A/N: Thank you to everyone who is following or favoriting this story. It really means a lot to me.
Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who. If I did, Rose Tyler would be a goddess by now.
"The one adventure I can never have."
My weeping increased. There was a cold wind that blew across the beach but I couldn't feel it. All I felt was heartbreak.
"Am I ever gonna see you again?" I asked with as much hope as I could muster.
His eyes were sad.
"You can't."
"What are you gonna do?" My voice squeaked a bit but I didn't care.
He glanced up for a second. "Oh I've got the TARDIS. Same old life, last of the Time Lords." He gave me a small smile.
"On your own?"
He nodded.
Then this was really and truly it. He promised he wouldn't leave me and now he is.
"I…" I trailed off. It didn't matter now. I was already trapped on another planet. I was never going to see him again. He had to know.
"I love you."
He smiled slightly. "Quite right, too."
Okay, at least it wasn't a rejection. Not the best answer, but better than "are you crazy?"
"And I suppose…if it's my last chance to say it…." His voice broke slightly. Tears continued to fall down my cheek.
"Rose Tyler-"
And he was gone.
I closed my eyes and let the tears flow even more. I was pretty sure of WHAT he was going to say, but now I would never truly know.
He knows. He knows how I feel at least. He can take that with him while he's in the stars, on new adventures and new dangers. He can know that he has a girl who loves him and always will.
Small consolation.
I was sobbing into my pillow as I recalled the memory at Bad Wolf Bay. Five years after I had returned to him and it seems like my love for him has only increased. As though the whole "absence makes the heart grow fonder" saying was correct.
He didn't want me.
There was a knock at my door. It cracked open and mum spoke.
"I heard you crying, Rose. You okay?"
"Yeah, mum. I'm fine."
"Pete thought we could do something today if you wanted. I know it's only been a week but you need to get out of this room."
I sniffled and raised my head from the pillow. Perhaps she was right. Perhaps a day with my family will make me feel slightly better.
"Okay," I said quietly.
"I'll put tea on then."
I crawled out of bed and pushed play on the radio. I wanted something to fill the silence. Stripping down, I did something I hadn't done since it happened.
I stood in front of the mirror.
Ever since the rape, I couldn't bear to look at myself. I felt ugly, violated, disgusted. I didn't want to see the marks he left on me, let alone feel it. He was already in my head all the time. His voice, his smell, his weight.
The bruises he had left had faded. The physical ones, at least. My breasts looked saggier, but that might be my imagination. On the outside, I looked normal.
The surgery had gone well. I was recuperating nicely. I still had pain meds for when I needed them but luckily, that was less and less.
All I saw when I looked in the mirror was ugliness.
No wonder the Doctor didn't want me. I can't even stop myself from being raped. I'm useless to him.
And with that, I grabbed a towel and headed for the shower.
Pete took us to an amusement park. I actually was able to laugh and have fun, the first time in years. He invited both Mickey and Martha along so I was able to get to know her a little better. We took a few selfies and laughed at the funny mirrors. I bought cotton candy and rode the Ferris wheel. It paused for a moment as I was at the top and I looked towards the sky.
Wonder where he is now?
Martha grabbed my hand and squeezed it gently. Mickey had apparently filled her in on everything. It felt good to have a friend.
I slept for the thirty minute ride home. A dreamless sleep luckily where I didn't see any floating blue boxes or hear any voices. Nor did I feel myself being invaded or violated in the worst way possible.
Taking the stuffed pig that Pete won for me to my bedroom, I plopped down on the mattress. My phone lit up.
Hey, how about dinner tomorrow night with me and Mickey?
I smiled. She was so sweet.
I text back sure and decided to grab another shower after being outside all day. Covering the mirror this time, I quickly cleaned and laid back in bed.
"There's one tiny little gap in the universe left. Just about to close. And it takes a lot of power to send this projection. I'm in orbit around a supernova. I'm burning up a sun just to say goodbye."
Damn him.
I switched my thoughts so I wouldn't start crying again. Over him again.
I appreciated that my parents were giving me time to myself. Had they immediately told me to get over the rape, I don't know what I would have done. But they're being patient and kind. And although I am now the shattered Rose that they know, I still appreciate what they are doing for me. They even moved into the house for a few weeks to help me out. They knew their shattered Rose wouldn't be of any use.
I pulled a notepad and pencil from the nightstand and began sketching. I had picked this up not long after the Doctor left me here on the parallel Earth the second time. I found out that I'm pretty good at it. I enrolled in a few art classes and may have found a niche.
Glancing at the big, beautiful moon, I began to draw. I let myself go, let my mind wander as I just saw the moon and the stars. I thought about everything I had seen in my short life. How I had had adventures of a lifetime and met some wonderful people. I got to see my dad on real Earth. I met the last human in the year five billion. I saw universes born and die and it was breathtaking. Not many humans can say that. I guess I was lucky in that sense.
My artwork looked pretty good. The moon shone on the paper as it should have. There were stars around it and I even added a few shooting stars. I thought I might turn this into a gallery we have coming up. That and a few other pieces.
Then I noticed I had written something.
Not the first time I did that when sketching and "in the moment" as you could say, but this made absolutely no sense.
Judoon platoon upon the moon.
Huh? What is Judoon? What are they doing on the moon?
I scratched my head and decided it was time for a drink. I crept downstairs to not wake my parents and poured a glass of lemonade. Then I headed to the porch.
It was a warm night. The crickets were loud and I enjoyed the sounds nature gave me as I sipped on my lemonade and soaked up the night life. Knowing that other constellations, other galaxies were out there, brimming with life and laughter and love, I smiled. I briefly wondered what was going on on the real Earth, the one where I was born.
"You're dead, officially, back home. So many people died that day and you'd gone missing. You're on the list of the dead."
Maybe someday I will be able to travel to those places on my own. Even Earth. I could always come up with an alias so I could walk about. I could do it on my own, without needing anyone. Without needing a madman with a box.
Maybe...
A/N: I am so sorry to drag up the Doomsday episode. Believe me, it wasn't fun to write. But it was important for the story as her memories of him are still clear. Just a note, there is no TenToo in this version and Mickey did not stay on regular Earth after defeating Davros and the Daleks. Hopefully that clears up confusion since Rose has referenced that the Doctor left her twice.