(Pink Box)
[White Box]
{Yellow Box}
(MCU)
Deadpool watched the woman in front of him with intense curiosity. She seemed nervous but not overly afraid of him. Which was surprising, he had been expecting something along the lines of 'please don't kill me' and begging but she'd just sped up her talking like she wanted to get it all out before he lost it. And once he put the guns away she had seemed to relax just a tad, as if things were going well for her. She mostly looked like she was trying to sell something rather than hire an assassin.
{She hasn't gotten a good look at you yet}
"Shut up asshole!" He growled at Yellow.
"I know what you look like, I've seen the movies, and even read some of the comics although if you're asking my opinion the second movie was a vast improvement." Sam replied, a cheeky grin curling one corner of her mouth upward.
(And that ass was totally undersold)
{She likes our ass!}
"Oh my Lord, please tell me you can't see what I'm thinking!" she wailed hiding her face in her hands. What little of her face that was still visible had turned flaming red in mortification.
"Turnabout is fair play Dixie Chick" Deadpool replied.
Samantha groaned and before she could even think about it quipped back.
"Keep it up and you'll end up like Earl"
"I don't like black eyed peas; besides you can't poison me" he returned.
Sam smiled, this was weirdly the most fun she'd had in a while. Sure she enjoyed her running and her work to an extent but it wasn't 'fun' like bantering back and forth like this. Tucking a stray strand of hair back behind her ear she eyed the merc across the table from her and then glanced at her watch. Surprisingly it was only 7:15 in the evening and the summer sun had yet to set but the shadows were growing in the canyon made by the buildings.
"Look as much as I'd like to sit here and learn more about your tastes in southern cooking, I really need to break into Avengers Tower and the sooner the better. So are you in or out? I can pay you of course, assuming that annoying Tony Stark isn't payment enough." The right corner of her mouth turned up again at the last part.
"Let me get this straight, you woke up here in New York this morning and instead of thinking date rape drugs you think you're in another dimension and need to be sent back to your own. And the reason you sought me out was because I'm just crazy enough to believe you. And you're willing to pay me to commit criminal trespass with you? This just might be the best date I've ever been on" he cooed, clasping his hands alongside of his head.
[He doesn't get out a lot]
{No shit, who'd go out with him}
"Not so much a date as a three-hour tour" she replied deadpan.
"Oooooh I get to be Ginger" came his excited reply.
"No way, I'm Ginger, you can be Gilligan" she pointed to her hair.
"Fair enough, but I need to go and get my suit before we go anywhere else. I have a reputation to maintain" he joked.
"Where exactly do we have to go to get your suit? Is it in walking distance or are we hailing a cab?" she queried.
(Please, please, please no more cabs tonight)
"Not a huge fan of New York's finest?" he snorted
"You mean New York's collection of odd smells and revoked licenses? No I can't say I'm a fan." She spat back.
"Relax sugar lips, I have one stashed a block or two up 9th and we're headed that way anyway" Deadpool jumped to his feet expecting her to follow. Or not, sure breaking into Avengers Tower would be good for a laugh but he wasn't really committed to the cause.
Sam rose and threw her trash in the provided bin before jogging a pace to catch up to Deadpool who hadn't waited to see if she was following. Deadpool strolled up 9th humming to himself and dancing a bit. It took Sam a second to realize he was humming 'I Gotta Feeling' by the Black Eyed Peas. Above his head Yellow made up his own lyrics and White tried to correct him. It made her smile, she had definitely missed noise. Now so long as they didn't get arrested or picked up by SHIELD she was content to let him do things his way. And besides at least he wasn't humming the theme song to Gilligan's Island.
Despites Deadpool's admittedly ludicrous dance steps they made it up the block fairly quickly and she was surprised when they stopped in front of a Planet Fitness.
"Seriously?!" she mused
"Totally" Deadpool said in a faux valley voice. "It has like 24-hour access and totally cheap locker fees" He cocked his head to the side to peer at her "besides I have to be able to fit this ass you like so much into spandex and leather" he said in a suddenly much deeper voice.
