4

"No Doctor, that's not right!" Too late; he was already disappearing down the corridor, I turned to the others, I couldn't have them thinking any such thing. "He didn't want to hurt him…he had to…but it was the only way, you must believe me."

Gibbs put out his hand and stopped me running after the doctor. "Sit down Jimmy, let him have some space, we'll go get him later. Listen, you don't have to convince us about Ducky, we know he'd never hurt anyone if he could avoid it. Can you tell us what happened?"

Could I? Everything had happened so fast and I'd been so scared we were going to lose him, without Doctor Mallard I think I'd have stayed frozen to the spot and Tim would have…

"Jimmy, you look like you could use some coffee, how about I get us all a drink then you can tell us." Tony was already on his feet and Gibbs was nodding, suddenly I did want a drink, hadn't thought of it until he said it, guess I was still out of it a little, it had been one heck of a day.

"Sure, yes please, that would be great."

"I'll help Tony." Abby jumped up out of her chair and linked arms with Tony as he moved over to the vending machine, like all of us she was full of pent-up tension, guess doing battle with a hospital coffee machine was as good a way as any to get busy. The hot drinks were soon in our hands and I set mine on the chair beside me to cool down while I tried to get the series of events straight in my head. Gibbs took a sip of his coffee, how did he do that when it was scalding hot? "Ducky said you made good time, what was Tim doing when you got there?"

"He was putting a laptop in an evidence bag, only he was moving real slow, and he seemed…like he wasn't with us, you know what I mean? Then Doctor Mallard called his name and he turned around." I reached for my coffee, not drinking, but holding it was somehow comforting even if I had to use both hands to help keep the cup steady. "There were two bullet holes in his jacket and for a second I was terrified, I thought he'd been hit. I mean he was hit, but I didn't think about the vest; I looked for blood, there wasn't any, only he looked sick and then…" For this I needed coffee, I took a good long drink and tried again.

"Tim…he, his knees just gave way and he was on the ground before we could get to him. I stood there, like the greenest medic in the world, and I did nothing." It was hot in here, why are hospitals always heated like the tropics? I felt someone take my coffee and strong hands pushed my head toward my knees.

"Breathe Jimmy, take a minute." Gibbs stooped in front of me and smiled, one of those smiles that was meant to reassure me, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. I took a deep breath, and another. "I'm good, thanks."

"You ready to carry on?"

All I wanted to do was shut out the pictures in my head. I wouldn't do it, I had to tell them, if I didn't Doctor Mallard would have them all convinced he did something wrong.

"Doctor Mallard, he acted right away, he saw Tim was struggling to breathe, told me to get the emergency gear from the truck. When I got back…Tim was in trouble, real trouble." The rasping sound of Tim fighting for breath, the look in his eyes as he faced the very real prospect that his next breath could be his last, they would haunt my dreams for a long time, but I was determined not to freeze again, just like Tim needed the doctor then, my mentor needed me to step up now and let them see what he'd faced out there.

"We got his vest off, I half hoped it would make a difference; that his breathing would get better right away, if anything it was worse. The doctor seemed to know what we had to do from the minute we saw the bruises on Tim's chest. He had me call 911, and while I was on my phone he was preparing to…when he took the needle out of the sterile packaging I knew what he was planning. I'd seen it done in the ER, never in the field. Doctor Mallard was amazing, it was like his RAMC training kicked in, even after so many years, he…he saved Tim's life."

"Jimmy, for the love of…what did he do?"

I wanted to tell them, but it was all so raw, so vivid, the noise, the pain, then the incredible feeling of relief…my mouth was so dry I couldn't talk. Abby came to my rescue.

"It was a needle thoracostomy Tony, Ducky had the needle decompression kit in his emergency gear. You okay Jimmy? You ready to tell the rest?"

I nodded, took another drink and half-smiled at the puzzled expressions on their faces. "It's a procedure for releasing the air from the chest cavity, you have to…" Unconsciously my hand went to my chest, feeling for the second intercostal space, something we'd learned early on in medical school. "Doctor Mallard did everything textbook style, cleaned the area, put in the needle. All the time he was talking to Tim, trying to keep him calm, you could see the panic in his eyes, he couldn't take a breath, he must have thought…Then, when the needle went in; I was holding him still, but…he must have been in such pain, Doctor Mallard was as gentle as he could be, only the needle, it has to get past the ribcage and through the chest wall."

I could see Tony and Ellie wincing, and Abby grabbed hold of Gibbs, I wish I could have been less brutal but how could I not tell them how difficult it had been for my mentor? We were used to dealing with cold, unfeeling corpses, to inflict pain on a living being, a friend, it was tough enough for me to watch, what it must have been like for the man pushing a three and a half inch needle into Tim's responsive flesh I can't begin to imagine. I know it must have been bad, ever since the EMTs arrived and took Tim away Doctor Mallard has been quiet, worried, it was easy to see he was feeling guilty, he'd done brilliant work, if only he could see…I wanted to take the burden from him, would have done it if he'd let me, but he closed in on himself, and I guess until we get to see Tim and talk with him the good doctor won't find any peace.

"Here Jimmy, let me take that." My hand was shaking again, and Tony gave me a quick pat on the shoulder as he took my cup and set it down on the table. "You did great, helping Ducky, can't have been easy."

I stared at the doorway, willing Doctor Mallard to come back, a broad smile on his face so I didn't have to be the focus of the worried faces around me. "Easy…no, the doctor, he was incredible, I…I tried to help, and I think once the pressure was released and he could breathe a little easier, I think Tim knew we'd tried not to hurt him too bad…" Abby's arms were around me in a flash.

"He knows Jimmy, we all do."

Gibbs sat down beside me, his face less stern than I was used to seeing. "She's right, you dealt with a life and death situation like the true professionals you are. Don't second-guess what you guys did out there. It could have ended with us all losing someone close, what the two of you did, it kept us together."

I was in danger of losing it then, so much had happened; I wanted my wife, my daughter, I wanted to hold them tight and tell them I love them, we're so close to the edge sometimes, and a day like this…lets us see what really matters. I felt the first prickling of tears, and closed my eyes fast, they had enough to deal with, I had to hold it together. Then we heard it, the sound of footsteps coming closer, and this time they stopped at the doorway, it was Doctor Mallard, not wearing the broad grin I was hoping for, but he was smiling, and for the first time since we saw Tim at the auto shop he looked hopeful.