Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
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Chapter 4
BPOV
Once Max and Edward had left, I looked around at my now empty home. I never knew what to do on the three days I didn't have my son. I always tried to fill the time but always ended up counting the time till I would have him back.
I did have work to do, my column for the Seattle times was due the next morning and I hadn't started it yet. That would keep me busy for a good majority of the day and seemed like a good option to fill the time.
I went into the kitchen and made myself a coffee, then proceeded into my room where my desk was. As I set to work on my column, my mind involuntarily wondered to Edward.
As much as I hated to admit it, I was as attracted to him now as I was when we first started going out. And when he had walked in today wearing gym shorts and a wife beater I had to forcibly stop my eyes from wondering down his body. And he had been so kind and polite just like before we were married, it made me think about how different he was throughout his marriage to me.
Max had looked so happy as he walked out the door with Edward that it made me ask myself a question that no mother ever wants to ask themselves.
Was I a bad mother?
If I denied my son something that obviously made him happy, was I a bad mother?
In the past year I had never once questioned the custodial arrangements regarding my son. But now I wasn't so sure. And despite the fact that I didn't love Edward anymore I certainly didn't hate him and I still in a way cared for him, the happiest years of my life were spent with the man. So was I a bad person for denying two people that I cared about something that made them unconditionally happy?
If you had asked me this question a year ago I would have said, no, that I was doing the right by having custody of Max. But now my answer to that question changed, yes I was a bad person for not allowing them to see each other as often as they wanted.
And I was going to set out to change.
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I finished my column around 7.00 and sent it off to my editor, I then walked into the kitchen and decided to make some dinner. Between writing my column and thinking about Edward I hadn't eaten all day, and now felt very hungry.
I went to the fridge and retrieved ingredients for pasta. I made my meal and sat down in front of the TV to eat.
I turned in early that night as there really wasn't anything else to do. The last thought I had was that Edward and Max would be seeing each much more in the future and that I wasn't going to keep father from son any longer.
I slept better than I had in months.