"Whatever" she huffed
(Oh Lordy)
"So am I just supposed to wait out here while you change, because I seem to have misplaced my membership card" she asked, trying to ignore the smug look on his face.
He nodded bemused and turned to go in.
"Wait! You better not leave me!" Sam had without thinking about it reached out to grab his arm but she released it self-consciously when he glanced down at her hand resting on his sweat-shirted arm.
"Oh would you relax Coyote, I'm just going in to get changed and then I'll be right back to help you commit mayhem. Besides I wouldn't miss the look on Starks face, when he catches us in his tower, for anything. Although you totally still owe me dinner". He winked and disappeared inside.
Slipping inside Wade kept his head down to hide his face in the shadow of his hood. At almost 8pm on a Friday night it wasn't incredibly busy but the stares and pitying looks made his skin crawl.
{You know what also makes your skin crawl? Your face}
"Shut up" he growled
[Sam didn't seem to mind]
{Yeah maybe she's blind}
[She's not blind, she didn't trip once walking up the block]
"Duct tape" he muttered as he flashed his membership card at the register clerk and continued in towards the locker rooms. The clerk paled a bit but didn't say anything, he was used to the 'scarred up dude' coming in and out muttering to himself.
Deadpool was pleased to see that the locker room was empty and he quickly spun the dial on his locker and retrieved his trademark suit to change into. He felt a sense of relief when his mask was firmly in place and he had his guns strapped down. The boxes wisely refrained from comment, they were still waiting to see if he made good on the duct tape threat. Deadpool made quick work of stowing his jeans and sweatshirt back in his locker and at the last moment remembered to pull his wallet out and stow it in one of his pouches. Sam was supposed to buy him dinner but if that went plan went south at least he wouldn't starve tonight. He had a lot of experience with plans going south.
[That's for sure]
{Heh, remember that one time in Africa when the hippo got us?}
Deadpool vaguely remembered the smell from its mouth, but it was enough to make him not want to repeat that experience again. Who knew vegetarians could be so mean?
"Fuck hippos" he muttered as he slammed the locker closed again.
He passed through the reception area and back outside to find Samantha staring up at the skyline. She looked lost in thought and he tapped her on the shoulder, which caused her to jump and shriek. Coming back down to earth she clutched a hand to her chest and glared at him.
"Jeez, a little warning next time" she hissed.
(To be fair it's hard to miss the tall man dressed in black and red who didn't even sneak up behind you)
{Just think if we try}
"Are we going to the tower or did you change your addled mind" he asked sweetly.
Samantha tossed her head and stuck out her tongue.
"You of all people should not throw that particular stone" she replied "but yes, we're still headed to the tower. Lead on MacDuff"
The tower was another two blocks north and another block east and Deadpool headed that way automatically. This time when he started to hum it was the theme to Gilligan's Island.
"Did you know there are only two surviving cast members? Marry Ann and Ginger, so I guess that makes you Marry Ann." She joked.
"I didn't grow up on a farm so I can't be Mary Ann" he said seriously.
"Well I did, sort of, so I guess I could be Mary Ann but my hair is much better suited to Ginger" she replied comfortably. She had long ago embraced the redhead jokes.
{What type of farm grows sort ofs}
[You're an idiot]
(Yes, he most definitely is)
{bitches}
(takes one)
"Should I be worried about this, I've never had a text bubble that could read other text bubbles before?" she asked absently.
Deadpool laughed "Coyote you should definitely ask someone else, maybe ask Stark while you're explaining to him why exactly you think you shouldn't be here."
"Yes, well as enjoyable as this evening has been I do have a family to get home to." She countered.
(Not so much anymore, although our mom will certainly be in a tizzy when we don't call her soon)
"Huh, a tizzy? Is that something like a conniption or a big hullabaloo?" he joked
"Vaguely, a conniption will only happen if she thinks I did it on purpose, and a hullabaloo will only happen if the rest of her club finds out it happened" she replied deadpan.
