeanor of Santa; he was caring, oh so very caring of everyone. But he was more like a balding Santa that might have worked at a strip mall. Like a really cheap strip mall Santa that had to use a Polaroid camera to take pictures with children. But he cared.
"I look around this room, and I see a lot of courage." said balding cheap strip mall Santa, "And that gives me strength. We give each other strength."
In the background the man named Thomas was being led off to a distant corner, crying all the while. After a moment he shouted in self-disgust, "They're twins! Oh God, how could I?! How could I?"
"It's time for the one-on-ones."
Tsunade looked around the room to see who she would be hugging tonight. As usual, sitting across from her was the quiet man with a name tag that read Cornelius. Tsunade figured he'd be a good partner since she really didn't know anything about the man, and even though she was well known as the Hokage, it was a sense of reverse anonymity that allowed her to really open herself up.
This was "Pens for Freedom: A Writer's Support Group," and it was how she spent her Wednesday nights. Tsunade had become addicted.
Crunch, crunch, crunch.
The snow was falling heavier now, and with the sun almost completely hidden in the horizon, the flakes were getting harder to see. Sasuke continued to make his way through the weather to the school, and was now forced to use all of his concentration to keep his hair from the dangers of precipitation. All was going well until he noticed three shadowy figures in the distance standing in-between him and his destination.
The Konohamaru Corps stood defiant with stacks upon stacks of snowballs at their ready, and they had just spied their target.
"Uchiha Sasukse!" Konohamaru cried out. "You have come to meet your demise."
Sasuke stood silently waited for more taunts to come. This is due to Battle Rule #7: "Taunts will always precede epic fights."
"We've been given a mission to put you on ice."
Snickers from Konohamaru's cronies could be heard on either side of him as the little boy flicked a snowball up into the air repeatedly. A chilled wind swept through the street as Sasuke stared into the eyes of the little boy. What the Sharingan-user saw staring back at him put fear in his heart. The evil. Pure evil in their eyes was awesome. He decided to go all out to beat the crap out of these little kids.
To be continued...
Disclaimer: I'm making fun of bad plots. If you're guilty of this crime, I'm not sorry for making fun of you.
Added Disclaimer: Welcome to the N.H.K. is a horrible anime. I wasted hours of my life on it. Viewer discretion is advised.
Final Added Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.
A.N. Sorry it took me so long to get another chapter out. I kind of freaked out and forgot what 'funny' actually was. You know how art mimics life mimics art? And then Life becomes art and all that stuff. I was also worried that if I made fun of crappy writing too long that I'd become a crappy writer. Scary.