Polyjuice and Pig Snouts

In the Summer before his Seventh Year Harry made a resolution. He would not call the mother of his godchild 'Tonks.' As the descendant of a Marauder, godson of another, and pupil of the third, it was his responsibility to teach his future godson how to break rules, kiss girls, and smuggle booze. He couldn't rightly do that if he was terrified of even saying the little Tyke's mother's first name, now could he?

And so Harry Potter came up with a patented Potter Plan, Guaranteed to produce a Deus Ex Machina One Hundred Percent of the Time or Your Money Back! With Ron at the Burrow and Ginny not speaking to him, Harry turned to his ever faithful companion in arms—if you know what I mean, wink wink, nudge nudge—Hermione Granger.

"Come on, Hermione," Harry whined. "You want to know what her base form is like too, don't you?"

"Well, yes... but-"

"And it would be kinda perverted if me or Ron did it."

"Maybe, but that doesn't mean-"

"And you owe me," said Harry.

"I owe you? I owe you!? What do I owe for?"

"Remember when you wanted me to read that book, and I did? The book with that tongue thing?"

"Oh. Oh yes," she grinned. "I suppose I do owe you a favor." Harry dropped a purple hair into a vial, and handed it to Hermione.

"You take the Polyjuice, I take the pictures, then we blackmail her until we can call her Nymphadora." Harry dragged out the 'Nymph'.

Hermione accepted the potion from Harry. Before drinking it she smirked, "She is going to curse you until you really do speak out your ass, Harry."

"But will you still French me?" Hermione snorted and a drop of Polyjuice came out her nose. When Harry couldn't stop laughing, she started hitting him with the Stinging Hex until he gasped to a stop. "Shouldn't you have changed by now?" Hermione still looked like a gawky, frizzy, adorable bookworm.

Hermione looked down at her hands. "Either me and Tonks are twins, or you screwed up the potion, Man-Who-Conquered."

Harry grimaced at his newest hyphenation. "You know that I don't screw up Polyjuice."

"Then I best go greet my sister."

"Hermione, wait!" Too late, Hermione was out the door, down the stairs, flipping off Walburga's portrait, and in the kitchen before Harry could stop her. "Wotcher, Tonks."

A very pregnant Tonks looked up at Hermione. "Wotcher, Hermione, Harry."

Hermione glanced over her shoulder, "Oh, you made it. I was afraid the doxies caught you. Tonks, you'll never believe what Harry tried to do."

"What?" asked Tonks.

"You need to guess."

"He formed a house elf choir."

"Nope."

"He talked a street walker out of a life of debauchery. He announced that he's running for Minister. He finished his summer homework."

"No. No. And he better have."

The witches' hair turned red in frustration. "I give up... He talked you into drinking a Polyjuice potion with my hair in it," she finished in a resigned voice.

"No- How'd you know?"

Wordlessly Tonks conjured up a small mirror and held it up in front of Hermione. Tonks' hair became blue, then Hermione's hair turned blue. Tonks grew a pig snout, Hermione snorted in surprise through her porcine nose. "The only thing I can say is that you better hope it wears off. Between me being a metamorphmagus and my pregnancy, who knows what will happen."

Hermione swiveled to look at Harry. Harry smiled, said "Oops?" and booked it out of the room, an overpowered Stinging hex on his tail.

Author's Notes: I don't own Harry Potter.

Standard 7th year AU, Voldemort is dead and everyone else is alive. Romantic comedy, Hermione looks like Tonks, who doesn't look like herself. Probably with a humorous take on marriage contracts for complications. Hermione needs to be the one suffering from the potion (control freak losing control is the basis for ninety percent of modern romantic comedies) but the other pairings are up in the air.

Idea came late at night when I realized I have never read a story where somebody tried to Polyjuice into Tonks.

I guess I ended this too soon from the reviews. Every time Tonks makes a change Hermione undergoes the same change. So over the course of time Hermione will look exactly like Tonks, but she will never look like Tonks base form. In fact, whether Tonks has a base form at all is uncertain, it is a pretty good bet that Tonks doesn't remember it.