"And your husband won't notice that you're gone?" he asked gesturing at her left hand.
Sam glanced down at her wedding band and shook her head. She hunched her shoulders as if the night had suddenly gone colder. Whatever reply she was about to make was stopped in her throat when she caught sight of the tower just in front of them.
"Well Houdini, how are we getting in the tower?" she said instead.
"Nuh-uh, a magician never reveals his secrets" he replied wagging his fingers in her face.
"Alright then, how do you propose to get me into the tower without telling me how you're going to do it." She said, ignoring how close his fingers were to her face.
"Easy, I'll show you." He teased.
{We'll show you ours if you show us yours}
Sam just sighed.
(10 Minutes Later)
"I so can't believe that worked!" she squealed But there she was intact in what appeared to be the lounge Loki got creamed in. Deadpool was reattaching his hand but looked no worse for wear otherwise.
"Sorry you had to bleed to do it though" she amended, watching him fit his hand back on.
Whatever Deadpool had been about to reply was cut off by a voice originating above them.
"Intruders, be aware that security has been activated and Mr. Stark has been informed of your presence in the tower" it was Jarvis.
"Thank you Darlin', that's exactly what I was hoping for. Can you let Mr. Stark know that a Ms. Wiley and Mr. Wilson are awaiting his presence?" She drawled.
"I do not believe Mr. Stark is expecting you." The AI returned stiffly.
"No, I don't believe he is Jarvis, and I apologize for the inconvenience, but I did try to make an appointment through the appropriate channels. Also my account is registered in Wells Fargo, last 4 #s of the account are 7605, please deduct the cost of any beverage my tour guide here might have." She eyed Wade as he sat down at Stark's bar.
She too wandered over to the bar, but didn't pour herself a drink. It appeared that Deadpool had helped himself to the Glenlivet, and he had pushed his mask up to the bridge of his nose so he could down his shot.
"Can you even get drunk?" Sam asked.
"Nah, so you can scratch any plans you had of getting me tipsy and having your wicked way with me."
{Idiot she's the one who would have to be drunk}
[She can be drunk if she prefers]
"Sadly Wade, we'll never know, because unless I'm mistaken I see a flash of red and gold to our east. And what looks to be a Quinjet right behind him." She watched the red and gold come streaking in.
Deadpool kept an eye on Iron Man as he came in for a landing on the terrace beyond the glass doors. He noted that Stark failed to activate the system that took off his Iron Man suit, and couldn't help but feel flattered that Stark was using so much caution. True he wasn't an Avenger but he was making them work for it tonight. He noticed when Samantha tensed beside him as Iron Man hit the doors they were now both facing. He spared a thought to whether or not she'd actually buy him dinner or dump him once she had a chance to talk to Stark, probably the latter.
[Well between you and an Avenger even you would take the Avenger]
{She's definitely going to, hell if I could get out of your head I would too}
Sam thankfully wasn't paying the boxes any attention as she too was focused on Stark.
Anthony Starks first words out of his mouth just stood to force the point home.
"Sweetheart, I don't know what he promised you but you might want to reconsider, because he sure as heck isn't any Avenger. But if you're really interested in meeting one you're in luck." His smug tone washed over them as he flashed his trademark smirk.
He was making it very hard for Deadpool to remember that he was only here for a 'tour' and that he actually had no beef with Stark. Surprisingly to his left he heard Samantha draw in a breath and then hiss it out again. He wasn't sure but he thought it might have been in anger.
"Hello Anthony," she drawled. "So nice to meet you, I'm Samantha, Samantha Wiley. And I'm not here because Deadpool promised me anything, I'm here to see you."
The Quinjet must had landed on the roof right after Iron Man because Captain America stepped out of the elevator and joined them in the lounge. Deadpool figured one of the other Avengers was probably covering them from another angle but he couldn't be sure if it was the Widow or Hawkeye.
"Hey Cap" he said. He had always liked Captain America growing up and almost felt bad about running into him like this.
[Almost]
{This could still be a lot of fun}
[Nah no explosions, and Stark is going to be an asshat]
{A great reason for explosions}
"Agreed."
Both Stark and Captain America looked at Deadpool curiously trying to figure out what he had just agreed to. Sam who already knew struggled to keep a neutral expression on her face. She at least didn't want to blow up the tower but she wasn't all that sure she liked Anthony Stark. Above them all another voice once again sounded.
"Ms. Wiley claims she tried to make an appointment Sir, but that you were un-available"
"An appointment huh, well that doesn't seem as fun as I was imagining this night could go. So Ms. Wiley if you're not here for fun, what are you here for? And how does Deadpool figure into this?" Stark advanced around the bar to lean back against the wall and pour himself a tumbler of the whiskey that Deadpool had neglected to replace. He popped his face plate just so he could take a sip.
"Well Anthony,"
"Tony" he interrupted. "I mean sure you're here on business but there isn't any reason we can't be friends"
Sam narrowed her eyes, she didn't like being interrupted, and despite Starks reputation as a playboy she had always preferred the idea of loyalty to Pepper.
"Oh I can think of some reasons Anthony, for instance I'm sure Pepper would prefer we weren't that friendly. Also I would prefer it if we weren't THAT friendly as well. And I'm here on business that I consider very important. You see I'm not from this particular dimension and I would really appreciate some help getting back to the dimension I belong in. Deadpool was kind enough to assist me in getting into your tower just so we could have this conversation. Other than that I don't see you really having any issues with him or myself." Indicating that she considered the suit an excess of caution.
"So you're just a poor little lost extra dimensional being trying to get home?" Stark rejoined.
"Well I did try phoning but no one at home answered" came the equally snarky response.
Both Deadpool and Captain America watched as they volleyed back and forth. One of them considered whether he should stand down and the other considered if he should stand up and applaud. Deadpool noticed that Captain America was starting to lower his shield and assume a look that wavered towards curiosity over skepticism. Sam must have as well because she addressed the captain directly.
"Captain Rogers, you may as well set a spell, I don't see a reason to be uncomfortable while we talk. And I can provide some proof of what I'm saying Stark. For instance, I own the only iPhone and Apple tablets in this universe, or at least that I know of" She began to rummage through her messenger bag, taking out her old phone and tablet and placing them on the bar surface.
"Sadly they don't work here, so I had to go out and purchase some that actually did. For which you and your stock should thank me." She continued.
Stark couldn't help himself and grabbed the tablet fiddling with it. He even popped the back off and started exploring the circuitry.
"Jarvis see if you can establish a connection and retrieve the data." He ordered absentmindedly. "Hmm it's not up to Stark standards but it's not bad, seems fairly well thought out hardware wise. I'll have to wait to see what the operating system is going to look like. Of course it's no Jarvis" he was talking to himself as he and Jarvis tried to make the connection.
"Anthony, I would appreciate it if you didn't break it any more than it already is," she eyed his unshed gauntlets. "And if you could manage it I'd love to have the pictures and files transferred to my new tablet" she added as an afterthought.
Samantha glanced over at Deadpool, she knew he wasn't known for everlasting patience and she didn't want him to get bored and wander off. She had a feeling she would miss him if he did. But he seemed to be content playing with one of his knives. He did catch her eye and give her a wink. Something that she didn't understand how he did since he was wearing a mask but the mask seemed to enhance expressions while hiding his features. Somewhere the lyrics to A Kind of Magic ran through her head. She wasn't sure if that's what caused Deadpool to chuckle at that exact moment but she didn't put it past him to know precisely what she was thinking. She gave his wrist a quick squeeze and then turned around in her seat to watch Captain America who had settled into a seat on one of the sofa's behind them. If Captain America noticed the mostly silent exchange he didn't say anything but, above them all, another set of eyes did notice.
Hawkeye wasn't a 100% sure but he'd bed good money that Samantha was telling them the truth, he had a good read on people for the most part. Especially when he could watch them unobserved. What did surprise him however was how Deadpool was sitting there quietly not bothering anyone, or even interrupting. It was almost as if he was content to let the redhead antagonize Stark for him. He was also fairly sure that Deadpool knew he was just above the industrial AC grate in the ceiling and was unobtrusively keeping an eye on him. Deadpool could be an ass but he was rarely tactically unprepared, at least in Hawkeyes experience. Deciding that there was no advantage to be gained from staying in his perch he dropped lightly to the floor below. As he had expected his arrival startled Samantha, who flinched sideways into Deadpool, but the Merc with a Mouth only waived a hand in hello.
"Hey there Clint, long time no see. But I got to tell you that startling Coyote is my job" Deadpool greeted.
"Coyote?" Clint asked.
"Oh yeah, this here is Wile E. Coyote, she just won't admit to it" Deadpool replied.
"Let's get one thing straight Internet, I am not now, nor have I ever been an animated coyote" Sam growled.
"Internet?" Captain Rodgers questioned. He was new to this century but he was sure the Internet was how computers communicated and not one of Deadpool's aliases.
"Wade Winston Wilson, ie WWW, ie Internet" Sam smirked out while Deadpool glared at her.
Hawkeye couldn't help himself and started laughing, "Oh my God Wade, she is a super genius," he snorted out. Stark too was laughing along behind Deadpool and Sam.
Deadpool was about to turn around and punch Stark but Sam caught his eye again and smiled at him to let him know she was just teasing. Something in his movement must have telegraphed what he was thinking because her text box popped up again.
(Punch him later, I don't want him to drop my tablet)
{Promise?}
[Winston wasn't necessary was it?]
(Wile E…..)
Giving him another smile she once again swiveled towards the sofa and the two Avengers now seated on it. Indicating Deadpool with a nod of her head she started to further explain.
"I brought Deadpool along, or rather convinced him to bring me here, because in my universe his character is known for knowing about my universe." She stated
"Character?" Captain America asked.
"Yes, in my universe, all of you are characters in movies and comic books. So while thanks to my sons I have a fundamental understanding of the Avengers and this universe, for me it isn't normally something I would consider real. That was until I woke up this morning and found myself tuning into Jameson on the news" she shrugged.
"So you're saying we're just movie characters and that you somehow got sucked into a movie?" Hawkeye said disbelievingly. He didn't think she was lying per se, just that maybe she got along with Deadpool because she had lost her mind.
"I'm pretty sure I can prove it to you" she said brightly, she had just had an idea. "In fact I'll try now if one of you will give me a piece of paper and a pen."
"Alright, I'll bite" Captain America said handing over a piece of blank paper and the pencil he kept with his sketchbook on the table near the sofa.
Samantha smiled and took the paper tearing it into four equal strips. Turning so Deadpool couldn't see what she was doing she quickly wrote short phrases on each of them and then handed one to each of the men. Deadpool's read 'International Women's Day was hot', Hawkeye's read 'Tell Laura I said hi', the Captain's 'I wish you could have held on longer' and Tony's read 'you owe Pepper so much more than 10% of the credit'.
All four men raised their heads to stare at her. Hawkeye went so far as to take a lighter out of one of his pockets and set fire to the strip he held.
"I tried to pick points that you would remember. I'm not here to make any trouble but I really do not belong here, and I would like to go home. And the easiest way for me to do that is with your cooperation. If you refuse I still won't make trouble, I'll just have to wait until Dr. Richards gets back from Europe. I hear he's accepting some sort of award and then ask him for his help. He'll probably enjoy the challenge," She drawled deliberately looking at Stark for the last part. "Or I guess I could try the mystic route with Strange, but getting hold of him isn't the easiest thing," she joked.
Author's Note(s)
Hawkeye does not smoke but he does carry a lighter because it has a multitude of uses. Just ask Bear Grylls.
Thank you all for the positive feedback, it means so very much to me. I hope you all continue to find this fic worth reading. If you have any questions at all, please feel free to PM me or include it in a review. I'm fairly good about getting back to people within a day or two.
And a special THANK YOU to my husband the grammar warlock without whom this would never be possible.